My fwb doesn’t want sex anymore!

[blackcatbunny]

So there has been some updates.

It has been over month since we had that conversation when he said he wants to be just friends. And now we hang out every week. Sometimes twice a week. And he always drops me off at home, and when we say goodbye, he always suggests meeting up again, sometimes even right the day after, he says thing like: See you maybe tmr again?

And now we’re doing things like going to the cinema, having coffee by the lake for hours, walking about together, he even suggests things like we just spend time to read books together and such. And we even spent the whole afternoon to just sit next to each other, I did work and he read a book. 
We always spends hours together whenever we meet and he always reply to my messages, when it takes him a bit long to reply (like 1-2 hrs), he always explains why and says sorry. (He always says thay he’s not good at replying and his friends said that he’s very flaky over messages). He had never been that communicative in the past and it always took him days to reply. But now he replies to every messages even the very non-sense ones.

That’s a lot of mixed signals and I’m very confused. I feel like maybe he might be going away for a while, so he doesn’t want to get attached thou. But I don’t really know how to ask him some sorts of questions to know how he really feels. 

[blackcatbunny]

Also, sometimes he slips out some awkward jokes, I don’t think he means to say them but it’s just kinda out of his control and it happens by accident. For instance, once time we were talking about sports and somethings we’re good at, I mentioned that my ex bf has been doing martial art for years, and he asked me : Do you think that I can beat him?

Or another time, I told him that I’m gonna see my family for my parents’ wedding Anniversary. He said : “It’s nice, can I come with?” He intended to crack a joke i think, but it became so awkward for a second for both of us. 
There was one time, he was taking me home and the traffic was horrible, and it was raining hard. We were very close to his house so I told him just go home, and I will get home by a cab from his house. So he made a turn and drove toward his house, but when we got close to his house, he suggested to take me home instead, and he did. 
He was never like that before that’s for sure. 

[snowboy91]

I skim read the thread, but a FWB without the benefits just becomes a friendship - albeit a close friendship. The simplest answer is just to treat it as such.

 

If you're feeling more strongly about it then I'd re-evaluate whether you can continue to be just friends with this guy without your feelings getting in the way.

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

On 10/30/2019 at 4:44 AM, Art_Critic said:

no guy turns down sex without a real reason, my guess is he is dating someone seriously or wants to date someone seriously.. it might be time to move on from this FWB

 

Lots of guys turn down sex. When we turn down sex, it says "I don't need you... You need me." And it is true... We don't need you to have sex. We need women to have sex, absolutely, but YOU? Nawww, don't get this FWB stuff twisted up, just enjoy it and move on.

 

As per OP, your only solution is to either accept this guy as a friend, or double down and submit to him sexually and withdraw your friend card. 

 

The truth, is that forming relationships with people we have casual sex with is not usually a great idea. As a woman, you need your man to respect you and that means you need him to wait, but when the expectation is that he can hang out, eat cheetos, play video games and reap the perks of the relationship, what kind of relationship do you expect to have with this person? The second you start asking for more, on the same thing we were just getting for less, we as men begin to feel inconvenienced and begin to look for a more convenient situation.

 

I cannot speak for most men, but per myself, there are FEW women I talk to that I didn't at one point try and start a FWB with... Like.. To be really, really honest, I'm gonna do the bare minimum effort to get what I want from my FWB and that is what it is... The woman I have a relationship with I look at completely differently.

[2BGoodAgain]

when confused, it's usually good to take the person as "face value". 

 

and don't overthink it. move on with things that's important to you.

 

if you are falling for him, it's even more reason for him to take it to the friend zone.

 

when a guy isn't ready, he isn't ready. when he realizes what a fool he's been, he'll be a fool getting you back.

 

so hang in there, be a friend IF that's what you want... and live your life.

[blackcatbunny]

Thank you for your advice. Tbh, I really enjoy his company so I have no problem being his friend. Sometimes I get distracted a bit because of some mixed signals I guess.

For instance, just yesterday, we went out and had a really good time together. We talked a bit about relationship and such. He dropped me off at home and it took us very long to say goodbye with a tight hug and he squeeze me in.
When he got home, he sent me two songs. they are all about having a crush and such.
The first one is By&by by Caamp and the second one is Instant Crush by Daft Punk and he said “Two favorite songs atm. Just thought I’d let ya know haha”

It’s not very random like you listen to the song and suddenly think of sending it to someone but he played them to take screenshots and send them to me...

anyhow, I think I’d enjoy the moment and see how things go He’s leaving in 3 months so I guess it’s best to keep the friendship above the joy of pleasure

By the way, those 2 songs are very good. Highly recommend

[blackcatbunny]

ya, a bit of updates... We met again today. We both have Monday off and has always been spending Monday together for a while unless one of us is busy. And in the past 2 months, we had always hang out as friends and met regularly every week.

Long story short, we planned to do like a shopping day but I ended up going  to his place cos he had a hangover. He told me he was super tired after a big night so I told him to have some good rest and I’ma do something else, but he suggested “How about watching a movie at mine? like the good old days...” (I haven’t been to his place since 2 months ago, that was the last time we hooked up) 
Anyhow, we were watching a movie and he started being very touchy, I didn’t really react or be weird about that so well, thing happened like “the good old days”. (when we were having sex, he said that “tbh, I miss it.”) There is a way better connection between us compared to the past, like we used to need music when we had sex to make it less awkward but we don’t need it anymore. Or we can make jokes and laugh. I learnt more thing about him, a bit about himself, his family and his thought. We didn’t have a proper sex cos he was hangover but spent most of the time to have some very good chat and cuddles and he was very affectionate. He was also happy to make plan to do things together for the week as well... So ya, it feels like we’re definitely not just friends but moving to a grey zone of friendship - dating. 
I guess, I’d just let it be and see how things go.

But a part of me want to laid it out and tell him how I feel, if he doesn’t feel the same, then I should give it up cos I don’t want to waste my time around someone to know it’s not gonna end up anywhere. 
Also, he’s planning on moving to other country in the next few months, so I don’t know if it’s important to laid my feeling out or just being chillax. 
What should I do?  
 

[lana-banana]

He is planning to move to another country soon and has already told you he doesn't want to make things complicated. You can tell him how you feel if it would help you, but don't expect him to want a relationship and definitely don't expect it to "go anywhere". Honestly, I would start detaching. If you keep spending so much time with him you're going to be devastated when he leaves. 

Edited December 17, 2019 by lana-banana

[JoeyArnold]

13 hours ago, blackcatbunny said:

What should I do?  

 

Break up with him.  

[Gr8fuln2020]

FWB typically entails a relationship that DOES involve really good sex. You don't have it with him and easier for him to do without. He doesn't see the benefits from it. Also, others are right, it sounds like he may want something else from someone else. His wanting to hang out could be an easing out of the relationship with you all together. If I had a FWB, you better believe there would be sex going on all the time and often as possible.