Complicated situation (my fault)

[lauri]

Hello everyone, it's been a while since I have been back and I needed somewhere to talk to everyone. It's a complicated story and I wanted to be honest with you all about it. This is long and as I finished writing it, I feel like an idiot. I hope you guys can help me through this with you experience.

 

I got introduced to this girl about a year ago through a mutual friend. We hit it off and went out on a few dates. I felt like we were the perfect match. Only problem was, she told me she just got out of a relationship and wasn't ready for anything serious. I respected that, didn't message her again.

 

About 2 month ago, she came back into my life. She reached out to me to go out for drinks and everything went really well. We had an instant connection, went on really awesome dates and even I spent some time at her place. She told me she doesn't want to sleep with someone until she gets to know them and she was going on a trip to Europe in 2 weeks’ time with her mom. I said no problem. I afterwards booked a trip to Europe which unfortunately wouldn't let us see each other for almost a month (my father has been really down and he wanted me to go with him). We really had the same values, cultural background, ideas on the world, etc. We just got each other.

 

On one date, things got really weird as she was telling me about how she has a black best-friend. This isn't an issue for me, but it triggered me about how I have some extended family members who are racist, which I no longer associate with, and I felt shame about it. I once dated a black girl when I was younger and I got a lot of pressure from external family members about it and I hate thinking back to what I heard. I hated thinking about it or talking about it. I told her that I know I'm acting weird right now but you reminded me of something about my past which triggered me. I promise you I'll talk to you about it later when I calm down. Unfortunately, I never told her before she left. I should have but it's a mistake.

 

After a while, we started to get intimate (excluding sex). Eventually, she wanted to sleep together almost before she left. I felt like I wanted to wait until we were back from our vacations to ensure that we were good together as she kept telling me she doesn't want a one night stand. Unfortunately, I went to the bathroom and I came out and she was lying there in stripped down. I felt horrible and I told her I wanted to wait until we were back, and it's because I wanted to take things slow and show her that I'm not into it for sex. I realize this is a big mistake and I regret it - but I overthought things. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I'm really down about how I made her feel so rejected. It wasn't my intention but it happened. I own that.

 

Afterwards, we talked through things and she said she appreciated how I was honest about my intentions with her. She was okay with it and we went on a 4 more dates, had a great time and she seemed REALLY into me. I ended up dropping her off at the airport before she left and she was really sad about leaving me to go to Europe.

 

Once she got to Europe, she was messaging me for the first 4 days non-stop. Afterwards, she started to stop. She told me that she made some friends in Europe and they took her out. Next day, she makes plans with them again. Then, she starts to get colder with me and more distant. She tells me she's upset about something, so I call her on and she's saying she doesn't want to talk about it but she's been crying. I try to comfort her but now I'm completely confused. I'm getting ready to leave for my trip and she started acting really strange towards me (responding 16 to 24 hours after a message even though she was active all day on WhatsApp, short messages, etc.). I think, OK, maybe I'm overthinking it.

 

Once I get to Europe, I get a message from her saying she's so drunk and her friend booked a wine tour for her and her mom. Now my interest is starting to peak and I think what the hell is going on? So I ask her about it and I was like is your friend a guy (I admit I got a bit jealous)? And she responded with an "I made friends with both lol". I'm not going to lie, I kind of cracked here and I sent her a sappy message saying I hope you know I really like you and I hope there was no misunderstandings before we left. I admitted to being a poor texter and I wanted her to know that. I came off weak and needy. She did not respond well to that text and gave me a generic answer which didn't indicate she liked me too. After that, she went extremely distant to me. She sent a really cold message and I got to the point where I said to myself, what is the point and I ended up not responding to her for 2 days. But also, to add on top of this, I had a friend who was going through some serious mental health issues so I was dealing with that too…but that's not why I did what I did.

 

I know I played a game and I'm not proud about it. I reacted the way I did and I wish I did differently. So after that, she asked me why we stopped talking I told her I got busy with family stuff and for her to let me know her flight back home was okay. She got upset about it and found my respond really "cold and rude", which it was. I was being immature at this point. I called her, we talked and I explained to her that I'm sorry for coming off rude but it wasn't really my intention. I want to see her when I'm back and we can talk through everything. She remained just as distant to me (but even worse) than she was in Europe. I was now just trying to keep momentum so I could see her to talk things through in person.

