How much physical affection?

[major_merrick]

I never had physical affection from my father, so I guess that's why it doesn't feel like daddy/husband lines are getting crossed. Actually, I think my husband is the only guy I've let get close to me like that, although I've often been like this with girlfriends or even platonic female friends. Lap-sitting is definitely a type of sexual position for us, but it is probably the most romantic position. More about the bonding than anything else.

 

Feeling that closeness while I eat is reassuring, like it lets me know that dinner won't disappear in front of me. Most meals I'm next to him rather than in his lap, but we still touch a lot. Funny how the church thing got the most responses here, but looking back at the few times I was in mainstream churches, I guess our worship really is different. One of the big things I've come to understand about God is that God is emotional like us. I guess our people are more expressive because of that. In a culture and era where men typically don't touch much beyond a handshake or back slap, I frequently see my husband in a full embrace with his male comrades as a greeting or even just because. Maybe we live in a bubble?

[Fair]

I'd say sitting on someone's lap in church is an invitation to have everyone look at and judge you negatively, so no one could rightly complain if that's what's been happening. Also, perhaps there's a little bit of spite there... you're waiting to get the negative reactions so that YOU can have a reason to judge and start calling everyone else wrong.

 

You may have been starved for affection as a child, but there are certain rules of conduct we all have to follow. It's not appropriate to be sitting in your husband's lap at church.

 

Not that this is something you don't already know. You're an adult.

Edited October 18, 2019 by Fair

[Maddie82]

It's very inappropriate for Sunday service. There are boundaries of what is acceptable decorum in places like that. BTW how many wives has your husband had?

[major_merrick]

Maddie, I am wife #3 out of four. Our marriage is in the eyes of God, but not in the eyes of the law. I don't count the girl he married (and who divorced him) years ago.

[Maddie82]

Maddie, I am wife #3 out of four. Our marriage is in the eyes of God, but not in the eyes of the law. I don't count the girl he married (and who divorced him) years ago.

 

So...you're not actually married.

[major_merrick]

To us, the blessing of the government is irrelevant. In all other respects such as being married in the church, living together, wearing rings, having kids, etc. we are as married as anybody else. Government marriage documents are a relatively recent legal invention.

[preraph]

The first thing I thought about you sitting in your husband's lap while eating was mostly that for most people, the last time they did that was probably when they were breast feeding their mom. I figured maybe you missed that kind of nurturing as a child.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Our marriage is in the eyes of God

 

Objection....speculation.

 

(In other words, which god?)

[vla1120]

Your church seems to be accepting of lap sitting. I am a recovering Catholic. Sitting in your partner's lap would definitely be frowned upon in a Catholic church.

 

Overall, I think it comes down to personal preference. Some people are uncomfortable with PDA, some are not. If we worried about what everyone in public thought of us, no one would have tattoos, unusually styled hair, everyone would dress the same, etc. You just have to live your life, critics be damned.

[BTDT2012]

I have only ever seen babies and small children sitting in laps with church.

[Kitty Tantrum]

Thinking back to all the times I've sat in my fiancé's lap, I can't recall a single time when it's actually been sexual, or led to anything sexual. More like he'll be watching something on his computer that he wants me to look at, and he'll pat his knee and I'll sit and watch with him - and then hop down to go make dinner or whatever.

 

Western culture hyper-sexualizes an awful lot of things that are not innately sexual.

 

I see the issue of lap-sitting in church to be one of decorum rather than sexuality, personally.

 

I agree, btw, that LEGAL marriage is not the only valid marriage. There's a difference between obtaining legal recognition and perks from the federal government and being united in the eyes of God/community/whatever. Marriage is an institution that predates all current governing bodies of all nations.

[major_merrick]

I figured maybe you missed that kind of nurturing as a child.

Well, my memories don't go back that far. But my mother was never affectionate with me or my sister. I don't recall sitting in her lap or really being much of anything but a bother to her. Her friends were more affectionate with me than she was, but now that I'm older I know why.

 

 

Objection....speculation.

(In other words, which god?)

Jesus/I AM/the Trinity/the Lord of Hosts. The God of the Bible, the one worshiped by Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, King David, the Disciples, etc... The God who encourages his people to be fruitful, multiply, take over lands promised to them, and convert the heathen.

[pepperbird]

Jesus/I AM/the Trinity/the Lord of Hosts. The God of the Bible, the one worshiped by Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, King David, the Disciples, etc... The God who encourages his people to be fruitful, multiply, take over lands promised to them, and convert the heathen.

