I keep getting rejected by girls.

[GuitarGuy7]

In my four years of attempting to have a dating life and sex life, I am a complete and utter failure. I have never felt so ugly and worthless in my life as a result of lack of any sort of attention from women. Since the year 2015, I have asked out 15 girls out on a date of which four have agreed. However, none of these "dates" ever went anywhere, no kiss, no taking them home, no sex. The first girl who I went out with completely ghosted me afterwards, the next two girls were not compatible with me and chances are they only saw them as mere friendly outings, and the fourth girl didn't see them as dates at all but was merely using me as free food.

 

 

Everywhere I go, it seems like the majority of girls are clearly unreceptive towards me and mostly ignore my existence. For instance, I am at a college church group, and in the past when I tried interacting with the girls there, it was always me who did the talking and initiating and despite this, they never do the same for me in return. In fact, they don't say hi or acknowledge my existence. But they always say hi and greet themselves to the good looking and social guys.

 

 

With the girls I did pursue and eventually ask out on dates, again it was me who did all the initiating, asking all of the questions, doing most of the investing. These particular girls were nice enough to talk to me but they never did anything more.

 

 

Some of the girls I tried talking to didn't hide any of their disinterest at all. Some girls gave off clear indicators of disgust when I tried having a conversation with them, some women would leave mid-conversation when I tried conversing with them.

 

 

Girls just don't care about me. They all think that because i'm short and have aspergers, that I must be some sort of sub-human. I'm a 24 year old kissless virgin and it's clear that life didn't exactly go the way I wanted it to. I thought I would have been with a woman by now, know what it's like to be loved and acknowledged by the opposite sex, but instead, I am treated like some sort of creep and sub-human by women.

[Envy123]

I have never felt so ugly and worthless in my life as a result of lack of any sort of attention from women. Since the year 2015, I have asked out 15 girls out on a date of which four have agreed.

 

Isn't this kind of a contradiction? You did get past the first stage, after all.

 

However, none of these "dates" ever went anywhere, no kiss, no taking them home, no sex.

 

Probably you were trying too hard to impress them or made inappropriate moves or something which failed the date.

 

Everywhere I go, it seems like the majority of girls are clearly unreceptive towards me and mostly ignore my existence. For instance, I am at a college church group, and in the past when I tried interacting with the girls there, it was always me who did the talking and initiating and despite this, they never do the same for me in return. In fact, they don't say hi or acknowledge my existence. But they always say hi and greet themselves to the good looking and social guys.

 

Maybe because you were trying to talk to them just because you wanted to be in a relationship with them. Women can smell that a mile away.

 

Some of the girls I tried talking to didn't hide any of their disinterest at all. Some girls gave off clear indicators of disgust when I tried having a conversation with them, some women would leave mid-conversation when I tried conversing with them.

 

I haven't observed you in public but it's something that you do, that always turns away women.

 

 

Girls just don't care about me. They all think that because i'm short and have aspergers, that I must be some sort of sub-human. I'm a 24 year old kissless virgin and it's clear that life didn't exactly go the way I wanted it to. I thought I would have been with a woman by now, know what it's like to be loved and acknowledged by the opposite sex, but instead, I am treated like some sort of creep and sub-human by women.

 

Maybe because they feel you are acting creepy?

[chillii]

Yep , that all sums up my first thoughts too.

[mr_ybor]

Online, this is all girls do as far as I know. Reject everything.

[Maddie82]

So you expect kissing and sex on a first date? Women pick up on these intentions from guys and it's a real deal breaker.

[Envy123]

I remember one ex-coworker of mine, who tried to push romance when I didn't want it. I tried to give her signals that I only see her as a friend, but she kept ramping it up.

 

I ended up trying to be polite and make excuses in terms of why I can't speak to her. When I left the job, I sent her a message on Snapchat (which she gave to me a few days prior) saying that I hope we stay in touch as friends. Was blocked shortly afterwards.

 

This situation just made me feel used. She wasn't interested in anything but being in a relationship with me.

 

GG7, this is most probably a similar situation, just the roles reversed. Now I can only guess because I haven't seen you offline, but I see a lot of parallels from your posts and my situation.

[normal person]

The first girl who I went out with completely ghosted me afterwards,

 

Why do you think? What happened that would make her agree to go out with you, then not want to speak to you again? What transpired?

 

the next two girls were not compatible with me and chances are they only saw them as mere friendly outings, and the fourth girl didn't see them as dates at all but was merely using me as free food.

 

Why do think they only saw them as only friendly outings? How and under what circumstances did you ask them out, why wasn't it clear to them what your intentions were?

 

Everywhere I go, it seems like the majority of girls are clearly unreceptive towards me and mostly ignore my existence.