 

When I got back home, I tried to see her right away. She was acting distant, said she's busy all week and had plans on the weekend with family. We had light texting, she told me she had a few interviews and was stressed. Then when I'd ask her how it went, she'd go cold and not respond for 24 hours and change the subject. Eventually, she asked me if I'm free on Monday to meet and I agreed to meet. We set a time. I rescheduled things with my family so I could see her.

 

After not hearing from her all weekend, she messaged me saying she's too tired to meet on Monday and she wants to rest that afternoon, she said can we reschedule. I got disappointed and messaged her saying this exactly "I actually rescheduled things with my family so I could meet up with you, so I'm actually really disappointed right now. Message me next time you are free and we'll see if it works." She did not respond well and said I shouldn't be mad or rude about it, and if I really wanted to see her she would have made an effort to go out, but I really send messages that come across the wrong way. She said it's disappointing because she actually liked me.

 

I called her to explain I'm not mad or rude at all, I'm just being honest and I've been wanting to see her since I've been back. I explained how I was tired of texting and I haven't seen her in a month, I told her a lie about how my friend situation kept me busy for those 2 days (it was true, but just an excuse) and that I was tired of how things were going on. I wanted us to communicate better.

 

She eventually started to tell me about how she pulled away from me because of my secret and told me she doesn't understand how I could let my friend get in-between us. I kept saying let me meet you to explain and I apologized. She said it's not that she never wants to see me again and we can during the week. I regret not telling the full truth at this point about how I felt like she was pulling away and I reacted in the way I did. I wanted to say it face to face.

 

She then sent me a message saying how I shouldn't have let my friend impact what we were building and if I truly liked her I would have let that happen. She's been put second place before and it's not a good feeling. She said this affected our connection and she's not sure how further talking about it or seeing each other will fix it. A relationship is not supposed to be this complicated this early and there have been so many odds things that have happened (such as the turning down of sex, my secret and the friend situation).

 

She was right. I told her she was right and I wanted to meet with her to fix things. And I felt like there was tons of miscommunication, I wasn't ready for this to end and I wanted it to work (in many more words in a text). That I was sorry and I wanted to explain everything to her.

 

She responded with I got your message. I'm stressed out right now with an interview and I don't have time to process anything else presently. (This was about 4 days ago)

 

I want to hear what your guys opinion is on this situation. To be honest, as I was writing it out I feel more and more shame and guilt about how I handled it. Part of me is making me want to show up to her place to tell her the truth about how it all and I want to fix it. Please talk some sense into me about what I'm going through and tell me if this is dead forever.

[Poutrew]

You did nothing wrong. From the very beginning, this woman has tried owning you. She figured that she could control you using sex as a tool. It has probably worked like a magic charm before, and your reaction threw her off her game. Next, she got distant on her trip because she was banging someone else. Someone for whom throwing vagina in their face worked as expected. Everything else is either a lie or an excuse. The ONLY thing she told you that was even near the truth was when she admitted a relationship shouldn't be this difficult this early on. You didn't help the situation when you made so many attempts to either apologize to her, make many attempts to get back together with her, or say how much she means to you. This made you appear weak and needy. So things just got worse from that point. What you should have done was to stop communicating with her while she was on her trip, and wait for her to make the attempts to communicate with you once she was back. Now, the best thing you can do is to just ghost her. There are too many fish in the ocean that would work out better for you so don't waste another second on this one. Good luck.

[TheFinalWord]

Well first of all, I don't think the sex thing is that big of a deal. If you're not ready, you're not ready. Just because you're a guy, it's okay to not want sex just because the girl is ready. If she can't respect you wanted to wait, then you two are not compatible. Don't say its because you want to prove that you aren't just in it for sex. That's a weak position. Tell her you're not ready for that yet. That you desire her and find her attractive and when you feel ready you can't want to experience that with her. Leave it at that and stop undermining yourself.

 

Overall, you need to stop putting her on a pedestal. Stop beating yourself up and taking all the blame. Because of some secret, she became distant? But that didn't stop her from initiating sex? That doesn't make any sense. It wasn't that big of a deal. Sounds like a cop out to me. You were texting non-stop, she started hanging out with a guy and went MIA. Now she blames you for everything. Sounds like the behaviors of a guilty person if you ask me. I don't know her, but she acted shady in my opinion. If she was okay to initiate sex after you wanted to wait to tell her "your secret" then it wasn't that big of an issue to her in first place.

 

You both are non-confrontational people. Neither of you will tell the other things that are bothering them. That's a recipe for disaster. Because eventually the issues come out but in the mean time you've eroded trust. But she is right that there is too much game playing going on from both of you and neither of you will just say what the problems are.

