broke NC after 8months

[sadheart3]

Hi all, i dated this guy for about a year. Then in the two months when i started going to visit and really get to know him everything started to shift, he would lie alot always put his phone in silent when it was was the same person calling him.i would askhim who it was and he would give me a back story of how its someone he worked with bt my instincts told me otherwise when i actually asked around nobody of that name worked with him. Soo many instances of the same kept popping up.

 

The final straw was when i found a package insert of a morning after pill(sure tell sign that he was cheating) in his house and he claimed he didn't know where it came from. I packed my stuff and left so he called me the next week telling me not to over react and to trust him. Then he flipped the script on me saying my trust issues are too much and he wanted out of the relationship. I respected his decision and went no contact which was about a month ago was proud of myself was doing better then he contacted me awhile back asking how iam and if we could meet and he called which i ignored.

 

He then wished me a happy New year and he hopes i could text him but i never do. I just responded no bad blood happy new year. He goes on to tell me he wishes we could be friends and develop that further and he denied breaking up with me that we both needed space to think. I told him you didn't choose me and that is ok. He was like i have always chosen you why do you keep making up stories. I asked him what exactly do you want from me, he said he wanted friendship and need help with an job application he had. I tried to help but i wasn't in that space emotionally so the next day i tell him i cant be your friend right now and i shall refer you to someone else to help with your application as i can't do this whole contact thing with you right now. He just kept saying it isn't fair and why do i have to complicate things.

 

I have blocked all his numbers before i just deleted i thought he would not reach out like any mature person would. I feel like he just wanted to see if am still hang up on him because i was doing so well with my no contact. Why wouldn't he respect me and not contact me as before

Edited November 9, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Dealer]

Why?

He is a boy... not a man.

He wants sex. You will be a stopgap until the next "one"

Stick to your guns... have some self-respect. No contact

Meet people, your soulmate is out there - guaranteed (I promise)

[d0nnivain]

You control who contacts you. If you truly don't want to hear from him, block him. Problem solved You already know he's a cheating liar so why do you expect him to be honorable?

[sadheart3]

Thanks hey for both your responses. I was not blocking because i felt it childish but i have to do what i have to do.

You both could not have said it better SELF RESPECT and block

The person i referred him to he said and i quote "your friend is too busy i do not need her anymore" . Too much arrogance in that message.

 

I have gone back to no contact since my last post. I feel better already. There is a reason for NO CONTACT and i shall not break it again. Dankie

[sadheart3]

Hi all, i last posted in January about breaking no contact as the ex wanted help with a Job application. Fast forward 8months later of which the ex kept asking to meet but just Ignored or denied. I know you are all thinking why didnt i block. I blocked on whatsapp and on phone but my phone still notifies me of blocked msgs or calls irregardless of him being blocked.

 

In those 8months i was over the whole relationship even tried dating and was into the gy at my place of work but that didnt work. So i figured I am past this Ex of mine.

 

One time i find a notifcation of four missed calls and a message asking to meet and talk. I ask a mutual friend to find out what he wants because i was tired of fighting. So apparently he told her that he messed up asking for forgiveness for the way he treated me and wanted me back. So i agreed to meetup because i wanted to hear what he had to say and really see if am passed it all.

 

So we met, he pleaded and begged i told him its all in the past we are in the same profession so we are bound to bump into each other so being cordial would be best. He asked for another chance i said no but he kept texting for 2weeks.

 

Slowly i begun to give in as his friend that i should not define things it would evolve by itself but was hesistant because he would ask to meet about work then he goes on to say how i inspire him and thanking me for helping him get to where he is in his career. I just text him that i cant be a limbo kind of girl and he shouldnot reach out.

 

Fast forward to the one time i actually agreed to meet him because he said he wanted to surprise me and spend the day with me. On the day we were supposed to meet he asks to kindly reschedule to the next day without an explanation. I just respond sayin some other time. Then a week later of silence he asks to meet for tea, i decline.

 

I cant read him my mutual friend says he wants to get back together but that am too tough. I was fine no less that 2months ago and now this drama.please recall he is blocked i still get the phone message

 

My other friend says he just likes knowing am there which i feel is true and a mutual friend says he tells her he wants me back. I know i have to close the chapter. I thought he had changed but i doubt that now.What are your thoughts?

Edited November 2, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Soak]

There's not much back story as to what went on in the relationship. Eg, was cancelling plans a common thing? Have just re-read and you made a point about the 'way he treated you', which means he might have taken you for granted and not treated you right.

 

I'm not really sure whether you want him back or not? If so, meet up with him and have the chat..

 

If you don't want him back at all, just don't respond or change your mobile number. In other words, remove yourself completely and ignore any attempts at contact.

Edited November 1, 2019 by Soak

[sadheart3]

Thanks for your response, alittle back story he lied alot, probably cheated( I mentioned in my Jan thread finding a package insert of a morning afterpill in his house). He was soo disrespectful in the end and he walked away.

I guess i just had that faint hope he had changed but people do not change.

About the cancellation no it wasn't common, i felt it was a red flag rescheduling without a reason after assuring me that he had nothing to do.

I hear what you have said , I shall go back to ignoring and dfinding my peace of mind.

[Marc878]

NC is up to you not him. He wasn't serious or he wouldn't have cancelled.

 

Drop the hopium pipe.

 

This is your issue not his.

 

You've reset the clock by breaking contact and it didn't get you a thing.

Edited November 2, 2019 by Marc878

[sadheart3]

So i decided to go back to no contact yesterday. Tried the whole lets see where it goes for a week. Went on a date with him, it was nice. Then that same week went for his friends meeting where he introduced me as his girlfriend. The part that i cant handle is his texting he texts once a day asking how i am n when i reply asking hw he is he only responds in the evening yet he is always on his phone. So anyway i just said space is best for me right now and we both want different things.

His response was this back n forth will hinder us from moving further and that he will pray about the whole situation. Yes there has been back n forth cz everytym he texts me a few days later i realise i cant be with him not after what he has dne then I turn him down. So anyway day 1 of no contact today. I can't look back but it sucks

[Soak]

Thanks for your response, alittle back story he lied alot, probably cheated( I mentioned in my Jan thread finding a package insert of a morning afterpill in his house). He was soo disrespectful in the end and he walked away.

I guess i just had that faint hope he had changed but people do not change.

About the cancellation no it wasn't common, i felt it was a red flag rescheduling without a reason after assuring me that he had nothing to do.

I hear what you have said , I shall go back to ignoring and dfinding my peace of mind.

 

Ahh yes, i have just read your top post, which i think Moderators have inserted.

 

It seems there is a history of evasion from this person. You seemed very determined and rational about moving on from this guy in your original post eight months ago, then he comes back and messes with your head. I know i suggested to give him a go, but that was before reading your top post.

 

It seems like there are a whole lot of red flags going on here. Would it make you happy never to hear from him again? As it seems he is currently not respecting your request for no contact.

 

If you really want to move on from this guy, my advice would be to do what is necessary to enforce this boundary. Eg, block. Make the direct request for him to stop. Once you've made this request, any attempts to contact can be deemed as 'harrassment', which i am sure there are laws against where you live. He might even need to be made aware of this as well.

 

In sum, any contact he makes with you after you have clearly and explicitly stated to him not to, is actually harrassment. You do not need to tolerate this and should employ any means necessary to stop this psychological onslaught.

Edited November 9, 2019 by Soak