"We're low on matches, check back later"

[mr_ybor]

Ok Cupid has become become soooooooo worthless of late. Anyone else agree?

[d0nnivain]

Granted I only did OLD for 90 days 12 years ago, but it sucked then too.

 

OLD should be used as a single fall back tool, never your primary means of meeting people.

[Gretchen12]

When I read your title I thought it was matches for fire.

 

OK cupid was ok when I was on it a few years ago. But there were people who wrote me saying I "liked" them but I didn't.

[Envy123]

I've only had success on one specialist dating site (Dating with Students, I think). The mainstream ones really didn't work out for me.

 

I find it easier to just go out of the house, do whatever takes my fancy and let it happen when it happens.

[Foxhall]

Yes seven months away from online dating and hoping not to be returning,

 

as I said before I still feel it is a reasonable meeting mechanism, but not missing it that is for sure.

[gaius]

When I was working in Tampa temporarily I seem to recall driving by the beach bars and seeing lots of bikini clad 20 somethings hanging out. Maybe they're all over there instead of on OkCupid?

 

If I was your age, single and into 20 somethings that's where I'd be.

[Trail Blazer]

I call it OkStupid. It's an absolute waste of time these days. I joined five months ago, hardly anyone was on. Then I saw my ex on there. That was the final nail. I was done. App deleted, never to be reinstalled.

[mr_ybor]

When I was working in Tampa temporarily I seem to recall driving by the beach bars and seeing lots of bikini clad 20 somethings hanging out. Maybe they're all over there instead of on OkCupid?

 

If I was your age, single and into 20 somethings that's where I'd be.

 

On the Tampa side? What places exacty?

[mr_ybor]

Then I saw my ex on there. That was the final nail. I was done. App deleted, never to be reinstalled.

 

That's kinda weird. Your ex has a right to move on and date people. I don't know why seeing an ex on a dating platform would offend me.

[Trail Blazer]

That's kinda weird. Your ex has a right to move on and date people. I don't know why seeing an ex on a dating platform would offend me.

 

No, it's not weird at all. I have no issue with her on a dating site after we broke up. I wasn't "offended" (strange choice of term) by it. I just wasn't ready to let go at the time as I wasn't the one who wanted the relationship to end. The thought of her being with another man (at the time) was unpleasant and very confronting for me.

 

So, when you factor in that OkCupid really had very little going for it at the time, I wasn't at all inclined to use it. It would have been a dormant app at best. But, after seeing my ex on it, the app wasn't only rendered useless, it also served as a painful reminder that the woman I still loved, still wanted to be with, didn't feel the same and was hoping to find a man who could provide her with what I couldn't.

[Ellener]

match.com is pretty useless for the 'matching', you enter in all the factors which are important to you then if there are no suitable matches that day the program over-rides your choices and sends those which are available anyway! Even with stuff which you marked 'must have'.

 

The program/website itself is pretty useless too, hit the link on the daily 'here are your matches' email and most times it doesn't work, logs you in and takes you to a screen saying 'you have no matches to view' (!) so just have to look at the individual pictures and go to their profiles one by one.

 

The aim seems to be get people logging on as frequently as possible and then purchasing upgrades, called 'boosts', which apparently means more people can see you.

 

Switch off the banner advertising and the website doesn't work at all.

 

Emails arrive which look like there are new matches/communications etc but they are just a summary of the past few days, or more marketing.

 

I've paid for it for a year but I would not buy it again or recommend it. And I'm not buying any 'upgrades', I'm guessing that would just be another step in the marketing process.

 

No wonder people get frustrated- that's apparently the marketing strategy!

[SumGuy]

Ellener, have to say that is not my experience at all and makes me think there is app issues

 

The mobile app was odd for a while but think that was phone OS issues, never had such issues with desktop.

 

I get the daily e-mail with matches, you might like because you liked x, and mutual matches every day at about 5pm, about 20 total everyday and looking at yesterday 6 of those had seen before but 14 were new. But a match only seems to repeat a few days at most then gone. These are different matches than the one sent to my profile when log in, then there is like another 10-20 a day (often not so good). The you may also like are the best ones.

 

Also there is no need to rely on the match algorithm, you can search yourself. When I do I get like 2000+ hits (with a 50 mile radius) so then sort by distance, literally at least a hundred within 10 miles. Never come across a fake profile and almost everyone is active within a day. Those are typically the best matches, the ones I find searching.

 

I don’t do any of the boosting, don’t need to update my profile to get hits (first got on in 2015) though do add an up to date picture every year or so when back on.

 

So I really wonder about all the posts about how Match doesn’t “work”. How people get no matches.

 

My experience is in line with everyone I know in my area who uses Match which is everyone doing OLD I know.

 

Have you tried searching on your own? How many single people roughly live in your search radius? All I can imagine is there are not many singles and those that exist don’t use OLD.

