mortensorchid Posted October 25, 2019 Share Posted October 25, 2019 The holidays are now here. This is a very stressful time for people for a variety of reasons both business and personal. I have seen many a thread posted in the past about the challenges of the holiday season which are both business or personal. Some have lamented on the trials of being single as well as taken during this time, both have their issues but what is the worst thing that can and does happen to others during this time no matter what your relationship status is or is not? I have seen most of the single people posting that they are sad that they don't have anyone, taken people seem to be frustrated that they are taken during this time because they feel obligated to do things they don't want to that they wouldn't otherwise. For the last several years I have been without anyone for the holiday season and have enjoyed it for the freedom I have to do whatever I like. I had only been in a relationship as an adult once and it was disastrous- he was acting as if I was expecting a commitment to be taken to the next level which I was not. The situation was a bit off to say the least, I know look back and realize his behavior was based on the fact that he had never been in a long term relationship before, infatuation had worn off and he was now bored and didn't know what to do with himself over it. But he broke things off and ruined the whole season for me when I was actually looking forward to this time as "our first Christmas together". Ever since then holidays have been rather tainted for me. Anyone else feel this way? Share your story. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 Anyone else feel this way? Share your story. As we are bombarded with messages about the perfect Norman Rockwell holidays, with multiple generations, lots of love, no financial woes & everything being magical it's upsetting when that ideal doesn't exist. It's like the commercialization screams if you don't have these things you are _____ [fill in your favorite negative word] I can get through Thanksgiving but this year I have decided to treat myself & skip the holidays. DH & I are going away the Saturday before Christmas & coming home the Saturday after New Years. We will put up a tree but I'm shipping presents to everybody else & that is the end of that. My parents are deceased. We don't have kids. I hate that happy family images. Last year I tried to design a lovely family think for his mother, my MIL, I worked my tail off & nobody cared. It was annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
ajequals Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 one of the big issues between a man and a women that even today at my old age(I feel) is couples are NOT honest as they should be and men tend to dance around what they wish to say so not to upset their love one. I feel your version of his feelings towards you were completely off what they really were ..I say this because I have been dealing with a matter with someone I love and until the end of last week when the gloves came off we both had a completely different perceptions of what was going on...It's very hard to say what we need to say..add on the stresses of family and your at a whole different level...it's terrible were are not even that honest with family either...Maybe that should be everyones resolution this year. try to be a bid more honest with what we need to say to one another.. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 As far as the holidays, if I'm with someone... fine. If not, that is OK, as well. I try not to start a relationship right before the holiday season. I don't need the extra work of figuring out what to get them, how much to spend, what to do about Christmas dinner, how to decorate the house. Do I put a tree up? etc. etc. I do remember living with this one woman and she wanted a "live" fresh tree and wanted to go cut it down, etc. And apparently, you are not supposed to bring your own chainsaw when you cut down your own tree. I guess you are supposed to freeze your butt off while you struggle with a hand saw. And I don't even want to mention all the cleanup after you take down a live tree. Never again! This year, like in the past... I will put up a few strings of outside lights on Black Friday (to satisfy the HOA) and take them down on New Year's Day. It isn't required, just heavily suggested. I decorate my large mesquite tree. It has all these weird branches going in different directions, so I string the lights, accordingly. I call it my "Abstract Christmas Tree". Shopping is done, Christmas dinner is being planned. I already have the ham. I do look forward to when the holidays are over and normal routine is restored. Just my two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 I don't understand why people stress themselves about it so much. It's mostly self-inflicted and over-thinking. It's just an over-commercialised pagan festival, after all. Is it that hard to spread love and goodwill to all mankind for one day? Link to post Share on other sites
RedBaron2765 Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 I can get through Thanksgiving but this year I have decided to treat myself & skip the holidays. DH & I are going away the Saturday before Christmas & coming home the Saturday after New Years. We will put up a tree but I'm shipping presents to everybody else & that is the end of that. My parents are deceased. We don't have kids. I hate that happy family images. Last year I tried to design a lovely family think for his mother, my MIL, I worked my tail off & nobody cared. It was annoying. We did this before we had kids (think it was 2010). We didn't have kids at the time, and my wife just wanted to get away, so we did a cruise. It was nice. Of course, now with school age kids and elderly parents, we have to stay home. Worst part, especially this week, is having to put up with her annoying, drama queen sister for Thanksgiving. It's amazing how one person can blame so many people except themselves for all of the problems in their life, and she feels the need to tell everyone she comes into contact with all about it. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 Meh. I'm kind of over the holidays. I'm atheist, my three are grown, I have no grandchildren (which would make it fun - I used to love our family Christmases) and I'm separated. I'm the only (literally the freaking ONLY) person in his life who pays any attention to him while he fights stage IV cancer, so the only way he won't be alone is if I carve out an hour or two to visit him, which I will probably do. As long as I keep my boundaries intact, it has been relatively pleasant. For Thanksgiving, I am having breakfast with my girls, then they'll go to their father's. I am going to take him out to Thanksgiving dinner, then I am going home to relax by myself (and looking forward to it!) For Christmas, who knows? Probably the same. So, no. Spending the holidays feeling obligated to keep company with someone who mistreated me when we were together simply because he is terminally ill is not my idea of a festive holiday season. I could always say no. I really haven't decided, yet. I agree with PegNosePete. I try to be be a pleasant, decent person all year 'round. I think it's sometimes even harder during the holidays. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 I never cared about not having a bf for the holidays, but I remember feeling sad that I didn't have one on some of my birthdays. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 Married with 2 kids here. I tend to enjoy both Thanksgiving and Christmas although it can be a LOT of work (and even more so for my wife). But overall definitely not a negative for me. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted November 26, 2019 Share Posted November 26, 2019 Flying solo again for the holidays hasn't ever really gotten me down and if it has, it isn't for long. But the holidays haven't been the same since my mother died from cancer in 2016. When that happened, they lost their appeal. We didn't have Thanksgiving that year. And Christmas wasn't the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted November 26, 2019 Author Share Posted November 26, 2019 I keep saying someday I wanted to spend XMas on a cruise or on a tropical island somewhere because I am fed up with it. I've been on vacation by myself a few times, it can be rather lonely at times. Then you think "I could have just stayed at home in front of the TV". Or ... Maybe camp out in a nice hotel for a few days and never see anyone could be nice as well. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted November 27, 2019 Share Posted November 27, 2019 Early in my dating life, I learned that the girls I was most attracted to liked to celebrate the holidays. So I always got with the program, whether I had somebody special or not. My Ex-wife moved into my apartment complex in late December. It was a cold winter and we did not meet until that summer by the pool, but she had noticed and was impressed with how my apartment was decorated during the holidays. And in fact 3 Christmas's later we got married. Alas the next Christmas started out as a bad one, we had broken up and I found myself a thousand miles away from home, heart broken and with no friends. I had recently moved into an new apartment complex but had not yet had time to meet the neighbors. Thanksgiving was the start of the holiday season, and I found myself with little to do for 4 days. Then I remembered that while moving I had found some old cookie cutters my mom had given us. So spent the 4 days watching football and baking several batches of Christmas cookies and decorating them to the ninth degree. When I offered to shave them with my new neighbors it was an almost instant friendship and a couple of the gals offered to assist me should I decide to bake more. They brought over a bottle of wine and their favorite cutters. Over the next dozen years my guess baking cookies got me laid close to 50 times over the next dozen plus years. Realizing I had found a good thing I added Halloween and Thanksgiving cookie baking to my life. Over a dozen years later I met this long legged blonde gal totally out of my league. By good fortune out third date was over to my place to bake Halloween cookies. She was over the moon when Xmas came along and I put up several strings of lights around her place. It was something she always wanted to do. Just this weekend we baked Thanksgiving cookies for the 24th time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 27, 2019 Share Posted November 27, 2019 I keep saying someday I wanted to spend XMas on a cruise or on a tropical island somewhere because I am fed up with it. I've been on vacation by myself a few times, it can be rather lonely at times. Then you think "I could have just stayed at home in front of the TV". Or ... I will try to remember the exact name but I used to be part of a women who travel group . . it was a commercial way for single women to travel safely. they even had a roommate matching service to cut down on costs. Try searching for something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 28, 2019 Share Posted November 28, 2019 I don't get get all the emotional attachment to holiday season. I have no feelings about it either way. The only annoying thing is that it signifies another year of getting older, but then I knew that on my birthday. I look forward to holidays mainly for all the time off work and the slow month before and after Christmas at work so I can relax a bit. Other than that, just another week. Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted November 29, 2019 Share Posted November 29, 2019 I do remember living with this one woman and she wanted a "live" fresh tree and wanted to go cut it down, etc. And apparently, you are not supposed to bring your own chainsaw when you cut down your own tree. I guess you are supposed to freeze your butt off while you struggle with a hand saw. And I don't even want to mention all the cleanup after you take down a live tree. Never again! How cold could it possibly get in AZ? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 29, 2019 Share Posted November 29, 2019 How cold could it possibly get in AZ? At that time in my life I was living in Maryland. I've been quite nomadic throughout my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted November 29, 2019 Share Posted November 29, 2019 At that time in my life I was living in Maryland. I've been quite nomadic throughout my life. Haha, okay! My apologies, I just assumed (incorrectly) that it was the "Sunny Southwest." In that case, I totally get where you're coming from! It'd be chainsaw or GTFO for mine! Link to post Share on other sites
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