monkey00 Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 Honestly to this day i still do not understand shy girls. Some may be so interested in a guy, they'll just be aloof or very closed off sending a signal to guys of disinterest when in fact you are interested! When we try to talk to you, you give us simple answers. And if things dont go your way you rub it off and do your own thing! How do you expect us to know how you feel if you're doing all this... Please someone elaborate some method to read the shy girl... Link to post Share on other sites
Delia Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 Do have a specific girl in mind? Or have you generally had problems communicating with shy girls? And how do you know they are interested if they are showing signs of disinterest? Well, I think I can provide some insight. I am a shy girl, and I think it has a lot to do with insecurity and the fear of rejection. I know that I'm interested in a person when I have this need to avoid the person. It's totally contradictory, but it comes from the fear of being rejected if I expressed my feelings to the person. Hope this has helped. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey00 Posted October 1, 2005 Author Share Posted October 1, 2005 Do have a specific girl in mind? Or have you generally had problems communicating with shy girls? And how do you know they are interested if they are showing signs of disinterest? Well, I think I can provide some insight. I am a shy girl, and I think it has a lot to do with insecurity and the fear of rejection. I know that I'm interested in a person when I have this need to avoid the person. It's totally contradictory, but it comes from the fear of being rejected if I expressed my feelings to the person. Hope this has helped. Delia, it's all news to me, very insightful stuff. I think generally most ppl have problems communicating with shy girls, including me. Because they dont arent as easy to talk to or easy to open up. And also there's one in a class that meets weekly whom i happen to sit next to. Last week her signs were so obvious....playing with hair and glancing in my direction. At the end of class she packed her bag the same rate i did cause i knew she wanted me to talk to her. I did talk to her shortly and got her name and she got mine. Then this week's class, she was a little quirky... here were some things: I get off the elevator, make a right to the hallway of my class and i see her pop up from the floor near the room and go into class as im walking towards the class. i sit down say hi (smile) and she does the same. This time she didnt play with her hair...this time she kept moving around in her seat as if uncomfortable...then during the break I attempted to chat with her. Basically i asked what she thought/felt about the school/her major/city/what part of the city she's from. She gave me some pretty dull answers actually. And she didnt really seem like she wanted to talk, altho she unhesitantly answered my questions. As class continues, she's twitchy and uncomfortable again. And class ends and she zooms out without saying bye. So she's like this one day and like that another day....it's all so confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 If theres a shy girl you like pay her loads of compliments make her feel good about herself.Shes probably shy because of reasons which have affected her.Be gentle with her! I know i was really shy once.It takes time trying to open them up but if you like them then keep trying.You can see if she likes you buy a number of reasons.Her body language the way she talks to you and no one else.Dont give up youll get there in the end Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 That might be true only if she's interested. She may using her shyness as a sheild. Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 could be!If shes interested she might blush at some things.If you ask to see her again see what she says.Ask for her phone number.Give her yours and text her and ask her if she likes you.Its easier on text because your not face to face.Then if she says she is go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
fusangite Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 I do think that the shyness problem has been exacerbated based on the new brand of post-feminist self-help books like The Rules that are out there that basically state that women should repeatedly reject men because men, according to these authors, loooove the chase. Many men hate the chase; most barely tolerate it; a few supremely confident men enjoy it. And, of course, if a man is not prepared to ignore a woman's incessant mixed signals and mini-rejections, he can't possibly have been worth dating anyway. As for your situation, here's what happened: this girl was attracted to you; you didn't come off as sufficiently confident; so now she's not. This isn't shyness -- it's just short term attraction. Better luck next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Delia Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 Maybe the girl is interested in you but her insecurities are causing her nervousness, etc? I remember this one time I started talking to this guy at work and after he showed interest I kinda freaked out and ignored him. It was a pretty dumb thing to do, and It wasn't like I didn't like him. Maybe she doesn't feel ready for a relationship for some reason (that's how I felt), even if she's interested? I dunno. People are complicated beings. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 I do think that the shyness problem has been exacerbated based on the new brand of post-feminist self-help books like The Rules that are out there that basically state that women should repeatedly reject men because men, according to these authors, loooove the chase. A man of quality won't be manipulated by post-feminist pop psychology. Fusangite is right on the money. If the shyness is some sort of game, then move on; if she's like this at the beginning of a potential relationship, can you imagine what she's going to be like in the manipulation department once she has access to your credit card or bank account? If it's real, then it may speak to very deep insecurity problems. Either way, you can't win. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamrick Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 I think you need to be very specific about your intentions with shy girls - don't go for the pick up lines you normally use. Tell her exactly what you feel and what you want - "I think you are very pretty. I want to go out with you. Will you come to a movie with me." Or whatever. Stick to yes/no questions at first and then gradually get to know her by asking the simple stuff first - you actually have to ask, you can't just wait for her. And I guess that would be hard for guys cause normally a girl should talk about 60% of the time or so they say... Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 Just treat her like a normal person. Do not put too much pressure on a shy girl by showing too much interest. Do not put a shy girl on the spot by pointing out her shyness. Do not put a shy girl on the spot by complimenting her. Compliments make her aware that you are interesed and she may close up. Ask her questions and talk about subjects she is comfortable with. Let her control the conversation. Become comfortable with silence. Be sincere and friendly with her. If you do these things, she may open up. Link to post Share on other sites
Nostalgic Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Just treat her like a normal person. Compliments make her aware that you are interesed and she may close up. You know as quirky as it sounds, I actually agree with this. By all means you want to make her feel good about herself but don't overdo it! Keep them simple but sincere (trust me shy ppl are much more perceptive to bullsh*t! ) As a "shy grl" myself, I generally feel MUCH more comfortable talking to a guy if I think or know there's no romantic connection from his part....this might explain why I have so many gay buddies! Guess it goes back to that whole fear of rejection thing again. You don't stand to get rejected by someone who obviously sees you as a friend b/c common sense tells you not to bother... so all the tension is gone...know what I mean? As contradicting as it may be, in my case it's often a big relief to talk to certain guys without the added pressure that comes with me having the idea that something could happen between us. Ahh, Sad but true. So if you want an "in" to get to know a shy girl--whether or not you're romantically interested-- the Friend-and-Just-a-Friend approach is probably your best bet. Why? Because in this intro period, getting her past the initial awkwardness and eliminating risk is key. You want to send off "harmless vibes" at this stage and make her feel comfortable around you. For example, if you invite her to hang out, make it a group thing where she can bring some buddies (aka--social crutches) and even choose the location/activity--basically let her set the atmosphere where she'll feel most at ease. From my own experience, after one or two comfort outings like this she'll be able to let her guard down with you--in other words: will actually be able to talk to you w/o sounding like a robot! If you're interested in trying to move things foward from that point, it's not much different from what you would do with a non shy girl. Your biggest challenge in all this is breaking the ice. But if you're sure this girl likes you, being shy she's likely much more afraid of embarrasment/being rejected than you are, so you already have a leg up. Good Luck and Hope this Helps! Link to post Share on other sites
SuperMonk Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 I was also annoyed by dating shy girls, then I figured out one day. It's not that they're shy, it's that they're not into you that much. Try dating more outspoken/outgoing girls. Link to post Share on other sites
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