 

I also think that she plays this game where you have to guess why she's mad at you. She also knows you want to meet to fix things, and she keeps playing dodge ball with you. That if you just did x, y, and z the right way, she would meet you. You message about re-arranging things was not rude. Her cancelling was rude and it's a manipulation tactic to shift blame when people do things like "if you truly liked me...". You are making an effort that shows you are interested, but she is putting up barriers.

 

But when she asked what the problem was, instead of being forward with what bothered you, you side stepped the issue. That is when you should have been straight forward. Because then you are doing the same things as her, making her guess what is upsetting you.

 

Neither of you are exclusive, right? So, why would you put her before your friend? That doesn't make sense. A girl you've known for a few months. Your friend's health should be more important than you placating her head games.

 

Overall, you need to stop being so indecisive with your decisions, say what you think to her, and stop taking all the blame for a break down in communication that occurred on both sides. To me, you two are not compatible. Most people are not compatible. It's not anyone's fault. You just are trying to make someone that isn't a good match for you, become a good match for you. I don't know if it's because there are some qualities you like or she's attractive, or what. But you're throwing away your confidence for this woman, that tells me you know she isn't the right person, but you're holding on anyway.

Edited October 20, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[lauri]

You did nothing wrong. From the very beginning, this woman has tried owning you. She figured that she could control you using sex as a tool. ......

 

Thank you for this. I really appreciate the honest feedback. It's actually made me feel better. I feel bad about the decisions I've made and feel like a complete fool. It's a lesson learned for me.

 

Do you not think it was a mistake for me to question her about the guy?

 

I think I've just been beating myself up over this. It's a shame because I acted so out of character for her and it just sucks because it takes me a while till I like someone.

 

Well first of all, I don't think the sex thing is that big of a deal. If you're not ready, you're not ready. Just because you're a guy, it's okay to not want sex just because the girl is ready. If she can't respect you wanted to wait, then you two are not compatible. Don't say its because you want to prove that you aren't just in it for sex. That's a weak position. Tell her you're not ready for that yet. That you desire her and find her attractive and when you feel ready you can't want to experience that with her. Leave it at that and stop undermining yourself.......

 

Great feedback and I'm glad I posted on here. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

 

The truth is, I normally am confrontational. I just didn't know what to do with her being on vacation. I felt like if I was wrong, I come off like someone who is "weak" and would "ruin" her vacation. I wanted to wait to do it in person rather than over text or the phone.

 

It's been eating at me because she did such a good job convincing me it was all my fault. I think I'm feeling the most guilty about not being forward about the issue. I also take my ownership for how I played games and how everything unfolded. All I can do is control what I did, not her. I shouldn't have stooped to that level. I feel like if I said what the issue was, she wouldn't have reacted in the same way towards me and would have wanted to meet. Maybe that's foolish thinking. I should have just stepped away and stopped caring, but I couldn't help but care because I wanted us to work out.

 

But you're right about my friend. The fact she's turning that on me and not being understanding about it indicates that she is either not understanding or she was just looking for an excuse to shift everything to me.

 

Her cancelling on me was a tactic to start a fight. I could sense it. I feel like she was just looking for an excuse to blow up on me and start the ending talks.

 

But I may be crazy for thinking this, but we WERE very compatible in person. I guess her meeting someone (potentially) in Europe completely changed how she felt towards me or how I started to act afterwards did. I can't do anything about that but I acted like a complete loser trying to make her realize how much I like her and cared for her. I guess I couldn't understand why she'd change the way she felt towards me so quickly.

 

The problem is, I've been feeling like showing up at her place her to be honest about it all. Do you feel like that would be a disaster if I did? It's not to get her back, but more to make myself feel less guilty about not being as forward / real. I kinda of want to find out about what she was crying about when I called her. Something tells me by doing that it would be a really bad idea but it's how I am feeling right now.

Edited October 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[TheFinalWord]

The problem is, I've been feeling like showing up at her place her to be honest about it all. Do you feel like that would be a disaster if I did? It's not to get her back, but more to make myself feel less guilty about not being as forward / real. I kinda of want to find out about what she was crying about when I called her. Something tells me by doing that it would be a really bad idea but it's how I am feeling right now.

 

She changed because you aren't acting confident. Women like confident men. You are looking for her validation, and this isn't attractive to women.

 

No, don't show up at her place. If you show up at her place, once again, you are making it look like you're the bad guy here. She has to put in effort too.

