The dumper is not always the bad guy

[Intergalactic Bikini]

Just sayin'

 

Sometimes, when the other party is not treating you with the love and respect you deserve, you don't have a choice but to have agency and walk away - even if that means breaking his/her heart.

But do not for one minute think this person who walked away, walked away "relieved" I am here to tell you they didn't. I didn't, because I had to break my own heart too. The hardest thing to do is to walk away when love is still there.

 

Sometimes you walk away from love, dying from the pain. And there is no good guy or bad guy. You wish the person you walk away from would come back with a sincere apology but most likely will never come.

 

Please don't automatically think that a girl breaks up with a guy because she's lost attraction or, she has Grass is Greener Syndrome.

 

Sometimes life is more complicated than that.

[preraph]

I would say the dumper is by no means usually the bad guy. They're either dumping because the other person isn't a right match or because the other person crossed a line that was a dealbreaker.

[Foxhall]

Yes there could be a scenario also where you were dating someone and it was going fine,

 

but unexpectedly you met someone else with whom you clicked a little better,

 

letting down the first person is hard but does not make you a bad guy, or does it!?

[basil67]

Of course the dumper is not the bad guy. The dumper is doing what they need to do when a relationship doesn't meet their needs. Anyone who tells you that you're a bad person for dumping someone needs to be cut from your life. Also, GIGS theory is just another horse manure phrase which dumpees made up to make themselves feel better. We all breakup because we think (know!) we can do better. Even if being better off means being single.

 

Good for you in knowing what you need and not staying stuck in a relationship which doesn't meet your needs.

Edited November 2, 2019 by basil67

[salparadise]

I would say the dumper is by no means usually the bad guy. They're either dumping because the other person isn't a right match or because the other person crossed a line that was a dealbreaker.

 

Is that an empirical usually, preraph?

 

My empirical usually is that dumpers have three primary characteristics, a) a complaint or narrative for justification, b) an entitlement attitude [me focus] with respect to what they deserve , and c) visions of greener grass with a fairly low fence. Attraction and dedication (or lack thereof) is based on these, and is easily dissolved if expectations are not fully met.

 

And as OP said, sometimes it's more complicated.

[preraph]

Is that an empirical usually, preraph?

 

.

 

There's always exceptions, for example, the plethora of guys who come on here ready to dump the mother of their children because they didn't lose the baby weight, or for other shallow selfish reasons.

[balletomane]

I agree with Basil, up to a point. Ending a relationship doesn't make anyone a bad person. However...there are kind and unkind ways to break up with someone. Some people break up with as much care and consideration as they can. Others, not so much. The most brutal breakup I've experienced was when my ex cheated on me (he lied to the other woman and told her he'd been single for over a year), and then, once their relationship felt secure and established, he just casually told me that he'd got together with someone else and he thought he'd better tell me about it because I was going to figure it out sooner or later. Then, when I started to cry, he asked why I was so selfish and why I couldn't just be happy for him (!!). But it wasn't the dumping that was wrong in that scenario, it was how he handled it. My most recent ex broke up with me as kindly as he possibly could, and although I'm pretty heartsore over it, I can't fault him just for not wanting to be with me any more. That wouldn't be fair. I sometimes think dumpees make the mistake of assuming that anything that causes us so much pain has to be objectively bad, ergo the dumper is bad. It's more complicated than that.

[brokenblade]

Just sayin'

 

Sometimes, when the other party is not treating you with the love and respect you deserve, you don't have a choice but to have agency and walk away - even if that means breaking his/her heart.

But do not for one minute think this person who walked away, walked away "relieved" I am here to tell you they didn't. I didn't, because I had to break my own heart too. The hardest thing to do is to walk away when love is still there.

 

Sometimes you walk away from love, dying from the pain. And there is no good guy or bad guy. You wish the person you walk away from would come back with a sincere apology but most likely will never come.

 

Please don't automatically think that a girl breaks up with a guy because she's lost attraction or, she has Grass is Greener Syndrome.

 

Sometimes life is more complicated than that.

 

I can understand that. I myself was left with no choice but to walk away from someone who (I thought I knew for a long time, but said I didn't) was getting increasingly hostile with me and was twisting my words constantly, character assassinations and all that stuff. At the end, I just decided that I can't even be around her anymore.

 

I also wonder if there are cases when the person actually does want to break up, but doesn't have the 'whatever it takes' to do so. Therefore, that person manipulates the person they want to break up with in order to get that person to do the breaking up so that the person with the desire to break up doesn't have to deal with the pressure.

 

I'm also sure that there are cases when the dumper walks away and the dumpee is the one feeling relieved with the dumper feeling completely broken down.

 

It could be the dumpee with the grass is greener syndrome, but since the dumper is often seen as the bad guy as is suggested by this title, the dumpee gets to avoid that. But it does play out somewhat the same for the dumpee as the dumper in this case in that the dumpee might come to regret running that person off in that way at some point.