Don't Google your ex, even if it's a long ago ex

[chillii]

I don't see where the OP stated specific information located by googling, just that he "found" them. The details he gave were from his personal experience with them at the time.

 

The information generally available on the internet is addresses, property records (which might show joint ownership), and places of employment through sites like LinkedIn.

 

I do general searches all the time for work in locating people, and yes, I've looked for personal reasons a few times. Not a lot of detail on free sites, but enough to get your thoughts occupied if you start remembering someone from your past.

 

 

 

 

Yeah right , thanks.

l did find the very basics like that sort of things. although nothing property.

[Piddy]

Yeah right .

l had that basic stuff on the two l tried to find but what l was saying was all l find really.

 

Lots of sites popped up claiming to have the nits and bolts if l paid to join, dunno what they'd have.

 

I think the pay sites do a back ground check. They'll have all kinds of info that you can't get for free. Again, for me it was easy because three of the girls were in the towns I looked at first. That narrowed it down significantly. Knowing their age, their middle name / maiden name and mother, father / siblings and it was very easy.

 

Once you have their married name etc. then it's just a matter of how much stuff is out there. Once I found them I was in for a penny, in for a pound so to speak.

 

The 4th girl was the most difficult. I only knew her maiden name and the town she was originally from in Illinois. Long story short I found an obituary of her mother and it mentioned all her children's names and the states they lived in. So now I had the girls married name and the state she lived in.

 

From there I found her like the others. I guess I would add a caveat to my thread title. It may be fun to find an old ex and from what I hear it's done on Facebook all the time. I don't do Facebook though.

 

However, if you had a bad breakup and that ex was special and a big part of your life for whatever period of time you were together, you may not want to go down that road.

 

I never imagined having this reaction to this particular ex. I knew I loved her more than the others. If we were famous we'd all write our memoirs about our life. This ex would have a whole chapter by herself. We don't pick and choose who we fall in love with or how much we fall in love with them. It just happens. She was both the best girlfriend I ever had and the worst girlfriend I ever had all in one.

 

And like I said, but for random events I very well could've ended up with her in my life for a lot longer than we were originally together. I guess they make movies about such things.

Edited November 2, 2019 by Piddy

[chillii]

Yeah right , but yep l had all that on both , still didn't find much , couldn't even nail down a present address for certain on one.

 

Both very unusual names to so there weren't even many but l still couldn't find much.

 

 

l have an ex like that one too, she was one of the two.

Although in a way l hate to think if we did work it out really, we were so different but like ya say we don't get to choose do we.

l felt the same too when l found her but nah l didn't find much, even just seeing her name and a few details though effected me a lot so l hear ya.

[2.50 a gallon]

We lived together for over 2 and half years. From day one it was "When are we getting married?" 5' 10", long skaters legs, curves in all the right places, strawberry blonde, intelligent, well grounded, my thought was if I have to choose just one, why not take the sexiest one of the flock. She graduated from college with a degree in electronics, so as a graduation present I agreed to marry. It lasted a whole 6 months.

30 years later I googeled her. Boy did I get lucky. Easily over the double century in the weight department, and looks a lot like the dogs she's raising.

[Piddy]

We lived together for over 2 and half years. From day one it was "When are we getting married?" 5' 10", long skaters legs, curves in all the right places, strawberry blonde, intelligent, well grounded, my thought was if I have to choose just one, why not take the sexiest one of the flock. She graduated from college with a degree in electronics, so as a graduation present I agreed to marry. It lasted a whole 6 months.

30 years later I googeled her. Boy did I get lucky. Easily over the double century in the weight department, and looks a lot like the dogs she's raising.

 

I'd love to see what this ex looks like now. My last good memory was when she was just a few days short of 19 in Dec. 1976. When she called me in Dec. 1978 and I refused to see her, a couple days later she walked into my fathers store where I worked.

 

It was near Christmas and I was waiting on customers and she walked past me to the back of the store and spoke to my grandfather. Then she walked past the counter near me again and walked out.

 

Wasn't sure what that was all about. Maybe just wanted to get a look at me and hope I would speak to her. Anyway, she looked like she could be a sister to Katherine Ross or Debra Winger. That type brunette only taller at 5' 6". So I've looked at those two to get an idea of how she may have aged.

 

Debra Winger is my age (64) and 2 1/2 years older than my ex. My ex was a smoker back then and smokers tend to get wrinkles around their faces. However, she had two kids and may have stopped.

