Author JamesA721 Posted November 2, 2019 Author Posted November 2, 2019 @expatinitaly you would be worried? Even thought he didn’t respond to her last message? That’s the only comfort I have right now ):.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 2, 2019 Posted November 2, 2019 @expatinitaly you would be worried? Even thought he didn’t respond to her last message? That’s the only comfort I have right now ):. Yes. He is not someone I would trust.
Inspire Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 Agreed. He cheated on his ex of 8-years, that says a lot about his character and what he is capable of doing. The thing I've learned is (and it may sound crazy) that some people cheat to stay in their relationship, almost like a crutch. He may not have been ready to let her go but was forced too when she found out about your relationship. If that's the case, that isn't good. Time will tell.
kendahke Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 So this guy is bi? Are you male? I'm trying to understand the dynamics in play here. he was always straight up about never wanting to talk to her again and how he hates her. That was bluster for your benefit. The opposite of love is indifference. Hate is angry love. So I would expect him to ignore a message from her or block her. Not only did he approve her message on fb messenger but she’s not blocked meaning they can message eachother now freely.They have unfinished business that the idea of you doesn't enter into. " He cheated on his ex gf of 8 years with me." But you've been knowing he was a cheater because you were his cheating partner. Why are you surprised? That's what cheaters do.
kendahke Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 I just have anxiety that he’s still in love with her He probably is. At best, you're the rebound and those relationships rarely pan out...
Author JamesA721 Posted November 7, 2019 Author Posted November 7, 2019 So this guy is bi? Are you male? I'm trying to understand the dynamics in play here. That was bluster for your benefit. The opposite of love is indifference. Hate is angry love. They have unfinished business that the idea of you doesn't enter into. do. I’m not a male. Im a female. My name is Jamee (prounounced Jamie) lol. What do you mean bluster for my benefit? Even if they have unfinished business? What could be unfinished? They’re done. Ugh and I found out from a mutual friend she just got hired at a bar he sometimes djs at and he Doesn’t know and she doesn’t know he djs there ughhhhhhhhh
elaine567 Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 What do you mean bluster for my benefit? A smokescreen. He tells YOU he hates her to keep you on board. He makes a big show of it as he was cheating with you and you would have left otherwise. Even if they have unfinished business? What could be unfinished? They’re done. No they are not. Ugh and I found out from a mutual friend she just got hired at a bar he sometimes djs at and he Doesn’t know and she doesn’t know he djs there ughhhhhhhhh "Of All The Gin Joints In All The Towns In All The World, She Walks Into Mine."
Author JamesA721 Posted November 10, 2019 Author Posted November 10, 2019 He posted a pic of himself, very handsome one. And there were girls putting ““ and some girl said “you have a lot of fans everyone wants you lol” so I commented hubby. And he liked my comment. Is it bad that, that made me feel better?
ExpatInItaly Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 It's not bad that it made you feel better, but it's superficial and requires no effort on his part. That little buzz you're experiencing is going to fade pretty quickly. The underlying problem is still there.
Author JamesA721 Posted November 10, 2019 Author Posted November 10, 2019 It's not bad that it made you feel better, but it's superficial and requires no effort on his part. That little buzz you're experiencing is going to fade pretty quickly. The underlying problem is still there. Yeah and I told my friends and they were like “girl he liked every girls comment” but I purposely put “hubby ” to mark my territory
elaine567 Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 Yeah and I told my friends and they were like “girl he liked every girls comment” Seems like your friends have the measure of your boyfriend and are trying to get you to wise up...
