do goody goody Christian girls still go for bad boys?

[hmmhmmm2]

I can't seem to shake this notion that the majority of women, especially attractive women (even Christian women), only want the stereotypical bad boy--tattoos, motorcycle, cuss word, slept with more than a dozen women....even their religious background is not important. Having been subjected to secular culture, it is apparent that the secular man will, in many cases, specifically pursue the goody goody Christian girl, and rejoice at all their successes...and what's worse, in most stories, they tell of a woman who pursued them first. I should point out, that these accounts seem pretty reliable, as they do make note that not all women are like this, and have found the are deeply devout girl who would completely reject them, but for the most part, these bad boys are successful and bringing Christian women to bed.

But my problem is, why do women fall for it? There are plenty of upstanding men in the church, and yet, the women reject the men who regularly attend church, pray, read their Bible...even the outgoing ones that share their faith.

While I don't claim to be good, I don't go out of my way to be evil...but I have noticed a few things: When I first attended church as a non Christian...women were all over me...until I converted...then they wanted me no more...until I had an angry moment where I yelled at the entire church to be quiet as pastor was vying for people to sit down and I was annoyed....I remember very vividly that day being approached by several attractive ladies. I also remember being pursued only when I would leave the church for a while.

Recently, a Christian girl said she wanted to befriend every single coworker of hers...I didn't agree this was necessarily a good idea, but that she should be careful...even though she was annoyed at first, she and her friend began texting me 5 times a day...when I responded nicely, asking how their day was...they backed off.

I know nobody is perfect, but at some level this makes me feel like I have to be a degenerate if I actually want to find a woman to marry.

[chillii]

Oh brother , more labels and bad boy bs.

Man you guys just keep insisting on shooting yourselves in the foot spreading this stuff all over the internet.

l wouldn't know one real life couple, where he is your so called bad boy, especially not married couples.

My God get so sick of seeing this garbage and pointing out such obvious crap over and over but, here we go again, even right here all over ls, right in front of your own eyes. l mean really , you struggling guys must be that blind and that's probably half the problem. How many women right here on ls you see asking for your bad boys? They run from those , just read any date threads.

Hell they even fkg google him to make sure he's all perfect before they even go out with them in the first place . lf he breaths wrong they next him.

 

l mean man , you guys really need open your eyes and figure your own crap out rather than jumping to all this bs you all spread all over the net. l'm not a bad boy, or rich , or do l even drive a flash car but l have no problem getting a woman. Matter of fact if l was a bad boy l'd say l wouldn't keep one very long .

Edited November 2, 2019 by chillii

[Foxhall]

Women like a bit of boldness (or a lot) in their man, they like a man to be able to get personality across and have a definite idea of what he is about,

 

embrace your uniqueness , whatever it is that makes you unique, do not hide from that and have a definite opinion on things,

 

I think this "bad boy" thing is an incorrect exaggeration, but they do want a guy who has personality and boldness.

[chillii]

Yeah but see , ok , if you were out in club or bar , maybe that guy might do better sure.

But again you know, 2 or 3billion couples out there and they're made up of every possible and then some, his , and hers, personality , look, body , job, lifestyle and on and on into infinity it goes.

One of the longest marriages and happiest couples l know of , some rallies of mine, 50 odd years or so, he's the shyest and quietest man l ever met , yet they still dote all over each other.

 

And yeah 100% agree, whomever you are embrace it. Nothing lasting comes out of or will work if you aren't you and trying to be something your not. You can't live fake forever and why would you even want too.

Edited November 2, 2019 by chillii

[basil67]

Excellent feedback Chills

[balletomane]

Like chilli, I get frustrated by all the clichés about 'good girls' and 'bad boys'. In my experience they aren't true. It may well be that there are other things that are getting in the way of your dating life, OP, but you're interpreting everything that happens in light of that one cliched idea, which means you don't notice more significant patterns.

 

For example, a woman told you she wanted to befriend all her coworkers. When her conversations with you fizzled out, you attributed it to her not wanting you because you were being too nice. But when did she ever show any interest in dating? From the sounds of it, she didn't. She was clear that she wanted to befriend everyone, and maybe once she actually started doing that she realised that it just wasn't practical to be texting social pleasantries back and forth with so many people. It wasn't a romantic rejection because there was nothing romantic about the situation in the first place, but you are interpreting it as one.

 

As for the day you got annoyed in church, that wasn't you being a 'bad boy', that was you helping the pastor...and the reason why you were approached is because you'd just made yourself very visible in front of the entire congregation. You would probably have had exactly the same reaction if you'd stood up at the end to make an announcement about a fundraiser or a coffee morning. The same with the attention you got as a newcomer to church. Newcomers stick out in a way that old familiar faces don't. It's all about visibility here, but you're interpreting it through this skewed good boy/bad boy lens.