 

I've often wondered if we ran into each other if we'd recognize each other. Back in the early 80's when the Superman movies were out my mother in law thought I looked like the late Christopher Reeves.

 

Had a mother and her two teenage daughters say the same thing on my honeymoon in 1981 in Atlantic City. So you could say my ex dumped Superman (jk.).

Edited November 4, 2019 by Piddy

[mark clemson]

Well, unless she's actually a robot you can basically guarantee she looks NOTHING like she did at 18.

 

Again, although I think you already know, what you're fixated on here is a memory, NOT an actual (current) person.

 

Many random 19 year olds may be closer to "her" (what you remember in your mind) than the actual her is. Probably in both looks AND personality, given how much a person changes over that many decade.

 

(And note: I'm NOT trying to give you any bad ideas here about 19 y.o.'s.)

[chillii]

We lived together for over 2 and half years. From day one it was "When are we getting married?" 5' 10", long skaters legs, curves in all the right places, strawberry blonde, intelligent, well grounded, my thought was if I have to choose just one, why not take the sexiest one of the flock. She graduated from college with a degree in electronics, so as a graduation present I agreed to marry. It lasted a whole 6 months.

30 years later I googeled her. Boy did I get lucky. Easily over the double century in the weight department, and looks a lot like the dogs she's raising.

 

 

 

 

Ohhhh helllll yeah.

Man time is amazing , it's just mind boggling how some can be soooo nice younger,,, but end up looking like that.

 

There was someone back when l was 16 . She was the sexiest hottest little thing any man could ever hope to lay eyes on. When we were together everywhere we went was just a pain in the ass guys were just drooling all over the damn place . Older guys guys our age if they were male and still had a pulse they just had no hope around her.

My first love and even at 16 we also just got along incredibly and even though l eventually married very happily early 30s later on, l always thought of her and wondered the what ifs.

Saw her a few times later in her early 20s, she was even more incredible to look at but then l saw her 35 yrs later , no way l knew who she was but she came up and said hello.

My God , all l can say is thank God that one did work out. 3 kids and 35yrs later, she was about how yours sounded.

Hard to believe for the most beautiful thing she was back then.

 

 

And same thing happened with another girl l knew, 18 or so , she wasn't in the hotness type way of that one but she was very pretty and had long black hair down to her bum and the most beautiful white skin. You know what, saw her 30yrs later somewhere, same, didn't recognize her she came up said hello. l'm just who is this. She was slim but her face and the gorgeous long hair was gone and short half grey , it was amazing l'm just staring in shock . Her face was wrinkled up like a road map l honesty couldn't believe it was her and that beautiful pale white skin l remembered.

Edited November 4, 2019 by chillii

[Piddy]

Well, unless she's actually a robot you can basically guarantee she looks NOTHING like she did at 18.

 

Again, although I think you already know, what you're fixated on here is a memory, NOT an actual (current) person.

 

Many random 19 year olds may be closer to "her" (what you remember in your mind) than the actual her is. Probably in both looks AND personality, given how much a person changes over that many decade.

 

(And note: I'm NOT trying to give you any bad ideas here about 19 y.o.'s.)

 

My wife is the same age as her (62) (1957) and my sister is (63) and know several women who are that age and have known them since we were kids. Everyone ages differently though. So who knows how she's aged? Some age well and some don't.

 

I'm fixated on a person that I did know very well at 18-19 years old. And I'll disagree on personality. I think your basic personality is set at a young age. Each person is somewhere on the introvert / extrovert scale etc..

 

I don't think you change that much personality wise. And if you have a personality disorder (narcissist / anti social) at a young age you probably have it all your life. Trump is a good example. Character wise, yes you can become a better version of yourself. She was an extrovert and flirtatious. I would bet she's (her personality) similar today. She was a very confident / assertive young woman and I would bet she's that way today.

 

If I were to see her again, it would be similar to going to a class reunion and seeing someone I hadn't seen in 43 years. You'd talk about old times in school and what their life has been like since.

I don't think it would be that odd. You'd each have different memories, but they'd be memories of how you were at that time.

Edited November 4, 2019 by Piddy

[nospam99]

I've kept in touch with my high school classmates and gone to the last two (40th and 45th) reunions. I love these people about as much as I love my cousins. Two of the women who are most involved in the planning of reunions and helping us all keep in touch were 'I want to phuc her NOW' hot in high school (one Emma Watson, one Sophia Loren). Yet today they are both way overweight and married to great guys. Still love them as friends and people. But just examples of women whose bodies have 'gone elsewhere' over the years.