 

That's how most people are to mostly everyone else. We ignore thousands of people daily. Uncertainty and unfamiliarity will cause anxiety in people. If a stranger tries to talk to me on the street, I immediately get defensive and assume they're trying to sell me something, ask me for something, con me, or rob me, it's always for their benefit at the expense of my time and/or money. No one ever stops you on the street to do something for you at their expense. So when someone unfamiliar or unassociated tries to talk to you, a small part of you will assume they're trying to extract information, money, romance, status by association, etc, and it makes you defensive.

 

In some social situations it's different, but for the most part, there are too many people and too much uncertainty for everyone to be immediately receptive to everyone else. There usually needs to be some extenuating circumstance like at a bar or party where this behavior is more expected (but often still not necessarily welcomed), or via the social proof of a mutual friend or something. Our de facto setting is to ignore unless there's a reason not to. Do you have a reason for them not to? From their perspective, what does someone else have to gain by going out of their way to talk to you? Could they even have something to lose?

 

For instance, I am at a college church group, and in the past when I tried interacting with the girls there, it was always me who did the talking and initiating and despite this, they never do the same for me in return. In fact, they don't say hi or acknowledge my existence.

 

Consider:

 

- That they don't owe you anything. It's illogical to assume that because you try to talk to someone, that they have to talk to you back or reciprocate in a fashion you think you deserve. They could just not want to for a variety of reasons. One being fear of the unfamiliar.

 

- Maybe they can sense the transparency in you and would rather keep distance from a guy who's 3-6 years older than most college students trying to meet girls to sleep with at a college church group. People can sense calculation and when someone is intent to "use" them, and it's very off putting.

 

- Women (especially in the teens and early 20s (men too)) are very sensitive to status and social capital. They will often try to associate with high status, high sexual market value people and keep distance from low status, low sexual market value people, oftentimes to the point where they will feel insulted if someone of low sexual market value thinks they have a chance with them. If they have no desire for you and they think that they have nothing to gain from you (like you're trying to gain their attention for romance, sex, etc), they don't have much incentive to associate with you. If they they think you'll lower their status by association, they'll actively try to avoid you, ignore you, act repulsed, or worse.

 

 

Some of the girls I tried talking to didn't hide any of their disinterest at all. Some girls gave off clear indicators of disgust when I tried having a conversation with them, some women would leave mid-conversation when I tried conversing with them.

 

Under what circumstances were you trying to talk to them? Why were you trying? Where were you? What'd you say? How'd you say it? What's your relationship to and history with these people? What do they know about you? What do you know about them? Why do you think they acted this way?

 

Girls just don't care about me. They all think that because i'm short and have aspergers, that I must be some sort of sub-human.

 

I won't lie and tell you being short and having Aspergers won't create challenges for you, but to assume everyone thinks you're a subhuman is a stretch, in my opinion. Most people just don't think about other people that much. From what you've written, it seems like you're facing a lot of animosity because you're trying to pry your way into these peoples' attention and lives before you read the situations and deduce whether not it's a good idea, and if it's a good idea, how exactly to do it. As I mentioned, people get apprehensive with unfamiliar and/or seemingly calculating people, and I imagine that's how you're often perceived.

 

Online, this is all girls do as far as I know. Reject everything.

 

What would be the point of that for them? Every man or woman I know that uses OLD meets plenty of people, myself included when I was single.

[SumGuy]

In my four years of attempting to have a dating life and sex life, I am a complete and utter failure. I have never felt so ugly and worthless in my life as a result of lack of any sort of attention from women. Since the year 2015, I have asked out 15 girls out on a date of which four have agreed. However, none of these "dates" ever went anywhere, no kiss, no taking them home, no sex. The first girl who I went out with completely ghosted me afterwards, the next two girls were not compatible with me and chances are they only saw them as mere friendly outings, and the fourth girl didn't see them as dates at all but was merely using me as free food.

....

 

4 out of 15 women you’ve asked out is pretty good statistics and not connecting with 4 is also not unusual, all in my experience. What seems very low to me is you’ve only asked out 15 women in 4 years. If you just asked out 1 woman a month that would be 48, and going on a first meet/date with 12. I also imagine these dates are very spread out so you’re not able to get in a groove or learn and improve.

[Mr.Me]

I'd stop chasing skirts and work on the things YOU wanna do.

 

You'd be amazed how many women find the confidence sexy and they end up chasing you.

 

It's kinda like acting like you don't want them, some women find the aloof attitude irresistible.

[d0nnivain]

Girls just don't care about me. They all think that because i'm short and have aspergers, that I must be some sort of sub-human.

 

One of the things about Asperger's is that sufferers have difficulty reading social cues. When people don't conform to societal norms others who encounter them often react badly. I suspect all of this factors into your experiences.

