Kingdom83 Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 So I matched with a girl on an app and we chatted back and forth for a few days before I asked her out on an actual date. The date is almost 2 weeks away, due to other commitments etc... How often should I be messaging in the meantime? I want to keep her interested but also not bombard her with mundane everyday chat... Any advice? I haven't even been on a first date in about 6 years Link to post Share on other sites
vv3469802 Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 So I matched with a girl on an app and we chatted back and forth for a few days before I asked her out on an actual date. The date is almost 2 weeks away, due to other commitments etc... How often should I be messaging in the meantime? I want to keep her interested but also not bombard her with mundane everyday chat... Any advice? I haven't even been on a first date in about 6 years Keep yourself in yourself bro. Don't text her more than ones per day. Your main mistake was to set a date day in two weeks. That is a too long-time period and there is a chance that she will lost her interest in you. On the other hand, if she wouldn't, she will prove her passion for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Twizzlestick Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 I’ve had to accept it’s changed from what I knew in the past. Seems girls at least like multi messaging every day before they meet to keep up “the connection”. I’ve given up trying to resist it. Trying to space it out and keep it to one message a day is hard and quite frankly I’ve had one Peter out before the first date because she thought I wasn’t interested. It used to be swap numbers, arrange date, wait, bam. It’s changed. So you know what, don’t be worried. If she’s not initiating drop a message every day if you’re able or not busy. If she’s initiating don’t leave it a day to respond. Just chat on messages until the date. Prob is these people can get attached to a phantom online rather than the real “you” Two weeks isn’t that long with some of our lives, all my online dates have taken more than two weeks to get just shear logistics and people on hold etc. I don’t work 9-5. Don’t stress it, not ideal but it is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 You text her once a day for 14 days for a date two weeks out and you will never make it to the date. Don't do that. That is the epitome of neediness. She is not your girlfriend, you are not in a relationship,...and even if you were you still wouldn't do that. Ideally you don't text or call at all (although dates are normally about 5 days out, not 2 weeks), nor do you do a "confirmation call" before the date. You just show up. If someone is going to stand you up of or flake the goal is not to stop them from doing it, the goal is to give them enough rope to hang themselves. The reliable dependable person will come through it fine and that is the kind of person you want. There is also nothing stopping them from contacting you if they want to. You do not, and can not, "keep someone interested" by texting them. If you do contact her then do it no more than twice during those entire two weeks. More importantly,...her fingers aren't broke. If she is that worried about it she can contact you. You need to build anticipation for the date so that you both look forward to it and "wonder" what it will be like. If you chit chat for 14 days until the date she will just be sick of you by then, and I can say that it is extremely likely you will say something stupid in the texts that will turn her off. If you are going to say something stupid then at least do it face to face. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 I’ve had one Peter out before the first date because she thought I wasn’t interested.You want to those to peter out. Those are the immature needy insecure ones that you want to chase off, and not following their needy ridiculous texting schemes is how you weed them out. Let them date teenagers if they have a teenager mentality. For myself, I have never had one bail on me doing what I describe (I practice what I preach),...but I have had them bail by contacting them all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 (edited) Side note: I don't make dates two weeks out any longer. If I can't get them to agree to plans for the upcoming weekend, I tell them I will contact them in a week and see if we can set up a plan at that time for the upcoming weekend. I'm not putting my life on hold for them (I guarantee they aren't putting theirs on hold for me). I'll offer a date to someone else in the mean time if I have the opportunity. Edited October 14, 2019 by PRW Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 I would say maybe 2 times in these 2 weeks is appropriate to text her if she does not reach out first. But feel free to chat up other girls in the meantime. She may very well be Doing the same thing. Also, some food for thought: If it's this hard to schedule a first meeting you 2 may have issues due to busy lives. Are you both always so busy or is this just a bad couple of weeks? Link to post Share on other sites
Twizzlestick Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 You want to those to peter out. Those are the immature needy insecure ones that you want to chase off, and not following their needy ridiculous texting schemes is how you weed them out. Let them date teenagers if they have a teenager mentality. For myself, I have never had one bail on me doing what I describe (I practice what I preach),...but I have had them bail by contacting them all the time. You say that but I’ve never had to instigate daily myself. The girls have always messaged me every day. I don’t mean that to sound big headed it’s just the way it’s been. I fly long haul so can’t reply every day. I’ve just told them I’m away with work and will catch them downrote etc. Seems to work. I think when you start thinking about it, that’s when it goes wrong. Trying to be too “James Bond”. Too “3 percent man” and all that stuff. Girls smell that stuff like dogs just as much as over persueing. Just be secure is what I do. More correctly do what I feel comfortable with. I reply when I feel like it but not worry too much if it takes me ages. It’s probably helped by that I’m still less than a year out from being dumped after ten years so in no rush to find someone, rather wait and just enjoy the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Mirror her messaging - if she starts messaging every day then sure carry on. If she doesn't, then nothing wrong with a message asking how her week is going after 2/3 days and take it from there, so you at least keep in touch during the 2 weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
