So what's next??

[doh]

Next on the list of things to go wrong, at this point I'm just laughing to myself, there's nothing else I can do.

So, in the past year:

 

1. Marraige starts falling apart, we go to councelling
   
2. Diagnosed with a 'significant trauma' as a result of workplace bullying a couple of years earlier (and emotional abuse in my marriage)
   
3. Have to move out to figure myself out my wife completely loses her ****.
   
4. Local council refuses to move tenants from a house we own, after multiple extensions, we go to court and win they still refuse to move them
   
5. Eventually come to a deal with the council. they find a fund company whos interested in buying, start negotiating
   
6. Trying hard with our couples therapist by my wife doesn't engage, everything is my fault
   
7. After months of negotiating with the fund company the council moves the tenants with 10 days notice, now we have an extra mortgage to pay
   
8. Fund company pulls out of the sale, since tenants were part of the deal
   
9. Couples counselling goes from bad to worse, can't really see much hope
   
10. Get a large, incorrect tax bill for $5,000 (should have been a rebate of $600) - fixing is an ongoing progress, their mistake not mine.
    
11. Get a second tax bill for some one off fee from 2012 and 2013 - we are unwilling landlords, somehow the notice about this slipped through the cracks between the tax office issuing letters and us becoming landlords, there's about $3k of overdue fees.
    
12. Tenants moving out left the house in a state, $4k worth of damage to be fixed, the council will only pay a maximum of $1k
    
13. the last couples therapy session we had was rough, at the end our therapist asks use to look into each others eyes and say one nice thing about the other person, with no 'buts' attached. My wife couldn't come up with anything :-(
    
14. While all this is going on, there's been some turmoil in work, I've been keeping my head down, not noticing the mood. It now appears I'm perceived as being on the wrong side of massive changes. I think I have it under control now, but my anxiety is through the roof, feels very hostile, but I don't think it is.
    
15. Now paying the mortgage for our home, rent for the apartment I'm in, and the mortgage on that house we couldn't sell (it's now up for sale)
    
16. Today, after all those fixes to that house, the sewage pump has broken, and sewage is backing up to the house. Emergency plumbers called out, no idea how much it's gonna cost.
    

 

FML right now, It's all so much I can't even panic about it. I'm just quiet internally. I don't know what I'm going to do.

I got paid on Friday and I've got less than $600 to last the month, this sewage fix is going to be a minimum of $500.

All my friends and family are in another country.

I have my son, who is my saviour right now, but he's away with his mother on holiday for the next two weeks.

 

When will it end.

[d0nnivain]

Right now you feel under siege. I get it. Been there. Have the tattered t-shirt.

 

You need to find the easiest thing to fix & concentrate on that, only that. When you get one small victory under your belt you will regain a sense of accomplishment & control.

 

Meanwhile practice things that help you get calm -- whether prayer, mediation, deep breathing exercise or a combo -- do some form of daily stress relief.

 

Also try keeping a gratitude journal. Every morning & every night write down 3 things -- big or small, doesn't matter -- that you are grateful for. I'll start your list:

 

1. Your son

 

2. the plumbers showed up so it's not worse

 

3. you own property

 

4. the tax bill is getting fixed

 

5. you have a marriage counselor

 

6. the bad tenants are gone

[doh]

Hey, thanks! I appreciate that.

Sometimes it's just so overwhelming you know???

I'm an optimist, the proof is that I still call myself that with all this going on.

I'm doing so much to stay on top of things, I have my own therapist myself, I got a low dose of melatonin from the doctor to help me sleep. I'm meditating first thing every morning when I get up, before bed, I'm trying to exercise but the anxiety is getting the better of me. I tried a sensory deprivation tank this weekend, I found it helpful, I thought I'd turned a corner and then this sewage thing happened.

 

It's nuts, the whole sequence of events up to now is preposterous, I really can't take it all in.

 

But you're right, I will resolve things, this will pass. And I love your idea about a gratitude journal. I'll definitely start keeping one.

I think I'll start writing a diary too.

 

Thanks for your kind words.

[vla1120]

A couple months ago, I was feeling a little bit like you are - it was one thing after another. I have a text group with my three daughters. I had texted them the straw that broke the camel's back for me along with a photo of a person completely submerged in quick sand (only their hand raised) with the caption "I'm okay." My daughter sent me a photo that said "Everything will be okay, maybe not today, but eventually." I have that as my screen saver.

 

What you are going through right now will seem a distant memory in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years. You may even laugh at some of it, though it's not funny right now. (With the sewage backing up into your house, there's a metaphor in there somewhere....)

 

Hang in there! It sounds like you're doing what you need to do to stay sane. (In my case, I need to get off my behind and exercise. I know that would be the biggest help of all!)

[d0nnivain]

The gratitude journal was something one of my therapists had me do.

