FoodLo Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 Hey guys, so this girl and I have been talking to for the last few weeks. We basically meet up everyday, go out together and what not but I noticed that she never mentions me to her friends. Like when her friends asked what she is/was up to, she is like "Oh I did this with *insert name* and so on and so forth." And then when it comes to the part that we both did together she does not mention my name. It's bothering me... Like we are not dating and I don't know if we will but why is she not mentioning me? Like even if I am just a friend? Thanks for your help! Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 13, 2019 Share Posted October 13, 2019 It could be that she doesn't mention you because she does want to explain to curious friends what your status is in her life. Maybe that's because she's unsure of that status. Have you sent her the right signals that you are interested in being more a friend? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 13, 2019 Author Share Posted October 13, 2019 (edited) Well, so the whole thing is kinda complicated... Like, everyone is telling us that we seem like we are dating. So I think we both are pretty clear about liking each other... On the other hand no one is making a move. But like we hangout a lot, we go on dates, she is sad when I ditch her, we cuddle. So I think it is pretty obvious... And a dumb thing I did: She also just told me that she went on a date with some guy and kept mentioning him to me, at least she just said negative things about him^^ And when she told me about the guy I just went on Tinder in front of her and well, that didn't turn out good... Before Tinder she was like: Oh we should hangout. After Tinder: I don't have time tonight, I can't hang out I have to study... Edited October 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 I'd cut her off. She's flaky and not relationship material. Don't waste your time on this when you could find better. Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Are you sure you're actually in a relationship??? She's actually acknowledged this you verbally that you guys are together??? Especially if you guys have only been dating a few weeks. If so my first suspicion would be there's a guy she's involved with who her friends DO know about and its' not you or she's keeping her options open and not trying to tie herself down socially. But anyway, it's never a good thing when someone hides you from there friends. I've had that happen twice and in both cases the woman was in a relationship already and the other was outright cheating. Also why would you get on Tinder right in front of her??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 14, 2019 Author Share Posted October 14, 2019 (edited) We are definitely not outspokenly dating! We are just really, really, really close. Like everything except kissing and sex. Like she tells me stuff that no one else knows and so do I. She told her friends about the guy she went on the date with but she never tells them about me. It's just confusing me, like no matter if we are just friends or dating. Why is she not telling her friends that she is at some place with me? Like we are this close and I know basically every tiny bit about her but her friends don't even know I exist? I got on Tinder because she talked about the guy she went on a date with. So I just wanted to show her that I am not just waiting for her either... Edited October 14, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 We are definitely not outspokenly dating! We are just really, really, really close. Like everything except kissing and sex. Like she tells me stuff that no one else knows and so do I. This sounds like a very close friendship. Not a romantic relationship. I'm guessing she doesn't want to be grilled by her friends on the nature of your relationship. Possibly because they're going to assume you're dating, which isn't happening. The real question here is whether you want a close friendship or a relationship from her? If the latter, then ask her out on a proper date already! Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 14, 2019 Author Share Posted October 14, 2019 (edited) Mhm, okay! Understandable, that's what I thought. I don't know cause I think there are too many things I dislike about her? Like I get annoyed by some things she does fairly often. So I might keep things like they are! I kinda get the vibe she likes me tho. But maybe that's just me (like referring to the Tinder part or like her "accidentally" showing up at places I tell her I will be at, etc...) Edited October 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 It sounds to me like you are both playing games because both of you are too insecure to make a move on each other, in that sense. Have you talked to her about actually dating each other? If not, why haven't you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Until you ask her on a date you are just hanging out as friends. She doesn't talk to her friends about you because she can't understand what you two are doing. She doesn't want their pity if they know she likes you but you haven't stepped forward. She picked studying over hanging out but she picked a date over studying. Ergo, if you had asked her on a date she would have chosen to go not study. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 we cuddle. So I think it is pretty obvious... Yes it's pretty obvious you are her cuddle b%^&*. Here's a link that explains things, and how it's not a good place to be.....in fact it's the kiss of death. The Ladder Theory - Ladder Manifestations Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Then stop seeing her, since you don't like many things about her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 14, 2019 Author Share Posted October 14, 2019 (edited) Until you ask her on a date you are just hanging out as friends. She doesn't talk to her friends about you because she can't understand what you two are doing. She doesn't want their pity if they know she likes you but you haven't stepped forward. She picked studying over hanging out but she picked a date over studying. Ergo, if you had asked her on a date she would have chosen to go not study. Actually, I was supposed to meet with her at 1 and she was like "so this guy asked me to get Coffee with him, I think I will just say yes but I still wanna go with you". I told her that she can take her time with that guy if she wanted to and then when we were drunk she asked me "why do you keep telling me to go with this guy? I feel like you don't want me to go with you. It hurts when you stay stuff like that too me. I will move my plans with that guy but this is the only time and the last time I will do that." and she actually showed up at 1 to meet up with me and didn't stay with that guy (I think they met at 12). It made me happy to see that she still put me before that guy... It sounds to me like you are both playing games because both of you are too insecure to make a move on each other, in that sense. Probably, but I ain't texting her or asking her to hang out anymore tho. Then stop seeing her, since you don't like many things about her. I know it's a high school thing but I made a list with things I like and dislike and there were too many negative things. Like the biggest one: My friends dislike her. Edited October 15, 2019 by FoodLo Link to post Share on other sites
