What's the best way to ask for a lease extension

[Watercolors]

So, I've been living with my roommate as a tenant in her house for 4 months. I got fired from my new job after only 5 weeks and she agreed to let me stay through November. But she's not working either due to her bipolar depression (she hasn't left her bedroom since July); her ex-husband borrowed her car to drive their son to school (he's staying with her ex-husband now, but not because i moved in, as I was told it had nothing to do with me).

 

So, it would seem like a win-win situation wouldn't it? She isn't working, and needs a renter to help with her mortgage and bills (I assume this is the case although she hasn't deposited my 4 months of money orders for rent yet), and I need a place to live while I try to find a full-time job again since my own family and friends all said 'no' I couldn't stay with them for their own reasons (which I'm not going to go into).

 

How do I ask my roommate if I could stay until February and then move out at that time? I am in grad school still, and will get a refund check for the leftover financial aid I don't spend. Also, 3 more months means I have 3 more months of job hunting without also having to worry about finding a roof over my head.

 

Should i wait until the end of November to ask if I can stay another month? And just keep asking until I get to February? Or, should i ask her sister what she thinks, and then ask her to talk to my roommate/landlord whom she listens to.

 

I met my roommate/landlord through mutual Facebook friends but wasn't told about her severe depression by anyone. I am trying to problem solve my housing while I job hunt.

[basil67]

I assume you'd still be paying rent, so there's nothing wrong with wanting some security in your housing.

 

That said, in your last post you talked about the living situation being highly stressful, and how you're walking on eggshells and that you've lost a best friend over it. Is it all better there now? Or will staying there send you feeling from bad to worse?

[Watercolors]

I assume you'd still be paying rent, so there's nothing wrong with wanting some security in your housing.

 

That said, in your last post you talked about the living situation being highly stressful, and how you're walking on eggshells and that you've lost a best friend over it. Is it all better there now? Or will staying there send you feeling from bad to worse?

 

Yes, I'd be paying the same rent I pay now.

 

She was never a best friend. She was a new friend and her actions showed her to be a bad friend. So, no love lost there. I am glad to be rid of that toxic friend.

 

I'm still walking on eggshells and it's still awkward here but if I have to choose between living in my SUV during 35 below windchills or inside an enormous house with a roommate/landlord who never leaves her bedroom when I'm around...the choice is obvious. Plus, it's only for 3 more months. I am seeing a therapist now for this situation so I'm sure that will help cope better with the stress.

[elaine567]

The friend you fell out with was also a friend of the woman you rent a room from.

Maybe not the best time to have done that.

 

I think in light of the changed circumstances regarding the house, the son doesn't live there any more, then you need to clarify your position regarding the next few months.

As this is no longer the "family" home then the ex husband may want to sell it and get his share out.

[alphamale]

just ask her if you can stay until Feb, and do it now, not later...

[carhill]

OP, leases are written legal documents. Got one of those?

 

If yes, since it's scheduled to end at the close of November, now is the time to re-up if interested. That's normal for roomer/tenant leases. You/they can write it any way you like, 3 month, month-to-month, etc. It's simply an agreement to pay rent for housing.

 

If it's all verbal, and you want to stay warm and dry during the winter, get it in writing. If the people you are living with are themselves renting, it gets more complex depending on their lease and its allowance for overt sub-leasing, or not. If owning, no issues there. Do you get mail at the house? Bills? Documents? etc. That can establish you as a householder which is important in some jurisdictions.

 

Rooming/renting stuff is money for space, no need nor reason for personal relationships to enter into it. As business people tell me all the time, it's business, not personal. Good advice.

 

I'd make first contact regarding this topic this week. If rooming, since it's winter coming, even consider offering to sweeten the pot a little reflecting the higher costs of an extra person in winter.

[d0nnivain]

Asking sooner then later would be preferable. Make sure you can pay the rent. Tell her what you told up about how it would be a win win for her.

 

If she says no then you have 5 weeks to figure out what you are doing next.

[Ruby Slippers]

The sooner you talk to her about it, the better. Why would you wait?

[Watercolors]

The friend you fell out with was also a friend of the woman you rent a room from.

 

 

 

Maybe not the best time to have done that.