 

Secondly, speaking as a practising Christian woman, I have to admit I'm put off by a few things in your post. "These bad boys are successful and bringing Christian women to bed" makes me hesitate for two reasons. One: why is any Christian listening to gossipy stories about who's having sex with whom? I'd either tactfully change the subject or find some way to excuse myself from the conversation, because I don't think listening to someone bragging about how many notches he's carved into his bedpost fits in with various Christian ideas about dignity, respect, and kind speech. Two: whether deliberately or not, you make it sound as if what you call 'goody goody girls' are prizes to be won. It's possible that the Christian women in your life are picking up on this, because even if people aren't open about how they think, their inner attitudes can still make themselves felt. It may be that to them you just aren't coming across as sincere and consistent in your values, especially if you have a pattern of leaving the church for a while and then returning to the church. Religious women are more likely to be attracted to men who have shown stability in their faith.

[carhill]

In my generation, having been educated and indoctrinated in the Church, most of the girls I knew as a young man from church and school married other similar Catholics. Sure the girls were impressed by the star athletes and rich families, that's human nature, and yeah a few explored the dark side of the bad boys at public school but most hooked up with and eventually married within the Church and many with young men they went to school with. I never personally got the sense the girls were 'goody goody', more middle of the road normal young people of the 60's and 70's. Things may be different now IDK. I didn't get a real taste of the bad boy (thugs, criminals, boundary pushers, etc.) preference until out more into mixed company in college and work life. Had I gotten married right out of high school like many of my classmates I'd likely never known about it. Competing against them for women was brutal. Such is life.

[schlumpy]

This is mostly an attitude maintained by the young and those who never grow up. It's called living your life without responsibility and can be very seductive.

[mortensorchid]

Women go for bad boys (all women who are attracted to them) because of this:

 

It doesn't matter what year you think this is, where we are in terms of "gender equality", etc. There are double standards out there for men's and women's behaviors. When men act up, we say "boys will be boys" and dismiss it. When women act up, the hammer of Thor comes down on us from all angles (parents, friends, teachers, etc.). Women are expected to behave themselves, be better students, have a job - to the point that they have become the breadwinners in their households, etc. Women who go for bad boys do this because the bad boy is appealing to our wants and needs to be bad.

 

I'm going to be 45 soon, I've been with my fair share. Am I a bad girl? Yes, I am. I can be as bad as I want to be, I don't need one of them to validate me. Alpha Males aka Bad Boys are more fun than a barrel of monkeys, they are tornadoes in the sack, but I'm an adult now. Fun is fun, but it gets real old, real fast when he's getting into fist fights, throwing chairs through windows, and calling for bail money.

[preraph]

Is this still that young church girl you're after?

Edited November 2, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[smackie9]

I think most women like someone in between. I can't stand bad boys, and I can't stand goody two shoe either. In my adult life I like a hard working independent confident man that's into cars. You can have that tattoo tough guy that walks his pitbull or that book smart metrosexual dork..who need them...not I.

[preraph]

I was a very bad girl, so yes, I liked some equally bad boys, but I had some ethics. Like I would not tolerate anyone who was a thief or did vandalism. On LS, we get people who call guys who get the girls bad boys, in contrast to what they consider themselves, nice guys, but good looking confident guys can definitely also be nice guys.

[thefooloftheyear]

If you are unattractive and boring, it wont matter if you are good or bad...I think what causes some "regular" guys to shake head at this is when they see an outwardly ragged, muscled up or tatted up guy with a good looking woman or just do well with women in general.....

 

Well...For all you know that guy could be member in a band, a ball player or athlete,etc..Or he may just be the type that likes to have a lot of fun...Women gravitate to those types..

 

Also....I think guys tend to look at another guy and make judgements about him just based on appearance..(Same as the women that call edgy looking women tramps and ho's and easy lays, btw..so this is not limited to gender).....That tatted up and edgy looking guy could be a multimillionalre that has a successful business ...or just highly intelligent and on the right side of the law, just doesn't choose to be like every other guy on the street(wear the same clothes, drive the same car, have the same types of careers, etc)..

 

Bottom line is don't be so quick to judge...

 

TFY

[Kitty Tantrum]

I was a goody-good Christian girl, and I stayed faaar away from the "bad boy" types. I held out for and married a clean-cut nerdy virgin mama's boy who was active in my church.

 

And I ended up with anything BUT a traditional Christian marriage. So appearances (physical and social) definitely aren't everything.

 

And that's true of "good Christian girls," too. Anecdotally, it was almost always the ones who ACTED the most uptight/prudish who ended up pregnant out of wedlock or running off with the "bad boys," while my circle of friends who cracked raunchy jokes and skipped Sunday School sometimes to go to Burger King were the ones who friend-zoned and dragged the "bad boys" to church with them, and ended up mostly marrying as virgins to the "boring" stable family-oriented young men who were active in church without female enticement.

