GuitarGuy7 Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 This week, I joined a film production club at my school which is good because it ties into my interests of video making and editing. Iv'e only went a couple of times so far and I have noticed that there are lots of cute girls in the club. I want to be able to meet girls and get a girlfriend but the problem is, I suck and have no idea what the hell i'm doing. The first time I showed up, it was at a film shoot and a girl kept looking at me then she introduced herself and said welcome to the club and it turns out she was on the leadership team. We talked for a little bit and got connected. The whole time i'm talking to her, I feel so awkward. In my head i'm thinking, what if she thinks i'm ugly or weird? Iv'e been rejected a lot by girls and it takes an emotional toll on your self esteem. Anyways, any tips on how to make friends, meet girls, maybe even get a girlfriend at this film production club? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Focus on the purpose of the club, not on trying to land a girlfriend, and if the girl you're meant to be with is there, it will happen naturally. Just be you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Do not be the guy who is ONLY there to hit on women. In the short term . . .i.e. for the rest of this semester -- be nice to everyone, not just the girls you think are cute. Say hello to everyone in the club & be interested in the subject of the club. Do not think about getting a GF for right now. As the semester goes on, start to focus on the girls you like the best who is exhibiting interest in you too. If you are not getting green lights, move along. Don't waste time on girls who don't like you back but still be pleasant & sociable to them. If some girl asks you to do something beyond going to club events -- accept those invitations & feel free to flirt outside the club but not in it. Unless a girl singles you out, be nice to everyone. You don't want the reputation of only wanting one thing (even though that is really what you want; you can't telegraph this). Be subtle. Once you have identified 1-2 girls who you think might be receptive to you asking them out, you can focus on them next semester, not before. You also don't want to be the guy who goes through every woman in the group. If you try that the girl you hit on 3rd or after will be insulted that she wasn't your 1st choice. So when you make your move you have to make sure nobody else in the group knows who you selected 1st. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 feel free to flirt outside the club but not in it. Yes. This. You do not want to be the reason someone stops going to the club because someone made her feel uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Here.... I will tell you what worked when I was in college. For example I remember taking a class with a certain guy - at first he didn't stand out to me at all. Eventually we were assigned a group project and he asked if I would be his partner, I agreed. He then made plans for a time and place to meet to work on the project - ie he took the lead but also listened to me and made sure I was agreeable. Once we spent time one on one I started to notice how smart he was! And that he was just nice / sincere genuine. Asked questions to get to know me and we started to discover we had some similar interests - and even more important he acted interested in what made ME tick. We met several more times to work on the project, each time getting more comfortable with each other, sharing lots of laughs etc. By the time the class was over we were dating. So I say go for what the group is about (ie not solely hitting on girls) and take any opportunity you can to collaborate with girls you think you might be interested in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GuitarGuy7 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Share Posted October 30, 2019 So I say go for what the group is about (ie not solely hitting on girls) Last year, I made the mistake of joining a college christian church group despite not being religious, but I went simply because there were 50+ girls there and I saw it as an opportunity to meet girls and hopefully find a girlfriend. I figured that as long as I pretended to listen to the sermons, and kept my mouth shut about not being too religious, then nobody would really question me. What ended up happening was that I went on a consistent basis, met some guys and made some friends, got involved with a sports group from that church, went on a fall retreat, even ran the sound board for them for a short stint. Unfortunately, I didn't meet any girls but I did find friends and a sense of community. So even though i'm not too religious and never met any girls, I met a good group of people. The funny thing was that I remember the first time I ever went, the pastor was talking about the subject of love and sex. And near the end of the sermon, this is what he said. "I know some of you in this building are here to meet girls, and that's okay but try to understand that the #1 priority of why you're here should be God. But if you're here, putting on a fake christian image, pretending to be a good guy, just to manipulate girls into trusting you and dating you, please don't come back" Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 "I know some of you in this building are here to meet girls, and that's okay but try to understand that the #1 priority of why you're here should be God. But if you're here, putting on a fake christian image, pretending to be a good guy, just to manipulate girls into trusting you and dating you, please don't come back" That sounds like a VERY odd thing for a pastor to say. Especially the part about "please don't come back." Link to post Share on other sites