 

Don't do things to make yourself feel less guilty by seeking her approval. You're acting so feminine when you seek her validation. You're acting the same way as before. Apologetic, supplicating, putting her on a pedestal, all bad positions to be in if you want to get her respect.

 

If she wants to fix things, she should meet with you at a mutually agreed upon date/time and location.

[mark clemson]

At a less granular level it seems like you two started something, but circumstances and your mutual behaviors interfered. Your communication via text isn't good which is part of the problem (non-confrontational as stated, a bit passive-aggressive, etc). The R seems to be dying, like grass that doesn't get watered much slowly turning brown.

 

You might be able to re-invigorate it by meeting in person again, but if you try suggest you keep your expectations low - there's certainly no guarantee.

[lauri]

She changed because you aren't acting confident. Women like confident men. You are looking for her validation, and this isn't attractive to women.

 

No, don't show up at her place. If you show up at her place, once again, you are making it look like you're the bad guy here. She has to put in effort too.

 

You're right. I wasn't acting confident because of how she started to act towards me. I don't like how I failed and I gotta accept that I just wasn't ready to handle her.

 

I'm going to remove her from social media now and try to pull myself back together. It's a shame but maybe I dodged a bullet here...

 

Can't help but feel like I misread the whole situation though.

[ExpatInItaly]

Don't show up an her place uninvited, OP. Not a good idea.

 

I am not convinced this girl was that into you, speaking as a woman. I think she had some interest at the beginning, but it faded. Whether that was because you two butted heads on occasion or because she has met someone else, I don't see a lot of enthusiasm on her end any longer.

 

My strong inkling is that she was looking for a way out anyway.

[Flame Aura]

You don't ever turn down sex when a woman you are getting to know offers it, rookie mistake right there.

 

 

Who knows what happened on the trip, maybe she met a guy although her mum was there as well..

 

 

Either way only thing to do is take a step back, don't chase after her, and arrange a proper time and day to meet and talk.

[lauri]

Don't show up an her place uninvited, OP. Not a good idea.

 

I am not convinced this girl was that into you, speaking as a woman. I think she had some interest at the beginning, but it faded.

 

 

I won't.

 

The most important thing is that she wasn't that into me. If she was, I doubt she would have met someone else or acted the way she did.

 

I feel like, as you were saying, she was looking for a way to get out and shift the blame to me. It's a shame I cracked and let her convince me it was my fault. I guess I felt guilty about not being straight foward with her about how I felt. She now got out easy.

 

No one is to blame about this but myself. I need to work on my insecurities and confidence. No one will want to be with someone who acted like I did. I'm so disappointed.

[elaine567]

The "secret"- don't do that again. Keep it to yourself.

Women love emotional intimacy and the sharing of secrets is all part of trust and bond building. By refusing to share you told her she was not that important to you. First nail in the coffin.

 

The sex. HUGE deal. She made herself extremely vulnerable and you went no thank you... Men have the reputation that they are always ready always willing. By refusing her you told her she was unattractive to you. She wanted to get closer to you, you rebuffed her...

By refusing to have sex with her, when she was prepared to give it to you on a plate, was a bad mistake.

She went on the vacation, as essentially a free woman.

Rejection killed any loyalty she may have felt.

 

The vacation. She spent a four days missing you and then it fizzled out. She then started thinking of the bad stuff, the secret, the rejection... then she met some others and you faded into the distance. The bond you had built was so weak it essentially only lasted 4 days.

What you did after that was immaterial, you had already lost her interest.

[lauri]

The "secret"- don't do that again. Keep it to yourself.

 

The sex. HUGE deal.

 

You're right, I really messed it up.

 

Thanks for the response. I'm learning and accepting my faults in this. It's a shame because I felt like we were a good match in so many ways...but maybe that's just me thinking it because on paper she had everything I wanted in a partner.

 

Wish I could fix my mistakes but I know it's too late.

[Flame Aura]

You're right, I really messed it up.

 

Thanks for the response. I'm learning and accepting my faults in this. It's a shame because I felt like we were a good match in so many ways...but maybe that's just me thinking it because on paper she had everything I wanted in a partner.

 

Wish I could fix my mistakes but I know it's too late.

Don't worry about it too much - we all make mistakes. The important part is to learn from them for next time.

 

 

She is just one of many, you will meet a lot of others.

[movingonnow1]

The sex. HUGE deal.

 

The vacation. She spent a four days missing you and then it fizzled out. She then started thinking of the bad stuff, the secret, the rejection...

