Disappointed with online dating

[chillii]

Yes, it's frustrating AF but if you talk to some men, they'll say the same about women.

 

I think the problem is that there are loads of people running around on OLD out of boredom more than anything else. They want a distraction or they're looking for validation but have no real intention of putting in serious effort to make something work.

 

We've ALL met these people, trust me

 

For those of us seeking something real, serious and (dare I say) healthy, it's our job to be as discerning as possible.

 

It's a challenge to be both a realist and an optimist. Both cautious and open when it comes to dating. You can't afford to forget the bad or unpleasant stuff that happened to you but at the same time you can't let those experiences ruin it for you and paint every man with the same dirty paint brush.

 

That just wouldn't be fair.

 

Sadly, in order to navigate OLD these days, you need to have low expectations. Keep your standards high but lower your expectations. Don't take anything anyone says too seriously...until there is reason to take it seriously. Actions speak volumes at the end of the day.

 

Until then, just enjoy what you can while you can

 

 

 

 

Yeah , this was all mostly my impression to when l was on it back when.

l got the feeling you could tick every box of what they say they're looking for plus a few bonuses thrown in , which is a million to one at any time in life for anyone, yet they'd still disappear.

 

 

l think there's a lot of fear in many women on date sites too that just back out last minute and run off scared. Seemingly going from 99 1 second to zero the next even when nothings actually happened in between , they were exited and things were actually looking really good.

l'm sure many panic if something that could be real starts happening.

Edited October 26, 2019 by chillii

[an0nym0us123]

Im starting to think that dating either online or people you meet offline is basically a pointless waste of time. Everybody appears to be going round in circles and never actually committing to anything. I see the same faces on tinder as i saw a year ago. Attractive women who say they are looking for mr right and no doubt have endless options but still havnt picked one, maybe the endless choice is the problem.

 

I briefly dated one woman earlier this year. On paper i dont think you could meet someone more compatible. Had such a good time on our dates, even she said this, but she bailed on me after a month.

 

Much better scenario was the way i met my ex, she was local and i met her several times on nights out over the course of a few months. She always came to talk to me etc. Eventually after messaging for a week or so she disclosed that she had feelings for me, and we just started seeing each other. No dates, no messing about, i had her in the palm of my hands from the outset, and there was no competition from anyone else.

 

Going on dates with people online or indeed asking a stranger you meet in real life on a date is 99% of the time a complete waste of time. Just my opinion.

[mr_ybor]

I'm

I think the problem is that there are loads of people �� and around on OLD out of boredom more than anything else.

 

Speak for yourself, I'm not bored at all (my life is perfect outside of romance at this point): I'm just lonely, horny (c'mon, we got a right to be), and feeling unloved. That's it.

Edited October 27, 2019 by mr_ybor

[Trail Blazer]

Avoid people with kids. They will use their kids as an excuse for mistreating you. Also be comfortable with being single. NO MAN will rescue you.

Can you cite examples in your experience of when and how single dads have used their kids to mistreat you? I have experienced with single mothers that being flakey and unaccountable is easily excused with always being 'too busy" with the kid/s.

 

If I could avoid dating single mothers then I would. Given my dating age range is late 20s to late 30s, removing single mothers would remove two thirds on my dating pool. That would probably be a similar number for the OP's dating pool.

 

As a single dad myself, I'm not offended by your comment. If single dads have behaved in a similar way to how I've experienced some single mothers, then I get it. Note the emphasis on some, not all. Some single dads, just like single mothers, are decent people just looking for a second or third chance at love.

 

I know myself, I'm a straight up, honest guy. If I'm not feeling it with someone, I won't stuff them around or ghost them. If I'm not feeling it, especially in the case of one girl where we dated three times over a six week period (I work away for three weeks at a time), I just told her that I didn't want to progress to anything more serious. I essentially friend zoned her. She was cool with that and we remain 'social media' friends.

[Trail Blazer]

Agree with that. I can't be telling people to stay away from online dating because I myself met really good guys online. I even fell in love!