 

Prayer came to me on my own as I reconnected with my faith. Honestly that has helped me find more peace then everything else I ever tried as an adult including therapy, meditation, mindfulness, exercise, booze & ignoring the whole thing. (Hey I didn't say all of them we good ideas ) I hope you find whatever that one thing is for you.

 

One day at a time. Posting here can help too.

[preraph]

Maybe you should unload that house on one of those fixer-upper companies that flip houses, so you don't have to deal with the mess.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Prayer, reading scripture and exercise has kept me sane in the craziest of times. At one point I was a stay-at-home mom one day and the next on my own with two little children to raise, no money, no job, no income and zero family help.

 

Having no where to turn, I found lots of Bible texts in the book of Psalms and other places that promise God will help. "Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers him from them all." Then Ps 107 is fantastic! It presents groups of people all with different problems it describes and says about them, "They were at their wits end (I particularly love that phrase because it described me perfectly!), then they cried to the Lord (prayed) and He delivered them out of all their troubles." "Those who trust in Him will never be put to shame."

 

You can hold these scriptures as you pray with your finger on the text and tell the Lord you need Him to do that for you. He will do it.

 

God pulled a wonderful pleasant career for me "out of a hat", so to speak! He handed it to me on a silver platter every step of the way. He'll take care of all of the above of your problems as you turn to Him in prayer and holding scripture before Him.

 

In the meantime...exercise! Try to get your sleep, eat right, try to get plenty of sunshine and write out a grateful list!

 

I am going to pray for you now! God bless you!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

That is a lot to deal with!

[doh]

Thanks for the kind words everyone, I'm not religious but I'll take all the prayers I can get thanks!

 

I've started keeping a gratitude diary, and a normal diary.

Turns out the sewers at the house are OK, but now I've found out that we need a building certification for some work that was done that we don't have.

More money. I'm sure they'll find many, many problems for me to pay money to fix.

I am feeling slightly better now, despite things having gotten worse. I think my gut just realised that we're so screwed there's no point in making me all anxious!

[doh]

Maybe you should unload that house on one of those fixer-upper companies that flip houses, so you don't have to deal with the mess.

 

I have an agent, and we just paid a lot of money to have things fixed, once we get structural engineer out to give us our building certification hopefully it'll sell quickly.

[d0nnivain]

You have your chin up so that is something.

 

hang in there!

[doh]

Thanks, I'm feeling surprisingly better and I'm not sure why.

[doh]

So it hit me over the weekend that I need a divorce, like properly... I've been thinking about it for a few weeks now, and after our last therapy session I could see the writing on the wall, but it actually hit me hard now. No more waiting to see what happens, it's time now. I've been grieving (still am) randomly bursting out crying, usually at home thankfully, when I'm doing the washing up or something. I'm really sad. But I've decided, I need a divorce.

I'm still willing to continue therapy if she is willing, I don't know if she will be. But for our son's sake primarily, and so we can be amicable with each other and maybe friendly after a time; We'll see how it goes. I need to do it this week.

My therapist says she can see excellent progress in me for the first time in many, many months, that I'm making good progress.

She almost had tears in her eyes when I was explaining what's going on in my life right now. That kind of helped to be honest, made me take stock that actually I am under an unreasonable amount of pressure right now.

I miss my son, he's been away for two weeks, but he's back soon. I think having this extended alone time has helped me get perspective, the loneliness hit really hard during that time.

 

At least he's back soon and my brother is coming to visit in a few weeks.

Not looking forward to hurting my wife though. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

[MountainGirl111]

Sounds like you have a good therapist. That's great. Also sounds like a great amount of pressure in your life. Stress. Sounds like you've got a good relationship with your son and your bro though,...even though it's been lonely indeed it's during those times when we can make some of the greatest "inroads" to growth and resolving what to do next. Hang in there, DOH.

[doh]

Well, it finally happened, work got a lot more hostile, not directly towards me (although it feels like it), but I got caught in the crossfire. Lack of sleep (about 3 to 4 hours a night in recent weeks) and pressure in work and at home really done a number on me.   

To top it all off I got an email from the real estate agent saying our property was missing a certificate of building compliance and we needed one to sell the house.  

I couldn't take it any more, I was shaking thinking about going into work that evening.  

I rang the doctor and called into work sick. I'm on sick leave until January.   

I think if I'd stayed working another week I'd have completely broken down.  I somehow managed to lose nearly 5kg in the last month without changing my diet.   

Anyway, I'm feeling a little better today, and I'm getting around 5 hours sleep a night. I addressed my concerns with my boss before I left and I've been assured things will change when I get back.     

 

It pays to pay attention when your body is telling you you've reached your limit.   

[d0nnivain]

Good. Enjoy your rest.  

[doh]

Thanks, I will. I've just been chilling out the past few days, I think I'll relax for the week, then next week start getting my exercise plan back on track.