Author GuitarGuy7 Posted October 30, 2019 Author Share Posted October 30, 2019 That sounds like a VERY odd thing for a pastor to say. Especially the part about "please don't come back." Well those werne't his exact words but in general what he was trying to say was that, if you're here pretending to be this good and christian guy just to manipulate girls into trusting you and sleeping with you, then you're here for the wrong reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Well those werne't his exact words but in general what he was trying to say was that, if you're here pretending to be this good and christian guy just to manipulate girls into trusting you and sleeping with you, then you're here for the wrong reasons. Well, that is true. But I highly doubt any good pastor would tell you to "not come back." I think you missed the point! Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Please hear it from a guy who has been rejected way too many times, and almost went up against school disciplinary action for being too obvious with seeking out dates - you are there for the social interactions; you should try to build up friendships with the ladies who are most receptive to building friendships with you, and escalate outside of the college club. Make your initial topics of conversation about the club topics - you said you are a rookie right? Let them teach you stuff or even learn together. That creates great human bonding that can be great building blocks for later dating. There are very few rules to live by in dating, but here are some of them - - women will always feel insulted if they perceive you are picking them as a second choice - within the club, ladies gossiping will be used against you. You want to give them no reason whatsoever to create a bad image of you jumping "from girl to girl"; escalate with girls you like outside of the school settings as much as you want, but you can't date a girl, then her friend, then her friend's friend - if you only hit on them, you will be ostracized extremely quickly - the biggest challenge in the beginning is creating a zone where the lady you are interested in can feel comfortable around you; an easy way is to figure out what makes her click and what she laughs about. You forgo this step, there is no level of logical reasoning that can get you back out of the "friendzone". Be determined to make her comfortable by being the most refined version of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. You're quite worried about whether you're "weird" or "ugly" since you're intending only to look for someone to date. It might be worth stepping back a bit and just focus on being able to comfortably talk to girls. Girls aren't all that different from guys when a shared hobby is involved. So just get yourself involved in the club's activities and make friends, which will probably be a mix of guys and girls. You'll eventually get comfortable with at least talking to them... which will make asking someone out on a date quite a lot easier. It sounds like it's a club which closely matches your interests, so that's a great start! When you have those thoughts about being awkward, remember you're a guy with an interest in film production. Everyone else is there for the same reason. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Well those werne't his exact words but in general what he was trying to say was that, if you're here pretending to be this good and christian guy just to manipulate girls into trusting you and sleeping with you, then you're here for the wrong reasons. Was he looking in your direction when he said that? Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 If your primary or even tertiary intent of being in the club is talking to women then, yeah, everyone's going to pick up on it immediately. (I am sure the pastor did too, and props to him for trying to kick out creeps.) My suggestion is to spend at least the first three months simply being friendly to everyone and not engaging anyone flirtatiously outside of class unless they initiate it. If you get a reputation as a guy who's there for dates you WILL be ostracized or banned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 I never joined clubs to meet guys. I joined because I had an interest in club activities. The club is often seen as a big "friendzone" and hence "safe" for women. Women want to enjoy activities without having to fend off "male attention". If you go in there trying to hit on the "cute" women, you will not be Mr Popular. I am not saying no-one meets the love of their life in such clubs, but that is usually not their main purpose. If you think the club is akin to shooting fish in a barrel then you will be sorely disappointed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Everything above is good sound advice. 1) Joining a club is an excellent way to meet girls !!!!!!!! 2) DO NOT make it the primary focus !!!!!!!!! 3) Since you are in a club, there will be an organic interaction with everyone in that club. SO... even girls who you think are out of your league, will be easy to approach and talk to them. 4) interact with EVERYONE !!! First of all, it will make you more confident, and you will start to see that simply talking to people is easier than you think. Second, they won't see you as the guy who doesn't care about the club, and is just trying to hook-up. 5) Have fun. Others will see you like it, and they will approach you. Back in the stone age, when I was in school... I was in a bunch of clubs. I was in the Cigar club... I was in the broadcasting club... and I was in the president of the physics club for 2 years. So not only was I in the party clubs... I was in an academic club too. (That we turned into a party club. LOL) Along with that, I was also a campus tutor. I tutored in Physics, math, Geology, and Astronomy. If your goal is to meat people... and you aren't