 

However... if you mosey on over to the break up section, you'll see that when people have a broken heart, and want to feel better, where do they go? They go online. You can get attention from the opposite sex within an hour. And for women, they can have a date by the next day if not the same night. It's pretty amazing if you think about it. When you're hurting you can't wait months for someone to come along in real life. So there's a higher percentage of broken hearts and lonely hearts online.

This is very true. I'm one of those people. I used OLD as a coping mechanism to distract myself from dealing with sadness of my break up earlier this year.

 

Where it isn't good is when people aren't honest. I was honest from the start. That's why within a few days of breaking up, I met a woman online who was DTF the first time we met.

 

Unfortunately people just aren't honest online. I think a lot of people in life like being unaccountable for their actions and online dating enables that sort of behavior which is a shame because it ruins the experiencd for genuine people.

[Gretchen12]

Where it isn't good is when people aren't honest.

...

Unfortunately people just aren't honest online.

 

That's right. People lie to better their chances. I think the broken hearts should get together with each other, be honest, make each other feel better. And the lonely hearts with each other. When the broken hearted is dishonest and gets together with a lonely heart, that lonely heart gets broken. So now he or she too becomes a broken heart and gets back online, hopefully not do onto others...

[chillii]

Im starting to think that dating either online or people you meet offline is basically a pointless waste of time. Everybody appears to be going round in circles and never actually committing to anything. I see the same faces on tinder as i saw a year ago. Attractive women who say they are looking for mr right and no doubt have endless options but still havnt picked one, maybe the endless choice is the problem.

 

I briefly dated one woman earlier this year. On paper i dont think you could meet someone more compatible. Had such a good time on our dates, even she said this, but she bailed on me after a month.

 

Much better scenario was the way i met my ex, she was local and i met her several times on nights out over the course of a few months. She always came to talk to me etc. Eventually after messaging for a week or so she disclosed that she had feelings for me, and we just started seeing each other. No dates, no messing about, i had her in the palm of my hands from the outset, and there was no competition from anyone else.

 

Going on dates with people online or indeed asking a stranger you meet in real life on a date is 99% of the time a complete waste of time. Just my opinion.

 

 

 

 

Nah they don't have endless choices at all , read op's thread, and everyone l met or saw were on them years , nothing worthwhile, piles of women on ls even this thread have a terrible run.

My gf's hot as hell but in 2 yrs all she got was guys wanting to sleep with her or a whole lotta nothin and wasted time

lt's an allusion .

They fall for it at the start oh this is gonna be so great so easy a man supermarket just like shopping butttt, 6 or 12 mths soon sorts that idea out for most.

Not that good things don't happen they can do, even around ls , but yaknow, lotta crap too.

l've seen it can be something but you gotta be smart about it and realistic- many of the women are nowhere near realistic as compared to what they offer , and a bit of luck sure wouldn't hurt either. lt does happen, not just a few useless dates with no bodies, meeting that someone special l mean. There's stories on LS and l've got a few mates met their wives on date sites , both nice women too.There are legit good people on them from what l saw and know of, if you got the patience to sift through.

Edited October 29, 2019 by chillii

[MsJayne]

Most people you meet through OLD are too too gutless to say nicely, "Hey, you're a really nice person but I'm not feeling enough of a connection to make a relationship work. Can we just be friends?" Or maybe they're too stupid. Or maybe they delude themselves that you'll fall apart if they tell you they're not into you. Or maybe they're just an a-hole who doesn't care how they treat people. In the end it's up to you to read people's behaviour towards you, which can be hard if you're attracted to them because that tends to cloud your perception of them. A while ago I saw a guy for about 4 weeks, saw each other almost every day except while one of us was OS, and mostly it was him driving the togetherness. Like a naive nitwit I assumed that if he was acting like he was really into me he must be really into me. But no, all of a sudden with no warning he no longer required my services. Unfortunately, people who want something from you, even if it's just company, can be really deceitful and manipulative, and it's sad but true that there's a lot of absolute pricks who abuse OLD because there's no accountability. You just have to keep your wits about you and try to avoid the creeps, which is not easy. One thing I have noticed to be fairly consistent among creepy guys is that they are always in a big hurry to meet in person, and like the last guy you mentioned, will try to wrangle their way into your home.