Reasons Why I Rejected Someone

[salparadise]

Culturally incompatible - as in absence of cultural learning; belonging to a social niche that is unappealing; e.g. country as cornbread

 

Energetically incompatible - operates at 10k rpm when I'm more of a 2.5k type, or never reaches a fast idle.

 

Politically incompatible - believes their good fortune is by virtue rather than grace

 

Princess - entitlement mentality; the prize to be won; because she exists she deserves, and the man's role is to deliver

 

Sensor vs. iNtuitive - if someone doesn't think in terms of ideas, theory, systems, etc., and consistently reverts to the tangible-practical stuff, that's a fundamental divergence that will never resolve

 

There are many more, obviously, many of which have been mentioned already... including the squeaky voice

Edited November 5, 2019 by salparadise

[primer]

I rejected men because they were not financially responsible.

 

 

They worked as little as possible.

[mark clemson]

I'm not overly fussy but do align to many of the reasons already mentioned above as to drawing the line.

 

- Not smart = fling OK, but no R for me

- Overweight I'm OK with up to a point, then it's a no-go; I've had ONS's with too overweight girls but they were just "trying it out" larks

- Too thin also turns me off

- Odd/not pleasant voice has also been an issue for me (normal voice is ok, it's gotta be "bad")

- And of course hygeine

 

Definitely some women are just "not my type" not for a specific reason but overall in combo.

 

One girl who appeared quite into me I rejected because I was simply too hung up on a recent break up. I still think about her occasionally because it was (and still is) a turn on how interested she was, even though at the time I had to say no.

 

We haven't discussed the "crazy" factor much. I'm ok with up to a certain level of crazy (ie, emotionally inconsistent), if I sense it goes beyond what I'm willing to put up with them I'm out. Sometimes you don't find out how bad it really is until a ways into the R.

 

Case in point I had a relationship with an emotionally volatile girl in college. It was ok until she banged her head against a doorknob, leaving a large goose-egg. Then I was out, since clearly she had problems I wasn't going to be able to either deal with or fix.

 

 

For some reason, I have on several occasions attracted types of women that are stoners/potheads ...

 

@thefooloftheyear that was literally me ... I attracted the stoner/pothead cutter guys...

 

I think some of these folks are (consciously or unconsciously) looking for someone to help rein themselves in before they totally destroy themselves. And/or possibly a "parental" figure too.

[mark clemson]

Oh yeah, for a LTR for me, she must have a job (doesn't have to be a "great" job, just something). Think that's probably because my mom worked and so I "expect it" due to being brought up with it.

[Tamfana]

Some of the reasons-

Dishonest

Grousey, complainer

Different senses of humor

Boring

Not intelligent enough

Different kissing styles

Strained interactions, tap dancing to entertain or keep the ball rolling

Laziness

Too short/unattractive

[RecentChange]

Recent Change. What do you mean rejection based on lack of intellegence. What is a Lack of Intellegence mean to you or in general.

 

I mean someone who just isn't that bright / sharp.

 

Someone that takes longer to put two and two together.

 

Someone that has trouble understanding more complex theories or simply can't keep up with an intelligent conversation.

 

It doesn't necessarily mean education, I have met some brilliant minds who never went the scholastic route.

 

Intelligence is distributed on a bell curve. Most are right around the middle, some are extremely bright, while some others are well.... Dull / simple minded.

 

I have dated a few men that I ended relationships with because as time wore on it became clear that they weren't particularly smart. Which leads to me losing respect for them - which is a death spiral for a relationship.

[JuneGirl]

 

6. Telegraphed his emotional or actual unavailability

 

 

 

 

Just curious, what does this mean?

[Kitty Tantrum]

From ages 17-19: I was a virgin and saving myself for my future husband and father of my children. I rejected (more like broadly avoided interacting with) anyone not actively looking to get married in the near future, anyone who doesn't value chastity and/or requires sex prior to marriage as a condition of having a relationship.

 

Ages 19-24: I was still happily and monogamously married, so I rejected everyone.