 

Don't you feel you are being a bit too hard on him? Yes, he made mistakes but Id argue she should've been a bit more understanding and at least met him to try to see where it could go.

[rjc149]

Not only did you reject her physically by forgoing an opportunity that any red-blooded heterosexual male would have jumped on immediately, but you did it to "take things slow" and "get to know her first" -- indicating you're more interested in tying her down into a relationship than having sex with her. That you're more emotional than she is.

 

Basically, that you are the woman here.

 

It was a rejection and an attraction-killing two-fer.

 

Scolding her for cancelling your plans last-minute was the only instance in this situation where you actually had a pair of balls and told her what's what. "Disappointed because she actually liked you." Lol yeah okay sweetheart.

 

She eventually started to tell me about how she pulled away from me because of my secret and told me she doesn't understand how I could let my friend get in-between us. I kept saying let me meet you to explain and I apologized. She said it's not that she never wants to see me again and we can during the week. I regret not telling the full truth at this point about how I felt like she was pulling away and I reacted in the way I did. I wanted to say it face to face.

 

She then sent me a message saying how I shouldn't have let my friend impact what we were building and if I truly liked her I would have let that happen. She's been put second place before and it's not a good feeling. She said this affected our connection and she's not sure how further talking about it or seeing each other will fix it.

 

I don't think this is why she pulled away. This was just her ejector seat. I honestly believe rejecting her sexually, your very feminine reasoning for doing so, and the excessive apologizing and approval-seeking mortally wounded her connection and attraction to you. If she was highly attracted to you the "friend" and the "secret" wouldn't factor in that heavily.

 

Put this girl in your rear-view. Don't ever contact her again. Show some strength and dignity, show you have other options, and walk away from this. Wait until she reaches out to you, then re-establish dialogue if you want to, but I would move on. Learn from your mistakes and do better with the next girl.

Edited October 22, 2019 by rjc149

[lauri]

I appreciate all of the feedback.

 

I realized that I made my mistakes, I'm owning them and I'm moving on. I figured she was done.

 

Since I've decided to move on, I removed her from social media yesterday and she sent me a message a few hours later extremely upset calling me immature. Saying stuff like how she wants someone who is honest, doesn't have time for games, that this is a huge disappointment and that she can't believe I removed her from social media. And she's "sorry that she needed time to process my ridiculous story and focus on very important things in her life".

 

I responded explaining that I'm not trying to play games, I tried to meet with her to work through things and she clearly indicated there was nothing I could do to change her mind. That I'm looking for someone serious and that I felt like she was playing games and not being honest with me. I ended with I felt that this was for the best.

 

I have not heard from her back from her and nor do I expect it. I'm not sure if I did the "right" thing. In the end, I did it because I felt like it was in my best interest to no longer follow someone who I still have feeling for.

 

Although, I will be honest, I am kind of wondering why she reacted the way she did if she was clearly indicating she was done. Why would she even care after how she was acting towards me earlier? I thought she would've noticed and not even cared. Was I actually being that immature removing her from social media after everything? I'm seriously not trying to play games and this wasn't a ploy to get her back. I did this as I do not see the point of remaining "friends" on social media if we are done.

Edited October 27, 2019 by lauri

[ExpatInItaly]

Although, I will be honest, I am kind of wondering why she reacted the way she did if she was clearly indicating she was done. Why would she even care after how she was acting towards me earlier?

 

Her ego is bruised. She liked that you wanted her, and perhaps she was hoping you would still hang out in the wings somewhere and be her back-up guy if she wanted attention.

 

Ignore that noise though, OP. It's not coming from a place of desire for you, as a person.

[lauri]

Her ego is bruised.

 

Ignore that noise though, OP. It's not coming from a place of desire for you, as a person.

 

Thanks. That makes sense.

 

I still feel like maybe I acted prematurely and didn't give it a chance for the real closure to happen. I feel like we were both immature in this entire thing and it's probably for the best it's done. The fact that she has not responded to me is enough evidence she didn't want things to work.

Edited October 28, 2019 by lauri

[rjc149]

 

I responded explaining that I'm not trying to play games, I tried to meet with her to work through things and she clearly indicated there was nothing I could do to change her mind. That I'm looking for someone serious and that I felt like she was playing games and not being honest with me. I ended with I felt that this was for the best.

 

I have not heard from her back from her and nor do I expect it. I'm not sure if I did the "right" thing. In the end, I did it because I felt like it was in my best interest to no longer follow someone who I still have feeling for.

