Wife wants to talk

[rabsaque]

Hi its me again, as you may know i finally got out my finantial abusive relationship with my wife, it have been 15 days now good news step by step i'm getting back on my feet, emotionaly and economicallt i iven was able to send some money to my son and that made me me feel really good, everything is good till today.

 

 

I got . text message from her saying "we need to talk", to be frank i got an anxiety attack just by reading that, i have sort of an idea of what she may want but i don't want to talk to her i feel very vulnerable rigth now and she migth end um either hurting me even more or trying to hook me in again.

 

 

So i'm planning just writing to her about all the baby related stuff she may want to know, and refuse to talk to her until i feel emotionally strong enougn, is this a good idea? i mean i feel like a coward but just the idea of talking to her gives rises mi anxyety to a point where i'm here on my office unable to continuing doing what i suppose to be doing because of fear, please if you think i'm a coward thats ok but please help me figure out if i should talk to her even if i don't feel strong enough to hadle anything she may try agaist me.

[preraph]

Tell her you two should limit your talking to talking about the kids and should only talk via email or text unless there is a medical emergency with the kids. I think that's how judge's like to see it done if there's ongoing tension.

 

It's great you are already doing better financially.

 

Now, have you two only separated and have you been to court? I advise you have an attorney if possible and either way, go through a judge so you don't get fleeced by her financially. If you are in the US, all child support is paid to the State and then the State forwards that to the child. But you need to work all that out first.

[rabsaque]

Tell her you two should limit your talking to talking about the kids and should only talk via email or text unless there is a medical emergency with the kids. I think that's how judge's like to see it done if there's ongoing tension.

 

It's great you are already doing better financially.

 

Now, have you two only separated and have you been to court? I advise you have an attorney if possible and either way, go through a judge so you don't get fleeced by her financially. If you are in the US, all child support is paid to the State and then the State forwards that to the child. But you need to work all that out first.

 

Thanks for your advice yes i already have a lawyer, he was the one wh told me how much i should give to the child, her father tried to contactme the other day just to speak to me i think they are trying to get me to be with the baby some twisted thing they do they still believe i'm in the wrong for leaving and that i'm hurting my 3 months old son for not being there, but for real if i ever get back on that house i will KMS.

[Ruby Slippers]

I totally agree with the advice to restrict communication to email and text only. And keep a record of all communication.

 

The anxiety you felt when you heard from her is natural, given how abusive she is. You know if you agree to talk to her, she's only going to try to manipulate, harass, and abuse you again.

 

You're doing a lot more for your son by taking care of yourself so you can continue to provide the appropriate amount of support to him. Don't let this crazy woman tear you down and sponge off you anymore.

[preraph]

Well, I'm just hugely relieved that you were able to get a lawyer. Do tell him that one of the things you want to do is limit communications to those about the child once it's all settled. There are websites that are specifically offering email server that caters to divorcing/divorced people with kids and all communication can be mandated by the court to be through that and then all those emails are kept for evidence in case someone breaks the rules, so it forces civil behavior. Our Family Wizard is one such. It can stop a lot of harassment if it's court-ordered.

 

Can't tell you what to do about the son, but I would advise if you want to see him, you ask the attorney for joint custody. This will minimize the amount of money you have to give HER for child support, too. But if that doesn't work for you, just be honest with your attorney what you want and let them work it out. I'm very relieved you have an attorney. Keep him filled in on what you want. You can also set up child exchanges through a third party so you NEVER have to see her. That usually costs some money unless you have a very generous relative that will do it. All of that has to be requested and mandated by the judge. It's not unusual.

 

Your wife sounds like a financial nightmare. I hope the amount you end up having to give her for child support isn't real high simply because she's been using up all your money so far. And if you have proof of any of that be sure to give that to your lawyer. You might even recoup some if she really stole from you.

[Ruby Slippers]

Also, you might want to seek out some counseling for what you've been through. If you can't afford to pay for it, seek out a pastor at church or something similar.

[rabsaque]

Well, I'm just hugely relieved that you were able to get a lawyer. Do tell him that one of the things you want to do is limit communications to those about the child once it's all settled. There are websites that are specifically offering email server that caters to divorcing/divorced people with kids and all communication can be mandated by the court to be through that and then all those emails are kept for evidence in case someone breaks the rules, so it forces civil behavior. Our Family Wizard is one such. It can stop a lot of harassment if it's court-ordered.

