MountainGirl111 Posted October 25, 2019 Share Posted October 25, 2019 Man, there's things I wish I would have done. I would have swallowed my pride. I would have been more loving. I would have showed my honest feelings more. I would have done this and wouldn't have done that. Does anyone else here live with regret? I'm not a stupid person, but I feel so stupid sometimes.... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 you shouldn't feel stupid about this stuff. we all have to deal with regrets (woulda, shoulda, coulda)….it's part of life 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyplanetmoon Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Turning all those things into learning opportunities and working to not do them in the future are really the only things you can do. Making mistakes is what makes us human and is a part of life... part of LIVING life. Be kind to yourself, be forgiving to yourself and know that learning from your mistakes and changing for the better, is what is called wisdom. I think of them as battle scars. I give you kudos for recognizing your mistakes. Not everyone is able to even do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 you are who you are today because of all the decisions you've made in the past (both good and bad) Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGirl111 Posted October 26, 2019 Author Share Posted October 26, 2019 you shouldn't feel stupid about this stuff. we all have to deal with regrets (woulda, shoulda, coulda)….it's part of life I do feel stupid though.. I just feel stupid...even though I KNOW I'm not stupid... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGirl111 Posted October 26, 2019 Author Share Posted October 26, 2019 you are who you are today because of all the decisions you've made in the past (both good and bad)[/QUOT Right now, I'm feeling mostly bad...bad, and stupid Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Why do you feel bad? And stupid? Your mistakes do not define you. I’m quite concerned that you are taking whatever this is, so personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 woulda, shoulda, coulda I shoulda bought more Apple stock back before it split the first time. MountainGirl111, I'm paraphrasing here, but a life without regrets isn't a life worth living... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Yeah , l don't think it's possible not to eff up and have regrets . But don't feel stupid , well ok , feel stupid for awhile, then stop it, we all do l think sometimes,but eh, how boring would perfect be anyway. l can't stand perfect people, or more like those that seem perfect , but they won't be anyway believe it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Everybody regrets things. Instead of beating yourself up, stop & think about what happened. Figure out what you learned from whatever mistake it was & then work to not repeat that mistake in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 (edited) Sure... everyone has regrets... but I need to ask you a question, since your post is vague. Are you sure these are real regrets, or are they sorrow and self blame? Here's why I ask. I just finished a divorce of a 20 year relationship. During the months my ex was torturing me... I would hear things like... "you are too angry and violent"... "you should have changed more diapers"... "you should have done more dishes"... "You should have done more laundry".... and so on. During that time, I would have bad days, and I would think to myself that I should have done more household chores, been more attentive to the needs of my kids when they were babies, and I should have talked to her more about the things she wanted. (Got blamed for her not going to grad school) But as time went by... I realized that it wasn't up to me to investigate every point she MAY have wanted... and eventually thought those were her shortcomings because she never once opened her mouth to talk to me about the things that were bothering her. So when I started to come back with "Why didn't you simply ask me for help", I would get "I shouldn't have to" in response. Also, as I started to realize these were all her justification, I would ask... "If I did more dishes, and laundry, would you maintain the yard, and do oil changes on our cars?" Her answer was "That's not my job" Sure, the heart ach was real... but I was able to forgive myself quickly, because I came to the conclusion that she simply wanted out, and was doing everything she could to justify it in her mind. Anyway... to sum it up... don't beat yourself up on the regrets... they may not be factual. Edited October 26, 2019 by Blind-Sided Link to post Share on other sites
balletomane Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 I do have regrets about my last relationship. I got very emotionally invested at an early stage, and sometimes I catch myself wishing that I hadn't made it so obvious, as I suspect that this scared him off. He has big problems around intimacy and most of his relationships have ended with him getting cold feet and breaking up. However, this is exactly why my regret is futile. How he acted in those previous relationships suggests that he was almost certainly going to get cold feet sooner or later, and there's no way I could possibly have anticipated and staved off all his fears. Now my regret is changing to, "I wish I hadn't chosen someone who is emotionally unavailable", and this is something that I can actually do something about. It's hard to imagine myself in love again, as I still care deeply for my ex, but I know that one day it will happen and this time I will have learned something important about the qualities I want in a partner. Try to focus on what you can learn from the regret rather than the regret itself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 Sure, the heart ach was real... but I was able to forgive myself quickly, because I came to the conclusion that she simply wanted out, and was doing everything she could to justify it in her mind. Anyway... to sum it up... don't beat yourself up on the regrets... they may not be factual. Classic. ^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGirl111 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Share Posted October 27, 2019 Try to focus on what you can learn from the regret rather than the regret itself. Thx for that. I'll try that...I've learned that communication can make you or break you and sometimes a person can get stuck in fear and pride....Fear and pride.hmm .. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGirl111 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Share Posted October 27, 2019 Everybody regrets things. Instead of beating yourself up, stop & think about what happened. Figure out what you learned from whatever mistake it was & then work to not repeat that mistake in the future. Good advice, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGirl111 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Share Posted October 27, 2019 @blind-sided: Thx for your post. Sorry for your troubles, that sucks. It seems to me some folks think others should just read their mind and "know" what they want. Doesn't work that way. We all need to articulate our needs know an assertive way. Although in your case it sounds like she wouldn't be pleased no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGirl111 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Share Posted October 27, 2019 Thx for the replies, everyone. It's helpful. I feel a bit better today. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 good news MG111 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 Of all the things said in tongue and pen, the saddest are these: it might have been. "Maud Muller" poem I know what you mean, I read a big book about regret once, and I regretted it. Most people do not admit their regrets or minimize them. I have plenty, always did, but what iffing doesn't help at all. You imagine that the choice not taken would have been better for you, but it could have been worse? Perhaps, impossible to say. Maybe just another set of situations to deal with. When you come to a fork in the road, take it. Yogi Berra said, but he meant that sometimes both roads lead to the same place. So it does not matter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGirl111 Posted October 29, 2019 Author Share Posted October 29, 2019 (edited) Of all the things said in tongue and pen, the saddest are these: it might have been. "Maud Muller" poem I know what you mean, I read a big book about regret once, and I regretted it. Most people do not admit their regrets or minimize them. I have plenty, always did, but what iffing doesn't help at all. You imagine that the choice not taken would have been better for you, but it could have been worse? Perhaps, impossible to say. Maybe just another set of situations to deal with. When you come to a fork in the road, take it. Yogi Berra said, but he meant that sometimes both roads lead to the same place. So it does not matter. So true! Thx! I try to have peace be my guide.....sometimes I don’t know if I took a wrong turn until I realized I don’t quite have peace...:�� Edited October 29, 2019 by MountainGirl111 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 MountainGirl, just remember that we make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGirl111 Posted October 29, 2019 Author Share Posted October 29, 2019 MountainGirl, just remember that we make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time. So true!! ..: hey thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGirl111 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Share Posted October 30, 2019 Why do you feel bad? And stupid? Your mistakes do not define you. I’m quite concerned that you are taking whatever this is, so personally. Thx BaileyB. Well, I was in a funk, that's what and you guys have helped out of it. I've made mistakes, yes. And felt foolish because of them...but you're right, I shouldn't let them define me and just learn from them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MountainGirl111 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Share Posted October 30, 2019 (edited) So, I'm not in a funk today, but I DO want to write something. Writing is a good exercise for me ...I already worked out physically and that felt good..but it's been awhile since I really cathartically wrote something. .... I'm not living in the past, but there are past things I needed to learn from....and preraph is right we go by the information we have which can not be enough to make sound decisions...or....we have the information we need but are somehow stifled and/or we lack the power to do what is truly right (in said situation). The year was 2004. Little ones are not supposed to die. they don't have a 'voice'...it shouldn't have died...but, it did. I became depressed that year and started taking anit-d's...which helped some...but I was haunted, none the less...I'm no longer haunted by it, really, but every year on the anniversary of its death my thoughts go that way...it's been so long ago...but I remember feeling ANGRY about it...REALLY angry....and I am not typically an angry person and not known to have outbursts...but I sometimes wonder if I should have gone ahead and had an class "A" outburst for this rotten thing that happened that could have been prevented.... yeah, I know..can't turn back time....but I know of those who contributed to the demise and I lost all respect for them. If you don't have respect, what have you got? so I once again turned to my music for "therapy" and that helped some....Made the newspaper once again that year because of a performance...that's nice, but it didn't bring my baby back... that little soul was still gone and there was no getting it back to earth...I believe it is in heaven but of course I can't prove that!! An innocent little soul...there is nothing quite so pure...except maybe an innocent little ole lady who wouldn't harm a flea.. .I thought about it a lot for over a year after it happened...gradually I didn't think about it so much...but when I would run into people who contributed to the demise, it brought back the horror....THEY were not sad because of it....THEY didn't care one way or another for that loss...THEY went about their life as content as could be because nobody messed with their own baby or their schedule....no, THEIR schedule wasn't upset...not at all...THEY simply didn't CARE. And, that is what I call injustice. That's all I'm going to write at this time. If someone reads it, feel free to comment. It feels freeing to write about this...it's first time I have put it into words like this. Thank you loveshack people. Edited October 30, 2019 by MountainGirl111 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 you're welcome MG111 Link to post Share on other sites
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