[Piddy]

Ohhhh helllll yeah.

Man time is amazing , it's just mind boggling how some can be soooo nice younger,,, but end up looking like that.

 

My high school girlfriend looked like Sally Struthers (72). Sally hasn't aged well. Number 2 (again) was a Katherine Ross (79) / Debra Winger (64) type. Ross aged well, but Winger not so much. Number 3 was an Andi MacDowell (61) type. MacDowel has aged well. Number 4 had her own look so who knows?

 

My wife has aged well. I don't think I have myself though. (Christopher Reeves died so hard to compare) jk.. I'm 6' 0" and was around 165 - 175 lbs most of my adult life, but once I retired I went from a 34 inch waist to a 38 inch waist and 200 pounds. Had a brief stop at a 36 inch waist. But I have a longer torso so I carry it well.

 

I really wouldn't care about looks if I were to run into any of my ex girlfriends. I loved each as a person as well as their looks and would just enjoy a trip down memory lane with each. One more than the others was we know.

Edited November 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote edited

[chillii]

It's always weird to me when people talk in a memory lane type way because l really don't like it myself.

Anything more than 5 or 10 yrs really messes with me.

lt's a strange way to be and feel apparently butttt, l just don't like it.

[Piddy]

It's always weird to me when people talk in a memory lane type way because l really don't like it myself.

Anything more than 5 or 10 yrs really messes with me.

lt's a strange way to be and feel apparently butttt, l just don't like it.

 

The older you get the more memories you have (stating the obvious). Also, as you get older the more sentimental and nostalgic you get. I remember my grandfather in his 90's and talking about things he regretted. One was hunting animals (deer, rabbits, ducks etc.).

 

Getting back to my original post. I think I regret not meeting with Sheila when she called after 2 years. I may have got some closure on our relationship. I'd give an analogy like you're watching a movie and it has a sad ending, but nothing was ever explained as to why. You're just left hanging.

 

You're left with your imagination and speculation as to what happened. It just left a lot of questions that were never answered. The way she spoke on the phone I suspected that she realized the grass wasn't any greened on the other side of the street. That at 19 she didn't want to play housewife and wanted to live the single life again.

 

But at 21 she may have realized that having a decent guy who loved her was something she missed. And she would've said she'd grown out of her impulsive / irresponsible behavior. I really believe that's what she would've said, just by hearing her tone on the phone call. But I never got to hear it because I was still angry at her and had moved on. Little did I know 43 years years later I really needed to hear that.

Edited November 5, 2019 by Piddy

[PegNosePete]

Very easy. I knew their full / maiden names, ages, parents names, siblings names etc., and had an idea where to look (town / state). I also could figure out if they had children and what their ages were. Again, very easy to do and it was all free. It's all there you just need to know where to look.

Dude, this is not simply googling your ex. This is some crazy-level cyber stalking stuff.

[Piddy]

Dude, this is not simply googling your ex. This is some crazy-level cyber stalking stuff.

 

Not really, from what I've read it's done a lot. Really not that uncommon. Depends how curious you are. If I wanted to know more I'd done a background check. I know as much as if I'd ran into her 40 plus years later and just caught up on life.

 

It might go something like this. Sheila? Larry? Wow, it's been a long time. Maybe a hug. How have you been? Then we would each give a brief history about our lives. Married / kids / where do you live / own a home / what you did for a living / health / parents still alive / and maybe some shared iconic history we would remember like concerts or other memorable events. Nothing heavy like our breakup. Then it would be a hug and kiss on the cheek and wish each other a great rest of our lives.

 

I know everything I mentioned above except what she did for a living and her health. So for me what I found was very innocuous. Also, it's important to remember that our breakup was probably the most traumatic event in my life. I've never experienced such pain (even deaths in the family). I've read where some people you just never get over. Now, I'll admit I had no idea that I'd have this reaction to looking her up.

 

Looking back I probably buried her in my memory relatively quickly because I got into another relationship within 3 months. But all these years I knew she was the one that I loved the most and hurt me the most. Just kept her buried in my mind. I wish I knew about attachment trauma before I looked her up. But in the end they're just thoughts and from what I understand thru time my brain will eventually treat her indifferently like the others.

 

Or at least I hope.

Edited November 5, 2019 by Piddy

[chillii]

Nah l def' get it.

Certain people meant very special things to us and we need this stuff, l'm a real pain in the ass for closure. But l always knew that if l can get it l can move on properly and l'm glad l'm like that because l always got it .

l know everything that's happened and why and causes reasons thoughts and the real feelings and that's given me the peace l needed.