 

Can't tell you what to do about the son, but I would advise if you want to see him, you ask the attorney for joint custody. This will minimize the amount of money you have to give HER for child support, too. But if that doesn't work for you, just be honest with your attorney what you want and let them work it out. I'm very relieved you have an attorney. Keep him filled in on what you want. You can also set up child exchanges through a third party so you NEVER have to see her. That usually costs some money unless you have a very generous relative that will do it. All of that has to be requested and mandated by the judge. It's not unusual.

 

Your wife sounds like a financial nightmare. I hope the amount you end up having to give her for child support isn't real high simply because she's been using up all your money so far. And if you have proof of any of that be sure to give that to your lawyer. You might even recoup some if she really stole from you.

 

Yes i already told my lawyer everything he is giving me many advice on the matter he was the one who told me to keep a record of every deposit i made to her and also told me since i left my previous company on good terms to ask and they agreed to give me my payment records where anyone can see they deposited every penny i got on to her account, and they can match that to the account spendings and see i have never stopped supporting my son.

 

He told me since there is not physical violence there is not much we can do but a few days ago here in Peru we got a new law against online harassment sohe also told me to keep a record of every text she sends me.

[rabsaque]

Also, you might want to seek out some counseling for what you've been through. If you can't afford to pay for it, seek out a pastor at church or something similar.

 

Yeah, actually i was thinking about get a doctor to expose my case and seifi can heal myself a little thanks for caring friend.

[preraph]

It sounds like you're doing everything you can do to come out okay on this. There is no telling what lies she will tell to get her way, though.

 

Old texts can also be subpoenaed if necessary.

[schlumpy]

You are not being coward by understanding your limitations and then acting in your best interest which is not to talk to her except through text.

 

If you do talk to her face-to-face, only do it only with a third party present until there is some kind of resolution to your problem.

 

Be prepared when she gets desperate and realizing the control she had is slipping away - maybe forever.

[rabsaque]

You are not being coward by understanding your limitations and then acting in your best interest which is not to talk to her except through text.

 

If you do talk to her face-to-face, only do it only with a third party present until there is some kind of resolution to your problem.

 

Be prepared when she gets desperate and realizing the control she had is slipping away - maybe forever.

 

Yes i did actually write to her yesterday asking for us to comunicate by text, results whe wanted to know if we could come up with a plan to take care of the baby since her mother is going unt of country for a month to attend to one of ther brothers graduation, i told her that besides the money i already send her there is little can do now to take care of him i work from 8 to 6 i'm at home by 9 i don't even have my own place and basically the plan would have been me getting back to that house to take care of . him while she goes to work on a job that makes her half of what i already send to the baby as child support of course thats a no deal for me getting back on that house is getting back to her and be depressed and suicidal again and i left like 15 days ago and she is already asking me to come back to the house she herself kicked me out.

 

But thisis making me feel guilty knowing she is going to be alone with the baby maybe i should seek help earlyer than i spected since this guilt may make me end up with her again and that would be the end of me.

[stillafool]

I agree with the others as far as communicating with her only via text or messaging. Just take care of yourself right now and what you are feeling is normal. Who knows your FIL may have tried to contact you to bring you back to relieve any responsibility that may fall on him because of his daughter. Know that they only have her best interest in mind and not yours.

[Ruby Slippers]

whe wanted to know if we could come up with a plan to take care of the baby since her mother is going unt of country for a month to attend to one of ther brothers graduation

She should have thought about such scenarios before she abused you and drove you out of the house. You have nothing to feel guilty about. She created this situation with her insane behavior.

 

With her own income, what you're sending her for child support, and what her family can contribute, it's her responsibility to find a babysitter. Maybe her mother will have to cancel her trip. It sure hasn't taken long for her to see just how much she's thrown away.

 

There are consequences for abusing someone as she did you, and she'll have to live with them and deal with them - in other words, she'll have to lie in the bed she made.

[pepperbird]

From what I understand, there are co-parenting aps for your phone that can remove any need to contact her, barring an emergency. Could that work for you?

[preraph]

That's just her manipulating her, BUT you should offer to pay for a daycare or sitter. Or split it with her. Ask your attorney what to do on everything like this. If he's been doing this long, he's seen it all.

[preraph]

I'm surprised the attorney hasn't instructed you to have her do any communications to you through him. But you should at least tell him everything she asks for.

[rabsaque]

I'm surprised the attorney hasn't instructed you to have her do any communications to you through him. But you should at least tell him everything she asks for.

 

Yeah he actually told me like i'm his first ever domestic abuse case involving a man as a victim, and he is realizing how different it to a woman's case, is but at the time he is the best i can get.