What is the best way to deal with a younger coworker who is above you?

[Watercolors]

In both of my most recent work roles, I was trained by women who are 18 to 25 years younger than me. I was fired after 5 weeks and now I'm worried that will happen to me again in my most recent work role, which is a month-long contract-to-hire position.

 

I feel like I was fired from my recent role because the gal who was 25, didn't like me. She and the woman who hired me would meet with each other to discuss my role but never included me. What could I do? I had no control in that situation. I was a sitting duck and that was at a full-time job.

 

Now, as a temp I feel like a sitting duck for the same type of ageism-undermining because the gal who is training me told me she's trained a LOT of temps for this role and only 1 of them lasted a year but then left the position after that. It is a great company too and I've already met a lot of people in one week that are my age, who I could see myself become real friends with.

 

I don't want this 30 year old to be the reason I lose this opportunity for a stable job. The human resources woman who hired me, hired me an hour after my interview with her and I started the role the next day. The agency I work through will require her company to pay a large fee if she hires me before the month contract is up.

 

And she told me in my interview, that even if I did a stellar job, she wouldn't hire me just because she doesn't want to pay the temp agency the fee which is a few thousand dollars, to release me from my month-long contract to become a full-time employee.

 

So, is it a lose-lose situation here?

 

How...how do I outsmart this 30 year old who is SUPER domineering and critical of literally every word I utter when I am speaking to customers on the phone. A couple of her coworkers have told me that she is very difficult to get along with yet she also did this same job I'm doing now, when she started at this company where she's been for nearly 10 years. I feel like she's territorial of the front office and is treating me like an invader. Yet, she has a higher paying job there now, so why sabotage me? Why undermine me when she and everyone there knows how happy I am at this new company, and how optimistic I feel about my future if I were hired there full-time.

 

I'm so fed up with being the middler-aged woman, in a less powerful position than my coworkers who are 20 years younger than me.

 

How do I avoid the 'baiting' traps that I KNOW this 30 year old coworker will set for me, like the 25 year old at my previous 5-week job set and I fell for each trap like an idiot.

 

The article I linked talks about not reacting to toxic coworkers' efforts to sabotage or undermine, setting boundaries right away, clarify goals and needs right away. Since I've only been there for 4 days, I haven't done any of those things with this 30 year old coworker who I feel threatened by, job-security-wise already.

 

Next week is a new week. How do I set boundaries, clarify my goals, and my professional needs with her? How do I express my curiosity with the job with her in a way that shows I'm competent?

 

She was very threatened by the fact that the human resources woman LOVED the idea of my taking the previous front office admin's notes and creating a 'front desk' binder of responsibilities. When I asked the 30 year old for the account number and names of vendors to order supplies for the office, which are mentioned in the receptionists notes but no specific vendor names are listed, she wryly (and I mean WRYLY) responded, "the receptionist is supposed to order supplies."

 

And wouldn't give me the vendor information or anything. So, I went to the marketing manager and asked him if he had that information AND HE DID. He gave me a photocopy of the company credit card, the list of vendors the company uses, phone numbers, email addresses, etc. everything this 30 year old ALREADY KNEW b/c she previously did the role almost a decade ago when she first started there.

 

So, clearly, this 30 year old is mocking me already -- 4 days into my role -- hoping I'll crumble or act unprofessional. She's even made comments to me like, "You're very insecure. You need to have more confidence in yourself in this role or no one will respect you." Could there BE anything more ironic? I mean, seriously!

 

I can't tell if she likes me or hates me. I NEED this job to become permanent. If anyone is good at maneuvering around toxic coworkers without being taken out (i.e. 'fired'), please share your expertise. Esp. where ageism is concerned. Thanks for listening.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm so fed up with being the middle-aged woman, in a less powerful position than my coworkers who are 20 years younger than me.

 

How do I avoid the 'baiting' traps that I KNOW this 30 year old coworker will set for me, like the 25 year old at my previous 5-week job set and I fell for each trap like an idiot.

