She broke my NC and wants to meet but has a BF. What do I expect?

[Neewer]

Okay, so I live in a small town. I moved here 2.5 years ago, first person I met was my now EX-GF. We spent two years together, she lived with me for 1.5 of those 2 years.

 

We argued a lot. Never were really "committed" or trusting of one another.

 

She dumped me at a bar when she was drunk, I went home with another girl, she crawled through my bedroom window and caught me. We got back together anyway, I traveled for work and was away 5 weeks, I get back see her she goes out of town, I go out with guys she didn't want me to and lie about it. She dumps me for good.

 

I go NC, she comes back around 2 weeks later says she second guessing her decision. I say I miss her, going to therapy, own my mistakes and faults and ask if she wants to join. She says no, she just needs space. We kiss and go our own ways. We meet next week, have dinner - chat and kiss, two days later she's posting her new BF all over social media. WTF

 

I freak out. Send a bunch of clingy desperate, crying texts and **** like a bitch. She says stop contacting her.

 

I stop contacting her, meet a girl I start dating who coincidentally enough is her new BF's room-mates ex who was constantly texting and calling crying like I was LOL. So I know she heard about it.

 

Anyway, I broke thing off with that chick and met up with some friends and the next day my ex reaches out. She says she heard I was doing well and was happy to hear it. Wanted to return an item of mine that I gave her (an old laptop). random.

 

Anyway, I say, "it's cool, I gave it to you. keep it." she insists she return it and I say, I really don't want it back - so do whatever. She says she'll send it through mutual friends. I say "don't involve other people, if you want to return something be a grown up and meet me in person. I'm busy most of the week but am free for lunch Friday".

 

She texts me this A.M and says "Can we meet today?" I say "no I have appointments" (true) and she says "Okay, tomorrow works."

 

She now has been texting me casually about things in general. But the thing is, she is dating a new guy and they're like basically exclusive. They ****ing look married on social media for god sakes. She didn't even do that with me after two years let alone 3 months lol.

 

Anyway, I'm kind of wondering WHAT TO EXPECT here? I am going into it very casually and stuff, but what is her agenda? It's def. not to return an item but it's probably not to get back together... what is her deal?

[Mr.Me]

My question is why are you even foolin with it?

 

Whats YOUR agenda by hanging out with Ms Crazy Pants?

[Marc878]

NC is up to you not her.

 

You should quit stringing yourself along here.

[d0nnivain]

Anyway, I'm kind of wondering WHAT TO EXPECT here?

 

Expect to get jerked around. She's not a stable person. If she was she would not have

 

1. dumped you while drunk in a bar

 

2. climbed in your bedroom window

 

3. taken you back after finding you in bed with another woman

 

4. contacted you now while she has a

BF

to talk

 

Meeting her is a bad plan. My advice; don't waste your time.

[TheFinalWord]

She wanted to return something, you suggested meeting for lunch.

 

She went to return something of yours when she thought you were with someone else, so she thought it would make it easier because you're both with other people.

 

There are no expectations here. She didn't break NC to get back with you. She broke it because she thought you both had moved on and it was a safe time to return your items.

 

Yeah, he's probably a rebound. But if you try to interfere you're just going to push her into his arms. Overall, this whole thing sounds toxic and I think you both need to move on.

[rjc149]

Sounds to me like she's not over you, and the new BF is a rebound.

 

If she insists on getting rid of a laptop you made clear you don't want back, she would throw it out. She's not trying to return the unwanted laptop.

 

She wants to see if you're in backup position when her rebound goes south. Or, if you're a backup in general. The undertone of her desire to meet you is lingering interest.

 

Do you want her back? Whether you meet her is going to be your call, based on what you want. If you go, have no expectations, and you won't get jerked around.

[ExpatInItaly]

She might be on the rocks with the boyfriend and wants to see if you're willing to play Fall-Back Boy.

 

Why would you even bother having lunch with her? You should have let her give the computer to mutual friends. I mean, you are the one who basically insisted on seeing her. Sure, she's playing along but she was willing to go through a third party.

 

Expect nothing but more drama if you choose to engage like this. You have already learned that you two don't work as a couple. It's not as though this is suddenly going to become your Happily Ever After story.

[Mr.Me]

I hate Drama.....

 

 

If it's about a laptop, she can leave it with a friend, trusted location for you to get later, mail or ship it, or any other number of things.

 

This isn't about a the item, the item is an excuse for something else like LOTS more drama cause some people live on drama.

[mark clemson]

Overall, this whole thing sounds toxic and I think you both need to move on.

 

Seconded!

 

Also try to be nicer to your next GF and pick one who's nicer to you. You sound young, but possibly she (or someone else in your past) may have "trained" you to be inconsiderate of others' feelings. That doesn't tend to help with LTRs. Maybe you're not looking for that, but if one day you are, mutual respect and consideration is pretty important.

[preraph]

Meeting was your idea, not hers. And she very well may bring the boyfriend.

[Maddie82]

Wow, you were both so bad for each other. You treated each other like complete crap. She now has a boyfriend so if i were you i would not meet her. I would leave that well alone.

[Redhead14]

She didn't break your NC, you didn't enforce it . . . stop stringing yourself along with some kind of pipe dream that tells you that everything would be different . . . IF. Don't bother meeting her and block, delete, forget, forever.

[fromheart]

What a mess.

 

Best to withdraw from the situation, permanently.

 

Go for a drama free life, you'll meet better women that way.

[elaine567]

She wanted to return the laptop, she suggested giving it to a mutual friend. YOU insisted on meeting her.

 

She dumped you, she has a new bf, she can thus afford to be friendly with you.

Dumpers can be friends all day and all night with dumpees, they are usually just no longer invested enough to be upset or care.

 

YOU have an agenda, SHE is just returning an old laptop... tying up loose ends

[kendahke]

Stand her up if she keeps insisting and don't be bothered if you don't want to be bothered.

 

or

 

Meet her, get the laptop from her, no conversation and make sure she sees you pitch it in the trash on your way out.

[vla1120]

You're playing games by telling her she must give it back in person. I assume she knows your address. Tell her again that you do not want/need the laptop back and that, if she insists, she can mail it to you.