 

Last I’ve never heard good things about free OLD sites. So many fake profiles. I’ve seen that myself, the one photo that looks like a head shot and minimal profile. The free ones seem all about hook ups, that’s all I’ve ever heard come of them. Them being POF, OKCupid, Tinder, Zoosk etc.

[gaius]

I think it was down by one of the causeways next to the bay. I forget exactly where. Everytime I'm down there though I run into some gathering or another. Last time I took Timshel to St. Pete Beach for the weekend and there was lots going on at the bar next door to our hotel till all hours of the night.

 

Seems like a place that would be impossible not to meet women. If you decide to get out of the house and go looking.

[Ellener]

'Those are typically the best matches, the ones I find searching.'

 

Thanks SumGuy, yes, none of the matches from my daily email have proven to be a match so far, the people I'm talking to write to me on spec or I write to them.

 

There are as you say two thousand people a day to search through if I don''t apply any filters, way fewer when I do. It's too time-consuming for me to look through more than a handful a day.

 

It's just where I live, it's a strongly conservative, right-wing-religious demographic. There's a larger gun culture than other regions. Lots of people moving in and out but a dominant oil and gas industry ( I'm an environmentalist ) Some of the social norms are bigoted. The filters I set are to avoid the qualities I really don't relate to but the program overrides it. Also the distance filter, I've set that low now but I get mostly matches from miles away. This is a huge city.

 

Now I've been doing this a few weeks I know more clearly what are deal-breakers for me, also the practicalities. I don't want to go on loads of dates, and if online dating is a 'numbers game' it's not for me.

 

And that's fine. I'm doing real life activities too. And corresponding. Feeling more confident than a few weeks ago and it's also made me appreciate what a good life I have even if I don't meet another life partner.

[salparadise]

Ok Cupid has become become soooooooo worthless of late. Anyone else agree?

 

Yes, it has been destroyed by the new owners. It was once the best option, bar none, for online dating back when Christian Rudder was at the helm. Both of the serious relationships I've had since my D originated form OKC... and now it's hard to find anyone really interesting, much less nearby and with mutual interest.

 

I think it was too good an alternative for their flagship site Match.com, and they've intentionally crippled it to eliminate the primary free alternative.

[SumGuy]

...

Thanks SumGuy, yes, none of the matches from my daily email have proven to be a match so far, the people I'm talking to write to me on spec or I write to them.

For some odd reason, the "you may also like because you like x" matches do fairly well as well.

 

There are as you say two thousand people a day to search through if I don''t apply any filters, way fewer when I do. It's too time-consuming for me to look through more than a handful a day.

I'd say 2000 is with my filters, I just then sort by distance.

 

It's just where I live, it's a strongly conservative, right-wing-religious demographic. There's a larger gun culture than other regions. Lots of people moving in and out but a dominant oil and gas industry ( I'm an environmentalist ) Some of the social norms are bigoted. The filters I set are to avoid the qualities I really don't relate to but the program overrides it. Also the distance filter, I've set that low now but I get mostly matches from miles away. This is a huge city.

Cultural / world view differences can be a big deal. Grew up in the west so know the culture of which you speak well.

 

 

Now I've been doing this a few weeks I know more clearly what are deal-breakers for me, also the practicalities. I don't want to go on loads of dates, and if online dating is a 'numbers game' it's not for me.

I find if you know what you want and are pretty good at filtering up front the odds of connection/spark on a date are about 20-25%, although even if that spark was not there I found 80% of the dates to be very interesting and fun.

 

When on-line I do about 2-3 dates a week, 3 makes it busy. So after 2 weeks down to usually 1 or 2 dates then by week 3 or 4 have met someone to give it a try with, then will know a month or two later how it is going.

 

So I'm not really one who has (except briefly and with certain sites) encountered only frustration and woe in OLD. The opposite really.

 

And I'm not all those things men on forums think women want.

I'm not 6'+, my material success is not on display in my profile (or even life my car is 8 years old and no where near even near luxury, for example), the women that date me find me attractive (that's almost a given right?) but plenty don't (certainly I'm not any media ideal of "handsome"), in shape but no triathlete, in fact I let my geeky and nerdy and metal side shine, all the "traits" so many red pill sites say make you look "weak" and certainly don't follow any of the "rules" such sites put forth ...and I ain't settling at all to get dates, in fact last time out there pretty much went out with women who reached out to me first.

 

A long way of saying the "rule" red pill dating advice I see is counter what I've experienced that actually works, and yet red pill advice (or all the hard to get rules for women) is still spouted by people who have had little dating success and are confused by the most basics of female behavior. I must live in the most blessed of dating locations I think then because clearly that is the only explanation

[Ellener]

' I must live in the most blessed of dating locations I think then because clearly that is the only explanation'

 

Clearly, SumGuy:)

 

I think some men, some people, just give off a nice vibe, to be all hippie.

