Wife kicked me out of the house ove 1$

[rabsaque]

Hi guys you might remember from other threads and if so you know my wife is kind of a difficult person, she has been controlling me with money for more than six months now, she takes my whole paycheck which is 3 times hers and uses all the money while not giving me a penny not even for expenses, so i managed to get some money trough freelancing after work but sometimes i don-t get money at all and i need it for things like paying my bus ride to work everyday, the thing is sometimes im in such a awful situation, last time i was forced to go to her purse where she stores the money and take 5$ to pay for my bus because when i asked her for bus money last time she told me she didn't had any and trew me 50cents ´like thats all you get´ that week i had to walk 6 miles to work and back every day and coming home tired i had to do some chores and it was a vicious cycle i had to walk home came tired do chores and then be too tired to turn my computer and try to do some extra money by freelancing.

 

 

that time she told me, ´next time you take money from my purse you have to go away i-m not living with a robber.´

 

 

well that happened again but different this time you see on a table on our room it was a coin 1$ i had a interview for a better job and i knew if i had to walk there i would never be on time so i took that coin and paid for the bus ride and good news i got the job, but by the time i was coming back home she called me and told me ´please just get a new place to live you did this again and i don-t wan a robber near my child´ so i packed my stuff and leave, luckily i have a cousin here and he offered me his couch to stay till i get back on my feet it wont be much time since this new job i have has a really good salary and they are paying me directly.

 

 

since then my wife has been calling me on the phone and texting calling me a coward and a robber she acuses me of stealing some of her belongings which i didn't do i got out of the house with the only two things that i need to get by and recover, my clothes to go to work and my computer to do freelancing stuff and earn extra money.

 

 

The stuff she acuses me of stealing are actually on her house so i know i didn't do nothing bad.

 

Talking with my cousin he told me ´man what you experienced with that woman is domestic abuse ´

 

and i don-t know she makes me feel very bad i was even thinking about kms

wife says im just being a drama queen and my question is.

 

is it domestic abuse?

 

what should i do from know go back to her and my son or just stay with my cousin and get back on my feet?

 

im very worried about my son i mean she is not going to do nothing bad to him but she might not let me see him unless i give her money she kinda told me that, i don´t know what to do im so sad i wish i was dead for real

[Rayce]

Sounds like its time to charge of your life. Go to HR and make arrangement to get your paycheck and then go to the bank and open up your OWN account. Deposit your money there. Go back to HR and set up direct deposit. Then sit back and wait...Your wife will come crawling back when the money dries up. That is if you decide to take her back... but at this point hopefully you will just leave her in the dust. Wishing you success.

[schlumpy]

See a divorce lawyer, Pronto. Nothing to salvage here.

[Rockdad]

You would be better not living with an abusive person. Yes there is a good chance she will use your child against you. Stay away from her and keep control of your own money. Give her an allowance to care for your son and that is all she gets. Invest the rest in setting up a new place for you then go thru the proper legal channels to gain access to your son should she not allow you to visit with him.

[rabsaque]

See a divorce lawyer, Pronto. Nothing to salvage here.

 

 

Yeah i will do that my cousin told me about suing her for abuse and get custody of my child but he is too small 3 months only and i don´t want to take him from his mother that early i mean she is a bad person but he needs his mother.

[rabsaque]

You would be better not living with an abusive person. Yes there is a good chance she will use your child against you. Stay away from her and keep control of your own money. Give her an allowance to care for your son and that is all she gets. Invest the rest in setting up a new place for you then go thru the proper legal channels to gain access to your son should she not allow you to visit with him.

 

So my cousin is right she is an abuser.

[Amethyst68]

This is abuse plain and simple. Stay with your cousin and see a lawyer to sort out visitation and child support. Do not try and sort it out with your wife without some kind of meditation.

 

Speak to your HR to see if they can give you next paycheck in cash or cheque until you get a new bank account opened but make that a priority.

 

Take control of your life for you and your son.

 

I

[rabsaque]

This is abuse plain and simple. Stay with your cousin and see a lawyer to sort out visitation and child support. Do not try and sort it out with your wife without some kind of meditation.

 

Speak to your HR to see if they can give you next paycheck in cash or cheque until you get a new bank account opened but make that a priority.

 

Take control of your life for you and your son.

 

I

 

Thaks i will, i will

[Ruby Slippers]

She sounds insane.

 

Your first priority should be to get 100% control of your money, if you haven't already. Set up your own bank account that she doesn't have access to and have your paycheck deposited there. Give her only enough money to take care of the child.

 

Then talk to a divorce attorney about divorcing and splitting custody, if you want that. Sounds like the sooner you get away from this woman, the better off you'll be.

[Marc878]

Your wife maybe an abuser, mentally insane but why would you allow her to control you and everything in your life?

 

You bear some responsibility for allowing this.

