How much of MY problem is age?

[nospam99]

I've been 'back in the Dating Game' for a little over two years. The first year I met women about once a month. For the second of those two years, it's NOT been going 'well'. I haven't met a 'new' woman (I'm not counting OLD messages or long phone calls that don't lead to face-to-face meetings) since February and none of the three women I met in the last year were 'mutual interest' situations.

 

I'm 65. And I find myself wondering how much of a factor in my lack of success is age related. I've only got two specific things that have me asking this question, both of myself and now of you LSers.

- At my age, my opportunities for 'real life' socialization are more limited than they were in the past. My surviving friends do not throw parties like they did in the past and, for whatever reason, are not 'playing matchmaker'. Some of them, while still alive, have moved to warmer climes, something I have job and family reasons not to do.

- I primarily met and continue to try to meet women via OLD. One woman who started out 'Liking' me cut off communication saying explicitly it was because of my age. And I've noticed that women in the 57-60 age range often state their 'large' (15 year +) 'seeking age' ranges for men either below my age or with my age at the top of their range. I don't search the OLD women under 57 any more.

 

My physical activity level and capacity have not dropped off much as I've aged. I seem to be in much better shape than most men I encounter even 10 years younger than me. So I'm specifically interested in meeting women who can share the recreational activities I enjoy (hiking, ballroom dancing, downhill skiing). That's had the effect of eliminating from MY consideration many women 61 and older.

 

All that said, my question is directed to other 60-somethings on LS, both those who are active and those who are 'not so much'. To what extent have you found age to have limited your dating opportunities? Aside from something like 'moving to Florida', have you discovered tactics that help?

Edited October 20, 2019 by nospam99

[clia]

My feeling is that at your age you will have more success meeting women in person rather than on OLD. The single women I know in their mid to late fifties and up are not on OLD. They are out doing things in real life -- traveling, attending charity events and galas, etc.

 

So I'm specifically interested in meeting women who can share the recreational activities I enjoy (hiking, ballroom dancing, downhill skiing). That's had the effect of eliminating from MY consideration many women 61 and older.

 

Have you tried joining social groups relating to your interests? Or even creating your own activity group for people 50+ where you could organize hikes, dancing, skiing, etc., and see who shows up? It might take a little while to build up the group, but you can't be the only one in your area looking for people of similar age with similar interests. You could do it through Meetup, Facebook, Next Door, maybe your local community center, etc. My mom is a single senior and has found a seniors group in her city that does all kinds of things -- they go to concerts, restaurants, museums, on road trips, etc. She's met a lot of people that way. It just seems to me that by doing something you love would be the best way to meet a woman who also likes the same.

[Happy Lemming]

I have a couple of questions (if that is OK)??

 

Do you think the majority of women in your age range would prefer more low key activities?? Going to dinner... going to the movies/play... Antiquing... going to the symphony... (stuff like that) I'm just wondering (and I'm not making a generalization) if the majority of women in your age range don't want to do the exhaustive activities that you list on your profile. Perhaps, you could do an experiment and list different "easier" activities?? Gauge the responses??

 

Do you think you are being too picky?? Personally, I don't mind "chunky" or "chubby" women and I don't mind women who are older than me. My general rule (for age) is 10 years +/-. Change your profile settings to include some of the non-athletic & older women. Again, gauge the responses?? I'm not saying you have to have a long term relationship with these women, just gauge the response rate.

 

Being older, I do think the number of women available is much less than a younger man. As people age, they do become more cynical and distrustful and don't want to deal with dating.

[Ellener]

'To what extent have you found age to have limited your dating opportunities? '

 

I'm @ 12 years younger than you nospam99, only just started the OLD and so far have been entering age starting at 4 years below mine to 12 years above. Not for any particular reason, nor am I hung up on a number if someone is in good shape and active with things I like doing.

 

I started OLD because of a real life relationship which didn't work out, I thought at least online the people will be there specifically to meet a partner and prepared for a relationship. Starting to see that's not necessarily the case, people have just as much 'baggage'online as in real life ( including me! )

 

The nicest man I've met so far is 68, I do feel he is a little too old for me, though if I analyze that it's more that he has health issues age-related, we don't have interests in common, and he's in a hurry to re-marry which I'm not.

 

I've started doing more Meet-up groups and other activities, just enjoying the company of the men there as well as the women ( most of my friends these days are women ) I pick specific activities I know I like and that's what I'm trying to look out for online now too.

 

On match.com to get new 'matches' you have to frequently adjust/tweak the profile and the 'coach' when I signed up said change the profile pictures frequently too.

 

Our local precinct has 50+ activities and trips and several community centers, many of the churches and libraries do too.

 

I look for the places that do yoga, walking, liberal politics and holistic medicine etc because that's what I do and the people there tend to be on my wavelength also keep themselves fit and active. I don't eat fast food or drink so don't do many things which are based around them.

 

Good luck!

[chillii]

Sorry again a lower age opinion, 50s but l had the same problems in shape and fit wise. Any l met at first were broken all kinds of health stuff , talked big but when it came to it, that's all it was.

Pretty well thought it was all over for me tbh.

Took time but thankfully l discovered trim and truly active was still about just a lot less than it use to be, some were fitter than me haha.

gf now is trim and in beautiful shape and exercises 3hours straight and we go 15 20k walks at night all the time which would've killed any l met earlier. So they are around at any age l think, a few on my date site much older but still looking great.lt's just gonna be far more limited though.

 

l think HL summed up the older ladies interested though in that again l think it'd be far more limited just because many would be too tired and not game to try anymore.

Upside though not all and even around LS seen stories of much older than your range remarrying and stuff soooo, it's def still around.

[d0nnivain]

I am not over 60 nor am I actively dating. Through involvement in various social clubs I have friends your age, both single & married. Most of the singles share your lament. Of the ones I know who coupled up, they met through the social groups. When I suggested OLD to them they universally balked. The only senior I know on OLD is my MIL & she's nuts.

 

I would therefore encourage you to join something like the Elks, the Moose, the Masons, the Kiwanis or an American Legion / VFW if you are eligible. Even if you are not a veteran, befriend a member & go to their events. Many widows of members still hang around. If you are not involved in your local senior center, get involved. The local ones here have weekly lunches, monthly trips & holiday parties. They are filled with women but not so many men. I suspect you will be quite popular.

[SumGuy]

I think I truly must live in the most blessed of OLD dating markets in the US based on what I read on LS.

 

I'm low 50's and looking 45-60, so don't see too many women over 60, but have and some even reach out to me anyway.

 

I will say the women over 60 I do see in OLD are all very much in shape, and active. It may be self selecting though that those who are not don't do OLD here. There was this one 69 year old, simply amazing in shape, look easily 10 years younger...was very curious but realized just at two different points in our life path.

 

I believe they are out there, not as numerous as other age groups, but if you are also an in shape man who is 65 you will be at the top of the list.

[Gretchen12]

You can't compare it to the first year you started OLD. You were new blood. There was a backlog of women waiting to pounce on you. Now that's exhausted. You now only have a few new ladies trickle in. Maybe this phenomenon is more pronounced in your age bracket (compared to 20 year olds who do everything online). But I think also location plays a big part. How many new singles do you have moving into your town every year? In a big city like NYC or LA new people arrive all the time.

[alphamale]

just lie about your age nospam, women do it all the time

 

problem solved

[SumGuy]

just lie about your age nospam, women do it all the time

 

problem solved

 

just don't lie about your height

[Tamfana]

- I'm specifically interested in meeting women who can share the recreational activities I enjoy (hiking, ballroom dancing, downhill skiing). That's had the effect of eliminating from MY consideration many women 61 and older.-

 

This, not age, is the problem. That is a very limiting set of activities no matter your age.

[d0nnivain]

That is a very limiting set of activities no matter your age.

 

A limiting set of activities you say? The man named 3 active things, many of which I don't have the stamina for but I suspect he's a nice guy willing to bend. I suppose past a certain point not everybody could keep up with nospam; I know I couldn't but isn't he allowed to set a preference for an active companion? Men get to be picky too.

[Tamfana]

A limiting set of activities you say? The man named 3 active things, many of which I don't have the stamina for but I suspect he's a nice guy willing to bend. I suppose past a certain point not everybody could keep up with nospam; I know I couldn't but isn't he allowed to set a preference for an active companion? Men get to be picky too.

 

Ballroom dancing and downhill skiing are quite different. Sure he can be picky. Didn't say he couldn't, did I? I just said that age isn't the problem, wanting someone who does those things is.

[elaine567]

...but isn't he allowed to set a preference for an active companion? Men get to be picky too.

Its about both age and preference.

At 65, his core group of "interested" women are 60+.

Realistically how many 60+ women are into hiking, ballroom dancing and skiing, add in the fact they need to be single and looking for a man, live in his area, have an OLD profile, have a bikini body and find nospam appealing, then we are into needle in a haystack territory.

That is the issue, his filters may be great if he was 35, at 65 they are eliminating everyone.

[Tamfana]

And that's so common, Elaine, that people in that age range realize that we want the needle in the haystack so a lot just stop dating unless it comes about incidentally to regular life. My two closest GFs who found partners they've stuck with while they were in their 50's/60's compromised on a lot of stuff. A lot. I guess it all depends upon how much a person wants a partner.

[d0nnivain]

I don't know anybody over 60 who is an avid skier but I suspect that is because I hate the sport. Nospam99 can't be the only senior skier. Age is just a #. One of DH"s buddies recently won his over 70 age division on a 20 mile mountain bike race. There are active people out there.

 

As for hiking & dancing, they seem like normal activities. I do think "hike" needs to be defined. I like walks in the woods. My college roommate takes overnight trips through the White Mountains. When she & I went hiking she scaled back to accommodate me.

 

I don't think somebody has to settle for a sedentary lifestyle or partner if they are still young at heart.

 

Into their 80s my parents were still hard partiers. I know people 1/4 of their ages who couldn't keep up, me included. My 90 year old uncle still plays tennis several times per week.

[chillii]

This, not age, is the problem. That is a very limiting set of activities no matter your age.

 

 

 

 

Don't know how you could call those limited and l daresay they're only an example of some of the stuff nos likes anyway.

[basil67]

My friend is in a veterans skiing group and a number of the members are over sixty. It's also not uncommon to see old skiiers on the slopes. I think it would be easier to make a connection with someone as part of the sport.

 

But finding someone who skis AND dances AND hikes is a stretch. Perhaps simply finding someone who's "active" rather than doing specific interests would broaden the scope.

[chillii]

Although , seeing the next few posts yeah l could imagine not many in their 60s would be that active anyway l guess , he said he is finding that too so yeah , could be a big thing stopping a lot of them showing interest maybe.

Back in the day l was on a date site, there were a few things made me run straight off but one biggie was wanting to travel, got no interest l've already done plenty, so very content in that way now.

[Tamfana]

Don't know how you could call those limited and l daresay they're only an example of some of the stuff nos likes anyway.

 

Okay. It sounded as though he wanted a partner who does those things.

 

Sometimes we can't find people who like the specific things we like. I LOVE to swim but rarely find a guy who does so finding a swimmer isn't on my preference list. I swim on my own. Same with lots of things I love to do. I don't ballroom dance and am not interested. I'd happily do xc skiing (love it) but not downhill, joints too sketchy at this age and after a lifetime of stressing hips and knees in sports.

 

Golf seems to be the most popular sport for the older crowd where I live. It's easy to find golfers and gold leagues and groups. Maybe add golf to the list, OP. Tennis is very bog too.

 

If you're up for most sports maybe just say that in your profile. LOTS of women do yoga and pilates.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Finding an unattached 60+ woman who downhill skis could be like finding a needle in a haystack, even in upstate NY. (Focus on "unattached" as I'm sure these women do exist).

 

I think you need to decide what you want more - a companion/life partner or an activities partner? You may not be able to find the perfect blend of both at age 65.

 

Would you settle on cross country skiing or snow-shoeing?

[chillii]

Hell yeah , know what you mean. When l found myself single again l realized there's not all that much that matters to me in those ways these days. l was more interested in like mindedness, connection, just being into each other.

ps, love swimming too.

[Foxhall]

Perhaps hone in on the dancing,

salsa dancing socials and so on, could meet a vibrant 55-60 year old lady at this type of event.

[elaine567]

... could meet a vibrant 55-60 year old lady at this type of event.

But at 65, as he found on OLD, he is too old for that age group of women.

[Foxhall]

well seemingly not,

 

if hes skiing and in good shape for his age then he almost certainly needs a younger woman.