Missdy Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 (edited) I'm writing this on behalf of someone else. Man was with the ex around 7 years ago. They were together a year and lived together for most of it. They didn't break up bcause of lack of feelings or incompatibility. She had episodes of depression where she would self destruct and neglect. He basicaly was like her caregiver half if the time and it was affecting him too. He tried but couldn't keep doing it and he felt really badly for ending it. She is very cute and more what like his type I would say. He contacted her a year ago after all those years when he had fallen out with current girlfriend. There was some chat that was sexual in nature. The ex ended the contact (all through text) and they were not in contact long at all. He's been with current gf a few years. A week ago ex contacted him and he happily replied. They have basic chat and she says he was on her mind so she wanted to say hello. Cool. Then a day of NC and then he initiates contact the next day. A little bit of past talk about how she seen his brother, he says how he looks different these days etc. what I would personally consider light flirting? She asks where her cookie is and he sends her pics of cookies. She's all like aww sweet and he's all like enjoy them . She has asked him if he wants to stop talking because he's got a gf. He basicaly says no. They was texting at like 11pm. There isn't loads of texts or anything dirty or whatever. But there's been some contact every day except one. But does this really sound like an ok situation to you? Edited October 31, 2019 by Missdy Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 So what did he say when the current girlfriend talked to him about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missdy Posted October 31, 2019 Author Share Posted October 31, 2019 (edited) So what did he say when the current girlfriend talked to him about this? She doesn't know. Well I'm like 90% sure she doesn't. Edited October 31, 2019 by Missdy Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 It would not be ok in my book. I would think if my bf entertain an ex daily on text than something in our relationship is missing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 No it's no OK They didn't end because he wanted out. They ended over her medical condition. He probably always harbored feelings for her but intellectually he knew she couldn't be in a relationship. He has spent time trying to live his life. Now she seems healthier & there is a possibility she could have a relationship again. That is attractive to him whether he admits it or not. The fact that there is almost daily contact & he's doing this behind the back of his current GF is problematic. I work in a small industry. As a result every so often I have to see & professionally interact with 2 of my EXs. (Not at the same time but they are both out there). I never have daily contact with them. It's a few minutes or something sporadic but other then the most banal small talk, we keep it professional. For example, around the holidays I might end a conversation with one of them by saying "Merry Christmas" where I would not do that for just some random work person. When my parents died, both reached out to me to offer condolences. I may inquire about their families when we see each other. There is no effort to continue the contact beyond what is required to get any job done. But it's not on going so there is no relationship building, unlike the connection the guy in your post is fostering with his EX. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 NOT ok. There is this thing called boundaries...it's time to have a conversation about this interaction being inappropriate and disrespectful of your relationship. It's one thing to say hi how's it going once, but 3 to 4 hour conversations, texting through out the day almost every day is an emotional affair. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 She doesn't know. Well I'm like 90% sure she doesn't. Well, how do you know all of this when she doesn't? If you're her friend, why aren't you telling her what you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 She doesn't know. Well I'm like 90% sure she doesn't. So your friend is the one texting this guy who's her ex of 7 years ago? Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 So your friend is the one texting this guy who's her ex of 7 years ago? Or OP is the ex. OP, why can't the concerned party post here? What is your role/relationship in all this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 Ya are you the hopeful ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missdy Posted November 1, 2019 Author Share Posted November 1, 2019 So your friend is the one texting this guy who's her ex of 7 years ago? Yes. I also know him but not closely. My friend has showed me everything and she's unsure what he wants or what to do. She is wondering if he's just being polite because he feels bad about leaving her or something. Her mother likes the idea of them getting back together and is telling her to carry on talking to him if she wishes. I'm telling her I'm just not sure how it's all going to end. They didn't end because he wanted out. They ended over her medical condition. He probably always harbored feelings for her but intellectually he knew she couldn't be in a relationship. He has spent time trying to live his life. Now she seems healthier & there is a possibility she could have a relationship again. This is what I'm leaning towards because she is sooo much healthier. He cried when leaving her and it's not like he didn't care or it was a natural sort of break up. I'm just wondering if he's been with current gf for a lot longer wouldn't his feelings for her be stronger than the ex? But I guess it doesn't always work like that. I'm just not 100% sure of his intentions and don't want anyone (esp her) getting hurt. Currently my friend is giddy like when you first meet someone but a bit confused. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 1, 2019 Share Posted November 1, 2019 What goes around comes around. Would your friend like it if some other ex of his began doing the same thing with him to her? It really doesn't matter what anyone's feelings are now--he's in another relationship and his new girlfriend doesn't deserve the contempt of your friend interfering by attempting to lure him away for selfish reasons. If he can be that easily lured away from his present girlfriend, he will be easily lured away from your friend. He's a cad by even giving your girl an audience when he's in another relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 1, 2019 Share Posted November 1, 2019 I have mixed feelings about this. I don't think I would want back a man that has abandoned me in my worse time. How would I know he won't do it again. What if next time I am hit with cancer or MS and he bails. This ship has sailed, she needs to start new with a new man. I also agree this guy is showing his true face now. He's not trustworthy in a relationship. His loyalty is weak. Why would she want a man like that? . Link to post Share on other sites
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