My dad wants me to give him my saving as a loan...

[Lorenza]

I have found out why my didn't get his money this month (seems like a lousy mistake on the company's part) and now I'm helping him with that. But jesus, he can't figure out the simpliest of things. It's not the first time. I don't know if he has some issues going through with things or is just too reckless, but some things seem obvious to me and he constantly needs my advice. It's weird because my dad has working experience with jobs that carry a lot of responsibility and organisation. He got fired due to the lack of projects in the area, I read that in his termination papers. Speaks 6 (!) languages. Have I created this monster myself by constantly figuring legal and financial things out for him??

 

And now about the money - the sum I gave him was around 15-20% of my savings. But what about next month? I'm finding job ads for him and even logged into his email account to see if he's really sending them emails and cv and he does, but still nothing in almost 3 months. God! :/

 

And to clear it out - dad doesn't ask me for money when he works. There were times he was generous or lent me money and I didn't give all of it back, because I felt like I help him so much on daily basis that I can keep a little bit of it as a thanks. When we lived in the same city (we are in the same country which isn't our homecountry, but now in different cities) he would always help me out moving my stuff, I have called him a few times in the middle of the night when I was stuck with no possibilities of coming home and he would wake up and drive me home. I remember a few times I was at the emergency and he stayed with me for many hours. Or buy me medicine and drive it to me. Now that he's on another side of the country so it feels one-sided for me, but I try to remember the times dad was there for me too. So it's not all bad.

 

But in any ways, I won't be lending him all of my savings. I don't think he will cut contact with me or be angry for a long time. My grasp on reality is much better than his and I think he realises that my advice is invaluable. Also, he doesn't have anyone else who'll always be there. He will have to borrow money from someone else.

[Lorenza]

You know he's a lousy credit risk. You know he already stiffed you once.

 

At the very least make him sign a document agreeing to repay you & to pay you interest on this loan but know you will never see a dime of it again if you give him the money.

 

If you can't afford to give it to him outright or you just don't want to (which is totally understandable), tell him you are sorry but that if he had paid you back last time you'd be willing this time. Don't make him make you feel guilty.

 

I also don't want to. I don't know if that makes me an *******, but I also want to be able to buy myself some cosmetics or a blouse sometimes, or go eat at the uni when I don't have time to pack lunch due to busy schedule - it's nothing fancy just the cheapest lunch you can get. But I feel like as a 30 year old woman I have that right... Dad had a really fun summer with his gf and her daughter, instead of saving some money, even though he knew he will be cut. And because of that, I need to deny myself all the little joys? Or change my plans that inspire me to live? It doesn't feel right. If dad was sick or needed serious help, I wouldn't prioritize my needs, even despite the fact that at his age he should have savings, but he just enjoys the fine things too much when he has money.

 

One thing that has made me allow him use my help a bit too much, is that he had some suicidal tendencies when I was little. He was in trouble (as you see there's a pattern...) and I remember him talking about wanting to die. Not to me directly, but I overheard. Then his dad, my paternal grandpa took his life when I was a teenager. Two weeks after I met him for the first time in my life (dad was granpa were estranged due to grandpas new wife. Again, a pattern). So I've always had that fear in the back of my mind which made me help dad despite him using my good will way too much.

[d0nnivain]

Just keep helping him with the legal / financial things without giving him $$ you don't have. Listening to him & providing aid, but not financial support, still makes you a caring daughter.

 

His poor financial planning should not be your crisis.

[Whodatdog]

I think you already know that you will never see that money again. He and his girlfriend can work, doing something. It may not be what he wants to do, but its what they BOTH have to do. You can't support them both. If you give him any more money, he will keep bugging you until he has sucked you dry, then both of you will be in trouble.

 

His problems are not your problems. You've done what you can, but you now have to take care of yourself, because if you dont, who will? Not your dad, thats for sure.

 

Help him by finding jobs for him. But do not give him any more money. Please.

[Mr. Lucky]

he would always help me out moving my stuff, I have called him a few times in the middle of the night when I was stuck with no possibilities of coming home and he would wake up and drive me home. I remember a few times I was at the emergency and he stayed with me for many hours. Or buy me medicine and drive it to me.

 

Sounds like the kind of thing any parent would do for their child, and without expectation of any monetary benefit down the road.

 

You can be there for him in ways other than financial...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Rayce]

You are a wonderful daughter... try not to take your father's ungratefulness personal.. but until he repays you in full he is not entitle to anymore... just stick with that. Let's pray for the day he doesn't need to call you! If he does then lets pray for the strength you need to turn him down next time.

 

Wishing you peace...