mortensorchid Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 This was something I was thinking about this weekend, because I drove by my undergraduate college while on a road trip. Back then (and since) I have met people who got married of course. But what I could not get over was the amount of women I have met who were so aggressive and demanding that they told the man that they were getting married. One gal I remembered from that time told the guy she was with that they were getting married, literally took the wheel and drove him to the jewelry store and purchased something. Another woman pulled an age old trap strategy: she got pregnant. And yet another asked the man to marry her and he said yes. Another gal I knew moved to be with her bf of many years, then he broke up with her. She rebounded with another man, quit her job after six months, and moved again to live with the rebound. She demanded dedication that they get married which they did. What happened to these situations? The first woman mentioned had the guy bail out just six weeks before they were going to tie the knot. The second woman has (last I heard) 5 kids and it's questionable who their father is or is not because she cheated so often, but I don't think that guy was stupid enough to marry her. The third was/is unknown. The fourth is divorced (surprise surprise). These women mentioned were, as you might imagine, aggressive and demanding and it was all about them not the other person in question. This could go with the great contradiction in life : while they say they want good and kind people, women go for bad boys and men go for trashy girls. I am thinking about the men in these situations - are they this weak that they just go along with it? Do they not think that once they do the deed (as in marrying) that they will be free of troubles? Any insights or thoughts on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Both men and women these days don't seem to have to their head screwed on straight it seems. I have no idea why somebody would want this kind of relationship. My wife did propose to me but nobody makes me do anything I don't want to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Any plenty of guys who propose to women end up being poor husbands. What's your point? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Wow interesting scenarios you present. Really don't know what to say ... yes, the guys must have been quite passive. Some people think they have to be married by age X ... so they just assume that getting married is what a couple should do--some of the guys might have had that thinking. Marriage really needs two conscious people who can resolve conflict, work through differences, appreciate and nurture each other's strengths and be able to be a bit forgiving with each other's weaknesses. Even then it is hard. One partner announcing that they are going to get married ... not a good formula for success. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Some people think some traditions are dumb. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 women tend to be subjective in their thinking so there is no rhyme or reason in what they do or say 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 ................. the great contradiction in life : while they say they want good and kind people, women go for bad boys and men go for trashy girls................ I agree and disagree. When I was young, I was never the guy who liked trashy girls. Honestly... that was a huge turn off for me. And for full disclosure, my first 2 sexual encounters in life (in HS) was the trashy girl. (Maybe that's why it was a turn off for me) But... I was told more than once by my dad... "There are girls you date, and girls you marry." I followed that rule my entire life. Even in college, I was a campus DJ, I was in a local band, and was at every event and party. I had a bunch of different girls who I hung out with, and occasionally fooled around with. But I was also academic getting Bio, Math, Liberal arts, and Physics degrees. So, in my free time, you would find me with the girls who were less confident, and really appreciated a complement. With all that said... I will say, without a doubt... most girls like the bad boy. (Even the quiet, reserved girls) With my EX, I proposed, and it was a traditional way. But, if she would have asked me... I would have said yes. Now... if it was one of those more aggressive girls... I would have said no, because at the time... there were a bunch more girls who would have been better for being a long term partner. With your examples, the guys were weak, and were probably scared that they wouldn't find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 I've noticed that a lot of married women are very demanding of their husbands, almost as if she's the boss and he's the employee, giving him a concrete "honey-do list" as if he's her servant. Often the man goes along with the act, joking about all his husband duties. I guess this is where the "ball and chain" idiom comes from. My male coworker came by on Monday, told me his wife went out of town this weekend, leaving him and his sons to enjoy a boys' weekend. Then she came home on Sunday barking orders about all the house cleaning they had failed to do while she was gone. Another male coworker told me he was trimming the rose bushes the other day, and his wife came outside screaming at him, saying he was cutting off small rosebuds, though he was not. It sounds absurd to me. Both of these are attractive, responsible, hard-working men. If I had a guy like either one of them, he'd get the king's treatment, not be treated like some lowly slave. While I have high standards, I don't make these kind of demands on my man. My philosophy has always been to accept what he gives willingly, let him know in a calm way if anything is missing, and see where it goes from there. I think we give our best when we give it freely and naturally, not when it's pried and forced out of us. But those women are certainly rewarded for their domineering behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Many men think that if they are not a doormat who lets a woman treat them like crap then that means they are an insensitive misogynist. They think showing any kind of backbone is a display of so called toxic masculinity. The only women who think men who have a spine are toxic are women who don't like men in general anyway and no man should be afraid of turning them off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 (edited) My male coworker came by on Monday, told me his wife went out of town this weekend, leaving him and his sons to enjoy a boys' weekend. Then she came home on Sunday barking orders about all the house cleaning they had failed to do while she was gone. Do you know there's two sides to every story? It's likely that all the cleaning up of the boy's mess would fall to her. It's so lovely to come home from a weekend away and find the house a mess. Not. And how do you know that he wasn't cutting the buds from the roses? Did you personally witness it? The way a person presents in public does not reflect how they may act in private. And even if both guys had done nothing wrong, I'd be really surprised if these guys had never gotten cross with their wives over a misunderstanding. No man or woman is that perfect. Edited October 17, 2019 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 I've noticed that a lot of married women are very demanding of their husbands, almost as if she's the boss and he's the employee, giving him a concrete "honey-do list" as if he's her servant. Often the man goes along with the act, joking about all his husband duties. I guess this is where the "ball and chain" idiom comes from. My male coworker came by on Monday, told me his wife went out of town this weekend, leaving him and his sons to enjoy a boys' weekend. Then she came home on Sunday barking orders about all the house cleaning they had failed to do while she was gone. Another male coworker told me he was trimming the rose bushes the other day, and his wife came outside screaming at him, saying he was cutting off small rosebuds, though he