Is he shy? Or not interested?

[rek]

I moved to a new state/new job in late April 2019. I quickly noticed a cute guy at work that I wanted to get to know. I used an excuse to meet him. I emailed him about the prospect of shooting a certain spot at work with one of the celebs that works in the office, and I told him to swing by one day so I can introduce myself. Took a few days but he eventually stopped by when I was busy working with someone else in my office. I was a little tunnel visioned at the moment, and was quick and hasty in my response but at least the introduction had been made and I was no longer a stranger to him. I’ve heard from many coworkers that this guy is particularly shy.

 

Maybe a month later I feel like I blew my cover too soon and revealed my intentions when I hit “like” on him when I saw him on hinge. That always alerts the other user that someone has liked them. Of course I didn’t get a match back.

 

I’ve tried a myriad of things to catch his eye in the past 6 months. And I feel like I’m not getting far with him. And it doesn’t help that the times I get to see him at work are so rare and limited. I’m lucky if I see him in passing. Usually a little face time / time for him to get to know me might help remedy this, but I can’t seem to get him to come hang out. I’m trying to figure out if he’s truly shy or if he’s just not interested at all?

 

Signs he might be interested

 

• I followed him on Instagram shortly after we met and he followed back
  
• I emailed him one time and asked if anyone at work ever hangs out after hours or throws parties? And if so, invite me next time (and I gave him my number). He responded back and said in so many words that people rarely hang out after hours. But he gave me his number too.
  
• He watches my stories on instagram
  
• One time I smiled at him when I was standing at the door to my office. He gave me a big smile back.
  
• Caught him staring at me in the cafeteria once when I was at the salad bar. He was easily 20-30+ feet away.
  

 

Signs he’s not interested

 

• My company held a going away party for a senior employee at top golf and a good 20 or so coworkers went. Myself and my crush included. I tried to play it look and not look interested and not stare at him.... But he never approached me to initiate any conversation.
  
• 8/31/19 did a group chat with 3 people, including him and invited him to top golf. He said I unfortunately can’t make it tonight but thanks for the invite
  
• 10/26 texted him to tell him I was having people over for the world series and invited him over. Took him hours to respond. He said “hey thanks for offer, but I’m actually already going to a friends place to watch the game with a few Nats fans.” I said maybe next time? He said sure.
   
  
  • Any time I’ve invited other coworkers to hang out they always say something like ‘I can’t tonight but definitely include me next time’. This guy I like has never offered up a ‘maybe next time’ suggestion.
    

  [*]One time a coworker and I were walking out of the office together and this guy I like walked past us. I smiled and waved hi. He looked almost nervous and weirded out when I waved hi.

  [*]He’s never once randomly come into my room to say hi, or ever tried to strike up a conversation, etc. (although I hear he’s shy)

  [*]10/7 They put him on the night shift for a few days to work with someone else on a project. I went into his room to ask a question about where to find something. He told me I could find this thing in question on a website service that I didn’t have access to. At this company, it’s safe to assume that people with my job title don’t usually have access to this website. I don’t remember if I told him or not that I didn’t have access, but he didn’t offer to help me locate the thing I was looking for. Even though he was a little busy with his own project at the moment. I would think that if he was remotely interested, he would want to go out of his way to help me on that one.

  [*]11/3 I put in my instagram story that I’m watching Mr Robot tonight. And to “PM me to join”. Yes that’s an open ended invitation to anyone, but I think if he was really interested he would use that as an opening to hang out with me.

  [*]I’ve asked him for help at work before via email. He usually writes back. This latest time, I sent the email to both him and another one of his peers, asking both of them for help in locating something. Neither one of them ever wrote back. And hours later his peer randomly showed up in my room to help me out.

  [*]He’s never hit “like” to any of my posts on instagram. That’s a way for guys to flirt, and I bet he’s not doing that because he doesn’t want to give the impression that he’s into me.

 

I’ve read all kinds of conflicting information on dating websites and youtube videos. One source suggested that I show him how cool of a life you have…. Ok so I posted some fun pictures of stuff I’m doing in my new city (with new friends) on instagram posts/stories. But then other advice I’ve read contradicts that, and says men love a mysterious woman. So should I have refrained from posted any pics to instagram that shows me living it up? Should I have refrained from putting up an instagram story about how excited I am for my favorite show to air tonight?

I try to limit the posts. Some websites suggest that I invite him to a group setting to hang out. I’ve asked him to hang in a group setting twice now. Mind you, I’ve tried to invite him to these group hangouts at the last minute. And by last minute I mean I’ve given him hours notice. But then another source contradicts the group atmosphere hang out idea and says if a woman seems too easy to get, she has no value and a man won’t want her. He wants to do the chasing. So if I’ve invited him twice now to a group outing, does that make me too easy to get?

 

Do you think this guy is not interested? Or just shy? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[stillafool]

In my many years of experience I know one thing about men. If they are interested in a girl they will let you know. You've given this guy plenty of opportunities to hit on you and he hasn't. Either he is involved with another girl, wants another girl, or is not interested. It's been 7 months and he hasn't made a move. Now it is time for you to move on.

[Whodatdog]

You are reading waaaaay too much into this. If he were interested in you, you would know, you wouldnt have to write a novel about why he isnt interested in you.

[preraph]

He could have a gf or partner or anything. You may scare him. I have only chased one restrained guy who was remotely worth it. He didn't get interested back for a couple of years, really, though we had a one nighter when drunk after a party after work in between. He didn't get interested until a mutual friend told him I was into Carl Jung and all that stuff. And also until he was transferred out of town and we were no longer working together. Some people have better sense than I do!