 

Ages 24-29: My (now ex-) husband wanted to open our marriage, and I fell down a very dark and confusing rabbit hole with him. I was allowed to hook up with other people, he actually WANTED me to because my participation in that lifestyle basically earned him "perks" (attention and sex from other women, social status, etc.) in the weird sexual marketplace of Post-Enlightenment "Sexual Liberation." I was always very mindful of preserving my marriage, so I'd reject guys for some pretty "inverted" reasons - like he's too charming, or too good-looking, or I think he might like me too much, etc. I kind of actively went for the loser-types who frankly didn't get laid much, because it was safer all-around, and didn't matter much to me because I wasn't that into it anyway. It was the same when I left my husband (the ultimate rejection, I guess? PRIMARY reason was that he more or less refused to provide for our family) and eventually started dating another guy who was into that lifestyle...

 

Until I met my now fiance - and fell absolutely in love with how conventional and traditional and boring he is. I fell back into rejecting everyone else out of hand as soon as I let myself get close to him - in retrospect, before we even hooked up the first time (sobering to recognize how instinctive some behaviors are).

 

I will say for the sake of contributing another side to the conversation, and because this information may be valuable to some of the guys in the crowd who are less-than-confident with women (this is a nice way referring to the group traditionally referred to as "losers"):

 

Back when I was swinging with my ex-husband (and then again with my ex-boyfriend), even though I kinda had a penchant for nerdy losers (they were so appreciative of my attention, and none of them would have had the confidence to try to interfere with my relationship with my husband - or boyfriend, when I wasn't even married anymore), there were some I flat-out rejected even though I thought they were cute, and maybe if they had just shut their mouths I would have probably hooked up with them just for the heck of it, even if they were inexperienced and the sex might be bad.

 

These were the guys whose disposition simply put me ill at ease. If I may be so bold: these were the guys who came across as kind of... aspie. And I say this as someone who would likely be pegged as being on the spectrum myself, so I mean that not by way of belittling, but by way of offering what I think is a very concise description of a set of general behaviors that are otherwise difficult and nuanced to explain. Basically, these guys act an awful lot like *I* do (or at least *did* at some point: awkward, cagey, really smart but so clueless, etc.) and they just can't get away with it like I could because they're not the pretty girl and I don't have the penis. I dunno, maybe that sounds awful, but it is what it is.

 

I did try to be really gentle with those guys, though - partly because I can relate (it happens less often, but believe it or not, even as a pretty girl, my awkwardness and cluelessness has netted me some pretty crushing rejections, too!), and partly just out of pity. What I actually did go through the trouble of explaining to a couple of them was that their apparent lack of social calibration amounts to a near-guarantee of unpredictable social behavior. These are the guys I had to worry about becoming too attached and potentially clinging/stalking/trying to get too close. Also, I'm sorry, but sperg rage is real. And they had no way of assuring me they wouldn't, because they'd obviously never been in that situation before. These were the guys who needed to back off and not jump into trying to develop their social skills by way of dating.

[BC1980]

I rejected a great guy in college because the thought of committing to him or marrying him scared me. We were so compatible, and he was such a great person. We had so much fun together, and we could talk for hours. Somehow, I knew I could never fall in love with him though. I've often looked back on that relationship and wondered if I made a mistake. He would have been a good husband. I'm probably romanticizing him to some extent now.

[chillii]

l've always needed to feel the real thing , can;t and not interested in faking anything in that way. So it was not interested in the person or in the physicality, so if it just wasn't there for me, it just wasn't.

There was one or two where l was rejected that l really just didn't get though l must admit. like we were both the rarity of everything the other loved and needed on the surface buttttt,no go.

[Foxhall]

I was 19 on a college night out,

 

was getting on well with a classmate talking etc,

 

she then put her arm around me, but I completely freezed up and did not even look at her /I just kept staring into space, had never been kissed even by a woman before, did not know what to do with a woman basically:)

 

tried chasing this girl for two years after and never got a second glance after,

 

could have done with this forum then.:

[Mysterio]

Recent Change. Whats your definition of Smart/Briliant/Clever?

 

Just curious.

[chillii]

oops , reject this one haha

Edited November 7, 2019 by chillii

[mark clemson]

Just remembered - I did have a college GF where the sexual chemistry was bad. We liked each other but it just didn't work that well in bed. So, after about 3 weeks I broke up with her due to that.