 

Watercolors, people who are generally successful at their jobs and in their careers worry about themselves. They focus on their own skills and performance and, in doing so, maximize their value and contribution to their employers. They 'lose' their current job only by getting promoted to a new one.

 

The people who struggle are those who lose time worrying about others. They see obstacles and create drama, and come to the attention of HR and supervisors pretty quickly because they confuse cliques, gossip, lunchtime discussions and office politics with the real work that needs to be done by the end of the day.

 

I'm not sure why, after only a week there, you're trying so hard to put yourself in the second group?

 

Just do the best job you possibly can and let the chips fall where they may. Not only is any other approach unproductive, but your current orientation almost assures the outcome you're worried about...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Blind-Sided]

Once again... Mr Lucky's words are spot on. With reading your post... you are creating the very problem you face. You are worried about a problem that does not even exist yet. Just because others may not like this person... you may get along great... IF... you do not develop a potential bad relationship in you own head.

 

 

As above... do your best job... and DO NOT create a problem before there is one.

 

 

You will be OK.

[alphamale]

excellent analysis mr. lucky

[d0nnivain]

Watercolors

 

This job is unlikely to become permanent. I say that not because of your performance or your interactions with this supervisor. It won't go to perm because of the economics. You were already told that the company will not pay the fee to the staffing agency to be able to hire you directly.

 

Those fees operate to trap folks like you.

 

In the future, take an extra step in your job hunting. Before you reply through an internet ad go to the website for the employer directly & apply that way so neither you nor the employer are beholden to an agency.

[Watercolors]

I'm actually just looking for advice from people in my position -- who are a generation older than their supervisor at work. If anyone has any advice on how they handled a younger supervisor in charge of them at their work, I'd like to hear from you.

 

https://hbr.org/2015/10/when-your-boss-is-younger-than-you

[basil67]

You treat the person exactly the same as any other supervisor. Their age shouldn't be a factor.

[preraph]

You treat them with respect. Remember, ageism goes both ways. If they're your boss, you treat them like one.

[Watercolors]

Again, I'm hoping to hear personal anecdotes from people who have or have had supervisors younger than them; how did you handle any generational differences in communication and how did the age difference effect your work performance (if it did). What conflicts happened and how did you resolve them?

[amaysngrace]

You may not respect the person but you have to respect the position.

 

It’s really as simple as that.

[preraph]

My boss is younger than me. Been there 10 years. I don't doubt his seniority or authority. I don't resent that he's younger. I don't have a problem doing things his way.

 

There's no reason to have communication problems solely because of someone being younger. You're the underling, so you do things the way they ask you to, even if you think your way is better. You suck it up or you keep looking for another position. No one is going to hire you in as the boss. You're always going to be working for someone.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Watercolors, you are asking for specific advice. In the course of replying, many are giving you incredibly helpful advice that isn't exactly what you asked for. You would be wise to take this advice as bonus points, so to speak.

 

Have you ever heard the saying, "A word to the wise is sufficient?"

 

However, I believe I may be able to answer your question. Every client I serve becomes my boss, or my supervisor. Some of them are younger than I am and some of them are demanding and even don't know what they're talking about with regards to the project.

 

Here is how I handle it. I listen to them and do my best to figure out how I can make them the happiest, even when their request makes no sense to me. This, of course, includes delivering the project to their specifications but also doing a great job on it but maybe not the way I would have done it had I been left to myself to figure it out.

 

I have been very successful in a highly competitive arena in which very few people are able to make a living.

 

But, when dealing with clients who know nothing about the project yet want to direct me in what to do, I let them do so. Above all else, I am respectful to them. There are ways a person can allow another person to be in charge, while still remaining in charge oneself. It is up to you to discover how to do so.

 

You may be a highly intelligent and capable person but being able to work well with people is almost always as important as being brilliant is.

 

A couple of other things, grace and humility pave a road to success.

Edited October 27, 2019 by LivingWaterPlease

[alphamale]

You may not respect the person but you have to respect the position.

 

It’s really as simple as that.

 

i didn't know you were a republican

[basil67]

Again, I'm hoping to hear personal anecdotes from people who have or have had supervisors younger than them

 

Perhaps it would help if you explained what she's doing which is different to what an older supervisor would do?