[preraph]

I guess you guys are strapped for money? So maybe a divorce lawyer isn't practical, but you've got to do something to keep her from continuing to take your money. I don't see how you let that happen. I mean, pick up your checks in person and don't let them automatically deposit them. If they are doing that, open a new account with only your name on it and have the payroll person change it over asap. Or pick up the checks in person.

 

You may have to get an attorney, but I can't tell if you even have money for that.

[rabsaque]

I guess you guys are strapped for money? So maybe a divorce lawyer isn't practical, but you've got to do something to keep her from continuing to take your money. I don't see how you let that happen. I mean, pick up your checks in person and don't let them automatically deposit them. If they are doing that, open a new account with only your name on it and have the payroll person change it over asap. Or pick up the checks in person.

 

You may have to get an attorney, but I can't tell if you even have money for that.

 

 

I don´t have enoug for an attorney but i don´t have to divorce her here in this country since our marriage isn´t legal here she appears as single on her id, only thing i have to figth for is child custody, i-m in a disadvantage there since she has powerful family members that can get her top lawyers my best bet is to play to the psychological abuse she put me trough of which i have plenty of proofs she luckily she can-t control herself and has being texting me horrible messages for a long time and i have a good record of that.

 

 

 

 

She sounds insane.

 

Your first priority should be to get 100% control of your money, if you haven't already. Set up your own bank account that she doesn't have access to and have your paycheck deposited there. Give her only enough money to take care of the child.

 

Then talk to a divorce attorney about divorcing and splitting custody, if you want that. Sounds like the sooner you get away from this woman, the better off you'll be.

 

I already did since i started in this new company i switched payments to my account, last company i worked for refused to pay me on another bank so thats why i was using her account, so i took control of my money.

[amaysngrace]

Using money as a weapon is financial abuse/economic abuse. It’s all about control.

[BaileyB]

Yes, it’s domestic abuse.

 

She can only control you with money if you allow it.

 

You have not established any kind of boundaries in your relationship and as such, she walks all over you... just because she is your wife, does not give her the right to use and abuse you. That said, the only person who can stop this - is you.

Edited October 17, 2019 by BaileyB

[Ruby Slippers]

Well, it's excellent news that you're not legally married to her. That means she has zero rights to your money.

 

If she keeps you away from your child completely, she'll be causing damage to her own child.

 

I agree that you played a part in this, allowing yourself to be treated this way. Hopefully you learned from it, and in the future you'll cut this kind of thing off the minute it starts.

[rabsaque]

Well, it's excellent news that you're not legally married to her. That means she has zero rights to your money.

 

If she keeps you away from your child completely, she'll be causing damage to her own child.

 

I agree that you played a part in this, allowing yourself to be treated this way. Hopefully you learned from it, and in the future you'll cut this kind of thing off the minute it starts.

 

 

Yes i know that now, i had a very low self steem and the fact that everytime we used to talk somehow she knew hot to make everything my fault and for many years i used to believe, that something was wrong with me that i was this piece of garbage who never did nothing the rigth way that i was stupid or something but not anymore.

Edited October 17, 2019 by rabsaque

[devilish innocent]

This is absolutely abuse. Don't be too hard on yourself for not seeing it sooner. Abusers are manipulators. She is manipulating you with manipulating with money. She is attempting to manipulate you with threatening not to let you see your child. And she manipulated you by twisting things to make you question whether you are at fault for everything. Many abusers are great at that type of manipulation. It's not your fault you got manipulated.

 

It is a reason why you need to stay away from her. She is likely to try to suck you back in and trap you. Stay with your cousin. Deal with her only when you have to for your child's sake. If there is any way you can come up with money for a lawyer, it may be worthwhile to do so. Good luck.

[Maddie82]

This goes beyond domestic abuse. She is evil. She is manipulating and controlling and quite frankly unstable. Do not go back to her and do not let her get her hands on your money ever again. Take your life back. Arrange child maintenance and access through legal channels.

[rabsaque]

This is absolutely abuse. Don't be too hard on yourself for not seeing it sooner. Abusers are manipulators. She is manipulating you with manipulating with money. She is attempting to manipulate you with threatening not to let you see your child. And she manipulated you by twisting things to make you question whether you are at fault for everything. Many abusers are great at that type of manipulation. It's not your fault you got manipulated.

 

It is a reason why you need to stay away from her. She is likely to try to suck you back in and trap you. Stay with your cousin. Deal with her only when you have to for your child's sake. If there is any way you can come up with money for a lawyer, it may be worthwhile to do so. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This goes beyond domestic abuse. She is evil. She is manipulating and controlling and quite frankly unstable. Do not go back to her and do not let her get her hands on your money ever again. Take your life back. Arrange child maintenance and access through legal channels.

 

 

 

 

Is there a posibility that she doesn´t know she has bee abusing me?, i mean she comes from a family with an abusive father, her mother stuck with him and i think she learned that from him but sometimes i just think she doesn-t know what she is doing, to give an example, you may think she spend all the money she takes from me to buy **** for herself, and she dont´t as far as i know all she buy are stuff for the baby the thing is she likes expensive stuff like last time she spent more than half my paycheck just on the baby´s crib basically she buy expensive stuff but for the baby so i don´t think she is aware but then when i told her i was thinking about taking my own life she told me i was just being a drama queen so i don´t know what to think.

