emerald86 Posted November 5, 2019 Share Posted November 5, 2019 My best friend and I have been roommates for over 2 years, and we've always gotten along very well and have a great friendship. Being roommates has made us even closer - she's like a sister to me. She's been with her bf for about a year now, and I've always thought he was a fun guy. My friend, her bf and a couple of others would hangout every now and then in a group and we'd have a good time. He'd come over to our place once a week or so, and I didn't mind it too much when he was here. We were all considerate and respectful of each other's space. Over this past year, I did see some red flags in him however. For example, when he's in a good mood he's very friendly with everyone but when he's in a bad mood he can be rude--I've seen him be rude to restaurant staff for example, and I hated seeing that. I also went traveling with them once and I noticed that he can be a little passive aggressive when he doesn't get his way. My friend is an incredibly nice person to the point where she hardly ever speaks up in their relationship--so it's quite often that her bf makes all the major decisions and gets what he wants. My friend's sister has even commented that she can be too much of a pushover, while he can be too controlling. Her bf has moved in with us pretty recently, and while I wasn't exactly happy about it, I agreed. Her bf has a part time job at a fast food restaurant while my friend has a full time job in the tech industry--since she makes more than he does, she contributes a lot more to their rent than he does. I've also noticed that she cleans up after him and other things like that. This is the most concerning thing to me however--they spend every waking moment with each other (whenever he isn't working, that is). She has the flexibility to work from home every now and then but I've noticed that ever since he's moved in, she's been working from home almost every single day so she can spend time with him. Her family also doesn't like him at all, so she's distanced herself from her parents, siblings, cousins, etc. This isn't the friend I know. Before he moved in (and before they started dating), she was a very different person. She had hobbies--she used to take painting and dance classes. She used to hangout with her friends and coworkers and attend book clubs and things like that. She even used to get to work early in the morning and do her very best. But now it's incredibly hard for anyone to spend time with her without her bf being around. I really feel like I've lost my friend. She has asked me about my opinion of him in the past, but she hasn't asked me anything recently and I don't know if it's my place to say anything. Does any of this behavior seem odd, or is it perfectly normal in a relationship? Personally when I'm in a relationship, I always make time for my friends and family but I know that not everyone is the same. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted November 5, 2019 Share Posted November 5, 2019 emerald86, good to read that you don't do that when you're in a R as it seems healthier to me to keep the life before SO same as life with SO. A lot of people do kind of stick mostly with the SO putting other friends and hobbies on the back burner, though. I don't think I'd mention it to her unless she brings it up if I were you. Hopefully at some point it will get old for her. Then again, possibly it's just her relationship style. It must be disappointing for you to have him a part of everything she does now. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 5, 2019 Share Posted November 5, 2019 When your friends start getting into serious relationships, the friendships change. The romance becomes the primary relationship. If she's happy, you need to keep your mouth shut. He doesn't sound ideal but he does sound like a flawed human. Most of us are flawed. If she is OK with what he's doing, leave her be. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted November 5, 2019 Share Posted November 5, 2019 Try not say too many negative things about him. Once she dumps him or he dumps her you will still have your friendship. My concern is for you. The waning of your friendship and the way you outlined the sequence of events up to where he moved makes me thing that you are being forced out. Are you getting any pressure what-so-ever towards finding your own place once the lease is up? It would be subtle at first. Link to post Share on other sites
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