Figuring out how to see each other with different custody schedules

[rdunsany]

I've recently been seeing this person and it is going well. We're getting to the stage where we'd like to see each other more regularly. The issue is two-fold: we both have kids from previous marriages and have different custody schedules. She has week on/off, starting on Fridays, and I have a 2/2/3 schedule. Always Mon/Tues. Never Wed/Thurs. Rotating Fri-Sun. Her kid-free weekend is my weekend with the kids. So, right now, without babysitters, we can only see each other on Wed/Thurs of every other week. That's just not enough time. The other issue is that we live an hour away from each other, so things I've done in this situation in the past (coming over after the kids are in bed) are not really feasible.

 

Other than babysitters every week, has anyone out there gone through this and found a solution that worked for them? Things are going well with this person and I'd like to figure out something to make this work.

[Mr.Me]

Gotta figure out some kid friendly things to do so every can go.

 

Leave the other non kid days for the more adulty stuff.

[Mr. Lucky]

I So, right now, without babysitters, we can only see each other on Wed/Thurs of every other week.

 

One thing I swore after I got divorced was that I wasn't going to let my social life interfere with my time with my son. I only had him 3 days a week so it seemed right those days be dedicated to time together.

 

I certainly wouldn't put romance ahead of fatherhood...

 

Mr. Lucky

[SumGuy]

Is either of your ex’s open to shifting the weekends one week? Someone gets a double up. May be possible to do this around a holiday depending on how that is arranged. On the sneaking over after the kids are to bed, can you both get baby sitters and meet halfway?

 

Should have asked up front, how old are the kids involved? Have they met?

[Mysterio]

I think your going to have to synch up your weekends and your Exs need to be involved. That means just to synch up. Your exes might get two weekends with the kids.

 

Just talk to them about it in a casual way. Hopefully your exs can accomodate.

[SunnySide0418]

I was in this situation and the only way it can work is if one switches schedule so you have the same weekends without kids. One of your should talk to your ex to see if that's feasible. I don't think you have to be honest and say it's so you can see your gf though.

[Blind-Sided]

I'm glad I stumbled onto this thread, as it's been a subject on my mind lately. I think there is some good and... not so good advice here... so here's my 2 cents.......

 

 

Mr Lucky has a great point. DO NOT put your kids aside to go out on dates. My ex has already done this to my youngest kid, and I find it to be VERY wrong. I know that may be a hard point to swallow, but depending on their age, and how long you have been divorced... it could be hard on the kid. With that said, the only way I would be OK with this is if you can get another family member, who the kid(s) like to be the "Baby sitter." That way, it doesn't feel like you are leaving them behind... more like they are just hanging out with "Granny" or "Uncle Bob."

 

 

The other side is... if you are serious about this new person, then an adjustment will need to be made to the custody schedule. (as others have brought up) There's no way around that. The simple way is to just ask your EX. You may have to give up a holiday or another day you want... but that's part of the bargaining to make your request happen. BUT... try not to give the kids to the ex 2 weekends in a row. Here again, the kids, depending on age, and time... could see this as abandonment.

 

 

In my case, I have my youngest kid with a week-on, week-off. So, I'm hoping that going out will not be a problem. (Once I decide that's the right thing to do) My older kid has refused to go to her mother's house... so a couple weeks ago... I had a talk with her about the possibilities that I could be going out on a date. She told me she has no problem with that, and since she is old enough to take care of herself alone, in the evening for a couple hours at a time... I don't have to worry about a babysitter for her.

 

 

Anyway... good luck, and try to adjust time with the EX... I think that will be the best for the kids.

[chillii]

One thing I swore after I got divorced was that I wasn't going to let my social life interfere with my time with my son. I only had him 3 days a week so it seemed right those days be dedicated to time together.

 

I certainly wouldn't put romance ahead of fatherhood...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah l hear ya , same for me.l gladly spent nearly 4 yrs alone to be there for my daughter and l'd do it again no question.

 

 

But just for op , man your getting a few days together , that's a good start , better than nothing.just even knowing you have each other is a huge thing too.

 

lf this relationship is something special and worth holding onto , l'd just do what we could for now and enjoy what time we got . You'll both get creative and come up with something somewhere along the way.