[LivingWaterPlease]

I feel like I was fired from my recent role because the gal who was 25, didn't like me. She and the woman who hired me would meet with each other to discuss my role but never included me. What could I do? I had no control in that situation. I was a sitting duck and that was at a full-time job.

 

It was OK that they met and didn't include you because bosses do that. You weren't supposed to have control.

 

Now, as a temp I feel like a sitting duck for the same type of ageism-undermining because the gal who is training me told me she's trained a LOT of temps for this role and only 1 of them lasted a year but then left the position after that. It is a great company too and I've already met a lot of people in one week that are my age, who I could see myself become real friends with.

 

She did you a favor in that she indicated to you that it would be normal for you not to last or to quit. So you'll realize it was nothing personal if it doesn't work out, which it may not. Did she tell you the others who didn't work out were older?

 

I don't want this 30 year old to be the reason I lose this opportunity for a stable job. The human resources woman who hired me, hired me an hour after my interview with her and I started the role the next day. The agency I work through will require her company to pay a large fee if she hires me before the month contract is up.

 

And she told me in my interview, that even if I did a stellar job, she wouldn't hire me just because she doesn't want to pay the temp agency the fee which is a few thousand dollars, to release me from my month-long contract to become a full-time employee.

 

So, is it a lose-lose situation here?

 

It sounds to me as if it's not an opportunity for a stable job, sorry to tell you but I don't see it as a lose-lose situation. You won because you got the job temporarily.

 

How...how do I outsmart this 30 year old who is SUPER domineering and critical of literally every word I utter.......I KNOW this 30 year old coworker will set for me, like the 25 year old at my previous 5-week job set and I fell for each trap like an idiot.

 

The article I linked talks about not reacting to toxic coworkers' efforts to sabotage or undermine, setting boundaries right away, clarify goals and needs right away. Since I've only been there for 4 days, I haven't done any of those things with this 30 year old coworker who I feel threatened by, job-security-wise already.

 

You're on the same team with her and not there to figure out how to outsmart her.

 

Next week is a new week. How do I set boundaries, clarify my goals, and my professional needs with her? How do I express my curiosity with the job with her in a way that shows I'm competent?

 

Your goals and professional needs are probably not something she cares about. You're there to do a job. If you want to show her you're competent, just do the job.

 

She was very threatened by the fact that the human resources woman LOVED the idea of my taking the previous front office admin's notes and creating a 'front desk' binder of responsibilities. When I asked the 30 year old for the account number and names of vendors to order supplies for the office, which are mentioned in the receptionists notes but no specific vendor names are listed, she wryly (and I mean WRYLY) responded, "the receptionist is supposed to order supplies."

 

And wouldn't give me the vendor information or anything. So, I went to the marketing manager and asked him if he had that information AND HE DID. He gave me a photocopy of the company credit card, the list of vendors the company uses, phone numbers, email addresses, etc. everything this 30 year old ALREADY KNEW b/c she previously did the role almost a decade ago when she first started there.

 

Others who work in a corporate setting may see this differently. I'm in business for myself. But, were I in your situation, I would never have gone over the head of my direct supervisor, especially to get information she wouldn't give you, at your stage of employment and would think long and hard about it once in a stable position there for awhile.

 

You want to be a great teammate with your direct supervisor. Trying to impress her superiors right off the bat is, IMO, anyway, not the way to do it.

 

So, clearly, this 30 year old is mocking me already -- 4 days into my role -- hoping I'll crumble or act unprofessional. She's even made comments to me like, "You're very insecure. You need to have more confidence in yourself in this role or no one will respect you." Could there BE anything more ironic? I mean, seriously!

 

I can't tell if she likes me or hates me. I NEED this job to become permanent. If anyone is good at maneuvering around toxic coworkers without being taken out (i.e. 'fired'), please share your expertise. Esp. where ageism is concerned. Thanks for listening.

 

I'm sorry to tell you that chances of it becoming permanent are very slim. I wrote out the reasons why but it became long and I'm trying to keep this relatively short.

