jprice984 Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 (edited) I've was dating my ex for almost 5 yrs and we have a child together. The things I've notice now since I finally left her that I think I should have noticed awhile back but didnt. She has two other kids to her ex husband and I have 4 to my ex. She hated it when my kids came around and so did her oldest daughter. My kids never did anything to them. When it was my kids birthday i took them shopping to pick out there presents. When i would get back home she would say....and how much did you spend on them. I took my daughter to longhorn steakhouse for her birthday and I got the third degree. If we did anything as a family it had to be just her kids. If I brought any of mine it would turn into a fight or you could tell she wasn't comfortable at all. When it came to health insurance she confronted me and said I shouldn't be paying for there health insurance because 3 of my kids are adults but under 26. Which it didn't matter money wise because family coverage costed me the same wether I had one kid on it or 10 the price wouldn't have changed. My daughter was 21 at the time and pregnant, she told me i will be damned if we pay any of her dr bills...i prob should have left then but I didnt...i think I was in her control. When it came time for my grandbaby to be born I told her I was going to take the day off work and stay at the hospital with her until the baby came. She got pissed and said I should wait until I knew for sure it was time for delivery...because we needed the money.. She would even tell her cousin she thinks the kids would be better off with her ex because he made more money than I did. I bought her an engagement ring and she told me after she broke that off that it I told her is buy her a big diamond and that the one I got her wasn't big. We had rocky relationship with a few breakups. Mainly over kids because I felt she was trying to keep me away from mine. And also she had alot of guy friends that she would continuously text on fb and some conversation were not appropriate. Some of the guy friends where ex's she would text out of the blue and then tell me they contacted her. Which I knew was a lie after going through her phone. The straw that broke me for the last time was this. She went away to a softball tournament for her daughter and I stayed home to work overtime for extra money for us. While she was out of town she got in the truck with her ex husband and tried to give him oral sex. He refused because his daughter was around. Her reply was she knows how she was made..but he still said no but she could come to his room. Anyway she didn't go. But I found out because I seen the messages later when she got home talking about that night with him. So I left and confronted her about it. She told me i read it wrong and that nothing happened so it wasn't cheating and I was wrong for leaving her n the kids. Edited October 27, 2019 by jprice984 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 Nothing here that suggests narcissism. More like someone who's got control issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jprice984 Posted October 27, 2019 Author Share Posted October 27, 2019 (edited) Not even the fact that she continues to return to ex's and talk inappropriately to them. Is that not trying to Hoover them back in. Then the fact she denies she cheated when I have the proof in black and white that she damn sure tried and had he let her she would have? Then try n day I was in the wrong for leaving because she didn't do it? The money being spent on my kids and not saved for her....the engagement ring not being big enough?. I'm just trying to understand not saying ur wrong... I forgot to mention when she would talk to her ex's and the other guys she was stringing along she would belittle me. Tell them I didn't help her around the house, that I didn't help her with our son, and I didn't help her with paying the bills to make me look bad which was all lies. And when confronted about that cheating she said I wasn't innocent but I didn't cheat and never had she once apologised about anything. It was always i should have done something diff Edited October 27, 2019 by jprice984 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 I don’t know if she is a “narcissist,” but it’s quite clear that she is not a very nice person and that you had a very unhealthy relationship. Be glad it’s done and try to distance yourself as much as possible... Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 This sounds like a very bad relationship, with way too many kids involved. Your ex sounds immature and unstable, but the fact that you were with her for five long years also speaks volumes. I don’t think she’s a narcissist necessarily, but what does it matter? She’s your ex for a reason, and you should keep it this way. Be thankful you weren’t married! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 (edited) OK, perhaps I'm just not getting it. When you read the criteria for narcissism, which traits make you think she has it? Don't forget that most people who aren't nice people simply aren't nice people. Edited October 27, 2019 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 Don't forget that most people who aren't nice people simply aren't nice people. Agreed. jprice984, I'm not sure why a label is important or changes anything that's happened. Being in a relationship when you have kids from a previous one creates a need to juggle priorities, something she seems unable to do. Looks like you'll now have two exes with kids. Choose your next partner wisely, she'll need the patience of a saint... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Libby1 Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 Agreed. jprice984, I'm not sure why a label is important or changes anything that's happened. Being in a relationship when you have kids from a previous one creates a need to juggle priorities, something she seems unable to do. Looks like you'll now have two exes with kids. Choose your next partner wisely, she'll need the patience of a saint... Mr. Lucky Drama and unpleasantness is bound to result from child contact issues involving this difficult and demanding ex. Any future partner who's a paragon of patience would probably quickly have to learn to be a bit less patient in these situations, I'm afraid to say. For her own sake, and to avoid being walked all over/continually pushed down the ladder of priorities in order to mollify a more difficult woman. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 Not everyone is cut out to be a step parent. Your ex clearly wasn't and saw your children as "intruders" into your relationship and she wanted to make sure her family took priority both for your money and for your time. Your children were not wanted by her and she made it known... It is a "natural" instinct. She has nothing invested in your kids, they are some other woman's children... Some other woman she probably wishes never existed... Once she realised you weren't good enough as a father for her kids, she went looking for someone else, even considering they may be better off with her ex rather than with you... Not a narcissist, just a mother hen looking out for HER chicks... Seems to me that there is assumption that a woman will go all gaga over kids, and that she will make them all her own. But that isn't true. Women are individuals and some will never accept other women's children. The evil stepmother is not a popular stereotype for no reason. Some women can be very territorial... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 For her own sake, and to avoid being walked all over/continually pushed down the ladder of priorities in order to mollify a more difficult woman. And that's only with ex #1. The ex has 4 kids with ex #2 ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 No, not a narcissist, just a common garden variety a-hole. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
boymommy Posted October 29, 2019 Share Posted October 29, 2019 I was married to a narcissist for 11 years. She does sound like is controlling (as he is) and selfish (as he is) however, what you have described lacks the key ingredients for narcissism. I would describe my ex husband as Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde. Nobody knows what he is REALLY like. He comes across as father of the year, God's gift to women, the greatest thing to ever walk the Earth. Behind closed doors, he is the biggest a-hole and some of the things he has said to me I can't even think about without re-traumatizing myself. But of course his public appearance (and how he first appeared to me) seemed to be the nicest guy on the face of the planet. Narcs are like that..you never see them coming because basically they present themselves as charming, wonderful, smooth talkers, basically the greatest thing EVER. Then they pull the rug out from under you and start acting more and more shady as time goes on. Their mission is to try and get you to second guess yourself in order to lower your self esteem and make you think YOU are the problem and not them (gaslighting). They prey on people who may already have low self esteem or depression/anxiety issues (basically they prey on vulnerable people) so that basically they can use those issues against you when you try to call them out on their crap. It works really well! But only to a point. Anyway, IMO she just sounds like a selfish control freak and you are better off without her. Move on! Don't worry about what she is or isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
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