major_merrick Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 My mother died in prison today. No, I'm not really grieving. It is kind of the "end of an era," though. It isn't really a surprise because she had terminal cancer and wasn't expected to live to next year, but I still feel it a bit. She was abusive, vindictive, and deserved what she got. She was in prison as a sex offender. Part of me is glad she's gone, and that she died without ever knowing she had grandchildren. The other part of me wishes we could have had a better relationship, even though that thought is crazy. She traded me to her friends for drugs or sexual favors, and she watched and said nothing when my father beat me with a rope or a belt. The scars I've got are partly her fault. When my father died, nobody wanted to handle it. I told the funeral folks to cremate him and send him to the "potter's field" (where Judas got buried.) I've told the prison to do the same thing with my mother. I don't really want to know where they are going to dump the ashes. My sister is in jail, so if she wants something different that's up to her to work out. She doesn't remember the past like I do, but she knows her mother rejected her, wouldn't even provide food, and never wanted her around. I guess her death at this time of year is fitting, since she believed in witchcraft. This coming Sunday is also observed as "Totensonntag," although that doesn't mean much since she was a heathen and that commemoration is for the faithful. What a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 I'm so sorry to read this post, mm. From what you've written it seems the death of your mother must carry with it many different types of grief. I've read that it's harder to lose a parent you didn't have a good relationship with, in ways, than it is to lose a parent you had a good relationship with because so many regrets surface in one's mind at that time. And you know the relationship can now never be repaired. When you write of all you've been through it's hard for me to imagine having a life that tough. And, yet, it seems wonderful to me that you have a husband now who loves you and provides well for you. And what a comfort it must be to you to have children that you can be a kind and loving mother to. God bless you, dear mm. I know He loves you a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 Awww...sorry about your loss(es). I agree with Living Water that you are sort of double and triple grieving here. Please know you have my support and I'm glad you have a good husband. It sounds like you turned out alright despite having such a hard upbringing. When my dad died I was surprised with some of the "issues" that surfaced. The last time I saw him alive was not a good time. I had to find a way to reconcile all the feelings that surfaced. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 (((Hugs)))) Major. I'm so sorry and more sorry about what you and your sister had to go through as children. You are an awesome mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 My condolences. I was close to my parents, but have seen friends who were estranged from one or both of their folks get hit hard upon their passing. Allow yourself the time and space to grieve... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 I don't know whether to feel good for you or bad for you? I wish everything turns out the way you want it to... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 I hope this closing of a chapter in your life might bring you a little peace. I was very fortunate to have wonderful parents, and hopefully giving that same gift to your children will help you heal in part. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 My condolences. For good or bad she was your mom. Your faith & family should get you through. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 Sorry to hear about it as well as what you suffered through in childhood, MM. Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted October 31, 2019 Author Share Posted October 31, 2019 The weird thing is, I haven't really cried about it. A couple of sniffles, but that's about it. Mostly I just feel relief that it is over. I didn't grieve for my father at all. I think if I'd had a good relationship with my parents this would be easier to process. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 I think if I'd had a good relationship with my parents this would be easier to process. Easier, no. Perhaps it would be simpler. I'd guess it may take some time for this to set in, and you may cycle through different feelings. My wife had a very difficult relationship with an abusive father, and she's still processing his passing a year later. Different for each person... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneGirl Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 My condolences, I'm so sorry to hear that. Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted October 31, 2019 Share Posted October 31, 2019 The weird thing is, I haven't really cried about it. A couple of sniffles, but that's about it. . Perhaps you already "grieved" the loss of your parents...during your lifetime so far....perhaps they were "lost" to you many years ago. Perhaps you've already grieved what you wished they would have been and what a normal relationship with one's parents might have been.... On another note, I have heard people talk about the death of loved ones and they couldn't figure out why they couldn't cry...they thought, "something's wrong with me...why can't I cry?" But, this is actually not all that uncommon. When my dad died, (suddenly to everyone else, but not surprisingly to me)I didn't cry at first. It wasn't until I went home for the funeral and all these memories were brought to the fore that I cried. I didn't have much time off to process grief...so I ended doing some delayed grieving.... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 1, 2019 Share Posted November 1, 2019 everyone grieves in their own way MG111 Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted November 1, 2019 Author Share Posted November 1, 2019 MountainGirl, I think that's pretty much it. My parents were lost to me a long time ago. Half my life ago, really. I moved out at 17, got custody of my sister when I could, and left them behind. My mother has been in and out of prisons for the last decade. Basically the only thing she ever really cared about was having sex with young girls. As long as her wants were taken care of, my sister and I just didn't matter. At the end of the day, it is what it is. I have more family now than I could ever have had with the family I was born into. Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted November 1, 2019 Share Posted November 1, 2019 Oh my goodness, M_M. That must have been hard... Link to post Share on other sites
Soak Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 (edited) I am sorry that you have lost your mother Major Merrick, but am more sorry that you have never had the relationship that a daughter (child) would love to have with their mother. My condolences to you But, i know that you are working hard to be a great mum youself. Edited November 8, 2019 by Soak Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted November 9, 2019 Share Posted November 9, 2019 i'm sorry for all the hardship of your life... and I send well wishes to you. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 9, 2019 Share Posted November 9, 2019 sorry i haven't cchecked in for a while but how are you feeling m_m? Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted November 9, 2019 Author Share Posted November 9, 2019 It has been about a week, and I've stayed pretty distracted. My sister is having a bit of a time with it, since she's in prison and all. Maybe it will be a wakeup call for her. Link to post Share on other sites
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