 

Another poster mentioned that it might be in your best interest to find a job using a method other than a temp agent. That seems to be a great idea to me.

 

I'm wishing you the best, Watercolors!

[S2B]

Just be respectful and follow directions.

 

Set the age aside - just do your work!

[basil67]

I'm your age and have worked in temporary contracts before. Unless it's advertised as temporary to permanent, we're not there to stay, we're not there to progress. We are simply there to quietly get on with our work.

 

If you're making trouble, trying to get people moved out so that you can progress, you will find yourself without a job very very soon.

[introverted1]

I'm actually just looking for advice from people in my position -- who are a generation older than their supervisor at work. If anyone has any advice on how they handled a younger supervisor in charge of them at their work, I'd like to hear from you.

 

https://hbr.org/2015/10/when-your-boss-is-younger-than-you

 

 

My current boss is younger than I am.

My 2 previous bosses were younger than I am.

All were women.

All were 20 - 25 years younger.

I brought value to my role in each case.

I received good reviews and promotions.

I was well regarded.

 

 

Did you read the article you posted? It has good suggestions. Don't look for problems. Your focus should be on how you can contribute to your organization in a positive way.

[d0nnivain]

I have never had a younger boss but I have always been the younger boss. Now that I'm in my 50s that is changing but early on in my career it was an issue.

 

I tried to respect people. I expected that if my subordinates couldn't respect me, because I had little experience, they would at least respect the office / title & my education level, which is primarily how I got the job. I also recognized that their longevity in the position or in life was going to give them insights I didn't have.

 

It sounds like your bosses aren't giving you the benefit of the doubt but they may be jaded by their past experience with contract workers who don't feel or act as loyal to the company as my be required / expected.

 

Just do your best but don't try to show up the younger boss. Not everybody takes kindly to the "I'm older so I automatically know better" mentality. Especially in a world where technology changes so rapidly experience is not always superior.

[Watercolors]

I've read everyone's responses in my thread. From the articles I've read so far this weekend, this is the takeaway from multiple online sources:

 

 

• Defy the golden rule and DON'T treat others the way I want to be treated. Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.
   
  
• Communicate and give feedback. If everyone knows what's expected of them there will be less workplace conflict.
   
  
• Understand that there will be different work values because of the age difference. Try to find common ground with each other.
   
  
• Stereotypes based on age are common in the workplace. Workplaces that succeed do so because they leverage the diversity of age-work experience.
   
  
• Work-conflict is more about power and control than it is about generational differences.
   
  
• Be flexible.
   
  
• A worker's role is a marker of their success, not necessarily their age.
   
  
• Leverage your work experience.*
  

*Not sure how this applies to me as a temp.

 

To clear up some assumptions too:

 

• The HR person told me that while she wouldn't hire me during my temp contract due to the fee she doesn't want to pay the temp agency, if I did well and was a right fit, she'd hire me after I FINISH my temp contract there. I don't think my chances of being hired permanently here are 0% just because I'm a temp.
  
• I am not after the 30 year old supervisor's job. I like the current role I was hired as a temp for. Most people get promoted. The 30 year old had the same role but was promoted twice now. This is not a static position by any means and I never said I didn't like it.
  
• To deny that workplace bias esp. concerning generational differences doesn't exist and doesn't effect the work environment, minimizes my personal experience with it.
  

 

A movie that comes to mind that addresses age bias in the workplace, is The Intern where a 70 year old widower goes back to work as a senior intern for a fashion company, despite the fact that he's already a retired business man.

 

I'm not a retired 70 year old going back to work. However, my life was interrupted when I had to become my mother's caregiver for a year so I'm still coming out of that transition, and trying to find a full-time job that is the right fit has been a failure so far.

 

Many temp jobs can turn into something full-time, and many do not. My hope is, that I can maneuver around the office politics, the age bias, and any stereotypes the HR and this 30 year old have about temps from their previous negative experiences with temps there, and see that I am competent and someone worth giving a genuine chance to.

 

It doesn't matter how many temp agencies I join. I have no control over who will hire me no matter what I do. I can network, join temp agencies, take internships, but there is no guarantee any of that will have the payoff for a full-time job.

[LivingWaterPlease]

• The HR person told me that while she wouldn't hire me during my temp contract due to the fee she doesn't want to pay the temp agency, if I did well and was a right fit, she'd hire me after I FINISH my temp contract there. I don't think my chances of being hired permanently here are 0% just because I'm a temp.
  
• I am not after the 30 year old supervisor's job. I like the current role I was hired as a temp for. Most people get promoted. The 30 year old had the same role but was promoted twice now. This is not a static position by any means and I never said I didn't like it.
  
• To deny that workplace bias esp. concerning generational differences doesn't exist and doesn't effect the work environment, minimizes my personal experience with it.
  

 

Not sure anyone means to deny workplace bias exists. I for sure didn't. But, it's great to read that the HR person told you she'd hire you after you finish your temp contract there! I hope you get offered the job permanently, Watercolors!

[Mr. Lucky]

if I did well and was a right fit, she'd hire me after I FINISH my temp contract there. I don't think my chances of being hired permanently here are 0% just because I'm a temp.

 

You might want to get some clarity regarding your contract language, most are carefully structured to avoid an end-run like this. In other words, you can’t finish the contract, apply and get hired without the agency getting paid...

 

Mr. Lucky

[clia]

I'm so fed up with being the middler-aged woman, in a less powerful position than my coworkers who are 20 years younger than me.

 

This comment makes me wonder who is actually being ageist here? You seem very focused on the age of your superiors, and I wonder if you aren't subconsciously acting in a disrespectful way toward her due to her age, because you don't like working for someone younger than you.

 

What makes you think that she or your previous supervisor don't like you because of your age? Isn't it possible there may be other reasons?

 

How do I set boundaries, clarify my goals, and my professional needs with her? How do I express my curiosity with the job with her in a way that shows I'm competent?

 

You are brand new in a temp position. Just do what she tells you to do and do your job. Settle in and observe. You don't have to solve all of their problems or improve all of their processes in your first week. Just competently perform the tasks you are given for now.

 

So, clearly, this 30 year old is mocking me already -- 4 days into my role -- hoping I'll crumble or act unprofessional. She's even made comments to me like, "You're very insecure. You need to have more confidence in yourself in this role or no one will respect you." Could there BE anything more ironic? I mean, seriously!

 

It sounds like she's giving you advice in how to succeed in the role you are in, and you are getting defensive about it. Why not take her advice?

[introverted1]

To deny that workplace bias esp. concerning generational differences doesn't exist and doesn't effect the work environment, minimizes my personal experience with it.

 

 

I don't think anyone is minimizing your experience. That said, we all create our own experiences to a large extent. If you go into a job assuming you will experience age bias, odds are good that this will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

 

The more you tell yourself that a situation won't work, the more energy you give to finding problems, the more likely it is that what you fear will come true.

 

 

You're apparently well-educated and on your way to earning a graduate degree. You were only out of the workforce for a year. You seem to be in your 40's. That one year of lost career opportunity isn't enough to explain your current rut. Is there more to it?

[gaius]

Water, you were fired from your previous job because you weren't doing the tasks you were assigned correctly. Instead of focusing on your work you focused on creating conflict with your superior instead. Which is something you seem to be repeating already at this new job.

 

If you want to succeed with a younger boss, then

 

A) Become the best person that company has ever seen at the work that you are assigned. If this woman is critical of how you're talking to customers then adjust accordingly. Listen to what she has to say. Smile. If you're not doing your job correctly, or asking other people for stuff you should go through her for then you make her look bad to her superiors. Which you don't want to do.

 

And B) Promote this woman. If her boss asks you how it's going, tell her she's the best trainer you've ever had. Charm her. You're 20 years older than she is. You should be able to set the tone in a conversation. If she's grumpy or nasty, be happy. Robert De Niro succeeded in in the Intern not because he fought with Anne Hathaway, but because he did exactly what I'm talking about. Learn from him.

 

Whether you succeed or not is in your hands. Good luck.