Fenway Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 History, my wife and I have been married over 50 years. I have been faithful to her and I believe she has as well. Scenario: My wife and I were watching a movie where a younger guy is given sex by an older neighbor woman whom he did a favor for. In the movie it was funny and reminded my wife of my first sexual encounter that she had dragged out of me years before. My first encounter was with a woman twice my age who was working in a bar. One evening for a short time together and that was that. So after we both laughed at the movie scene, my wife said it reminded her of my first experience and she became very serious. She believes that I have been faithful as well, but she also believes that all men are basically untrustworthy and would take advantage if they get the opportunity. I have always maintained that I have not and never would do something wrong outside the marriage and if I wanted to then I would divorce her first and move on. She feels that I foolishly believe that I am above other men in that I believe that I am such an honest guy that one could tempt me. She believes that i believe that. I maintain that I am aware I am only human and I have avoided any situation that could cause me to go astray. Scenario continued: She asked me if the older woman (probably in her early 40's) was more experienced. I told her that I assumed she was. Then the fight started. Because of my answer my wife feels that I enjoyed hurting her by suggesting that the woman probably had more experience. I am flabbergasted. My wife was cold to me last night and this morning. Overall I feel my wife and I generally have a good loving relationship. Not to bore too much but we are retired, worked together for over 20 years and are secure. We still have occasional intimacy as well. I feel like couples who have been faithful to each other should never have this kind of problem. She told me maybe I should find that woman to sleep with again. WOW. My wife is watching me type this up and agrees that this is a true explanation of what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
rabsaque Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 We as menn and women to are animals thats rigth we al can get tempted stuff is if you know how to control yourself, i managed to be faithful to my wife for 15 years now, not gonna say havent been tempted, cause boy do i have, but most of the time a combination of depression and being raised by the most loyal man ever (my dad) make me stop before even starting anything stupid, most of the time i just think, do i really going to trow my family out just for like a nigth or like some minutes of sex? no way too much trouble, and i continue my day even now that i'm divorcing my wife the prospect of getting into an new relationship is sooooo tiresome for me that i say no thank you, and even when i really need sex i just rub one out and believe me doing that has saved me from doing so many stupid S**** is not even funny. So yes ma'am faithful man still exist your husband is one and here is another. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 Well I'm not a guy so I can't speak from that point of view, but as a woman I do hope that there are men out there who ARE faithful and wouldn't cheat - that as you said, if it came to it would divorce before being with someone else. Your post did make me wonder if something has happened recently to make your wife feel insecure. I do have experience with that type of thing When we're feeling insecure we can think things that seem to come out of left field to the man to whom we express them. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 Just for context, my wife and I will be married for 36 years in December, so I'm no rookie. My wife and I have the best of both worlds: I'm faithful, and when she's mad at me I can almost always understand why. I may not agree, but I get where she's coming from. This makes no sense at all, which probably means that what she's mad about isn't what you think she's mad about, or even what she's told you she's mad about, her agreement with your post notwithstanding. So Mrs. Fenway, what are you really mad about? You have to know by now that you have to spell these out with men, using small words. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 21, 2019 Share Posted October 21, 2019 23 years together here. I would gently remind Mrs. Fenway that you've chosen to be with her for 50 years. The one night with Ms. BarLady has nothing to do with anything meaningful, nor will it ever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 This makes no sense at all, which probably means that what she's mad about isn't what you think she's mad about, or even what she's told you she's mad about, her agreement with your post notwithstanding. Bingo, with the additional complication that your wife may feel she shouldn't have to tell you, "you should know". Fenway, this isn't a fight about 50 years ago, it's about now. Some calm prodding, avoiding the temptation to fight back, might help you understand what the real issue is. We still have occasional intimacy as well. Perhaps it starts here. Your wife may feel "occasional" is too much or too little, or has become too rote. Time to open a bottle of wine and have an honest discussion... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 OW more experienced then who, you, your wife If you met your wife when she was in her 20's it makes sense that a OW in her 40's had more experience then your wife and you. you married your wife you have not cheated, you have been happy with your married sex life. your wife's feelings are unfounded. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 (edited) It’s usually wise to never compare with partners. Seriously every partner is different. That’s like comparing sports - like football to baseball - it just isn’t realistic to compare. Any comparing generally will cause hurt feelings - it’s best not to have that conversation. History can’t be changed and it’s not useful to revisit something that happened before you two were together. Why would she want to discuss THAT after all these years? Nothing good could come from that conversation. Most individuals have more experience with sex at 40 years old than at 20 years old. What was she actually getting at? Did she have more sex at 40 years old than she did as a 20 year old? Seems she wanted to argue with you. Edited October 22, 2019 by S2B Link to post Share on other sites
ajequals Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 I like you fail to understand why the women that spent most of their lives with us feel in our older years we can't be trusted..In my case I have aged pretty well and she brings up I'm a catch. She feels that women are throwing them selves at me (if only it was true. lol. not really)One thing I have heard her talk about is the marital issues of the women at work. your wife might be listening to the same thing and their ordeals transfer to us. Maybe it's just the society we live in today the rules seem to be out the window. I congratulate both of you for 50 years. I'm at 38, I'll do my best to catch up Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 In my case I have aged pretty well ... I'm at 38 ajequals, almost snorted coffee all over my keyboard. I'll gently suggest, at 38, you haven't "aged" at all yet. Get back to me in 30 years or so ... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldlion Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 Let me first say it appears your wife was just looking for a fight and used something from 50 years ago as an excuse. I have also been married over 50 years. I have been around the world several times, been on 5 continents, and turned down more sex that most men will ever have the opportunity for. Have I been tempted? You bet your boopie I have. Did I follow the temptation? Nope! What it takes to overcome temptation is a code. My code is Honor, Integrity, Loyalty and Commitment. Not all men are dogs who have nothing but sex on their minds. There were many times when my life was in danger that I didn't think about sex for days at a time. So please inform your wife that there are a lot of men who are true to their wives/girlfriends. They just aren't talked about because of some guy, who thinks he is God's gift to women, and will have sex with any woman who consents, makes for a more juicy conversation than a man who is committed to his relationship. I'm sure after 50 years you are well able to handle such a argument and the cold shoulder that follows. I do wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
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