The Breakup

[CloudyHead]

BF and I ended our personal relationship yesterday a month shy of dating for 3 years. I posted on here back in May about issues in the relationship. BF works for me. BF continued missing work for health issues and, honestly, I became resentful towards him. Although he is 48 yo, emotionally he is immature. He sent me texts on and off this year about breaking up. He prefers texting than talking. My mother passed away unexpectedly in April; and, I've been emotionally supporting my dad and sister during the grieving process while pushing my own feelings to the side. Experiencing birthdays and special occasions without my mother is difficult. And, it is my daughter's senior year in high school so every weekend is a college tour or photos or dances, etc. BF sent me a text last night after I returned from an emotional weekend with my father. It is difficult to see your father cry one minute then turn angry the next and I told BF how hard the weekend was for me. Nevertheless, he sent a text about an hour after I returned home that he wanted to talk about our relationship and its future at work the next day. I texted back to tell me what the issues were . . . he wanted to break up as we were not spending time together outside of work. I had told him before that if he ever sent me a text about breaking up, then we were breaking up. He said he wanted to end the relationship but continue working with me. I told him fine. He also stated that he did not want me bringing new boyfriends around the office for a few months. Seriously?! I am not dating anyone and have no desire to date anyone. After spending a day working with him, I am relieved the personal relationship is over. I do not know why I am relieved but I am. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

[preraph]

Huh. He can't tell you not to bring guys around. He very well may bring women around. I don't know if you can keep working together, but you can't just fire him unless you build a case for it first in his file. If he's not coming to work, that is a start. Start asking for doctors' notes if you have doubts about the health reasons. Also, each employee only gets so many sick days, so it may be time to have a general employee meeting wherein you reiterate the number of sick and family days off they get, so that way you aren't targeting him but you are putting everyone on notice.

 

I'm glad you're relieved. I hope the fact you're both relieved means you can both be civil at work, but with him telling you not to bring dates, I somehow doubt it.

[Commongoal123]

Working "with" you? Or working "for" you?

 

Maybe fire his ass and see how he gets on without you.

[stillafool]

Thank goodness you no longer care. I would bring whomever I choose, whenever I choose to bring them. You two are no longer together and he doesn't get to tell you what to do. Now as long as you can handle him bringing other women over to his job everything should be okay.

[d0nnivain]

Again, I am so sorry about your mom. That first year . . . all the missed things. . .can be extremely painful. Tomorrow will be the 7th anniversary of my father's death. I feel for you.

 

I think you will be better off without your BF. The problem now is if you try to fire him he will scream sexual harassment. Would you be open to the idea of buying him out with a package & getting him to sign off on not suing you? On top of all the other stress you have, you need to start marshalling witnesses who will say your relationship was consensual. Preserve that text message where he broke up with you. In your shoes, I'd bring new dates around at the earliest possible opportunity in the hopes of getting the EX to quit.

[kendahke]

He also stated that he did not want me bringing new boyfriends around the office for a few months.

 

I lost my mom in January and I know exactly what you're talking about. This stuff is miserably hard. My sincere condolences on your loss.

 

Now to him: He's not in any position to tell you who you can and can't bring around YOUR office that YOU pay for. He doesn't run anything: he runs around in it and barely at that.

 

I'd pull him down on the insubordination of that comment alone. Tell him to stay in his lane and worry about correcting his abysmal attendance record, which gives you more than enough reason to fire him.

[David87]

You need to fire him asap.