vla1120 Posted November 22, 2019 Share Posted November 22, 2019 I say which man will agree to go to marriage counseling? I went to not 1 but went around to beg altogether 10 counselors to help me and all say they cannot help me. 10 counselors! We both know your mother-in-law's superstitions aren't going to explain nor fix your wife's issues. You have no control over your wife. She's shown no inclination to try to do anything to help save the marriage except to blame you. I believe a counselor can help you, BUT do not go for the purpose of saving your marriage or trying to change your wife's behavior. Go to individual counseling to help YOU learn how to cope with these difficulties and to learn how to put yourself first in life. I hope you find some peace. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted November 25, 2019 Author Share Posted November 25, 2019 My MIL keeps calling me for my birth certificate. She wanted to go temple to pray or don't know what. I mentioned I'm a Christian and I don't want to give the detail to temple. But she is insistent and keeps calling me. I appreciate her gesture, she is probably doing what she thinks it's right and all that she can within her power and knowledge. This sets me back on my healing process. Real sets me back... Now I have 1 more issue to deal with the boundary of saying no in a nice way yet firm in my wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted November 28, 2019 Author Share Posted November 28, 2019 My MIL called again earlier when I was in a meeting. Not sure what was it about. Also just saw wife calendar pop up she is meeting the lawyer tomorrow. (I'm using her iPad). Having all sorts of emotions jumbled up right now. Not sure what to feel. I wish I had a friend right now... :-( 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 28, 2019 Share Posted November 28, 2019 Don't give anyone your birth certificate. Sounds like identity theft plan to me. Anyway, you need to see your own lawyer and get this thing going or yes, she will take everything she can if she will even go. Her mother sounds like a flake and should have spent less time performing rituals at temple and more time teaching her daughter to do housework. Don't let them gang up and manipulate you. Get your own attorney asap, seriously. Just do it before they steal something or whatever they are trying to do with your birth certificate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted November 28, 2019 Author Share Posted November 28, 2019 . Your wife should be more worried about the meeting tomorrow than you. Be careful if she gets all sweet after meeting the attorney! What do you mean? I don't understand. Care to explain? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted November 28, 2019 Author Share Posted November 28, 2019 Her mother sounds like a flake and should have spent less time performing rituals at temple and more time teaching her daughter to do housework. Don't let them gang up and manipulate you. . Right? It's unbelievable! Instead of saying I will talk to my daughter, she is saying the wedding ceremony went wrong. I need to pray. Instead of telling the daughter what does being married means like every parent does, she is saying. The wedding ceremony went wrong, it's bad luck... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted November 28, 2019 Author Share Posted November 28, 2019 Marrying the wrong person really screw me over. She had gotten me into financial problem, ruin my reputation, screwed up my plans financially and my life goals. She never cooperated with me. Have not helped me in life but a stumbling block. Please don't get me wrong. I'm not blaming her. But these actually happened. I have so much intense hatred and I couldn't release them, I am seeking help from counseling. This marriage has been a really upsetting one. If I lose my house, I would literally had nothing else to live for... Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted November 28, 2019 Author Share Posted November 28, 2019 I have been down.. very down.. very depressed and defeated. But I have also been fighting back.. keeping my head up high... I had been fighting defeat.….but there were so many nights I prayed and hope the good lord will take me away.. I wished I was never borned.. i 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted November 29, 2019 Author Share Posted November 29, 2019 I couldn't sleep. I haven't been sleeping since MIL started to call.. I hear you S2B... I wanted to do it after Xmas.. but I guess Xmas is coming early this year... I definitely don't enjoy going through this alone during Xmas... Arggghhhhh... I feel like screaming... It's doesn't make sense.. but it's raw... Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted November 29, 2019 Author Share Posted November 29, 2019 Wife sent me a text "i have gone to the lawyer to consult on divorce. The lawyer says that we cant file until 3rd year, may 2020. If u have a second opinion on this let me know" I don't understand the text... I thought I already made it clear, file an annualment. File under abuse or refusal of sexual activities... So now what?! Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted November 29, 2019 Share Posted November 29, 2019 Do not give up your birth certificate, nothing good can come from that. File yourself--that line sounds like complete BS to me. I think there must be a legal reason why she wants that May 3, 2020 date. Consult with a lawyer to find out why (maybe she gets more claim to assets according to where you live if you're married X amount of time). This is not a time to be passively waiting to be victimized further by your marriage. Block the MIL, consult with a lawyer, serve your wife with papers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted November 29, 2019 Author Share Posted November 29, 2019 As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. I told her that I have told her multiple times to get annulment. Then she push it back to me say that I should go seek legal advise and file whatever necessary. Still the same fck up attitude... Really detestable. Some one please help me understand why I have this unquenchable hatred towards this person.. Its a new thing to me.. this hate and detest can only grow stay domant. What an experience. I have not hated someone so much.. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 29, 2019 Share Posted November 29, 2019 She's full of crap. That's why you need to go get an attorney and tell him to get this over with as soon as possible. Hide your IDs and birth certificates, passport, driver's licence, Social Security card if you have those, everything financial that you can from her because it's very fishy she asked for those. All it takes is knowing your accounts and having plenty of ID and someone can sell your identity to someone or wipe out your accounts, sell properties, etc. Don't do anything until you get an attorney on this, and then at that point, you tell her if she wants to talk to you or her family does, they do it through the attorney. Stop sitting still letting her handle this! She has messed you over in the past and will do so the biggest ever this time. Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted November 30, 2019 Share Posted November 30, 2019 I told her that I have told her multiple times to get annulment. Then she push it back to me say that I should go seek legal advise and file whatever necessary. Still the same fck up attitude... Really detestable. Some one please help me understand why I have this unquenchable hatred towards this person.. Its a new thing to me.. this hate and detest can only grow stay domant. What an experience. I have not hated someone so much.. Is there a reason why she has to file and you can't file? No need to share it if there is. It just seems odd to me that you're bottling up and putting all these frustrations (now over her filing), but I don't understand why you can't do it. It's really not emotionally or mentally healthy for you. Surely, you are just as capable of getting it done yourself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted November 30, 2019 Author Share Posted November 30, 2019 Is there a reason why she has to file and you can't file? No need to share it if there is. Yes - There are... Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted December 2, 2019 Author Share Posted December 2, 2019 My MIL called again this afternoon. What she ask feels werid... First she ask me if I go out for dinner on Sunday? Then she ask if I work on Sunday. Then she ask if I rest on Monday. Then she ask if I want to go over to have dinner... Link to post Share on other sites
Soak Posted December 2, 2019 Share Posted December 2, 2019 She flies a lot for days to weeks.. .. Sure she's not living a double life? Okay, so don't give her or her mother access to your bank accounts, house title or ID docs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted December 13, 2019 Author Share Posted December 13, 2019 i have spoken to a lawyer on my options. there isnt much... I am weighing on the pros n cons for both options... MIL keeps calling asking how I am. She is sincerely concern, in the ways that she knows how. she doesnt understand human behaviour when i tell her about her daughter's actions. she sees only the good in everyone... this time she tells me that she went to another temple to pray.. the temple tells her that both me and wife have a wandering spirit each following us and giving us bad karma... i asked her why are you talking to me all these things and not your daughter?? I told her we both spoke to our lawyers, anything just talk in the lawyer office.. but she was in disbelieve. she ask me to take the initiative to soften and talk to her daughter.. i told her "are you kidding me? your daughter is precious to you but i am also someone else's son.." and for that she says maybe give her my mom's number she wants to talk to my mom... i kept quiet... she must have thought that i put down the phone or something, she hung up, and then called me another 11 times... but i was rushing for work i let it rang.... as much as i see her efforts, i am very touch... wife is also not evil person... she just immature, and over-romanticise marriage... i cannot be possibly be tolerating everything of hers and not say anything.. i know there are people who can... but i cant... i was looking for an equal.. i wasnt expecting to baby my spouse.. i dont know how to.. i was looking for someone who can build a family with together.. honestly, we been separated for 6 months... now i look back... i cant remember what are we fighting about... i only remembering being miserable for fighting all the time about the same thing and no resolution... i remember the frustration of being unheard, the exasperation of trying to work a win-win but end up with stalemate.. i remember the empty promises... and many more... Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted December 16, 2019 Author Share Posted December 16, 2019 This MIL calling saga is stirring up a lot of buried emotions.. Recently I am faced with the demons from within again... The pain, the drama is replying itself inside my head. I tried to distract myself by keeping busy. But once my guard is down like when I am sick (caught a cold lately) or when I am asleep. The emotions seem to be replaying.. I have dreams about the same emotional drama every night.. I began to realise that deep down, I have a lot of resentment, a lot of unforgiveness. Deep down I wanted justice.. But in my head, I know I am not going to get... But my emotions is dying to see justice... I know it is insane... I am struggling too... 😞 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted December 26, 2019 Author Share Posted December 26, 2019 I have texted wife, she is now keen for divorce. It's going to happen. It's heavy.. I am sad.. I guess it's just like that lor... Link to post Share on other sites
Author wtm78 Posted December 26, 2019 Author Share Posted December 26, 2019 I am not coping well.. I have been screaming into the pillow the last 6 months... I can't sleep, binge eating, drinking. Even pick up smoking. Link to post Share on other sites
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