ExMM sent me a message

[Ravensglen]

I'm sorry if my post was one of the brutally truthful posts. It was not meant to be mean-spirited. Someone said "The grass is greener where you water it the most." That's the truth. That is why I said you need IC to figure out what you want and why you would jeopardize your marriage for this guy who keeps popping into your life after you've gotten over him. He's not worth you losing your marriage.

 

No worries whatsoever. Everyone is just trying to help, I think. Different people have different communication styles. I don’t remember if your post was one of the scathing ones, I just remember as I was reading some of them I felt less like they were trying to encourage me in a positive direction and more like they were throwing stones.

 

I agree with all your points. IC isn’t possible due to financial reasons at this point in my life (we are insured but it doesn’t cover counseling). You are absolutely right that it makes no sense to cause problems for myself or my marriage over this. Marriage is hard enough without this unnecessary drama.

[DKT3]

Sorry, but what? I feel like you are making things up to fit a narrative in your head. I never said I didn’t want to be married. When I was deep in EA fog I told myself that, but those thoughts have passed. And I knew they were crazy, even at the time. I went NC with my AP because I chose to, not bc he rejected me. I could see the A was a dead end, I was tired of hurting people and myself. And I have stuck to NC. The times I struggle are when he finds a way to worm himself back into my life somehow my sending me a message on some platform (work emails, or most recently Facebook messenger). The solution is blocking him when this happens.

 

Thing about posting here, no matter how much we want to change what was said we cant. I didn't put anything in my post that isnt in one of your posts. When you say I cant go back in talking about your marriage what does that mean? That you went to be married?

 

You at one point spoke of your anger that your AP would not leave his marriage, you can attempt to cover your actions with "fog" but your behavior and thought process has not changed since those days. Thus you are still struggling. To be better you actually have to be better.

[oldlion]

I read all your post and replies and there is one very important thing I did not read. I don't remember where you, even once, said "I love my husband." There was much you said about your feelings for the AP but no feelings of love for the man you are married to. You expressed feeling of euphoria for your AP, felt you were cheating on the AP when you had sex with your husband and at the same time wishing something would happen to your husband so you could be with your AP. You may call it "the fog", or a lapse in your emotions and good judgement but you can not say there was love for your husband. Do you have any love for your husband or are you just tolerant of his presences and the life and security he provides? If you do love your husband then you will completely cut the AP out of your life. No text, no email, no phone calls, not even a smoke signal. Otherwise be honest with your husband about your feelings, give him a divorce and journey into the land of fantasy, rainbows and unicorns with someone whose primary aim is getting you naked and in bed with him. He divorced his wife and be assured, when he tires of you he will leave you like he left her. Think about this. If he will cheat with you the indication is he would cheat with someone else other than you. You are playing with someone who isn't anywhere near the man you already have. It's sad but we never really know what we had until we lose it. I do wish you well.