 

I find it interesting that one of the match.com features says 'match me' and I have yet to use it as all the matches they send me say 'we cannot match you, you do not fit this person's search criteria'!

 

Something called 'superlike' also appeared this week, not sure what that's for.

 

One thing which has become apparent to me- I don't have time to go on lots of dates, or energy really. It seemed like a nice idea but I'm not as interested as I thought I was, and I definitely don't want it to take over my life. It'll happen in its own time if I'm meant to be in a couple situation.

 

[Rayce]

Cultural / world view differences can be a big deal. Grew up in the west so know the culture of which you speak well.

 

I think this is my biggest problem here in the PNW... I am a red dot in a sea of blue dots. I think differently and my perspective seems to be different as well.

[SumGuy]

...

I think some men, some people, just give off a nice vibe, to be all hippie.

I think I may be more yippie

 

I find it interesting that one of the match.com features says 'match me' and I have yet to use it as all the matches they send me say 'we cannot match you, you do not fit this person's search criteria'!

 

Something called 'superlike' also appeared this week, not sure what that's for.

I tend to ignore those as think they are just looking for money. I never tried the "match me" feature.

 

One thing which has become apparent to me- I don't have time to go on lots of dates, or energy really. It seemed like a nice idea but I'm not as interested as I thought I was, and I definitely don't want it to take over my life. It'll happen in its own time if I'm meant to be in a couple situation.

I guess that is where I am lucky, my normal course of being is I'd go out 2-3 times per week anyway to meet friends for a beer and chat, at their place, mine or one of the many nice brew pubs very near by. I love beer and love conversation especially those about ideas, solving problems (be they the worlds or my friends 1960's muscle car), etc.. Not that I always do get out so often with responsibilities and all.

 

For me then I just convert those times to dates, yes my friends get ignored a bit then

 

I think this is why people don't believe I am an introvert. It has nothing to do with being shy, or not liking hanging out with people, rather it is how I truly need to recharge especially when stressed. Once I tell them how much I read and the true depths of my geek soul they usually get it.

[SumGuy]

I think this is my biggest problem here in the PNW... I am a red dot in a sea of blue dots. I think differently and my perspective seems to be different as well.

 

well I'm a purple dot so can readily offend or connect with both...

[Rayce]

well I'm a purple dot so can readily offend or connect with both...

 

lol... ok maybe I am more toward purple. heheee

[thefooloftheyear]

"We're low on matches, check back later"

 

Sounds like one of the responses from the "Magic 8 Ball"...

 

TFY

[mr_ybor]

I think it was down by one of the causeways next to the bay. I forget exactly where. Everytime I'm down there though I run into some gathering or another. Last time I took Timshel to St. Pete Beach for the weekend and there was lots going on at the bar next door to our hotel till all hours of the night.

 

Seems like a place that would be impossible not to meet women. If you decide to get out of the house and go looking.

 

You're talking about the beaches up on Courtney Campbell past the airport. That's not really "Tampa". We don't have beaches over here.

 

All the real good beaches are over on Gulf Blvd. on the other side of The Bay, then on the other side of the Peninsula.

 

I go out there once or twice a month, especially in the summer but I don't see many single girls. The beaches aren't very mingley in general, and have a lot of tourists that don't even live here. I have way better luck in the clubs down here, particularly the alternative and rock venues. It's darker and therefore easier to hide my ugly face, haha!

[mr_ybor]

lol... ok maybe I am more toward purple. heheee

 

 

I'm more a shade of white. American politics is trash. World politics is trash. I think if you have a brain that's pretty obvious.

[mr_ybor]

I find if you know what you want and are pretty good at filtering up front the odds of connection/spark on a date are about 20-25%, although even if that spark was not there I found 80% of the dates to be very interesting and fun.

 

When on-line I do about 2-3 dates a week, 3 makes it busy. So after 2 weeks down to usually 1 or 2 dates then by week 3 or 4 have met someone to give it a try with, then will know a month or two later how it is going.

 

So I'm not really one who has (except briefly and with certain sites) encountered only frustration and woe in OLD. The opposite really.

 

And I'm not all those things men on forums think women want.

I'm not 6'+, my material success is not on display in my profile (or even life my car is 8 years old and no where near even near luxury, for example), the women that date me find me attractive (that's almost a given right?) but plenty don't (certainly I'm not any media ideal of "handsome"), in shape but no triathlete, in fact I let my geeky and nerdy and metal side shine, all the "traits" so many red pill sites say make you look "weak" and certainly don't follow any of the "rules" such sites put forth ...and I ain't settling at all to get dates, in fact last time out there pretty much went out with women who reached out to me first.

 

I sound a good bit, rather a lot, like you. How do you get this to work, exactly? I'd murder for three dates a year, let alone three dates a week!

Edited October 28, 2019 by mr_ybor