beldar Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Your story is so sad. Can't you see that? Stop hurting yourself. Ghost her. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 She wants you, but you are not making a move so she is dangling other guys in front of you to make you jealous and also because she can't turn down other guys in favour of you when you haven't made a move. You decided to go on Tinder to get her back for seeing other guys, and she withdrew from you as that meant to her that you are looking for other women and not her... If you want to make a move then do it, she will not wait around forever, one day some guy will float her boat and she will be gone... Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 15, 2019 Author Share Posted October 15, 2019 (edited) Well, your explanation makes sense. This would also explain why she mostly talked negative about the guy. She was like "he is nice but I don't think I would go for him because..." Still, why does she do all that? Tell me about her guys? And when I meet another girl she is like "Oh Why don't you go on dates with her? Don't you wanna give her a chance?" although I clearly tell her that I am not interested in this specific girl. I feel hurt then. It seems like she doesn't wanna be with me but then she is mad when I go on Tinder or when I actually hang out with another girl. Well, talking about Tinder, she asked me to delete Tinder once, and I did, but we didn't go anywhere from there so I just got Tinder again... Edited October 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Learn the definition of the word - commitment. Practice spelling it. Now put it into practice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 15, 2019 Author Share Posted October 15, 2019 (edited) Well she isn't committing either? At least I don't consider going on a date with another guy commitment... What am I supposed to do now to get her away from that other guy? Edited October 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 On the other hand no one is making a move. Well, before you get all into high dudgeon about it, you might want to say something to her and make a bloody move already. If you're just acting like an activity buddy, then you dont' get boyfriend perks. Own your voice and speak up for yourself already. why does she do all that? Tell me about her guys? And when I meet another girl she is like "Oh Why don't you go on dates with her? Don't you wanna give her a chance?" Because she doesn't see you in a romantic light. She sees you as just a friend and not a close enough one to even mention to anyone. Any woman who is truly into you doesn't offer you up to date other women. Period. Fin. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 15, 2019 Author Share Posted October 15, 2019 (edited) I agree with the last part that she probably does not see me in a romantic light. But I disagree with "not close enough". Considering I know basically every tiny bit of her and she knows every tiny bit of me I'd say we are pretty close. In Addition, whenever anyone has any questions concerning her (plans for the weekend,etc...) and she isn't around I am the one who everyone asks. So I'd say we are pretty darn close. That's why I am confused about her not telling anyone about me... Just her close friends know about me. Edited October 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 I agree with the last part that she probably does not see me in a romantic light. But I disagree with "not close enough". You can disagree til times get better, but the fact is, if you're not being introduced and accepted into her close circle of friends, she doesn't consider you close enough to enter that realm. She's going to keep you segregated from them. You are close but only to a degree with her. She'll take having her male girlfriend who's her cuddle-buddy in one on one interaction, but that's as far as close goes for you with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 17, 2019 Author Share Posted October 17, 2019 You can disagree til times get better, but the fact is, if you're not being introduced and accepted into her close circle of friends, she doesn't consider you close enough to enter that realm. She's going to keep you segregated from them. You are close but only to a degree with her. She'll take having her male girlfriend who's her cuddle-buddy in one on one interaction, but that's as far as close goes for you with her. Well, I do wanna take your advice and I will. However, I can still only say that there are too many indications that I am one of her close friends. I am kinda done with her although I still think about her. I am going on a date with a girl I met this week on friday! An example showing that I don't think we are "just" friends: I studied with her today. She was doing an assignment and then I said that one of my friends already finished the assignment. So she was like "ask him how it was" and I was like "sure I will ask her". And her answer was like "ohh it's a girl. Who is she?? Are you getting all the girls??" Like what? That is not a reasonable reaction, is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 (edited) Well she isn't committing either? At least I don't consider going on a date with another guy commitment... What am I supposed to do now to get her away from that other guy? What you don't see is that she was actually giving you every opportunity and hint that she does want to date you. But you don't get the hint at all. You gave nothing back. You pushed her toward another guy so you are more or less signalling that you DONT want to date her. You say you are confused by her, but it's your behavior that's confusing. Edited October 17, 2019 by Maddie82 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FoodLo Posted October 17, 2019 Author Share Posted October 17, 2019 What you don't see is that she was actually giving you every opportunity and hint that she does want to date you. But you don't get the hint at all. You gave nothing back. You pushed her toward another guy so you are more or less signalling that you DONT want to date her. You say you are confused by her, but it's your behavior that's confusing. I do understand what you mean. I don't know why I do that. It's like a reaction of mine. She was talking about that guy but was also like "I wanna go with you". And my reaction was just like "oh actually go with him" and I said that cause I was hurt. Well as it turns out she was hurt by me saying that. Everytime we see eachother I feel this tension between us. It's like really flirty. I don't know what to do. I think her and that guy are still talking and I haven't texted her in like a week. She hasn't texted me either although she has something I am missing at her place. But she never told me she had that Item because I didn't know who had it. She isn't texting me about it either... So she probably waits for me to text her. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 17, 2019 Share Posted October 17, 2019 ASK HER OUT ON A PROPER DATE. Cards on table. no ambiguity, no faffing about, no joking around, a proper date. (Let's hope she hasn't given up on you in the meantime...) Faint heart never won fair maiden. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts