How important for you is after-date communication?

[lavenderandvelvet]

For me it depends. I generally would prefer to use texting for logistics. But I have become more amendable to texting - if there is an actual conversation happening.

 

I am one of those people who doesn't like small talk via online or texting (I don't mind it in person). I'd prefer you kinda just get to the point in your texts. I am one of those people who is perfectly fine if you text out of the blue to ask a question. In fact I'd prefer it. No pleasantries needed.

 

In terms of communication between dates - it really depends on how often I am seeing you and where we are in the cycle. If I know I am seeing you soon, and we are confirmed, you don't really need to contact me - unless you have something you want to share.

 

But if you have made it a habit to communicate often, then I expect that frequency the whole time.

 

Once things are more serious and established, then I want more regular communication from you. I like a daily "check-in" of some form. Text or phone is fine.

 

What I hate? Good morning/Hi/How was your day with no conversation to follow.

[Malin889]

I definitely see few major points here. First is to gradually increase it by being receptive to the other side - that's what I'm going to do for sure. if things are meant to be and we meet again, and it's as glorious as last time, then I'm sure the frequency will increase.

 

I've always tried to be a little more than just two words. I think also I've been texting with one of my best friends almost every day, all the time, and she spoiled me with this. But we've known each other for 13 years so it's different.

 

That is why I decided to ask you guys and your perspective has definitely made me calmer and wiser!

 

I’m honestly surprised that men think about these things as much as women!

[I'veseenbetterlol]

For me post date communication is one of the biggest indicator of interest. A lot of people say how much texting/calling isn't that big of a deal. From experience this is a big deal. When dating, guys who barely messaged me, weren't interested. Many times 2nd dates didn't even happen due to their flakiness. This was pretty much across the board. When dating more seriously, communication came into play even more. My belief is that someone who likes you will message you as much as they can (barring any emergency).

 

I think of it this way, 99% of people are glued to their phones. With one guy I noticed him constantly being active on social media, but taking 5+ hours to message me back. That really bugged me and when he came to visit (we were in a LDR), my worst fear was confirmed. He was constantly checking his phone.

[Legatus]

For me it depends. I generally would prefer to use texting for logistics. But I have become more amendable to texting - if there is an actual conversation happening.

 

But do you think that in order to get to those actual conversations you need to go through a period of maybe what seems meaningless text but it's actually just a way of building up both sides to start sharing more of their day together?

[Legatus]

I’m honestly surprised that men think about these things as much as women!

 

I never used to.. but last few years have changed a lot in me and now I realised it's actually very important to me.

 

Right now I hate the feeling of being in the limbo: is she busy? ghosting me? I'm trying not to assume what the reason is but not knowing what it is, is a little bit of a bother to me, I confess.

[Legatus]

For me post date communication is one of the biggest indicator of interest. A lot of people say how much texting/calling isn't that big of a deal. From experience this is a big deal. When dating, guys who barely messaged me, weren't interested. Many times 2nd dates didn't even happen due to their flakiness. This was pretty much across the board. When dating more seriously, communication came into play even more. My belief is that someone who likes you will message you as much as they can (barring any emergency).

 

I think of it this way, 99% of people are glued to their phones. With one guy I noticed him constantly being active on social media, but taking 5+ hours to message me back. That really bugged me and when he came to visit (we were in a LDR), my worst fear was confirmed. He was constantly checking his phone.

 

That has been the foundation of my thinking. At least in the last 2 years while working with NGOs in South America and switching countries a lot, dating is a bit of a problem. You also don't have that much time to do it. Even if the relations had a ticking bomb attached I still preferred to meet and get to know somebody, I don't do one-night stands and hook ups for sex.

 

I think I just might have stumbled upon somebody opposite to you. I know she's not glued to her phone but certainly not too busy to send one message at the end of the day

[dramallama]

I never used to.. but last few years have changed a lot in me and now I realised it's actually very important to me.

 

Right now I hate the feeling of being in the limbo: is she busy? ghosting me? I'm trying not to assume what the reason is but not knowing what it is, is a little bit of a bother to me, I confess.

 

 

I think if the communication style is making you anxious then you're mismatched or can sense there's something else going on that means you're not both on the same page.

 

 

I've mentioned that the guy I'm dating is a big texter. I'm not used to it - I'm pretty low maintenance - the last guy I had a 'thing' with (FWB for over a year) we just spoke weekly - but I will respond to this guy as soon as I see a message, though it may be a couple of hours later if I'm working. He has text me multiple times every single day since we matched about 2 months ago (and not the generic - good morning, goodnight stuff). If he's going to give me this much focus, the least I can do is show I appreciate his attention.

[Legatus]

I think if the communication style is making you anxious then you're mismatched or can sense there's something else going on that means you're not both on the same page.

 

As much as I would hate to admit it, it seems like it. It's the classic anxiety of not knowing and in contrast of what happened last week. But I guess that's life, people change their minds, life intervenes, and I just have to wait it out.

 

It's weird because I am a very patient person but when I don't have even a little bit of clarity, that's when I don't impatient but anxious

 

However the posts above from different people gave me a necessary boost of knowledge that there are different approaches to the communication and there isn't one way that fits all.

[lavenderandvelvet]

But do you think that in order to get to those actual conversations you need to go through a period of maybe what seems meaningless text but it's actually just a way of building up both sides to start sharing more of their day together?

 

I might be an outlier, but for asynchronous communication modes I prefer people to get to the point.

 

I know that lots of people need the niceties to warm up. I’m not one of them. I’ll be open about some things and evasive about others depending on my comfort level. But you can get a good amount early.

[OatsAndHall]

Wait, she didn't respond to your text and it's You who blew her off?

 

I think it's the key to not get frustrated but see, even in your case, a weird misunderstanding results in you waving goodbye. It's not that I'm clingy but I don't date a lot, so I'd rather lose touch over something significant rather than communication mishap..

 

 

In the early stages of dating, long lapses in communication have generally (like 90%+ of the time) been an indicator that they either a) weren't all that interested or b) hedging their bets on someone they were more interested in. I'm not going to get frustrated with a virtual stranger over that but I'm also not going to hang around.

 

 

 

Again, I'm not a big "texter" but it takes less than 30 seconds to respond to a text. IME, if she was interested, she would have taken that 30 seconds to respond. If she was -really- interested, she would have been more communicative about making plans. But, she basically left it with an "I'll let you know" response and that honestly doesn't work in the active dating world. I'm not going to wait four days for someone to respond with a "Yay" or "Nay" for the weekend; I'm going to make other plans.