[vla1120]

First of all, this is brilliant, preraph! I actually thought about this the other night when I was donating platelets. I thought "Anyone who would sit perfectly still for two hours with needles in both arms to donate platelets must be a good person." I started glancing around to see if everyone was wearing a wedding ring.

 

Outlaw, maybe you need to meet women in some environment that mostly requires people to be ethical, like charity work, law enforcement, religion, animal rescue , something that a person wouldn't normally be drawn to if they weren't ethical. I do realize there's exceptions to all those, but...if you can see someone in action doing good things for others, that might be an indication they're okay.

 

For me, I should have employed some of these deal breakers BEFORE I married the last one:

 

- Controlling behavior

- Too needy/clingy

- Poor hygiene

- Poor grammar

- Racism/sexism/homophobia

 

I'm sure there are more, but those are the primary.

[preraph]

You can observe their work ethics and tell something too. If they do their best whether they love the job or not, that says something about their ethics.

[notbroken]

I was married for 26 years. It was strange dating again and I found both good (thankfully) and not so good (not so thankfully).

 

Reasons I rejected people:

 

* Crazy/unstable (very surprised how many)

* seriously damaged - had been beaten by their previous husband and really needed therapy first instead of a boyfriend. Sadly, I just wasn't prepared to pay for another man's sins.

* Just not adventurous. Boring.

* "Princess Syndrome". They thought they were such a prize that one would have to leap tall buildings in a single bound to 'win' them. Usually called "Princess" by their fathers when they were young and believed it.

* Unattractive and didn't seem to care for their looks / health

* Incompatible in our hobbies. They didn't like the outdoors and I do. Not willing to try new things.

* Just looking for a paycheck. Spent big money and needed support. Looking for husband #4 to pay her very expensive lifestyle.

* Incapable of monogamy or trust. They had cheated on every husband/boyfriend they ever had. Serial cheaters. I knew I would be no different and they would eventually cheat on me.

* They had children I couldn't stand (and I like kids). Dependents that were always going to be that way and were just not good kids.

* Didn't like dogs/cats or animals. Bad sign in my book.

* Intolerant

* Politics way too far left and very vocal about it. Incompatible in our beliefs of self sufficiency.

* Alcoholics/Drunks

* Just not fun somehow. Couldn't take or give a joke.

* Lived too far away. It wouldn't be practical to see them on a regular basis.

 

Fortunately, I found someone that wasn't crazy and could put up with me. I am a very lucky guy. It seems like a needle in a haystack looking back at it.

[spiderowl]

Various, different reasons:

 

-Too controlling

 

-Once pushed me in frustration - I was afraid it would escalate further down the line

 

- Talked down to me and lectured me on things I already knew about

 

- He was hugely boastful, talked very loudly so the whole room could hear

 

- Ten years older than me, very dynamic and dominates the conversation, intelligent and interesting but impossible to have a two-way conversation with

 

- We met on a first date and he talked about how women had taken advantage of him in the past. It pretty soon became clear that if we were in any kind of relationship, however briefly, if I ended it I would be seen as having taken advantage in some way

 

- He was married, he was also married, he was married too ...

 

- Lovely guy but his drinking was out of control

 

- He was very guarded about money, always keeping an eye on spending, keen to recoup anything he paid for, probably insecure but in the end it came across as mean

 

- Too young, much too young, he was just looking for an 'older woman' experience - I'm not a 'rite of passage'!

 

- Too basic and gruff for me

 

- Smelly

 

- Not bright enough

 

I'm not perfect either, just giving some of the reasons I've given up on people.

[some_username1]

Poor dating market value

[RecentChange]

Recent Change. Whats your definition of Smart/Briliant/Clever?

 

Just curious.

 

I wonder why you are so curious

 

I don't know that I have defined it..... I am not someone who spends a lot of time ruminating over things like this. I have never needed to define or explain to someone else the attractive qualities of an above average mind.

 

I suppose it's someone who can talk about a variety of topics with ease. Someone who quickly grasps complex ideas and has innovative ways to look at the world.