[norudder]

She was the one you loved the most? You believe if even including the history you've built with your wife? Wonder what love means to you then exactly? Maybe therapy is where you should work this out for yourself.

[Piddy]

She was the one you loved the most? You believe if even including the history you've built with your wife? Wonder what love means to you then exactly? Maybe therapy is where you should work this out for yourself.

 

Loved the most of the 'ex girlfriends'. Important distinction. Most people have a relationship history before they got married. My wife and I know each others previous relationship history. Been together 41 years. We're very supportive of each other. Know need to worry about what love means to me.

 

I've researched attachment trauma and it has to work it's course. Thanks for the concern though. Acknowledging it and working thru it is the best course of action. Time as we know is the great healer. I'll be fine. It's not cancer or anything like that.

[Piddy]

Nah l def' get it.

Certain people meant very special things to us and we need this stuff, l'm a real pain in the ass for closure. But l always knew that if l can get it l can move on properly and l'm glad l'm like that because l always got it .

l know everything that's happened and why and causes reasons thoughts and the real feelings and that's given me the peace l needed.

 

Good for you. I wish I had that insight back in my early 20's. Again, she was the only bad breakup I ever had. Still, getting that closure would've been nice. Just didn't think I needed it at the time. My closure was a couple of one night stands and two relationships in the 2 years post breakup. Then I met my wife and the rest is history. Until 43 years later and Google.............

Edited November 6, 2019 by Piddy

[Piddy]

Me and my golf buddies were talking recently about our past relationships. One had his second wife who was an Airline Attendant admit she cheated on him 5 times when they got divorced. Each time she cheated she'd whisper in his ear while he was sleeping 'I'm sorry'. He's been married 4 times.

 

Another who is 79 said the 'one that got away' from him he'd never forgot about. She was 17 and he was 18 and they ran off to get married, but never went thru with it. He's been happily married to his wife for 50 plus years.

 

A woman golfer at our home course said she still thinks about a special guy from 43 years ago also.

 

Everyone has a story of love lost it seems. It's part of being human I suppose. There is no formula or script to follow when it comes to love and relationships. You follow your heart and hope it leads you to a lasting relationship. But for many when it doesn't the memories stay with you for a lifetime. Good and bad.

Edited November 6, 2019 by Piddy

[Beendaredonedat]

There you go romanticising again.

 

No one forgets anyone that has been in their life unless they have been hit on the head and have amnesia.

 

None of the people in the stories you mentions are pining away for those that they once loved... they just remember the time they were together.

 

If you romanticise about that time, if you continue to pine away after it, after years of never being together, well then it's time for professional help and learning tools to help let go.

[2.50 a gallon]

In my junior year in high school I met and crushed on for the rest of my high school days a girl I shall call Mary. She was good friends with the sisters of one of my best friends, and they lived about a block apart. The two sisters were students at some parochial school of a very old fashioned religion. Everything was a sin, dancing, drinking, card playing, etc. and one was condemned to spend their after life in hell. The two sisters were not so strict. But not Mary she was forever lecturing me of my evil life style.

I graduated a couple of years ahead of her and forgot all about her when I went to college.

About a dozen years later I got off a plane in Denver, and while walking in the crowd back to the entrance, noticed amongst a gaggle of flight personel who were also walking toward the entrance a stewardess pulling a wheeled case who looked an awful lot like my old friend. I almost called out to her, but knowing there was no chance she could be a stewardess went about my way.

About a decade ago she contacted me via FB, and guess what, she was a retired flight attendent. So it was probably her, I mentioned thinking I had seen her that one time in Denver, and she chastised me for not calling out. And said had she known we would have had a one night stand

[Piddy]

In my junior year in high school I met and crushed on for the rest of my high school days a girl I shall call Mary. She was good friends with the sisters of one of my best friends, and they lived about a block apart. The two sisters were students at some parochial school of a very old fashioned religion. Everything was a sin, dancing, drinking, card playing, etc. and one was condemned to spend their after life in hell. The two sisters were not so strict. But not Mary she was forever lecturing me of my evil life style.

I graduated a couple of years ahead of her and forgot all about her when I went to college.

About a dozen years later I got off a plane in Denver, and while walking in the crowd back to the entrance, noticed amongst a gaggle of flight personel who were also walking toward the entrance a stewardess pulling a wheeled case who looked an awful lot like my old friend. I almost called out to her, but knowing there was no chance she could be a stewardess went about my way.

