The holiday season approaches

[mortensorchid]

The holiday season is upon us. For many of us for a variety of reasons, this is a very stressful time of year. Some people, I have learned, are not good during the holiday season. Why? It varies. Some people don't like the holidays - whether it's the big ones like the time between Halloween and New Year's, or even smaller ones like Mother's Day, or high pressure ones like Valentine's Day. Why? A lot of importance is put on others to give the best gift and what it means. Some are disappointed with the things they get and let others know of this. And still others, I find, like to ruin these holidays because they want to be the center of attention, they have their own issues based around them, try to ruin everyone else's good time, etc.

 

That being said, I have tried to enjoy the holiday season and make it a good time for everyone. In the last several years, however, I find myself getting cranky around the holidays thinking I don't want to encounter someone who can and will ruin it when they don't have to. I base this on past relationships I have unfortunately had.

 

In this upcoming season, I am facing a new dilemma or two:

 

1) My sister - My sister (4 years younger) is getting married next year. I have only met her intended once about a year and a half ago, seems like a good guy. Do I buy a gift for him as well? I barely know him.

 

2) New bf - I don't want to scare him off with extravagant things I might want to buy for him (ex. Jewelry). I don't know what his attitude is or isn't about this either. How do I approach this with him to find out?

[major_merrick]

1. Something inexpensive, but still of decent quality. Guys like stuff to eat, so chocolate, sausage, alcohol, or something like that.

 

2. See above.

[basil67]

You're still seeing the new guy....and you're thinking about Christmas with him. Well done.

 

MM's suggestion for new BIL is good. Though I'm curious as to what type of sausage one would give as a gift and how it would be presented. Gotta love cultural differences

 

With boyfriend, I'd think about ideas but come early Dec, if things are going well, I'd initiate a conversation about gifts. Either "hey, what do you think about doing Xmas gifts for each other this year?" or "I got you a little Xmas pressie" just so that he's not caught out and embarrassed without one for you in return.

[Mr. Lucky]

Something inexpensive, but still of decent quality

 

Amen. Definitely don't overthink it - no gold chain with both your initials or tattoo gift certificate with instructions to put your name on his chest.

 

Tech is always good. Nice earbuds or headphones are fairly inexpensive...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Happy Lemming]

When in doubt... gift cards.

 

Do you know anything that you soon to be brother-in-law is into?? A small gift card to a related store of that interest would seem to work.

 

As for your boyfriend... maybe a small cooking appliance to aid in feeding the kids when he has them?? Like others, nothing too personal or expensive.

[Cersei]

Oh man. I am kind of in the same situation as you. A new boyfriend at this time of year is awkward.

 

I find it a tough time of year ever since I lost my Mom. But add the extra pressures we put on ourselves and it's just not worth the stress.

 

I don't really buy gifts; gift cards have been my go to and I don't do any baking or decorating. I have enough things to do on a daily basis so why add more?

 

I just carry on my merry way through the season, try not to rain on anyone else's holiday parade and just suck it up Dec 25th and have one busy and okay day. Don't stress over the holidays, that is not a fun way to celebrate.

 

As far as a gift for the new beau...I am getting him something kinda quirky yet personal with regards to how we met.

[d0nnivain]

Absolutely get your soon to be BIL a little something. You are not expected to spend a fortune or get him something personal. The point is to include him as part of the family. Although I'm not usually a fan, here a gift card would be great. Think something generic like Amazon. If you want to get him something ask your sister about his likes / dislikes or sizes. I think a generic polo shirt in a solid neutral color like navy blue or white would be fine. If you learn his favorite sports team, something with their logo would also work.

 

Similarly, a low key gift exchange with the new guy would work. For him I'd spell it out. When I did this I said something like, "I enjoy getting people gifts for the holidays. It makes me happy. For me it's all about having a little something to unwrap. I'd like us to exchange gifts if you are comfortable with that. To take the pressure off, how do you feel about that with a cap of $x?" I didn't always mention money but I did play up the idea of a token, a little something & no pressure. Do not get a new SO a gift card. That is so thoughtless & shows no effort to find something that person may like.

 

FWIW I generally hate the holidays & this year I'm being true to myself & ignoring them. DH & I are going away before Christmas & not coming back until after New Years.

[Happy Lemming]

Absolutely get your soon to be BIL a little something. ...here a gift card would be great. Think something generic like Amazon.

 

100% Agree... You can't go wrong with Amazon!!

[Blind-Sided]

First off, congrats on the new guy. I've read over a lot of your posts, and it's time you got a good one. So... here's my thoughts...

 

 

As the others have said... inexpensive is step one. Step two is find something non-committal.

 

 

1) [sister/BL] A gift card would be ok.

 

 

2) [new BF] More baked goods. Winter clothes like a scarf, or some gloves. BUT NO GIFT CARDS !!!!!!!!!!! for kids, or someone I don't know well... that's my go-to. BUT when you are close to someone... it HAS TO BE a personal/thoughtful gift.

 

 

Good luck !!

Edited October 29, 2019 by Blind-Sided

[mark clemson]

His and hers BMW motorcyles or a trip to India?

[alphamale]

for #1 you get him a gift if they are officially engaged

 

for #2, I have no idea

[major_merrick]

Though I'm curious as to what type of sausage one would give as a gift and how it would be presented. Gotta love cultural differences

You can go with specialty cured sausage from the grocery store, or even with a gift certificate to a high-quality local butcher. With my German/Russian background, sausage is appropriate for any number of occasions. Sausage or a similar gift is appropriate for someone you don't know all that well. Unless they are vegetarian.

 

Actually, when my mother-in-law found out "that bad blonde" was joining the family, she gave me a big loaf of bread and some cured sausage for Christmas.

[Happy Lemming]

You can go with specialty cured sausage from the grocery store...

 

Now I want sausage for dinner... Its stuck in my head. That little voice is screaming sausage, sausage, sausage over and over again.

[mortensorchid]

Now I want sausage for dinner... Its stuck in my head. That little voice is screaming sausage, sausage, sausage over and over again.

 

I also want sausage. Maybe I will make some jambalaya once the spaghetti and meatballs I made for the week runs out...

 

Thanks for the suggestions. I am insecure at this moment about it but I am sure that will pass.

[d0nnivain]

I am insecure at this moment about it but I am sure that will pass.

 

Trying to figure out new people's traditions & expectations is stressful. I up-ended the "traditions" of my husband's family because OMG I sent them presents & that wasn't something they did. People got really annoyed with me. From my perspective I went cheap; from their perspective I blew the spending curve out of the water. Whoops. They have now made me paranoid about presents.

 

Do what your heart tells you to do regarding your SO but do get your STB new BIL something to unwrap. You don't want him sitting there while others are being given presents.

[major_merrick]

Awww, don't stress. This is supposed to be fun. And if it isn't, well the holidays are a great excuse for getting wicked drunk