 

Someone who challenges me intellectually.

 

I tend to be more logical vs artist minded. I am more drawn to the self taught engineer than a talented poet although I see the value in both.

[SumGuy]

....

 

I don't know that I have defined it..... I am not someone who spends a lot of time ruminating over things like this. I have never needed to define or explain to someone else the attractive qualities of an above average mind.

 

I suppose it's someone who can talk about a variety of topics with ease. Someone who quickly grasps complex ideas and has innovative ways to look at the world.

 

Someone who challenges me intellectually.

 

I tend to be more logical vs artist minded. I am more drawn to the self taught engineer than a talented poet although I see the value in both.

Exactly! Why I quoted pretty much the whole thing. If she doesn’t read, or at least explore ideas more than superficially then it will never work long term for me. I do appreciate art as well, so someone who can speak to it and in enthusiastic about it like me would work.

Great sex is not enough.

Alas women where this has become an issue have never believed that, guess more evidence why not compatible. It always has to be something else. Believe me I try to keep it high level that don’t feel compatible over-all or long term, otherwise it can come off as insulting. So I’m more than happy to take the blame and names.

Also I’m always up front about the importance of this to me. I think the women where it doesn’t happen don’t believe it. Think it is something guys just say and we think only with our little head.

Edited November 15, 2019 by SumGuy

[RedBaron2765]

I was 19 on a college night out,

 

was getting on well with a classmate talking etc,

 

she then put her arm around me, but I completely freezed up and did not even look at her /I just kept staring into space, had never been kissed even by a woman before, did not know what to do with a woman basically:)

 

tried chasing this girl for two years after and never got a second glance after,

 

could have done with this forum then.:

 

Something like this happened to me in college. I was 20 (junior year) and had a woman who lived in my off-campus building who I admired from afar (we had the same major and had a class together that quarter). She had to miss a bunch of time in the middle of the fall quarter so when she came back, she came up to me in the cafeteria and asked if she could borrow my notes (this is around 1987), and of course I told her sure. She came to my room to borrow my notes. She returned them a day or two later thanking me profusely, and would sit next to me in class the rest of the quarter (which wasn't too long as the quarter was just about over). Back then, our school was off from Thanksgiving to after New Year's, so when we got back to campus after the new year, I went out with a friend to a campus bar, and she was five feet from me with some friends (she didn't see me). I wanted to say hi to her and see how she was doing but I chickened out. Never talked to her after that even though we had another class together. I would have loved to go out with her, but was too scared to talk to her.

[mark clemson]

Oh yeah there was another one who I found out had bulimia. Poor thing. I felt sorry for her, but I couldn't deal.

[K.K.]

I rejected this one guy because he had NO chill. I mean, he wanted to argue about everything. I said I was eating Worcestershire sauce and he gave me a some long speech about how gross it was. If I said I was scared of spiders, he would say he had them living in his basement and how wrong I was about my fear. If I said I turned my heat up to 72 he would rant about how it should be no more than 68. If I said I washed my own car he would say I should let the “little people” do it at the car wash.

 

One day he went into a huge tirade because I was loading my dishwasher and he said how stupid I was for not hand washing my dishes. “How stupid is that KK! How stupid you are!!”

 

It was going nowhere and no way in hell I was going to his house with all of his spider friends anyway so ...

 

I finally told him to get bent.

[todreaminblue]

for disrespect and groping me on a movie date....then for kissing me like a reptile with a tongue as cold and wet as ice.....down the back of my throat is not how i wanted to be kissed after six years of non dating..that movie date reminded me of why i dont like to date guys i dont know very well...i at least would love to know a guy had respect for me and women in general....that takes time to discern and for me friendship first.

 

that date instilled a fear in me that all guys want to do .....is make me feel disrespected so im in my place..where my feelings and thoughts and intelligence count for naught........submissive.....down trodden and unappreciated.,.

 

 

maybe its something about me that guys think i would like being groped and man handled..i always dressed decent....fully covered...funnily enough i find guys who grope have a zero sense of humor...i guess they dont care what i say funny or not.....which is also a turn off.........i dont like dating...deb

Edited November 25, 2019 by todreaminblue