Hey! I'm interested! - How men signal women.

[Legatus]

{FOR THR OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY SEE: Wink! - How women signal men}

 

 

Apart from my own threads I have been following quite a few others that spoke about different signals, from men and women alike, to suggest interest or lack there of.

 

Reflecting on my debacle with the girl I met few weeks ago I realised that quite likely I didn't show her that I like her enough. I was too reserved, probably knowing that I might leave the country soon, didn't reciprocate her touches, and focused on what we were doing too much, rather than her.

 

Anyways, the question is: What do you read as a positive signal of interest from a man? Do you classify them as "must-haves"? What does lack of them do to your perception of the man you're currently with?

 

Let it be an educational thread for guys that perhaps are not at the greatest level of their social persona. Nobody can force it, that's for sure, but reading about it from wise people might teach our minds to do it subconsciously next time..

Edited November 3, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[notthatintome]

What a great thread and I will look forward to hear the words of wisdom as I am hopeless at this stuff. However, I will try and contribute...

 

 

 

I can usually tell by their body language:

 

 

Prolonged eye contact - it's true the eyes say it all!

 

Body facing you etc.

Asking questions

Listening to what you have to say.

or looking bored.

 

 

 

I'm very cool when I'm on a date or start dating someone. I don't mean to but it's normally because i feel overwhelmed and this is worse when I actually like them! I don't know why I do it but I can't help it.

 

 

What I find difficult to decode is a mans intention - hook up, relationship, etc but I guess this takes time to figure out.

 

 

So i will look forward to reading what people have to say...

[preraph]

I guess I'm kind of literal about it. I always took interest to be interest, not trying to be cute. But when a guy seems to have noticed something about me he's interested in and talks to me about that.

[lavenderandvelvet]

1. Keeping their word - e.g. "I'll call you on Tuesday to set something up." And actually calling on Tuesday

2. Focused attention - e.g. not using their phone, repeating, reiterating and referencing things you previously said

3. Frequent communication

4. concerned with your needs, feelings

5. takes things at your pace

 

While I generally think touch is a good indicator, I apparently give off some vibe where people touch me way more - even people who are uninterested will be super affectionate. So I never know how to read that - I have been wrong many times.

[Lotsgoingon]

I doubt the issue is that the woman thought you weren't interested.

 

Just to back up ... are you talking about the Salsa dancer? Because if you are, you do want to know the etiquette of partner dance.

 

Dancing with someone at a social dance is not a sign of a romance emerging. It's just a sign that the person likes to dance with you. I just spent a weekend slow dancing with people for hours over two nights. Had some amazing dances ... and yes eye contact and all that ... But that's not romantic chemistry. Dance chemistry is its own happening--not much related to chemistry in romance.

 

So I wonder if you're misreading the cues of social dance.

 

I am also not getting that you did indeed really like this woman. You worry if you're unreadable, but about Miss Salsa, I'm not sure you said a word about really liking her. She said a lot about wanting to get together with her. That's not the same as really liking her.

 

So first check: are you sure you indeed like these people who you assume can't read your interest? By like, I mean overwhelming like!

[Legatus]

In this thread I am asking for usual dating. When it comes to dancing I have no problem reading my partner, their comfort level with me, judging my own confidence.

 

But just to recap what I did:

 

1. While playing pool I would sometimes stop, sit on the edge of the table and we would talk about her work, our views on different topics etc.

2. Occasional jokes about her wanting to make me drunk to win at pool after I told her I try to keep the drinks slow as my skills decrease with alcohol haha

3. Dance chemistry - there's a dance chemistry and there's a romantic dance chemistry. After pool when we went to dance, once she asked me if I want to dance with somebody else, I smiled and said no.

4. Before our date, during the first time we met and we stayed after our salsa course, she would sometimes sit on my lap, we would cuddle a bit.

5. During the week between our face to face encounters we would message. She would tell me how come I am single, I would say that I am thinking of her and haven't smiled like that in a long time. I would always tell her how I waited after the course just to dance with her a bit more but she was dancing with somebody else. She said she was so hoping I wouldn't go home.

 

The other side, the things I thing I might have done wrong:

 

1. During pool game she would touch me often or try to deconcentrate me but I didn't reciprocate this. Probably because I focused on pool too much.