lavenderandvelvet Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Personally, I’d prefer that he checks in a couple of times leading up to the date. Maybe how’s your weekend. And a confirmation message of the date. In terms of daily messages - it depends on the content. Daily good morning or how was your day doesn’t cut it. I might humor you in a few, but if it doesn’t progress past small talk in 2 messages or so, I’m not responding. I absolutely don’t mind lighthearted getting to know you questions. First concert, favorite trio, favorite food, stuff like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Keep up the same pace as you were before you asked her out and also get a feel for how much she likes to interact. Maybe give it a break a day or two in between. BUT in the mean time ask others out on dates. Do not get so heavily invested in someone you have never met. I'm sure she is doing the same thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 (edited) Keep up the same pace as you were before you asked her out and also get a feel for how much she likes to interact. This. Exactly this. Also do “confirm” by letting her know the day before you are looking forward to it. You can also let he know the day of when you will head out, especially if in your area traffic can mess with the best laid plans. All the advice to go essentially radio silent is just BS game playing. Radio silence never induced interest (unless they have real esteem issues) but can certainly kill interest. Another way to look at it, don’t communicate less than you would in a business setting. You always “confirm” a meeting so far out the day before. Edited October 14, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Trying to be too “James Bond”. Too “3 percent man” and all that stuff. Girls smell that stuff like dogs No they don't. To the secure ones that know what they are doing, they aren't bothered by it, consider it normal, and don't equate it to being too CW because they aren't even worrying about it. To the needy ones they just freak out think you aren't not interested and disappear (which is kind of the desired result). Mirroring what they do is a pretty good approach (as another suggested) but I would keep it a little less than what they do,...not a perfect mirror. Maybe you can get them to dial it back after a bit after the emotional buzz of having a "new guy" stabilizes. But it is still better to not have to deal with a woman like that in the first place,...just too much work ahead of you. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Never do confirmations. I'm sticking by my guns on that. The only reason a guy wants to do a confirmation is because he is fearful, afraid, feels unworthy, and just deep down inside can't believe she is actually going to go on a date with him. If she was going to cancel she will just contact you and tell you so,...she isn't sitting around waiting for you to confirm so she can tell you she is canceling. Wake up guys! Time to realize all that does is make you look weak to her and the very fact that you contacted her to confirm may very well be the reason she cancels. All you are doing is handing her a fee opportunity to cancel. It is almost like saying, "Please cancel on me,..here's your chance. After all I cant believe you really want to go out with me anyway." Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Never had anyone ever cancel on me when confirmed via saying “looking forward to seeing you tomorrow” and I always get back a “me too.” Very different than a “are we still meeting” approach. It basically comes down to the ability to communicate in a confident adult manner. The only no show I ever had was when didn’t so “confirm”. Granted she seemed pretty flaky otherwise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Me and mine BF had out first date about 2 weeks after matching on Tinder. He messaged me everyday leading up to date and I loved it. Link to post Share on other sites
lavenderandvelvet Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 Never had anyone ever cancel on me when confirmed via saying “looking forward to seeing you tomorrow” and I always get back a “me too.” Very different than a “are we still meeting” approach. It basically comes down to the ability to communicate in a confident adult manner. The only no show I ever had was when didn’t so “confirm”. Granted she seemed pretty flaky otherwise. I also like this approach. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 (edited) Keep yourself in yourself bro. Don't text her more than ones per day. Your main mistake was to set a date day in two weeks. That is a too long-time period and there is a chance that she will lost her interest in you. On the other hand, if she wouldn't, she will prove her passion for you. I disagree with the losing interest part. I made a date with a guy recently that was a week and some days out because I’m a single mom and had a lot of commitments that week already, and it worked out really well. I mean, we did know each other before, but still...most people don’t move that quickly. I suggest giving her a text or call every 3 days, but only if you have something interesting to say. Don’t just say “hi” or “good morning”, us girls don’t want that. Open with a funny joke or piece of trivia, something to capture her attention. Edited October 16, 2019 by Malin889 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kingdom83 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 I would say maybe 2 times in these 2 weeks is appropriate to text her if she does not reach out first. But feel free to chat up other girls in the meantime. She may very well be Doing the same thing. Also, some food for thought: If it's this hard to schedule a first meeting you 2 may have issues due to busy lives. Are you both always so busy or is this just a bad couple of weeks? She has a job interview to prep for, then I'm away on holiday for a few days, so just a bad couple of weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
ARAMCOMAN Posted October 16, 2019 Share Posted October 16, 2019 Test her in one week- Looking forward to our date. Then text a day before the date to tell her what time to meet or pick her up. If you receive crickets. Then go fishing instead. I also agree that 2 weeks is far to long to plan a date. Next time no more than a week. Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kingdom83 Posted October 16, 2019 Author Share Posted October 16, 2019 Just catching up with all the replies, thanks all. Interesting to see there's no one method to this, some girls probably like a lot of contact, some don't... Basically, I've just mirrored her messages, and we've been chatting back and fourth every day or so, mixture of humour and just getting to know each other more. Seems fine. (I don't think ive said anything too dumb ) im not fussed about chatting to other girls right now, I find the whole Tinder thing exhausting, so I was glad to actually connect to a girl... Like I say, I have been out the dating game for 5-6 years, so im just a bit rusty on what's acceptable or not... Link to post Share on other sites
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