Is this emotional affair?

[Equave111]

There’s a man at work I have a complicated situation with. He’s married I’m single. Since August we used to meet up randomly if we were on a shift together and go for a cigarette and a chat. All platonic only spoke about work issues. About a month ago he tried it on physically with me but I rejected him. He blocked me on WhatsApp next day but the following day he came to me and asked was I ok unblocked me and asked to go for cigarette break again but I declined. Then he started ignoring me at work and being hostile past few weeks. Yesterday he messaged me to meet so I agreed as I wanted to keep the peace. We had a lovely chat for about half hour and all feels ok again now.

 

I don’t particularly fancy him and I told him when he tried it on he’s married I’m not going there but i do enjoy his company. I don’t really know what’s going on but I think I like like him. I had the desire to text him after the talk but I didn’t. I don’t really know what to do. Does this sound like an emotional affair? Or has potential to be?

[d0nnivain]

I can't put a label on it but since he wanted it to be a physical affair, it's bad news. Whether you call it sexual harassment; an EA; or Fred, it will only cause you grief.

 

Steer clear of this guy. You can try saying to him like, I enjoyed talking to you but since you tried to kiss me I'm uncomfortable being alone with you. Let's just keep things professional at work, OK. Then avoid him. Do not chat with him outside of work about non work subjects.

 

You need to erect very clear boundaries fast.

[DKT3]

Sounds like you're not interested in having an affair...Here is the problem, almost none of the women posting here wanted to have an affair, but there weren't honest with themselves about the possibility of it actually happening.

 

You like the attention, enjoy talking to him despite not particularly finding him attractive. He is manipulative and will run hot and cold with his attention in an effort to get what he wants. If you stay engaged eventually you will find yourself giving more to get his attention.

 

Dont allow the lines to become blurry. I suspect if you told him you were only interested in a purely platonic relationship he would bolt.

 

If you continue to engage with him on this level you will set yourself up for years of pain and confusion.

[Beendaredonedat]

Why worry about labels? Just steer clear of him. He is not good enough to be put on the pedestal you have built for him. He is a married man that tried to get you to cheat with him. Take him down from that pedestal, view him for what he is and then stop worrying about him being cold or distant towards you because it is to your advantage that he is being that way. With friends like him, who needs enemies.

[mark clemson]

He's definitely fishing for an affair. It may be emotional on his side, but more likely he's just looking sex. From his actions he sounds immature and a bit of a sore loser.

 

Definitely agree with the suggestions to (peaceably) cut contact with him. You don't want him suddenly deciding he wants to talk badly about you to other co-workers or worse next time he feels rejected. Put an end to it and keep it ended.

 

It will be interesting to see how quickly he's on to the next one after it ends.

 

Since it's a work context, consider documenting his attempts to talk to you etc just in case it turns into actual sexual harassment.

[vla1120]

Read some of the threads out here from young women who were just completely destroyed by an EA that turned physical. Some of them have wasted some of their best years on these men who made empty promises to them. Don't be one of them.