Is she still considered OW if all they ever have was online thing?

[DOLS]

As my question, I am just wondering if she can still be considered as an OW/AP/Mistress or whatsoever if all they ever have is online thing?

[mark clemson]

This often depends on the betrayed spouse's view.

 

If the spouse REALLY doesn't care (rare I assume, but possible) then it's not cheating, esp. if it's done with the spouse's knowledge and/or acceptance (ie, not actively hidden from them).

 

If the spouse cares then it's an emotional affair (EA). Some spouses actually care MORE about this sort of thing than a brief physical affair.

 

What the spouse thinks may also depend on the nature of the online activities. Is it only friendly conversations? Life stories? Badmouthing their partners or sharing family secrets? Suggestive/erotic texts? Sending nude pics? Skyping?

 

Somewhat surprisingly, different people will draw the line at different places.

 

If it's being actively hidden from the spouse so they have no knowledge of the intimacy aspect of the "friendship" AND there are actual strong feelings involved then it's generally considered an EA since the WS is having secret "intimacy" outside of the marriage.

[somanymistakes]

What sort of online thing?

 

Definitions are mostly useless. It depends on people. Some people will scream 'Emotional Affair!' if you once smiled at someone other than your spouse. Others try to insist that it wasn't an affair at all because they never QUITE had intercourse.

 

If someone is spending time online paying a camgirl to strip for him and getting off to that, then it's infidelity unless the married couple have agreed to that kind of thing, but the camgirl is not an "other woman" because she barely knows the cheating spouse exists. He's just someone giving her money. She has no relationship with him.

 

Even more confusing, what if your spouse falls madly in love with someone on the internet... and it turns out that person never existed and was just a scam of some sort to trick your spouse into something? There's no "other woman", not really, but there's still a big problem in the marriage!

[DOLS]

What sort of online thing?

 

Definitions are mostly useless. It depends on people. Some people will scream 'Emotional Affair!' if you once smiled at someone other than your spouse. Others try to insist that it wasn't an affair at all because they never QUITE had intercourse.

 

If someone is spending time online paying a camgirl to strip for him and getting off to that, then it's infidelity unless the married couple have agreed to that kind of thing, but the camgirl is not an "other woman" because she barely knows the cheating spouse exists. He's just someone giving her money. She has no relationship with him.

 

Even more confusing, what if your spouse falls madly in love with someone on the internet... and it turns out that person never existed and was just a scam of some sort to trick your spouse into something? There's no "other woman", not really, but there's still a big problem in the marriage!

They met in an online game. They talked everyday and became "Online" lovers. Saying I love you and being intimate online.

 

They have been doing that for 8 years and they never met in person because they are like continent apart.

 

The first time I had my suspicions, he deleted her number and the app they use to talk so I wasn't able to find anything. And he started using his phone less and became even sweeter.

 

But then I still feel that something is different so I decided to put a recorder on our house before I leave the house and another one on his car.

There I heard him talking to her and all.

 

I talked to him about it but this time he reset his phone and deleted her number again. He kept telling me that it was just an online fling, just his past time when he's bored and alone. He is not having an affair.

 

But I wanted to talk to her and he refused saying she knows nothing about it. It is his fault, she doesn't know he is married and even if she does he don't think it will make much difference because they are just playing around.

I insist that he give me her number and let me talk but just can't. It's his fault he should be the one to be blame and he will stop talking to her and will not do it again. But she doesn't have anything to do with this so just leave her be.

 

So I was wondering if it is as he said. That it was just a past time and nothing more.

Edited November 8, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fixed spacing

[somanymistakes]

Well, he may be right that she doesn't have anything to do with this. She may not know he's married. She may not consider him anything serious. She may not even be a real person, or a real woman (people roleplay all sorts of things online). You don't know at this point, and it doesn't really matter.

 

Your problem is with him NOT with her.

 

It may be a "pastime" in the sense that he has no intention of running away with this woman or having real-world sex. But it's still clearly an important part of his life, and one that he's deliberately hiding from you! He may not be having sex with her, but he's still being unfaithful to you by lying and hiding things.

 

If you were totally fine with him having an online girlfriend and thought it was cute, then it would not be a betrayal. But it obviously upsets you, and he knows it, and he lies to you about it. That's the problem, that's what needs fixing. He's doing things behind your back. Something is wrong in your relationship.

 

Talking to OnlineGirl probably won't accomplish much. What would you want to happen? To tell her that he's married and she should leave him alone? Let's say she believes you and stops talking to him. What's to stop him from immediately finding a new online girlfriend?

 

The problem you need to address is HIM.

[preraph]

He's been lying to you and it is possible he's leading this woman on, although after this many years, if she's that dumb to hang in there, it's also on her.