Thrillho Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 (edited) I have posted here before so I apologize if this sounds familiar. Heres my previous thread EX (35) wants to be best friends with me (36) knowing I still have feelings for him . I am having a very hard time. My ex of four years left me a year ago. He immediately started seeing this other girl and they have been together this entire time. I am not sure if he cheated on me ( he says he didn’t and it just happened whatever that means) They just moved in together recently. The worst part is I work with both of them so I have to see them all the time. It is the worst predicament I have ever been in. I couldn’t go full no contact. I have attempted to transfer multiple times and I am still stuck in a never ending prison. I would leave and get a new job however I have been with this company for almost a decade and want to leave for the right job. This year has felt like an eternity in hell. Worst part is I still care about him. I know I shouldn’t. In June he told me he missed me and wanted to be friends knowing full well I still have feelings for him. He sent me mixed signals for months which messed me up more. I keep my distance and only speak to him if I have to at work. It sucks. I miss my best friend but I know it’ll never be the same. Anyways I’m not sure what I’m expecting from this post. I have tried every self care thing that is out there and I just feel so helpless and worthless. I went on a few dates ( basically forced myself to) and just was not interested at all. How do guys or people in general move on so quickly? I have known him for 9 years, dated for 4 and we were just talking about moving in together and then bam he leaves me, and immediately replaced me. Not only that but I feel like he’s rushing things with her. I’m not sure what hurts more. I know it’s not a rebound anymore or if it even ever was. I’m tired of feeling broken and just want to feel good again. Is it normal to still feel this way? Please help. TL;DR: ex left me a year ago, still broken and I have to see him everyday at work Edited October 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator link to previous thread added. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Sometimes we have to make tough decisions to protect our mental health. I know you like your job and have been there a long time; but I don't see you getting over him when you have to see "them" everyday. You need to start looking for another job on the other side of town. He does miss you as a friend and would like to retain the friendship part of your relationship. However his romantic interest is in his new love and you see for yourself that he is rushing her. This has got to be soul crushing for you to watch on a daily basis. He is not sending you mixed messages you are just looking for hope in the things he's saying. I've been where you are and it's easy to do when you still love someone. You really do need to start your search for a new job and I'm sure you will know better than to get involved with anyone else you work with. It ends up like this most of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 I'm sorry you're stuck working with him. I have been in that situation although our relationship was not as long and serious as yours was. Even after we weren't working together anymore, we still crossed paths because we were both in the same business. It was always hard for me to cope with. The problem with it is it is going to probably keep you from moving on. I hope eventually someone will transfer you so you don't have to sacrifice your career and I can certainly understand stubbornly holding on to that because it who just make you hate yourself more in 10 years when you look back and realize you let him damage your career. I'm glad you are at least trying to date because I think that is the best way out emotionally. of course a lot of guys you date are going to have a problem with you working with your ex especially if you ever let them know you are still having feelings for him. So you at least need to get in a different department and get to the point where you simply don't run into him if possible. If you haven't already do you need to be off of his social media and you need to block him from yours and just terminate any contact you can including locking him on your phone. You need to close that door and tell him no to friendship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 As long as you, him and her work for that company, you're never going to fully heal and get over this because your nose is getting rubbed in it on a daily basis. Try to find a headhunter to help you in your job search for an equivalent type of position and better money. The distance will do more good for your emotional healing than anything else. How do the both of them act towards you on the job? Does the entire company know about what's gone down between the three of you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 How do the both of them act towards you on the job? Does the entire company know about what's gone down between the three of you? Old Chinese proverb - 3 can keep a secret as long as 2 are dead. I'd guess most of the OP's coworkers are aware of the situation. He immediately started seeing this other girl and they have been together this entire time. I am not sure if he cheated on me ( he says he didn’t and it just happened whatever that means) Come on Thrillho, he conveniently started seeing her the moment he broke up with you? He was obviously double-dipping, cheated on you for at least part of your relationship. What's worse, he kept you in place as bed warmer until he felt he was ready with her. Pretty cold treatment. You'd benefit from some well-earned righteous anger here. This is not a good guy and your feelings for him should correspond to the way he's treated you. Stop worrying about him and start taking care of yourself. You deserve better... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Oh my goodness op, this is repeated mental torture. I can only begin to imagine the mental anguish that you go through every single day. You have the power to change this and help yourself but you need to do something. It wouldn’t matter if you’d been in this job 25 years. You do a job, that’s it. The company is not your family, yet you suggest that this job is worth more than the emotional pain that you have to endure every day ? I can tell you for definite that no job is worth the price of your mental health. You need a new start. To get away from this job, your ex and his girlfriend. If you don’t you will continue to live this nightmare and you will certainly never recover and move on. Do yourself a favour: tell your ex to get lost with his booby prize offering of friendship. And get away from him! Find another job and help yourself. You can do it. You have more power than you think. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 I'd start looking for a new job. Once you don't have to see them anymore, the pain should lessen. Best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 30, 2019 Share Posted October 30, 2019 Yes, Mr. Lucky has it right. This is the moment anger and fury are your best friends. They will allow you to move on by dismantling the false image you have of your ex. Without that, or a job change, be prepared to float in Limbo for a very long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thrillho Posted October 31, 2019 Author Share Posted October 31, 2019 Sometimes we have to make tough decisions to protect our mental health. I know you like your job and have been there a long time; but I don't see you getting over him when you have to see "them" everyday. You need to start looking for another job on the other side of town. He does miss you as a friend and would like to retain the friendship part of your relationship. However his romantic interest is in his new love and you see for yourself that he is rushing her. This has got to be soul crushing for you to watch on a daily basis. He is not sending you mixed messages you are just looking for hope in the things he's saying. I've been where you are and it's easy to do when you still love someone. You really do need to start your search for a new job and I'm sure you will know better than to get involved with anyone else you work with. It ends up like this most of the time. Thank you for your feedback. however I disagree with him not sending me mixed messages. Please read my other thread as I go into detail about it. He goes out of his way to talk to me. He puts music on that he knows has something to do with us or our relationship. He brought me a ring that I hadn’t seen in years and gave it to me at work. Please read my other thread. He asks my friends how I’m doing and that he misses me. My friends have told him to leave me alone and he has to an extent. The last 6 months it just seemed like he didn’t know what he wanted yet had already moved on. It doesn’t matter anymore it doesn’t mean ****. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 Thank you for your feedback. however I disagree with him not sending me mixed messages. Please read my other thread as I go into detail about it. He goes out of his way to talk to me. He puts music on that he knows has something to do with us or our relationship. He brought me a ring that I hadn’t seen in years and gave it to me at work. Please read my other thread. He asks my friends how I’m doing and that he misses me. My friends have told him to leave me alone and he has to an extent. The last 6 months it just seemed like he didn’t know what he wanted yet had already moved on. It doesn’t matter anymore it doesn’t mean ****. I read your other thread and from what I read it seems you saw him at a mutual friends wedding, he said he missed you because you were his best friend and wanted the friendship back. He was also clear he wasn't in love with you nor wanted you back but loved you (as a best friend). He was clear he was "in love" with his girlfriend. They have now been together a year. He was affectionate with you as you were bawling your eyes out. He was really just trying to comfort you. I still don't see where he lead you on. Maybe you can get a job at another store instead of a transfer. You do need to find another job so you can get over him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 Disagree with the above poster. He was sending you mixed messages! Verbally he was saying one thing, but physically he was saying something else. Sure he told he was not in love with you anymore, but at the same time he was hugging you, playing with your hair, calling you babe, holding your hands and telling you he missed you. That's mixed messages in my book. And he wasn't trying to comfort you, he was acting selfishly because he wants to have his new relationship and still have a relationship with you too, just without the sex. He is cruel. You have to start earnestly looking for a new job and get away from this situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 Old Chinese proverb - 3 can keep a secret as long as 2 are dead. I'd guess most of the OP's coworkers are aware of the situation. Thrillho--you're privy to the situation and aren't guessing/speculating: you're living it. How do they treat you at work and does the entire office know what's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow12 Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 (edited) working delicately to a job for 25 years to a company is time to shoot off and move on. You're not married to the company and im sure they can find someone else to work with them while your gone. Everything moves on. He should of done the decent thing and to stay away since he broke your heart not sitting with you pretending hes crying his eyes out. He's doing the caring act. It's all pointless. You can't be friends with him after this because being friends with ex's doesn't work out cause the other person would have feelings and grudges to the other side of the fence. So you need to just let go of everything and let yourself free. :rolleyes: You can't control what happened but you can change how you react to it and decide what action to take. Edited October 31, 2019 by rainbow12 Link to post Share on other sites
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