Move on with Someone When You're The Bad Guy.

[reozeno]

Hi. I recently went through a break up snd in my opinion it feels awful than my previous break up.

 

Most of my break up usually due to argument and on negative note. But not this one. We were in 2 years of relationship and we broke up because ive done something bad n feel unworthy to keep going and i ended it.

 

We met up on tinder and went on a date and everything goes well. it went so well till we talk like daily. meet up always. after few months we become a couple. But behind this is that i going into this relationship not fully love her. She fits my needs properly but she's not realky my first choice. but it feel good when someone love you and i do kinda like her so whynot. We went on until recently she brought up marriage. its not that she wants to get married soon but only asking prospect of it. like a plan. i quickly shot this idea down told her we'll just be couple because we're happy right now as i don't see it's happening soon. We dropped the topic and went on like usual. No fight and all.

 

But i thought about our future. Truthfully this im-just-gonna-bf without really love someone is a bad idea. I realized i don't think she deserves a person who doesn't love her whole. I actually kept playing tinder even after in relationship but i don't go out on a date with any. Just chat and simply wonder what's there for me out there. I realized im being selfish in this.

 

With heavy heart i ended the relationship. She cried and begged me to stay...and she loved ne so much. even after knew about im on tinder after in relationship with her...but man...i can't, because i don't where our future in this relationship. Plus im the bad guy here...

 

I was wondering, how do you move on when you're at fault for the break up. Anyone is similar situation? Or should i go back with her??? as in choose someone who love you dearly???

[d0nnivain]

Love has to be mutual. You do not love her as much as she loves you. You already know that you don't want to marry her; that you were still actively looking for somebody else & that she was not your 1st choice. She wants you because she's terrified of being alone & has low self esteem. Anybody who begs for you to stay knowing how you feel is emotionally damaged .

 

You can't stay with her just because you feel sorry for her or don't want to hurt her feelings.

 

Breaking up with her so she is free to find somebody who truly loves her is the right thing to do. Staying is mean. You'd be using her.

[Twizzlestick]

Hey OP

 

You’re not a bad guy so drop that. You ended it because of the right reasons. Its the kindest thing to do to her as she can move on to be loved by someone else and yourself too.

 

You won’t believe the amount of people who get married or worse - have kids - to try and fix things. You didn’t do that.

 

Take your time to deal with it properly and move forward. It’ll get better. It’s easier being the dumper than the dumpee, I’ve been both and a recent dumpee. It sucks being dumped but I wouldn’t want the person to dump me to contact me out of pity or because they feel “guilty” so don’t be doing that.

[snowboy91]

Wow, your post reads exactly like how I felt in the final year of my last relationship. I was so scared about being the bad guy that I guilted myself into staying even though I was miserable. It was a year of hell.

 

Your decision to leave isn't being the "bad" guy - quite the opposite. You could see it a couple of ways - over the long term you're the "good" guy for letting her find someone who will love her the way she needs. You're the "good" guy for being completely honest with your feelings. You knew it wasn't meant to be, and you did the best you could with the cards you were dealt.

 

What would really make you the bad guy is if you continued with the relationship. Over time you would become more irritable and distant... and feel trapped. Possibly even cheat (then you really would be the bad guy!). You've avoided all that, and both of you get to move on sooner.

 

In my case, both my ex and I moved on pretty quickly. My ex, while incredibly upset at first, recovered very quickly and started dating again within 2 months. Seeing her do that actually relieved a lot of the guilt on my end and helped me recover. I'm not saying keep in touch (in most cases I'd say don't), but that's just how it worked for me.

[basil67]

You're not the bad guy. You're a guy who's decided that you need to walk away from a relationship rather than string her along.