2. Week before she did mention once that during the 6h we spent after the salsa course I didn't put any moves on, that I was a gentleman, I took it as positive (should I?) but perhaps it was a hint

3. We left the part at 3am as she was getting tired and still a bit ill so I didn't push it, we went for some food and I was exhausted at all - we didn' t talk much. Out her in the cab, hugged her, and off she went.

 

Perhaps you're right. Perhaps, as many years ago, I didn't let myself really like her because my life is always temporary.

 

Anyway wouldn't want to get to much off topic. I am really interested in those signals in general, not only in regards to my case.

[d0nnivain]

Anyways, the question is: What do you read as a positive signal of interest from a man? Do you classify them as "must-haves"? What does lack of them do to your perception of the man you're currently with?

 

Yes I have always needed non-verbal signals of interest. It's about eye contact, good listening, a bit of flirtation & some casual touches. The touches include the pressure the guy exerts when slow dancing with me; a hand at the small of my back; opening doors; holding out chairs; brushing a stray hair off my face; bumping knees if we are sitting side by side at a bar; holding his shoulders square to mine so that it's a closed conversation, rather then standing at an angle inviting others in.

 

Good manners & signaled interest were always essential.

 

Of course the verbal cues were good too. . .actually calling; engaging in pleasant conversation, being witty. If you couldn't hold up your end of a good conversation then you weren't long for my world.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

1. Keeping their word - e.g. "I'll call you on Tuesday to set something up." And actually calling on Tuesday

2. Focused attention - e.g. not using their phone, repeating, reiterating and referencing things you previously said

3. Frequent communication

4. concerned with your needs, feelings

5. takes things at your pace

 

While I generally think touch is a good indicator, I apparently give off some vibe where people touch me way more - even people who are uninterested will be super affectionate. So I never know how to read that - I have been wrong many times.

 

Couldn't have said this better myself! The 1st one is major. I had an experience where a guy promised to call (at that point we were long distance) and never did. This happened when we 1st started dating and definitely predicted the pace of the relationship, which was complete lack of interest on his end.

 

 

Everything else is just as important. Pretty much treat the person the way you would want someone to treat you when they have a lot of interest in you.

[smackie9]

Being attentive, focused, want to set a good first impression by looking nice.

[spiritedaway2003]

I'm going to agree with everything that's in lavenderandvelvet's post. That was on the spot, and I look for consistency in those behaviors. And body language (you can look for reciprocity as a positive sign)

 

I would also add that I'm protective of my personal space. If someone gets into my personal space, I would either allow it or step back or away to maintain that space, depending on whether I like that person or not. When you like someone, it's natural to want to get close to that person. It's important to pay attention to body language -- sometimes they are very subtle but you can often pick up those clues subconsciously.

[MeadowFlower]

A couple of the positive signals of interest from a man could be, if he initiates contact and does so often over a long period of time. And asking the girl about herself.

Edited November 3, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Legatus]

I find the personal space as a very good indicator. After all it comes from our basic needs to protect ourselves. The probing part is a bit difficult but I think it's as subconscious as the reaction on the other side..

[MeadowFlower]

So you're saying, for you, if you are engaging in intelligent conversation with the girl, then that is an indicator that you have interest in her?

Edited November 3, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[alphamale]

prolonged mutual eye contact is by far the biggest giveaway and starts the ball rolling...

[winny]

What do you read as a positive signal of interest from a man? Do you classify them as "must-haves"? What does lack of them do to your perception of the man you're currently with?

 

The below behaviors generally signal me that a guy has a positive interest in me. But if I don't like the guy back then the same behaviors may put me off as well LOL

I don't think what a guy does to show me he is into me and impress me...makes me to like him back. It is rather who he is as a person that makes me to like him as a friend or more.

 

-Asking me questions about my life, work, friends, family, goals and listening.

-Offering help.

-Compliments.

-Trying to tease me or make me laugh.

 

My must-have is good CHARACTER - kindness, empathy, loyalty, faithfulness, honesty, driven, disciplined, humility, being reliable and trustworthy and things like that. If he does not have good character then nothing else will work. No amount of looks, communication, sense of humor... nothing.