 

In one of your other threads I gave you a link to a group that works with individuals like yourself to help you overcome the challenges you face. Have you ever worked with a therapist or a group like the one I suggested to improve the skills that you may be lacking. If you can do that you will be further along in your quest to find love.

 

You are not sub-human. Never think that about yourself.

[mark clemson]

Feeling some deja vu here, but as I think I mentioned on one of your other threads, women get inappropriate and sometimes very dogged "chasing" and interest from horny and socially inept (and sometimes simply cruel) men. So, while it's not your fault, many have been "trained" to push back a bit hard to show disinterest.

 

I get more than enough female attention to know I'm at least reasonably attractive, but I've gotten some of those same looks of irritation and even the "pursed lips" look of disgust from occasional women just for the "crime" of casually looking them over. So, while they may not be interested, the forms of expressing that probably have little to do with you personally and a LOT to do with unfortunate social conditioning.

 

I would note there have been many suggestions in your other threads for actions you might attempt to improve your situation. We hear your distress. Hope you have started to follow up on some of those suggestions.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

As we've shared with you many times, women can pick up on a man who is desperate to get laid. You are desperate to get laid and I am willing to bet that is the vibe you are giving off to 100% of the women with whom you interact.

 

You're 24. Your life is not over and you have plenty of time. You are simply a late bloomer who will find another late bloomer to make a life with. But you have to stop looking at every woman as just a potential conquest just so that you can finally know what sex feels like. Why should a woman want to be with you with that mindset? Especially women from your church group who most likely are looking for more than to be thought of as a sexual conquest to scratch an itch. I have a good girlfriend who met her Aspie husband at....wait for it... a church group.....I'm pretty sure she fell in love with him for his compassion, not his wanting to get into her pants. My male cousin with Aspergers also met HIS wife at church. And he's obese!!!

 

You're never going to be the man that turns the heads of women when he enters a room. A very small percentage of the human population is so blessed with movie star looks that they enjoy this perk. It doesn't make you sub-human. Life just isn't always fair.

 

A quick Google search just gave me over 4,000,000 results when I used the search term "aspergers dating sites." Have you tried any of them? Joined any Meetups for Aspies?

[elaine567]

It's kinda like acting like you don't want them, some women find the aloof attitude irresistible.

But that only works if you are somewhat desirable in the first place.

If not, then you are just aloof and undesirable, NOT a winning combination...

[alphamale]

when I was 24 I didn't know sh*t about women...it takes some of us time to get experience with the opposite sex

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

when I was 24 I didn't know sh*t about women...it takes some of us time to get experience with the opposite sex

 

I'm listening to a book right now called Fleishman Is in Trouble and the protagonist amusingly experienced this after his divorce in his forties. When he was young, couldn't get a girl to save his life. After he gets divorced women are throwing themselves at him.

 

I truly think a lot of men who are not datable as young'ns become much more desirable as they age.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

GG - do you have a lot of male friends who are having a lot of sex?:bunny:

[mr_ybor]

Every man or woman I know that uses OLD meets plenty of people, myself included when I was single.

 

I use OLD and have not.

[elaine567]

I truly think a lot of men who are not datable as young'ns become much more desirable as they age.

I think it depends on the man.

I feel the guys who got the girl as youngsters still get the girls, the guys who struggled will still struggle. Some though will lose their appeal, due to bitterness and growing into "grumpy old men"...

I think there is some who improve with age, but it is definitely not a given

I do not think GG7 should rely on women falling at his feet as he ages.

He needs to sort out his problems now.

By his own admission he is cold and distant and hard to get to know, until he learns to project a better image of himself, women will always stay away.

[ZA Dater]

I agree with this. In fact I'd say struggle early in life wont really change unless you find substantial material success which would make people sort of look past the issues. Struggling inevitably leads to lack of confidence, lack of experience and you get into a circle where there is no win at all.

 

Sure, he can learn to project a better image but what is a better image, I am not trying to be obtuse but honestly what would make ladies want to date a guy like him? What do they want in the most specific way?

 

So he goes out and smiles and so on and so forth, does that attract ladies, probably not. Does he go out and throw money around, probably would not work as someone else will throw more money.

 

Does he become charming, probably difficult due to his personality type. Again good flirting, unlikely.

 

Honestly I think the issue here is an inability to connect with women, I suffer exactly the same issue. I can work with them, do deals but socially it just does not work at all. Not even a little bit so what the OP is doing is just what I call the fruit salad method, just go out and try anything, if it works great, it more than likely wont but well what else is a person supposed to do.

 

 

At leas the OP is 24 so he has time, get past 30 and I honestly reckon chasing is a waste of time, might as well just sit back and accept you cannot get what you want.

Edited October 18, 2019 by ZA Dater

[Envy123]

I have had more success over time, as I have gotten older. But my attitude changed.