 

I think in light of the changed circumstances regarding the house, the son doesn't live there any more, then you need to clarify your position regarding the next few months.

 

 

 

As this is no longer the "family" home then the ex husband may want to sell it and get his share out.

 

 

I never wrote that they were the best of friends. She's not close friends with this roommate. My roommate's best friend and I text often and this toxic friend is just a social climber it turns out. I have moved on from that toxic friend and could care less what she thinks. I don't care what kind of friendship they have online or offline. It has nothing to do with me renting her guest bedroom out.

 

 

The ex-husband is remarried and owns his own home and my roommate 100% owns her own home. They share custody of their son who has bedrooms in both of their homes. Their divorce arrangement has nothing to do with her choosing to rent out her guest bedroom to me. Her ex-husband could literally care less that I'm renting a room in his ex-wife's house. My roommate told me that verbatim already when I was cooking dinner in her kitchen when her ex-husband stopped by to discuss college choices with her and their son. So, the ex-husband's not involved in her mortgage payments.

 

 

She was going to rent it out to a friend with a dog, temporarily this summer, but the dog and her cat didn't get along, and we met and got along and so it seemed like a good idea. I don't know if she planned to stop working for the past 4 months but she has. I've paid my rent every month too; she just has chosen not to deposit my rent money orders.

 

 

Not sure why. If she were financially destitute, she would have so maybe she has severance from her last job or has a lot of savings. None of my business. She offered me the guest bedroom to rent, and I grabbed the opportunity thinking I'd have a full time job and be moved out. But that didn't happen.

 

 

I didn't know about her bipolar depression at the time and she didn't disclose to me that she goes through these long agoraphobic periods where she wont' leave her bedroom or house. Her sister told me she's been like this for the past few years now.

 

 

My hesitation of asking to extend the lease is because of her bipolar depression.

 

just ask her if you can stay until Feb, and do it now, not later...

 

 

 

I texted her sister and best friend today and brought it up to them both. She texts with them both every day multiple times a day. They think me staying there is helping the roommate I guess.

 

OP, leases are written legal documents. Got one of those?

 

If yes, since it's scheduled to end at the close of November, now is the time to re-up if interested. That's normal for roomer/tenant leases. You/they can write it any way you like, 3 month, month-to-month, etc. It's simply an agreement to pay rent for housing.

 

If it's all verbal, and you want to stay warm and dry during the winter, get it in writing. If the people you are living with are themselves renting, it gets more complex depending on their lease and its allowance for overt sub-leasing, or not. If owning, no issues there. Do you get mail at the house? Bills? Documents? etc. That can establish you as a householder which is important in some jurisdictions.

 

Rooming/renting stuff is money for space, no need nor reason for personal relationships to enter into it. As business people tell me all the time, it's business, not personal. Good advice.

 

I'd make first contact regarding this topic this week. If rooming, since it's winter coming, even consider offering to sweeten the pot a little reflecting the higher costs of an extra person in winter.

 

 

carhill, I agree with everything you've written. I even went to a legal website that has tenant-landlord lease templates and created one that I signed and asked the roommate to sign. It states that she will rent to me on an ongoing month to month basis and can end the lease at any time. So, I wrote a lease with an open-end move-out date that the roommate seems ok with as she signed it.

 

 

I don't receive my mail at her house. I kept my post-office box from when I had to move-in with my mother to take care of her for the past year.

 

 

I am afraid to ask my roommate because of her bipolar depression. But I know on some level, she likes having me there because despite never leaving her bedroom unless I cook her meals to give to her, she has told me she appreciates me being there to take care of her cat, occasionally feed her meals, do the housework (mainly the kitchen where I spend most of my time) and laundry when needed for her, or clean out the cat's litter box.

 

 

I know that I shouldn't be afraid to ask, but I am for some reason. I hate being in this transitional space yet again, having just went through living with my mother for a year, not working b/c I had to take care of her 24/7.

 

 

But today I started a lower paying temp job that doesn't have a real end-date so it is possible it could last for the whole winter.

 

Asking sooner then later would be preferable. Make sure you can pay the rent. Tell her what you told up about how it would be a win win for her.

 

If she says no then you have 5 weeks to figure out what you are doing next.