ExpatInItaly Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 Yeah and I told my friends and they were like “girl he liked every girls comment” but I purposely put “hubby ” to mark my territory Your friends see what you are not yet willing to. When you need to "mark" your "territory" like this, you are sinking to new and transparent lows. If your guy were decent and you were secure in his love for you, you would't need to engage in such cringe-worthy behavior like this. That's the sort of thing teens do. And really, you know better than any of the girls liking his pic that there are plenty out there who don't really care if a guy is another woman's "territory." You were one of them. My guess is that's what scares you. You know you are not the only woman around who will hook up with a taken man, and you know he is totally capable of it. 3
Author JamesA721 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 This is gonna be bad.someone who knows her said she’s been crying lately about what happened between them because of how he cheated on her. Because she found out he works at the club she got hired at. I really don’t know why it affects her THAT much still. Maybe because they had an interaction recently or something. But he doesn’t know she got hired there I still didn’t tell him
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 This is gonna be bad.someone who knows her said she’s been crying lately about what happened between them because of how he cheated on her. Because she found out he works at the club she got hired at. I really don’t know why it affects her THAT much still. Maybe because they had an interaction recently or something. But he doesn’t know she got hired there I still didn’t tell him That's indicative of how much insight and empathy you lack. She was triggered upon hearing he was going to be working with her, is my guess. You have no idea how damaging cheating is, OP. It can stick with a person for years. You might just learn that the hard way, unfortunately. 2
elaine567 Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 I really don’t know why it affects her THAT much still. Really???? The girl was with him for 8 long years, loving him, caring for him and then he cheated on her... ruining everything, hopes and drams crushed. You don't think that may be a big deal? How do you think you will feel if he does the same to you? 2
Author JamesA721 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 Really???? The girl was with him for 8 long years, loving him, caring for him and then he cheated on her... ruining everything, hopes and drams crushed. You don't think that may be a big deal? How do you think you will feel if he does the same to you? I may or may not be pregnant idk yet so I doubt he will do that to me or go back to her at this point
stillafool Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 This is gonna be bad.someone who knows her said she’s been crying lately about what happened between them because of how he cheated on her. Because she found out he works at the club she got hired at. I really don’t know why it affects her THAT much still. Maybe because they had an interaction recently or something. But he doesn’t know she got hired there I still didn’t tell him I can promise you that if they were together 8 years they were serious about each other and it's doubtful he is over her either. He probably thought he could go with "the grass looks greener over there" but like most people sees that the grass starts to dry there as well. They shared a lot of memories in 8 years. Women could care less if your man is taken, you know that yourself as you were one of them. I imagine you feel that karma is going to come back around to you and he will cheat on you. If not with his ex then somebody else. I hope his ex doesn't want him back, he's not worth it. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 I may or may not be pregnant idk yet so I doubt he will do that to me or go back to her at this point I think you give this guy way too much credit. Does he know you think you might be pregnant?
elaine567 Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 I may or may not be pregnant idk yet so I doubt he will do that to me or go back to her at this point Is this a "wanted" pregnancy? Have you discussed having kids with him?
Author JamesA721 Posted November 12, 2019 Author Posted November 12, 2019 NOT pregnant. Got checked today. But no it wouldn’t have been planned. And I found out why she was crying. Some of the people at the club told me. She said that it still hurts her that she spent so much time helping him and sticking by his side through hard times that it broke her that he is now giving ME the relationship she felt she deserved. There’s a lot of history with them apparently. His family is from Costa Rica and she is actually bi racial. They didn’t approve of her and treated her mean for the entire time and he never gave her a relationship because of it. Supposedly it was like a Romeo and Juliet type deal. They would sneak and see eachother until his mother found out and he put on a show and humiliated her. Told her she was delusional and that they never dated. And apparently nobody from the nightclub plans on telling him that she’s employed there. And I don’t want to because he’ll know I’ve been snooping. She supposedly tried a lot of bars but had no experience bartending and knew someone at this club and that’s how she got the job. But the person that got her the job, doesn’t know that she’s my bfs ex. I know that’s a lot but that’s the info I got today
ExpatInItaly Posted November 12, 2019 Posted November 12, 2019 You know far too much about this woman. It would be best to leave her alone by stopping pumping people for information about her. At the end of the day, the problem isn't her. It's your boyfriend. 1
kendahke Posted November 12, 2019 Posted November 12, 2019 (edited) I may or may not be pregnant idk yet so I doubt he will do that to me or go back to her at this point Babies aren't glue--they can't force someone to stick by your side just because they exist. he’ll know I’ve been snooping. This mess devolves more with each subsequent post. This isn't going to end well for you, OP. The truth never stay buried and one day you're going to slip up on something that will indicate to him that you stooped to deceit and that is what he will end your relationship on because he'll say he can't trust you. Edited November 12, 2019 by kendahke 1
Author JamesA721 Posted November 18, 2019 Author Posted November 18, 2019 He made a post today basically saying his head and his heart aren’t connecting. And he has to choose is he better with his head or his heart. And it irritated the crap out of me
Author JamesA721 Posted November 21, 2019 Author Posted November 21, 2019 At the end of the day, the problem isn't her. It's your boyfriend. She messaged him on Facebook saying just a heads up, that she works at the club he djs at. That she hasn’t mentioned to anyone about them and that she just wanted to let him know she that he isn’t blindsided or think it’s anything shady
ExpatInItaly Posted November 23, 2019 Posted November 23, 2019 And what do you plan to do with the information you have learned?
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