 

I went from feeling that romance was a requirement for a happy life, to feeling that I can still achieve all of my life goals without a partner.

 

If I had the same attitude as before, I'd have zero success, even considering how I really let myself go, looks-wise.

[Mr.Me]

But that only works if you are somewhat desirable in the first place.

If not, then you are just aloof and undesirable, NOT a winning combination...

 

 

Perhaps that's my problem I don't really know but I always kinda thought that dressing well, holding your self well, and taking are of yourself meant a lot more than the way a man looks. I assumed this based on the old, fat, balding broke ass men with trophys on either arm.

 

Perhaps some people just got lucky in life and have all the right pheromones.

[Mysterio]

Here is what jumps out of my mind when I read your post.

 

You think your height is being used against you.

Your Aspbergers situation.

Your looks.

 

Height. Nothing you can do about it. If your hight is being used against you. Its the womans problem not yours.

 

Aspbergers. I don't know what degree you have of it. So I don't know what social cues you could be missing. Unless your way too eager to have a romantic relationship with a woman right off the cuff.

 

Looks. Hard to say. I guess if you have acne or crooked stained teeth. Get it fixed. If your balding shave it off. Be well groomed.

 

I think that you need a break from dating and being the driving force for finding love. All of us do. Its nice to have, but at what expense. I am semi burnt out from it myself. The only way I am going to be coupled up in the near future is if the woman is really into me and doing the leg work to put us together romantically.

 

I also think that this timeframe of life. A lot of us are finding it problematic to date and stay together. I don't know what the solution is, but for you GG7. You need to take a break from this. I can't see it being a problem. All of us want to be loved and adored, but at what price. Burn out.

 

When I look at my life from age 18 to 48. I can't say I botched up a great relationship. I don't believe that I made major moves that runied things for me and a woman. I have really not met a woman that I can go long haul with yet. I run into a lot of women at work and life and I can say just by going on personality. 80% of them I don't think I would commit myself into a long term relationship.

 

Its like when I look at friends and romantic prospects. Friendships are basically A to A+. Romantic prospects C to a D. My friend MT was rejected from a date about 3 months ago. It would have been nothing for the woman to go out on one date, but she choose to give him the runaround. Saying she wants someone who is a christian and what would she do with her child. Well she has childcare and going out on a date with a man. Be he Christian or not does not matter. Its all about how one treats you.

 

So once again. GG7 you have to take time out for yourself and not put the burdon of being the driving force for finding love.

[normal person]

Sure, he can learn to project a better image but what is a better image, I am not trying to be obtuse but honestly what would make ladies want to date a guy like him? What do they want in the most specific way?

 

It'd be hard to argue against emotional engagement, looks, status, height, money, etc.

 

Emotional engagement - a foot in the door, at least (women tend to "feel" the world, men tend to "think" it)

Looks - signifier of good, healthy, desirable genes

Status - signifier of competence at something worthwhile and/or respect amongst peers which is incredibly advantageous

Height - signifier of physical dominance, safety

Money - the more of it you have, the better her chance of survival and living easy

 

Control what you can control.

 

I use OLD and have not.

 

Well, you seem to be an outlier. There seems to be more than enough matching to sustain the businesses and make them a de facto method of dating these days. If that wasn't the case they would've folded years ago and things would've reverted back to the way they were. As I said, do you honestly think women download the ap just to reject people? Of course they reject a lot of people because seemingly everyone uses the aps these days and there's still not a particularly good way to screen out people who don't meet your criteria. But for those who do, there's plenty of matching. The only instances I see of it not working are in a few guys on here. I don't think I've ever talked to anyone in person who thought it was a waste of time -- if anything, the problem is people often have too many options.

[Mysterio]

I think its all about emotional connection. Not just looks. My friends that are married. I never get the sense that they are struggling with their women.

 

The women with my male friends wants some sort of a lifestyle where they get to have a home and raise kids. Go out ocasionally. Vacations and doing social activities with family and friends.

 

I look at it like this. For some reason. Its better for me if I personally don't try to seek romantic attention. Unless the woman is in my face making it know that she likes me. Then fine. I use to think that life would be great in the dating world if I went out with this woman and that woman. I am finding its not that way for me.

 

Women like me single and not dating/they don't have competition for me when it happens. They don't like me being the driving force of making an effort to romance them.

 

My style is going for Lunch or Dinner. Mostly Lunch. I just talk about life. I don't really try to flirt or start talking about sex in anyway. I figure if there is romantic chemistry it will just flow out.

[alphamale]

I just talk about life. I don't really try to flirt or start talking about sex in anyway. I figure if there is romantic chemistry it will just flow out.

 

flirting is the ember that starts the romantic fire