 

 

I know. I need to just ask her and hope she is open to the idea. I texted her sister and her best friend first, who text her every day and asked them for help. I think if they know then they can help convince her it's a win-win situation for us both.

 

And, it's only for the next 3 months. Then I get my grad school refund again in February so I could by then have found a full-time job and can move out. Or, another roommate situation and move out.

 

The sooner you talk to her about it, the better. Why would you wait?

 

 

I am scared to talk to her about it because of her bipolar depression. She isn't working and isn't paying her bills so my monthly rent money orders are supposed to supplement her income. Yet she hasn't deposited them so I don't know if she even needs my rent money at this point. But she isn't working so I don't know what her financial situation even is.

 

 

And, her teenage son splits his time living with her and his dad (her ex-husband). Her sister assured me he didn't leave because I moved in (he knew I was moving in and that it would be temporary and if he'd said no, I wouldn't be renting her guest bedroom out).

 

 

I can always go back on Craigslist and look for another roommate situation. But it will be difficult because most people don't like roommates who don't have full-time employment income.

 

Since my roommate's not working, and suffers from debilitating bipolar depression I figured it would be a win-win for me to keep renting from her esp. now that I have a temp job that has no end date as of yet. I can still pay her rent at this point. I have at least 3 months of rent already. And the temp job income will allow me to pay for groceries, gas, and pay my bills.

[Watercolors]

She said she'd think about it.

 

All I can do is wait. Meanwhile I started to contact people on craigslist about their roommate postings. Might as well in case she says no.

[carhill]

Good on ya for getting started. As a landlord I jumped on good tenants when lease renewal time was coming up. Generally, they got a re-up offer with no rent increase at all. Having a quality tenant is far more important than a few bucks more on the bottom line.

 

IMO, if she's having to think about it, it's like a job thing with similar feedback, start looking for a replacement. Remember there are billions of people on the planet and none of us are really that important. We use each other, leverage each other, even hurt and destroy each other, every day. You won't die any more pleasantly for being a nice guy about everything. You'll just die. See humans for what they are and do what you need to do for yourself, here securing a place to live for the winter. Remember, it's business, not personal.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Good on ya for getting started. As a landlord I jumped on good tenants when lease renewal time was coming up. Generally, they got a re-up offer with no rent increase at all. Having a quality tenant is far more important than a few bucks more on the bottom line.

 

IMO, if she's having to think about it, it's like a job thing with similar feedback, start looking for a replacement. Remember there are billions of people on the planet and none of us are really that important. We use each other, leverage each other, even hurt and destroy each other, every day. You won't die any more pleasantly for being a nice guy about everything. You'll just die. See humans for what they are and do what you need to do for yourself, here securing a place to live for the winter. Remember, it's business, not personal.

 

 

Bolded is the best quote I read in a while. Once you start seeing the world this way, there is an enormous amount of freedom. Nothing and nobody can hurt you.

 

 

 

OP, I am sure you can find a better living situation for yourself.

[Watercolors]

Thanks carhill and Eternal Sunshine for your responses. I sent out a slew of inquiries to roommates via Craigslist already and haven't had any responses yet. My roommate did verify that November was a "for sure" so I have time at least to find a place for December, January, and February if she gives me a hard "no" when I ask her next week for her final answer (why does that phrase make me think of Jeopardy every time I use it).

 

Freedom from constantly accommodating other people's expectations and standards is something I would love to have. Not that my bipolar roommate has expectations or standards -- I mean, she hasn't left her bedroom in 4 months. But maybe she expects me to continue to take care of her.

 

If I can't find a better roommate situation to move into sans full-time job, I thought that's why I'd just stay put. I got a temp to hire job this week that is 4 to 6 weeks (and possible full time job after my temp contract expires in 6 weeks so the employer wouldn't pay the temp agency the fee and could hire me outright). I'm hoping that leads to a full time job (but I'm also sending out my resumes for jobs I see online).

 

Is stability an illusion? Is instability an illusion?

 

I know life is about perspective but when you're in a pocket of instability in life like I am, it's like walking on a glass bridge. I can see everything around me but I'm paralyzed with fear that the glass underneath my feet will crack and I'll fall through without anyone reaching their arm out to help me.