Alpha vs Beta Mentality

[alphamale]

My brother is an Alpha ( what we used to call type "A"). He's a great leader, moved up quickly in the corporate world, is well educated and the ladies love him.

 

 

He's also fundamentally unhappy. I think that's largely because he's always "on". He never really relaxes, and for him, even the fun has to be really intense ( rock climbing, deep sea diving, sky diving, yacht racing etc.). For a while, he was into those Spartan races, and did well, but it didn't last- it's like he's competing against himself.

 

I really do think part of him wishes he could be more laid back.

 

WOW pepperbird you just blew my mind. my younger brother the eye surgeon is exactly the same. I mean EXACTLY, and deep down inside he is not a happy camper. But he's always been like that

[mark clemson]

Mysterio, I think if you're going to try to apply techniques to win a lady, you might be better off looking at players, rather than current PUA approaches.

 

My thinking is - if you are "alpha" but still not attractive enough to women to land one (for whatever reasons, which honestly aren't that clear to me as on here you sound decent enough), then it doesn't really matter. Being independent and all just makes you more comfortable with being alone. It doesn't help you win the lady.

 

I may be wrong, but my understanding of PUA techniques is that, at their core, it's playing a numbers game of simply asking lots of women out until one says yes. The goal is sex, not love.

 

You could apply the techniques of players, but without the emotional dishonesty. Make yourself as attractive as possible. Focus on a single woman. Provide lots of validation and flirting. Then, instead of smooth talking her into bed, you smooth talk her into your life, providing the actual relationship that, presumably, she wants too.

 

Players are very alpha, at least in the sense of being independent (including emotionally independent), confident, and approaching women from an "abundance mindset." They've also been around a lot longer than current PUA approaches (at least the ones I'm aware of) and will presumably be around for literally millennia to come.

[beatcuff]

people think that a/b is static... it is not. even the biggest alpha can be a beta, there a numerous examples --- you are the captain and all star of [insert sport here] in high school, then you move to the next level... i don't want to be there (meeting/party/family event), so instead of being the 'life of the party' i sort of disappear into the background.

[Tamfana]

My brother is an Alpha ( what we used to call type "A"). He's a great leader, moved up quickly in the corporate world, is well educated and the ladies love him.

 

He's also fundamentally unhappy. I think that's largely because he's always "on". He never really relaxes, and for him, even the fun has to be really intense ( rock climbing, deep sea diving, sky diving, yacht racing etc.). For a while, he was into those Spartan races, and did well, but it didn't last- it's like he's competing against himself.

 

I really do think part of him wishes he could be more laid back.

 

Yeah, I dated a self-proclaimed Alpha type about 10 years ago. He was 62 then, a time when one might think he'd be shifting from superficiality of comparing himself to others, ever-alert to status stuff. But he was unhappy too, lonely and emotionally disconnected from family and friends, a chronic cheater or flirt needing either affirmation or deference all. the. time. His kids got him a t-shirt that said, "I'm a pretty big deal" (from the movie "Anchorman.").

 

You're right, many are quite lonely but it makes sense. Maybe the opposite of alpha is zen.

[littleblackheart]

The Alpha vs Beta thing is the same face of the coin = ego issue (too much/too little of it).

 

The best 'mentality' to have, imo, is to not care about this social construct aimed at over-valuing some and under-valuing others based on completely artificial, subjective criteria.

 

Be a good guy and let your actions do the talking; that's all you need to do.

[boymommy]

I am a therapist and I can atest that some people fit into neat little personality boxes, others do not. Some can be different, depending on who they are interacting with, the situation they are in, ect. Other people are the same across the board, regardless of who and what they are doing.

 

At the end of the day it really doesn't matter whether you are a beta or an alpha. Women are attracting to both of these types of personalities and a combo of both. Just be who you are and you will find the right fit (which I assume you are asking for largely for dating purposes).

 

My ex husband is largely an alpha in private (selfish, never cares about my coparenting needs, only his) but in certain circumstances (like in public) he comes across as a beta (cares about his how he appears to others, appearance is everything!) That's a very narcissistic quality to have in a person.

 

My boyfriend is a combo alpha/beta. He always always always cares what I think and is very selfless, but at times he does have a backbone and stands up for what he wants and likes things done a certain way. He can also be very charming and smooth talking and seductive (alpha qualities).