[major_merrick]

I think that a lot of times, women will go for the "bad boy" type because it makes them feel good inside if he eventually calms down because he falls in love with them. It is a female ego thing. That, and the bad boys tend to be more bold, so it goes back to the alpha vs. beta stereotype.

 

For me, I was (and still am) a bad girl. I make the good little Christian girls cringe. I am mostly attracted to women, but my husband caught me because he has the right balance of bad boy attitude and good boy stability. Back when he was in his full-on bad boy phase, he did catch some good girls. But he he didn't calm down for them, so those relationships didn't work out. I don't think that the bad-boy/good-girl pairing works out long-term unless one or both partners does some changing after a while.

[carhill]

I think that a lot of times, women will go for the "bad boy" type because it makes them feel good inside if he eventually calms down because he falls in love with them.

This was touched upon long ago in the Loveshack time machine...

Bad boys and the good girl. What's the attraction?

 

 

Also, FOO role modeling and perception of love can have play. Just because a family is religious/Christian doesn't mean it's chocolate and roses. Ugly stuff, damaging stuff, can happen in any family, Christian or not. If a 'good' Christian girl/woman has a damaged emotional perception of love, how a 'bad' boy pays attention to her or treats her can play right into it.

[balletomane]

Is this still that young church girl you're after?

 

O...K. I hadn't registered that the OP was the same guy who had created the thread you're talking about. With that little gem of context, I can conclusively tell the OP that he isn't failing to find dates because of his impeccable behaviour.

 

OP, two months ago you were assuming that a teenage girl at church was flirting with you when she was doing nothing of the sort. You hit on her even though she's nearly two decades younger than you. She started avoiding you, and you came on here to ask if there was a way to get her into bed with you. Two months ago. Unless you've had some dramatic spiritual conversion in a very short space of time, religious women are not going to want to go near you with a ten-foot pole. Secular women are also not going to be OK with that kind of thing. There is a lot here that almost any woman would find offputting, regardless of religious beliefs.

[Kitty Tantrum]

God bless the posters who give the nudge to go back and read post histories...

 

missufan01: pursuing "goody goody" girls in church for the purposes of "getting them in bed," and ESPECIALLY MUCH YOUNGER ONES, is putting yourself on the fast track to being labeled a sexual predator by church leadership AND the entire congregation AND pretty everybody who knows anybody in the congregation.

 

Now, I am all about older gentlemen MARRYING and RAISING FAMILIES with young women - even much younger women. That doesn't bother me at all. But when you're sitting in the pews on Sunday trying to figure out how to pump and dump the young'uns, that makes you nothing but a wolf in sheep's clothing. You have absolutely no business being there if that's your purpose.

 

Even if she's not young enough to put you on the sex offender registry, you could certainly earn a black mark in the community, and depending on how conservative and protective her family is, you could put yourself in very real physical danger if you were to take advantage of any opportunity might give you. Though, frankly, if this is the same girl, it sounds like she's not interested in you at all.

 

This does vary by church and community, I'm sure. But I think that as church attendance declines in modern times, you tend to see more and more serious and devout people in congregations, and fewer and fewer who are just there because of the social pressure. Girls who are GENUINELY religious and adhere to principles like chastity before marriage tend to have a radar for this sort of thing. Other girls might play hard to get, but if she really is conservative and religious, she's backed waaay off because she knows what you're about and wants nothing of it. She probably doesn't even want to associate with you as a friendly acquaintance because it could lead to assumptions and rumors about her character.

 

Young women who have the goal in mind of marrying and starting a family and who have had the "conservative religious" sort of guidance on how to accomplish that goal will typically understand the importance of not developing the reputation of being the sort of girl who hangs out with guys like you.

 

 

Bad boys should stick to bad girls.

[major_merrick]

Even if she's not young enough to put you on the sex offender registry, you could certainly earn a black mark in the community, and depending on how conservative and protective her family is, you could put yourself in very real physical danger if you were to take advantage of any opportunity might give you.

 

Bad boys should stick to bad girls.

Yep, there could be danger in smaller communities. Around here, the term "shotgun wedding" has a very literal meaning, and that could be a best-case-scenario. I think the OP would be well served to stick with women of a more similar age and temperament to his own.

 

Besides, the good girls often end up falling for the bad girls

[basil67]

Don't know if this is a cultural....but calling someone "goody goody" is an insult used by high schoolers where I am. Is it the same in the US?

[Kitty Tantrum]

It is definitely pejorative in my experience. Suggests a complete lack of respect (let alone appreciation) for the conservative/religious values this girl seems to have, which is why the pursuit is icky and creepy. It's the desire to deliberately defile.

[basil67]

Ah, so it is the same. I was getting a strong vibe of disrespect over here.

[JuneGirl]

Lol I am the religious good girl who just broke it off with the heathen bad boy who's been with dozens and counting. Smh. It's good to laugh about it now, but OMG never again lol

[lavenderandvelvet]

What’s a bad boy? Nerds have tattoos now.