About a decade ago she contacted me via FB, and guess what, she was a retired flight attendent. So it was probably her, I mentioned thinking I had seen her that one time in Denver, and she chastised me for not calling out. And said had she known we would have had a one night stand

 

Reminds me of my 20th class reunion. Had three good looking classmates tell me they had a crush on me in high school. If only we could get a do over with stuff like that. Not sure I could've acted on it because I was going steady with Sally Struthers (lookalike). But it was nice to hear anyway.

[Piddy]

This thread is just about run it's course. And a couple of people have suggested I seek therapy for my attachment trauma (intrusive thoughts) to this particular ex girlfriend.

 

However, there's some thoughts I don't mind hanging around. Those would be the sexual thoughts of me and her. Sheila was the best lover I've ever had by far. Although only 18 she was way beyond my experience level at 20-21 years of age.

 

Let me give you some examples. Her oral skills were off the charts. Before her I'd only had one blowjob and that was at a bachelor party and it was performed by a hooker. (My high school girlfriend never went down on me) This was 1975 and it cost $15.00 back then. She'd take you into the bathroom stall and do her thing and then she'd go to the sink and rinse her mouth with some mouthwash and onto the next guy.

 

But Sheila was better than the professional. Sheila lived at my parents house for a month before we got our own place. One night shortly after she moved in we were lying in bed and she went down on me. It was incredible. I don't think I'd ever had an orgasm like that before.

 

Afterward she licked me up and literally blew dry me. Gave me a kiss on the cheek and I fell asleep like a baby. She also taught me anal. I think we used vaseline. I'd never gone down on a girl before and she knew it. She said you've never done this before and proceeded to give me a tutorial on cunnilingus.

 

Basically she said just listen to how I react and when I react the most pleasure wise, stay right there in that location and don't deviate. I must say she made me a better lover in that regard. It's not my favorite thing. I prefer doing it when doing 69.

 

Not a fan of the taste and even though a vagina is like a self cleaning oven, I only did it because I considered it a quid pro quo type thing.

 

Anyway, back in those days when you're young all you did was screw. I also learned from her that many women don't orgasm during intercourse. I once asked her how she felt during intercourse and she said 'well I'm not climbing the walls'.

 

So, she soon began fingering herself during intercourse and all was well. I could last a long time so however long it took was fine by me. I remember buying The Joy Of Sex book which was popular back then (1976). Was the first girl I'd ever taken naked pictures of each other with also.

 

We did it in so many positions I can't remember them all. Also, we bought a Bell and Howell projector and went to the old Combat Zone in Boston and bought some porn movies. These were 8 millimeter films back then. Only cost $15.00 a piece.

 

I remember telling her to stay outside while I went in to get the movies. Very chivalrous of me. A short time later she came in and said she couldn't stay outside any longer because people would think she was a prostitute. I laughed my ass off.

 

Anyway, she was the best. I think we did it 10 times in one day. May of been only 5, but could've been 10, so I'll go with 10.

 

She was a lot of firsts for me and I'll always remember her for that. Just one incredible lover, great looks and a great personality. Just had one fatal character flaw. She couldn't remain faithful at that time in her life.

 

I think my therapy is this forum. Thanks to all who have read this thread and for your comments.

Edited November 6, 2019 by Piddy

[2.50 a gallon]

Piddy

 

 

I have a similar story. Yeah she was a looker, with long legs, I am a leg man. I was about 25 and my number of sex partners was in the mid 20's. Most awesome oral ever, BJ ever, but the best part was the sex. I have had women who worked their Kegels before and since, but nothing close to what she could do. It was like she had a hand and was milking me. It was an all nighter, as she kept coming back for more.

But come the morning, she changed personalities. There was no kissing, hugging, hand holding, etc. "That's all you men think off"

A month later on Christmas Eve at her mom's she got the horneys and wanted to come over to my place. There was a city park about a block away from her mother's place and she had the hots so bad we went behind some bushes. Then to my place where it was another all nighter.

Another month later she again got the screaming purple hornies and came over to my place for another all nighter. each time, come daylight she changed into the person who did not want to kiss, hug etc. That was the last time, as I called it off

She screwed with my head as I headed out into the world in search of a partner with talents equal to hers.

I never did find anyone that came close to her, and my number of partners was run into the triple digits.

[BettyDraper]

Dude, this is not simply googling your ex. This is some crazy-level cyber stalking stuff.

 

I agree. The OP's behavior is very frightening.