How can we stop being attracted to someone?

[Springsummer]

So, I think I am quite sure this person doesn't like me. Despite all the staring and looking...there are people who are curious and just like to look.

 

I actually feel quite peaceful for a few days at the realization, despite the initial 'devastation'. You know, I don't need to worry too much how I look anymore and keep feeling insecure. and I can just find another job without looking back.

 

Probably I am egoistic, so I only want a single guy who like me as much as I like me. The guy is almost certain not single. You know men can't stay single, unlike me. If you are not too ugly, they will do something.

 

so, he looks so refresh, so sharp and so charming? because he is in love with someone? I know men like this, even they are not as attractive as him. There was a man who also kind of look like that before. He had a gf. but I got the feeling, if I throw myself at him, he won't say no.

 

Having a woman makes a man attractive? I have to wonder. The first man I felt head over heel also had a gf. It just seems attractive man is never single for a few days. Again, with this man if I had show interest, I could have had him. but I was a very picky and puritanical person. I kind of pushed him away, unconsciously.

 

so, he doesn't like me? F him.

 

Then he walked by my row of office/cubicle, then I can't help but feel attracted and wanting.

 

I also wonder if I really show interest in him, what will he do? (which I can't really do though, as I have always wanted a man who show interest first)

 

so, what should I do? this really sucks. How can I stop this feeling? this attraction?

 

any idea? what do do? this is not funny for me. Thanks in advance.

[basil67]

so, he doesn't like me? F him.

 

You are completely and utterly out of line saying something like this. The fact that a man doesn't fall at your feet does not make it OK to be so rude about him. You're about 40, right? I suggest you stop speaking like an entitled, spoiled teenager and learn to be a grown up.

 

Yes, you're right that people do look at other people without planning to date them. It would be ludicrous to think otherwise. And it's not as if you've ever cracked a smile at him or been the slightest bit welcoming. Seriously, give us one reason why he'd bother to chase you when you don't speak to him or smile at him.

 

Here's the thing: the world does not revolve around you. It does not plant what you want in your lap. If you want things, you need to make an effort. This guy may well be single, but you wouldn't know because you're too busy being worried about what your smile looks like.

 

I doubt you are ugly. It's far more likely that your inability to warmly connect with others is the problem.

[schlumpy]

If it's a true attraction then it never goes away and without the opportunity to act on it you learn to live with it.

[Happy Lemming]

Then he walked by my row of office/cubicle...

 

Maybe he likes his job and doesn't want to date anyone who works in his office building, as it could jeopardize his position.

 

Even though you two don't work for the same company, it could be awkward to date someone in the same office building. And what if you two dated and broke up, it would be very awkward to have to work in the same office building and see each other every day. Moreover, his company may have a policy against dating people who work in the building.

[Springsummer]

Maybe he likes his job and doesn't want to date anyone who works in his office building, as it could jeopardize his position.

 

Even though you two don't work for the same company, it could be awkward to date someone in the same office building. And what if you two dated and broke up, it would be very awkward to have to work in the same office building and see each other every day. Moreover, his company may have a policy against dating people who work in the building.

 

I am ready to give up my job if he likes me.

 

same branch...the men in his team doesn't have these problem though. Like I mentioned in a previous thread a consultant(which is in a more precarious person if he wants to turn permanent) in his team, just went directly to my office and asked me if I am taken. and there is another man in his team who is really amorous towards me. I am not aware of any such policy.

 

so, sadly, he doesn't like me like those men.

[Springsummer]

If it's a true attraction then it never goes away and without the opportunity to act on it you learn to live with it.

 

How do I know it it's true or not? what do I know??

[Springsummer]

Seriously, give us one reason why he'd bother to chase you when you don't speak to him or smile at him. .

 

I don't need him to chase me. just show interest.

[Springsummer]

why can't he just be a bit like other men in his team?

[mark clemson]

In answer to your main question, attraction isn't really voluntary. If seeing him bothers you, you may prefer to find some way to distract yourself or look at something else whenever you know he's coming.

 

If he's aware of the other two men it's conceivable that he doesn't want the competition As you can probably imagine, it can be bruising to a guy's ego to have a person they're interested in "pick" someone else. I believe some people have had genuinely traumatic experiences with that sort of thing and strongly avoid it.

 

There are good looking men who don't know how to "chase" well as the women often just come to them if they wait long enough. Also, particularly in a work context but even just in general, many men wait for a signal from a woman, such as at a minimum smiling or starting a conversation, before engaging with her in any "non-professional" way.

 

So all of those are possibilities in your case I think.

[basil67]

I don't need him to chase me. just show interest.

 

See, this is your entitled attitude talking again. Why would he show any interest or friendship at all when you refuse to be warm towards him?

[thefooloftheyear]

With most things in life, you don't get what you want, but rather what you deserve...

 

TFY

[Springsummer]

With most things in life, you don't get what you want, but rather what you deserve...

 

TFY

 

Guess, that's why he makes me feel super insecure and not confident?

 

I was at peace when it looked like he doesn't want me, coz then I can stop wondering, worrying and feeling insecure. I felt free...besides the work issues.

 

then he walked by...now I feel bothering/tormenting/wanting. That why I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

[basil67]

He can't make you feel anything you don't want to feel.

[Springsummer]

In answer to your main question, attraction isn't really voluntary. If seeing him bothers you, you may prefer to find some way to distract yourself or look at something else whenever you know he's coming.

 

Thanks for offering so many perspectives. There is no way to know when he is coming. um, maybe I should change myself and try?

Edited October 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote edited

[Happy Lemming]

I am ready to give up my job if he likes me.

 

same branch...

 

 

How would he know that you are willing to give up your job if he starts to date you?? As other posters have pointed out, you need to make your feelings/intentions towards him known.

 

If he is in the "same branch" then I am assuming he works for the same company. As a general rule, I never date my co-workers. It would have been risky towards my career development. For all you know, this position could be his "dream job" and he doesn't want to do anything to mess it up.

 

Very early in my career development, my supervisor gave me some sound advice and some great "rules" that would keep my career moving forward. #1 Rule was never fish off of the company pier - meaning never ever ask out or date your co-workers.

[Mr. Lucky]

I also wonder if I really show interest in him, what will he do? (which I can't really do though, as I have always wanted a man who show interest first)

 

Why on earth would you waste this emotional energy on a man that -

 

- doesn't feel the same about you

- isn't available even if he did

- works in your office with the attendant downside

 

Springsummer, shouldn't be lost on you that you've picked a man unavailable on several levels. You're hiding from life, need to get out more....

 

Mr. Lucky

[basil67]

maybe I should change myself and try?

 

Learning to be warm and welcoming with a bright smile will never go astray.

[chillii]

why can't he just be a bit like other men in his team?

 

 

 

 

He probably might well be , and he'll know whatever they know now about you, so if he was interested he'd probably make a move.

Jobs nothing hell if l fell in love with someone at my work one of us would just get another job, problem solved.

l'd still be thinking back to what l said in the other thread, he stares and acts a bit weird because he feels you crushing on him , l can feel it from here, been there a few times.

And it sounds like he's younger than you so that'll make him even weirder.

 

 

Ps, my second thought would be that yeah , he does need to see a bit of warmth from you , but personally l don't think that's it in this case.

Edited October 25, 2019 by chillii
ps

[basil67]

I'm inclined to agree with your last line Chillii. A bit of warmth would show him that he's welcome if he wanted to try. But I'm not sure he wants to try.