 

 

Pretty presumptuous to assume they want to be converted.

[Amethyst68]

Sitting in your partner's lap would definitely be frowned upon in a Catholic church.

 

You've obviously never been to a charismatic Catholic mass!

[Amethyst68]

I know you have your GFs (can't remember how many) do the other wives have other partners? Do you keep your relationships separate or does your is there interaction between both sides of your lives.

 

I'm not trying to pry so please don't feel you need to answer if my questions feel intrusive. I must admit I find it hard to imagine scheduling time for all those people. I mean do you wives consider yourselves as a relationship or just family.

[NuevoYorko]

Since it seems that you're asking - it sounds suffocating and 100% unappealing to me, this nonstop clinging and clutching with no personal space. The thought of not being able to eat a meal without an adult body on top of me gives me a cramp. And I think of myself as a person who enjoys a lot of physical affection. So, from my perspective, too much of whatever it is.

[major_merrick]

Amethyst, we don't keep things very separate. My GFs are more separate because they don't have romantic attachment to my husband, although they are still close. But GF#1 and Wife #1 have an intense romantic relationship, GF#2 and Wife #2 are also extremely close. I'm basically with everybody, although of my husband's other wives I'm probably closest to #4 since our personalities are similar. I like it, but some days I spend a lot of time on relationship maintenance.

 

The amount of time we all spend with each other waxes and wanes based on emotional needs, time and tasks, etc.. With seven people in varying degrees of attachment, it gets kind of complicated. And there isn't much personal space. I don't find that bothersome. From the cues that I get from my partners, they don't seem to either.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

If I saw a woman sitting in her husband's lap in church on Sunday I'd be SUPER weirded out. It's not at all normal. Not even a little bit. Also, if you're sitting in your husband's lap during dinner, how is he able to eat? I'm recalling my days of a baby on my lap during a meal and how hard it was to eat.

 

It's not normal for adults.

 

That would be really weird for me too! I love affection from my partner as much everyone does, but I don't sit in his lap all the time. This is esp true in public.

[Amethyst68]

Amethyst, we don't keep things very separate. My GFs are more separate because they don't have romantic attachment to my husband, although they are still close. But GF#1 and Wife #1 have an intense romantic relationship, GF#2 and Wife #2 are also extremely close. I'm basically with everybody, although of my husband's other wives I'm probably closest to #4 since our personalities are similar. I like it, but some days I spend a lot of time on relationship maintenance.

 

The amount of time we all spend with each other waxes and wanes based on emotional needs, time and tasks, etc.. With seven people in varying degrees of attachment, it gets kind of complicated. And there isn't much personal space. I don't find that bothersome. From the cues that I get from my partners, they don't seem to either.

 

Oh I so don't see this working for me. I'm too aware of my character to know I'm built for monogamy. IMO your family have found a support network that works for you, not everyone is lucky enough to have found that. For me it's the lack of personal space that would drive me insane, I'd always be escaping for a coffee I find it hard with one SO but I'm lucky he understands and accepts that (and me )

[pepperbird]

To me, it would come down to the cause of why you do it. If you do it because you want to and it makes you feel happy and connected,that's one thing.If you're doing out of a sense of desperation or to try and heal a past wound, you might want to try a different approach.

[major_merrick]

I wouldn't say I'm exactly desperate. But perhaps "motivated" is a more accurate term. Didn't really sit in his lap during service today, but I was sandwiched between him and Wife #1 so I had plenty of contact. I like that feeling of being surrounded.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I wouldn't say I'm exactly desperate. But perhaps "motivated" is a more accurate term. Didn't really sit in his lap during service today, but I was sandwiched between him and Wife #1 so I had plenty of contact. I like that feeling of being surrounded.

 

This sounds a lot more normal.

 

"Curling up in his lap" brings visions of you also sucking your thumb.

[BettyDraper]

Sometimes I sit in my husband's lap but this only happens at home.

 

We often hold hands in public. Sometimes we kiss in public but not passionately.

[Amethyst68]

I don't know what type of church you go to but I'm sure if your minister has any issues with your behavior during service they'll bring it to your attention.

[Els]

Western culture hyper-sexualizes an awful lot of things that are not innately sexual.

 

 

I can assure you that you won't find too many Asian people who think that an adult woman sitting on a man's lap in a religious venue is appropriate, either... so we're just left with African and South American cultures. Anyone from those cultures who can confirm that this behaviour is supposedly normal?