 

You responded in a way that was true to you and your feelings. That's the right thing to do. She is just trying to manipulate you into validating her "if you really liked me you would have done xyz" and "shame because I really liked you."

 

*She* is playing games with *you,* and you've put a stop to it. You've shown her that you are moving on and you will no longer a source of validation for her. She's just pouting and sulking about it. Let her.

 

If she wants to reconnect with you, she needs to do it in an honest, authentic way where she demonstrates that she is willing to make the effort into re-establishing a relationship. Otherwise, next this manipulative, attention-seeking waste of time.

[lauri]

 

She is just trying to manipulate you into validating her "if you really liked me you would have done xyz" and "shame because I really liked you."

 

*She* is playing games with *you,* and you've put a stop to it. You've shown her that you are moving on and you will no longer a source of validation for her. She's just pouting and sulking about it. Let her.

 

 

Thanks. You're making me feel a lot better.

 

I don't know what got over me initially - I haven't been like this in a long time over a girl. Re-reading my initial post I'm just shaking my head at how weak I became. But I'm actually glad it happened - it's the best way to learn and grow.

 

I had to do what's best for me (like she is) and there's nothing wrong with that. I owned up to my mistakes and the most important thing I learned was that she wasn't owning up to hers. Why would I even want to continue with someone like that? I have too much to offer.

[LivingWaterPlease]

You responded in a way that was true to you and your feelings. That's the right thing to do. She is just trying to manipulate you into validating her "if you really liked me you would have done xyz" and "shame because I really liked you."

 

*She* is playing games with *you,* and you've put a stop to it... Otherwise, next this manipulative, attention-seeking waste of time.

 

Agree wholeheartedly with the above. To me, she sounds entitled, insecure, and manipulative.

 

About the sex. If I recall correctly you went into the bathroom, came out, and she'd stripped naked. To me that sounds really crass as a way to have first time sex.

 

I respect you for the way you dealt with it. I wouldn't want to get involved with a man who had sex with a woman he was trying to get to know, just because she expected it.

[ajequals]

you did nothing wrong from the start ..as you can see now she was a piece of work. good thing you did not give into her demands ..imagine how you would feel if that happened ...too much drama for the time you have invested

[movingonnow1]

I don't know what got over me initially - I haven't been like this in a long time over a girl. Re-reading my initial post I'm just shaking my head at how weak I became.

 

I owned up to my mistakes and the most important thing I learned was that she wasn't owning up to hers. I have too much to offer.

 

I am glad to see you saying this.

 

You just really wanted it to work and there is nothing wrong with that. Sure, she got turned off by how you were acting but at least you had the strength and self-worth to walk away.

 

You gotta ask yourself, why were you acting the way you were? She was acting shady and you didn't react well to it. She was pulling away and either 1) with another guy and/or 2) trying to make you jealous. Obviously, you should have just stopped messaging her, but you were acting on emotion and not logic. Can't be too hard on yourself for that.

 

But think about it, why would you wanna be with someone who made you feel this way? She didn't have any forgiveness in her heart to even see you to see what you had to say. She was playing with your emotions and you had to do what was best for you. Don't regret it or feel guilty.

 

In the end, I think you made the right choice removing her from social media. Let her pout and honestly OP, I wouldn't even consider taking her back WHEN she reaches out again (because I feel like she will because you bruised her ego).

[rjc149]

Thanks. You're making me feel a lot better.

 

I don't know what got over me initially - I haven't been like this in a long time over a girl. Re-reading my initial post I'm just shaking my head at how weak I became. But I'm actually glad it happened - it's the best way to learn and grow.

 

You're welcome, and I'm glad.

 

You didn't know any better, and it couldn't have happened any other way. This was meant to happen, and you were meant to feel this hurt, because you were meant to learn from it on your journey to becoming the most attractive version of yourself. This needed to happen to you as a man.

[spiderowl]

It is hard for us to know how you were coming across to her. She sounds quite temperamental and changeable actually.

 

Your secret should not have come between you. If you were behaving differently towards her, colder or something, then she deserves an explanation.

 

Either way, you both seem to be behaving in very changeable ways with each other.

 

I know you like her but I get the feeling she is just going to keep raising problems with you. She does not sound that keen to me. Her communication has fallen off quite a lot. Either she is not really interested any more or she has met someone else and is keeping her options open.

 

I think you need to be straight with her, in a brief message, and then just leave it at that. If she is interested, she will be in touch. Leave the ball in her court then.