[rabsaque]

It doesn’t matter what she is spending it on. The way she goes about things isn’t right!

 

She views you as her paycheck.

 

A healthy relationship would mean both parties have access to earned money and both people discuss how money is to be spent and saved. When they agree a purchase should be made then they buy it.

 

She’s disrespecting you. Why are you easily over looking that? Why are you looking for excuses for her unacceptable behavior?

 

And why aren’t you divorcing someone who treats you so terribly unkind?

 

 

At the very least you should obtain your paycheck in hand and open a new bank account with only your name on it. Then give her an allowance once a week. Tell her these are the new rules and don’t allow her any more than she needs to make the house hold run.

 

Tell her any other purchases need to be discussed and agreed upon before you consider buying them.

 

Thanks for that it was bugging me like my brain was trying to justifying her but now i know it wasnt rigth, i already got a new account and my money will be put there wo nothing to worry on that regard i-m currently living away from her so i will stay this way is a sad for my son but i will send an allowance so the baby doesn´t lack of anything and then everytime she wants to buy something expensive for him she will have to either pay it herself or discuss that with me first i know that mostly will end up on disagreement since we are very different on that i like to buy things that do the job and are cheap, she likes to buy the best, everytime i say to her like, this is expensive, she replies “do you think so? so you want yout baby to have cheap crap instead of good stuff?“ so she will have to stick to paying for all this expensive things she buys for our boy herself.

 

 

thanks for your words.

[rabsaque]

I’m glad you are living away now. Can you set up a visitation schedule?

 

I agree - that if she chooses to purchase things that are more costly she needs to be capable of paying for those things herself.

 

Get in the habit of saying no to her. She will dream up loads of things to ask you for. No - that’s a complete answer.

 

If YOU choose to buy things for the baby then that’s all good for you.

 

Honestly she seems like she wants you for money. That never makes anyone feels good.

 

Expect her to throw a fit when she realizes you changed the bank access. Be ready. Tell her you decided it was better that things change based on her way she handles money.

 

Rigth now is hard for me to set or even talk about child visiting because i movedfrom home liketwo days ago actually she kicked me out so i have to sort out some stuff like having a place to live currently i´m with a cousin and i have to getback on my feet before thinking even on visiting my son, also she will try to suck me back in for sure and i have to be mentally strong enoug to avoid that, i have a lot to do but im working on it

[devilish innocent]

Is there a posibility that she doesn´t know she has bee abusing me?, i mean she comes from a family with an abusive father, her mother stuck with him and i think she learned that from him but sometimes i just think she doesn-t know what she is doing, to give an example, you may think she spend all the money she takes from me to buy **** for herself, and she dont´t as far as i know all she buy are stuff for the baby the thing is she likes expensive stuff like last time she spent more than half my paycheck just on the baby´s crib basically she buy expensive stuff but for the baby so i don´t think she is aware but then when i told her i was thinking about taking my own life she told me i was just being a drama queen so i don´t know what to think.

 

It doesn't matter what she's buying for the baby. It's completely ridiculous that you can't have $1 to make it to an interview. She has to realize how ridiculous that is. She just doesn't care if she's crossing the line into abuse or not.

[Amethyst68]

You don't need your own place for visitation. Is there a reason the baby can't come to your cousin's place or you can't take him to a park or baby friendly restaurant for a couple of hours? You don't want to be accused of child abandonment by your wife.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Don't get caught in the psychological trap of trying to figure out her motives, if she is intentionally cruel, etcetera. The more important question is if she knew, would she even care? Probably not. This is her way of functioning and she obviously has little concern to the damage it does to others.

 

The most important things to ask yourself are:

Do you enjoy being treated this way?

Does it make you feel better about yourself?

Does it motivate you to be a more authentic, happier version of yourself?

 

Let your answers, and your feelings about them, be your guide. If something feels like a bad situation, it's because it's a bad situation. Don't deny or dismiss your feelings. They are there to guide you. Trying to justify an abuser's actions only enables their bad behavior. Abusers/manipulators use your eagerness to forgive them as a way to keep control over you to continue their abuse.

 

What you need is time away and distance to clear the fog in your thinking. The more you are away from her, the clearer you will see how she manipulated you. Then you'll be better equipped to make decisions to protect yourself and your son. It's like you are detoxing now by being away from her. Stay away as much as possible until you get the clarity you need to act in the best interested of yourself and your child. Good luck!

Edited October 19, 2019 by HadMeOverABarrel
Typos

[Maddie82]

Is there a posibility that she doesn´t know she has bee abusing me?

 

No. She knows exactly what she is doing. She wanted complete control of you and she got it. She didn't care what she was doing to you so don't make excuses for her. Man up. Think of your child. If he stays with her then he's going to be brainwashed by her and abuse people in the future.