was not. It sounds absurd to me. Both of these are attractive, responsible, hard-working men. If I had a guy like either one of them, he'd get the king's treatment, not be treated like some lowly slave. While I have high standards, I don't make these kind of demands on my man. My philosophy has always been to accept what he gives willingly, let him know in a calm way if anything is missing, and see where it goes from there. I think we give our best when we give it freely and naturally, not when it's pried and forced out of us. But those women are certainly rewarded for their domineering behavior. I could never let a woman dominate me like that, it's just not in my nature 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Do you know there's two sides to every story? Sure. But I also know that no man of mine would ever have to complain about stuff like this. Other stuff, sure, but not me treating him like the house servant. It's likely that all the cleaning up of the boy's mess would fall to her. Given what I know about them, I doubt it. The point is, after a weekend apart, upon her return she sapped all the joy out of the reunion. And by the way, she was off enjoying a "girls' weekend" - so he's supposed to be the house slave while she's off having fun? Please It's so lovely to come home from a weekend away and find the house a mess. Not. And how do you know that he wasn't cutting the buds from the roses? Did you personally witness it? This is a highly intelligent man who I'm pretty sure knows what he's doing. She should be happy she has a man who cares enough to prune her yard while she sits on her butt in the house. But no, she screams at him to the point that he complains to a female coworker -shrug- Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 I could never let a woman dominate me like that, it's just not in my nature I suppose they endure it for the kids. Meanwhile, they're venting, often, to female coworkers like me, some of them no doubt having affairs with women who aren't constantly busting their balls. The last time my department had a happy hour at the end of the day, two married men (both highly desirable men) expressed how hard it was to leave and go home to their complaining wives. How sad! Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Well there's "assignment of duties" (e.g. kid's lunches vs. yardwork and fixing things) and there's getting yelled at about them. Two very different things. I think both men and women will put up with a lot to stay in a relationship IF they want to stay in it. As we all know, some will change their minds and/or reach their breaking points. To Mortensorchid's original point - personality definitely comes into play in LTRs. A domineering person may "control" their partner, but as you say at the risk of subversion or simply having them eventually walk. I think there's a right "challenge level" to a partner (which differs for different people). Too little and your actions may make them feel cowed but resentful; too much and they steamroll over you (at least sometimes) instead. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Given what I know about them, I doubt it. The point is, after a weekend apart, upon her return she sapped all the joy out of the reunion. And by the way, she was off enjoying a "girls' weekend" - so he's supposed to be the house slave while she's off having fun? Please My hubby loves a clean home and contributes to it's upkeep. When he's away with the boys for a weekend, I make sure that he's coming home to the house looking just as he loves it to look. I don't see myself as being a 'house slave' while he's gone - I see myself as doing the chores which need to be done. Don't you think it's respectful to make the house lovely to return to? This is a highly intelligent man who I'm pretty sure knows what he's doing. She should be happy she has a man who cares enough to prune her yard while she sits on her butt in the house. But no, she screams at him to the point that he complains to a female coworker -shrug- My father, another highly intelligent man, can prune a tree to within an inch of it's life. My mother would get bothered when he prunes....just as my hubby gets really bothered when I prune. And why is this "her" garden? Does she own the property outright? And how do you know she's not inside doing chores of her own? Or if she's doing a hobby at the time, how do you know she won't head off to do other chores later? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 I suppose they endure it for the kids. Meanwhile, they're venting, often, to female coworkers like me, some of them no doubt having affairs with women who aren't constantly busting their balls. The last time my department had a happy hour at the end of the day, two married men (both highly desirable men) expressed how hard it was to leave and go home to their complaining wives. How sad! you're right RS 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 If I had a guy like either one of them, he'd get the king's treatment, not be treated like some lowly slave. As has been pointed out, you don't know the wives' sides of the stories. The wives may be feeling like THEY are the slaves to men who don't step up and take care of their half of the responsibilities without being reminded and coaxed. It's easy to seem like a great guy to someone that has no expectations of you. No one really knows what goes on in a marriage except for the two people in it. Appearances can be very deceiving. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 No one really knows what goes on in a marriage except for the two people in it. sometimes even they don't know wtf is going on in the marriage 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 When other guys find out that I am married they are shocked that I am aloud to go out and have a life without my wife screaming at me. The concept of a man being married and not being a beaten down and neutered wimp seems foreign to them but it is possible. I you put out an aura of self respect and pride you will find women who are drawn to those qualities. You just have to be careful of women who want to snuff that out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 Two sides to every story I'd guess. I don't know any women like this and we are around the same age. I can think of two of my friends who were super bossy and talked down to their husbands "at first" - like maybe for the first 7-10 years while the kids were little - but now they are both super great wives and they have great marriages. They realized they needed to change, and they did. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 When other guys find out that I am married they are shocked that I am aloud to go out and have a life without my wife screaming at me. Again, two sides to every story. There are women who's husband's don't allow them a social life. And there are men and women who absolutely abuse the privilege: going out too often, coming home late and drunk while the other partner holds up the domestic front. Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 I disagree with the role reversal thing. Even though I'm new to being married and having kids, there's a certain amount of sense to having my husband be the head of the household. It keeps things organized and reduces the arguing. If a household has two equal heads, you end up with chaos. Granted, my husband holds things loosely, but if something needs a final decision he's the one who makes it. I can't imagine telling him what to do. If I want something, all I have to do is ask. If a woman has to yell at her husband to get something done, there's problems that go far beyond her attitude or his. Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 If a household has two equal heads, you end up with chaos. What evidence is that statement based on? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 What evidence is that statement based on? too many cooks in the kitchen spoils the broth Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 Many hands make light work 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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