[vla1120]

I've decided that I'm an omicron, because I like the way it rolls off the tongue.

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

[Libby1]

Thanks for the background, Mysterio.

 

Once again to state this. JT and I have had falling outs before. Mostly due to her getting mad at me and not being able to communicate with me in a calm cool manor. Her default for blowing up is on speed dial for her.

 

I've known people like this too, and sometimes it gets to that point where you just have to walk away for the sake of your own health and sanity.

 

Its just I allowed her to basically Overvent to me. Thats mostley why she called me a lot.

 

So, yeah...it definitely sounded as though the time had come for you to put your own needs first and put this friendship aside. I'm glad you made the context behind your decision to do this clearer. It's the sort of situation that both men and women can face. Maybe a very A type person will cut the person off super quickly and would have chosen to do so long before you did. On the other hand, by giving this friendship a fair go it may be that you've accumulated extra knowledge of/wisdom about human nature that will serve you well in the future.

 

The impression I'm getting is that, maybe like a lot of men who gravitate towards these "how to be more alpha" gurus, you have fairly high empathy. Again, high empathy people tend to struggle more with these situations regardless of their gender, and sometimes don't assert themselves as quickly in situations than, with hindsight, they could have done. It's not easy, finding a balance between asserting yourself and having empathy for others.

 

The worry I would have about these "how to be an alphamale" guides is that they often demonstrate a pretty shallow understanding of human nature. One that maybe leans more towards the pop psychology marketers use to manipulate - and holds up a quite cliched model of masculinity that involves killing off certain qualities (such as empathy). Whereas you might be happier in the long run if you focus on the kind of advice that helps you to simply be a healthier, happier and more assertive version of yourself.

Edited October 29, 2019 by Libby1

[Logo]

Not this debate topic again. I feel like the alpha v beta bs was created as a marketing scheme by pick up artists.

 

My answer is, who gives a ****?

 

 

Just be yourself and work on building yourself up, bettering yourself.

Edited October 30, 2019 by Logo

[Gretchen12]

My brother is an Alpha ( what we used to call type "A"). He's a great leader, moved up quickly in the corporate world, is well educated and the ladies love him.

 

 

He's also fundamentally unhappy. I think that's largely because he's always "on". He never really relaxes, and for him, even the fun has to be really intense ( rock climbing, deep sea diving, sky diving, yacht racing etc.). For a while, he was into those Spartan races, and did well, but it didn't last- it's like he's competing against himself.

 

I really do think part of him wishes he could be more laid back.

 

He needs to hire a dominatrix.

[alphamale]

Just be yourself and work on building yourself up, bettering yourself.

 

but that does not guarantee you[ll get laid

[mark clemson]

He needs to hire a dominatrix.

 

 

From what I understand, the highly successful and responsible careerist who enjoys being dominated is common enough to be cliche in BDSM circles (perhaps why you posted this).

 

Not sure if it's motivated by a need to give up control for "relief", anxiety related, the pleasure of "thrill-seeking", genetic fetish for subbing (in a person who happens to be otherwise "alpha"), or perhaps all 4 of the above.

[basil67]

but that does not guarantee you[ll get laid

 

Nor does reading all the Red Pill stuff.

[alphamale]

what's red pill?

[SumGuy]

Nor does reading all the Red Pill stuff.

Well that is where you are wrong, you just didn't apply the principles "correctly" Don't worry there is an instructional video that will guarantee you success, just $9.99 as we are having a sale. Come back into the echo chamber my son....

 

Agree with you basil67, from what I've seen the stuff doesn't help one iota. It does get good traffic, sure they make a good bit selling dietary supplements to.

 

There are people that will buy into anything (like really buy in, like Jim Jones cult buy in) so I'm certain there are women out there just like what the red pill people say who would be 100% attracted to red pill philosophy.

[SumGuy]

what's red pill?

 

red pill, PUA, alpha/beta, incel, incel rebellion, MGTOW, surely you have come across it?

 

If not you should because unless alphamale is a tounge in cheek username, and given a thread I think was yours about a young gf being reluctant to have sex on vacation, you may be being viewed in this light and not even know it. Young women know it.