nirvanax90 Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 My co worker and i have become really good friends ever since she joined the company we work for. We are both in our early 30s and are both married. It was flirting back and forth for the most part, nothing sexual just dumb high school teasing etc. One sunday morning she messaged me if i could pick her up from her house. As we were driving she told me that her husband had gone away for the weekend with her kids. As we were talking we came to a stop and kissed a couple times, she just smiled and stared at me intensely. At work lately she has been ignoring me for the most part and talking to other co workers . I have been doing the same, last night she messaged me why i kept ignoring her and i told her because i think its confusing if she is talking to me and also showing so much interest with the other colleagues and she she said all she wanted was communication and reminded me that shes a married woman even though minutes earlier she confessed she LIKED me. I told her it was better to stop communication at work because i think its a stupid situation to be in. Whats going on? Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 What's going on? Why don't you ask your wife for advice? I'm more than sure she'll straighten it all out for you. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 22, 2019 Share Posted October 22, 2019 Well, being married and liking someone aren't mutually exclusive. She was reminding you she didn't want to start something physical and that she is married. And the fact she likes you doesn't mean she wants to act on it. She loves her husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 Who cares what is going on? You have to stop it. You are married co-workers. If you want to be with her, tell your wife & get a divorce. If you don't want to be with her, stop worrying about her. Do not accept texts from her. Never be alone with her. Continue ignoring her but do remain professional at work solely as absolutely required. Meanwhile pray to God your wife doesn't find out & do what you can to shore up your marriage so you can stop your wandering eyes & lips. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 I told her it was better to stop communication at work because i think its a stupid situation to be in. You think communicating at work is the stupid part of this? Divorced and unemployed makes that misjudgment look small-time... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 What’s going on is you are about to screw up your entire life! Just stop it. Stop screwing people over! Stop being so selfish and self centered. If you can’t treat your wife right - divorce her so she can find a decent man who will. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 Well, being married and liking someone aren't mutually exclusive. She was reminding you she didn't want to start something physical and that she is married. And the fact she likes you doesn't mean she wants to act on it. She loves her husband. Except she already did: "As we were talking we came to a stop and kissed a couple times, she just smiled and stared at me intensely" OP, she is just looking for attention while he husband is not around. She likes flirting and is flattered that you like her enough to come to her and kiss her. However, she wants to remind you that you have no "claim" on her and no right to be upset if she pays attention to other guys. You are both being ridiculous. What are playing at, man? You have a wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 Have a look on your left ring finger, a ring? STOP It. If both of you are married, what are you after the thrill of the chase. It will only leed to heartbreack for one or both of you. As you work together, it could leed to unemployment? What are your options? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 One sunday morning she messaged me if i could pick her up from her house. As we were driving she told me that her husband had gone away for the weekend with her kids. As we were talking we came to a stop and kissed a couple times, she just smiled and stared at me intensely. What's going on with that, I feel reasonably certain, is that due to the flirting she decided to create a situation where you two could have had a tryst or started a physical affair. For whatever reason (common sense?) you or both of you held off. Possibly just the validation that "it could have happened' was enough for one or both of you. At work lately she has been ignoring me for the most part and talking to other co workers . I have been doing the same... [she] reminded me that shes a married woman even though minutes earlier she confessed she LIKED me. Whats going on? What's going on is that now she's flirting around seeking more validation (including from you as well as the other guys). She may or may not develop strong feelings for one of the other men she flirts with or allow any of this to progress to a physical affair. Clearly the possibility exists. You would be very wise to stay away from her. Leaving "integrity" aside for the moment (although that's an issue too), the risks are very high - if this turns into something you risk both your marriage AND conceivably your job. As pointed out she wants to "flirt around" and if you develop strong feelings for her at a minimum you will have to deal with disruption to your work environment due to the discomfort of seeing her there. There are many thread in the Infidelity and OM/OW section that mention this sort of thing. Some people can flirt safely and others cannot. It's pretty clear which type she is (and to a certain extent you also are). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nirvanax90 Posted October 23, 2019 Author Share Posted October 23, 2019 What's going on with that, I feel reasonably certain, is that due to the flirting she decided to create a situation where you two could have had a tryst or started a physical affair. For whatever reason (common sense?) you or both of you held off. Possibly just the validation that "it could have happened' was enough for one or both of you. What's going on is that now she's flirting around seeking more validation (including from you as well as the other guys). She may or may not develop strong feelings for one of the other men she flirts with or allow any of this to progress to a physical affair. Clearly the possibility exists. You would be very wise to stay away from her. Leaving "integrity" aside for the moment (although that's an issue too), the risks are very high - if this turns into something you risk both your marriage AND conceivably your job. As pointed out she wants to "flirt around" and if you develop strong feelings for her at a minimum you will have to deal with disruption to your work environment due to the discomfort of seeing her there. There are many thread in the Infidelity and OM/OW section that mention this sort of thing. Some people can flirt safely and others cannot. It's pretty clear which type she is (and to a certain extent you also are). You completely hit the spot with your message on how i feel about this situation. At the beginning when she spoke with other colleagues at work during the time we were talking it didnt bother me at all and i actually minded my own business I think due to the fact that we had already established a sort of connection after we kissed. When I continued to mind my own business she came to me in a “friendly pissed off” way why i was behaving this way and ignoring her. I told her that she kept talking to others and i was not going to be put in a strange situation where I should confront someone about this! Especially because there is one guy who has started to get really close to her or at least trying to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 Yeah. Best thing to do is let her go her own way - hopefully she won't screw up her or his or both of their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 Especially because there is one guy who has started to get really close to her or at least trying to. You mean like her husband ??? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nirvanax90 Posted October 23, 2019 Author Share Posted October 23, 2019 You mean like her husband ??? Mr. Lucky Another man at work Link to post Share on other sites
oldlion Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 Tell your wife and her husband what is going on. I'm absolutely positive that they will straighten both you and her and the situation out in no time. Think about this. She is on the brink of being a WW and you are on the brink of being her POS AP. Don't destroy your life over something that you can stop now. I do wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 Another man at work I know nirvana, was trying to get you to see the ill-advised situation you seem determined to mess with... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted October 24, 2019 Share Posted October 24, 2019 You completely hit the spot with your message on how i feel about this situation. At the beginning when she spoke with other colleagues at work during the time we were talking it didnt bother me at all and i actually minded my own business I think due to the fact that we had already established a sort of connection after we kissed. When I continued to mind my own business she came to me in a “friendly pissed off” way why i was behaving this way and ignoring her. I told her that she kept talking to others and i was not going to be put in a strange situation where I should confront someone about this! Especially because there is one guy who has started to get really close to her or at least trying to. How do you think your wife would feel if she knew what you've done, what you're doing and that you've started a thread about it to get help on what you should do? Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted October 25, 2019 Share Posted October 25, 2019 Where are you ? High School? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted November 1, 2019 Share Posted November 1, 2019 So you've created a situation that will be awkward as long as you both work there. Don't make it worse by going further. Tell her it was a mistake and avoid being alone with her - ever. You are on the road to messing up both your marriage and career. You should probably be proactive and seek another job asap. No kidding. Secrets have a way of coming out. Stop creating them. Be open and honest. It is a WAY better lifestyle. Link to post Share on other sites
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