sold on the film club... look at the broadcast club. I had a TV show, a radio show, and I was a campus DJ for the social events. I was seen by everyone, and I was seen in places where it was easy to approach ANYONE I wanted. Also, since my face was seen all over, people I didn't know would come up and talk like we were buddies. The other thing is being a school/campus tutor. I would meet people all over the school to study... including their rooms. NOW... I didn't plan on the combination of being seen with the broadcast club, and going to girls rooms to help them with hard subjects working out so well... but it did. Before meeting my ex... there was at least 15 occasions where a late night tutor session with a girl turned into... um... more than I was expecting. They were either already upset, lonely, or just horny. (Besides, I was showing off by being smart) Anyway... Don't make it your only point in being in the club... you will be found out. But have fun with it, and things will happen automatically. Good luck !! Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 That sounds like a VERY odd thing for a pastor to say. Especially the part about "please don't come back." It does sound unusual. It sounds like probably GG7 wasn't the only one there to meet women and perhaps there was a real predatory type somewhere in the mix that the pastor had become aware of. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 GG7, my advice would be to make yourself as attractive as possible, play it cool, and see which ones appear to be interested in you. If a few seem to like you, then start contemplating next steps with those specific ones. It's possible to move from the friend zone to the romantic zone, particularly if the girl isn't highly interested in someone else. Also suggest you don't discuss your romantic difficulties/frustrations with women with any of them until after establishing a relationship (if that happens). And even then keep it low-key. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Envy123 Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 From my experience, whenever I came into a school or workplace, hoping that romance will happen: It not just always ends in failure but I end up alienating the women who I "chased". None of those women want to even keep in touch with me anymore. I probably made them that uncomfortable. But if instead, I focus on things like excelling at my job or getting good grades, eventually there would be that one girl who starts to feel comfortable with me and gradually falls for me. No matter my body shape or the environment I am in, this has been the case with me for my entire life. Examples: -I went over to a girl's house in pre-school. I was busy on helping her with one game. It turned out later on that she fancied me a lot, from her parents, my mother and a few of my classmates. -I went to a school disco just to fool around. A girl fancied me there. -I got transferred to a state school and was missing my previous private secondary. I knew one girl was off-limits, as she had a boyfriend at the time, so I spoke to her like I would with a guy. One day, she broke things off with her boyfriend and asked me out. -One retail job was immensely challenging, but not in a good way. I was so busy focusing on trying to keep up with the insane demands ("Change 500 hangers in 5 minutes!"), that every conversation with a coworker was straight and to the point. One girl was trying her best to help me and at first, I thought she was friendly. But no, she fancied me. -I went to one sports centre so I could try diving off the boards. But they were closed due to not enough lifeguards. So, I made did with jumping off the poolside instead. One girl was heavily flirting with me there. Tl;dr - Don't go there just to make romance happen. Just let things happen naturally and don't make girls uncomfortable around you by heavily forcing the romance situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Anyways, any tips on how to make friends, meet girls, maybe even get a girlfriend at this film production club? My tip is to stop making "get a girlfriend" your primary focus in this club, or life. IF there's one person you actually like, get to know her organically and see what happens with her rather than your wholly transparent methodology of desperately trying to enter into some kind of relationship, regardless of who it's with. People can sense this a lot better than you think they can, and it will make them think much, much less of you. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Just try to relax and be friendly in a natural unpushy way. Just follow the lead of what others are doing, no more, no less. Introduce yourself if someone is standing nearby or you're about to do something with a group. Smile occasionally. Don't stare. Just participate. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted November 1, 2019 Share Posted November 1, 2019 (edited) GG7. I think the only way your going to have a GF is that she is going to like you first. Then you pick up on it. The only thing on your side is to be well groomed/dressed and in fit shape/Happy Go lucky. Adding to that. You can't talk about your dating woes and agigations with not romantically clicking with other women. Her perception of your dating history has to be like you are taking your time with women, not that you struggle with dates. I have to take that advice myself as well. When I look at how women are. To me. They are never into the guy that is making an major efffort towards them romantically. Its like they want to pick the guy and give signals that they are into him. They hope he is not dense, and he can pick up her romantic interest in him. Edited November 1, 2019 by Mysterio 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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