Want to get back my wife!

[Hawncho]

Hello, want to get some advices as I dont want to lose the woman of my life

Im 29 yo and she is 27yo we been together for 10 years and we have a beautiful 2 yo son

 

Our relationship was always pretty good in my opinion, we both from a country Thats realy bad, so 8 months ago we decided to moved to a New country, I expend all my money doing so, I told her to give me 2 month of heavy work so I can recover I Never got it as her parents were always around and we didnt have privacy, so after 4 months of been here she told me she was going to work in USA for a month, I was realy mad, because I was left al one in a country I dont like much + having to work + taking care of our son with her Mother in my House the whole time, so we had a bad fight were I said things I shouldnt say, after 1 month of she been there she told me she was going to stay 1 more month so I got realy mad and said thing I shouldnt again, was realy mad because my son is only 2 years old, and his Mother away for such a long time, I dont need her to be working is not necessary I make enought for a good life, anyways, when she came Back she said she is tired of my behaviour and ask me to leave the house, I started looking for an apartament, but found 1 for a week later, so in that time we were realy happy I even thro she changed her mind, but no she was criying the day I left but didnt stopped me, so I came to my New apartament, and she came 3 days with our son, slept together like anything happened, so I talk to her see if she changed her mind and said no, that Thats What she wanted, so it broke my Hearth again, but 3 days after that she slept here with my son 3 days straight, this time I didnt come up with the topic about our relationship, now I want to have her Back, I Just dont know how to do it, and im realy scared of losing my family, Just thinking about another man living with my son destroys me, I havent contact her Never, she been always texting me and asking me.to come over, in this time alone she went with her girl friends to the beach to celebrate her birthday, she coming back tomorrow, im triying to give her space but she wont allow this, dont know if its ok to invite her to a date this saturday, please Help me figure this out

[Mrin]

What were the things you said to her that you shouldn't have? Also, what was your behavior that she was objecting to? I think that's pretty important information.

[Hawncho]

What were the things you said to her that you shouldn't have? Also, what was your behavior that she was objecting to? I think that's pretty important information.

 

Hi, I said bad things about her family, like her dad wont work at all so its up to me to maintain them, so I said that her father is pretty useless, also her brother like to live at the expense of his wifes father, and I said that why it is up to me and her brother dosent do anything and dosent care about her parents, so I said that her brother is also an useless and those kind of bad thing I say when im mad! But I regreat all of this even if its true I said it in a baa way

 

 

EDIT: I tried NC, but its realy hard with a Child, I work from home so its realy sad for me because I been with my son 24/7! And when she come over its because "my son wants to see me" so is hard for me to refuse, because when she comes with my son, its like everything is ok, I feel the good vibe and love around, she even do my laundry one time so idk Whats she playing

Edited November 5, 2019 by Hawncho

[d0nnivain]

When you share children you don't the luxury of NC.

 

Try apologizing for the rotten things you said about her family. Blame it on the stress & tell her you love her & want to work with her to make things better for everyone. Ask her what she wants & how she thinks you can preserve your family.

[Hawncho]

When you share children you don't the luxury of NC.

 

Try apologizing for the rotten things you said about her family. Blame it on the stress & tell her you love her & want to work with her to make things better for everyone. Ask her what she wants & how she thinks you can preserve your family.

 

Yeah I tried it, told her that I want my family and my son to grow up in a happy family but then she said no, but she still been good and want to be around me, I think she is confuse or dosent know What she realy wants, Thats why im giving her space see if she change her mind, but I dont know if its working or im Just losing time

[preraph]

You want her back, but don't you realize she comes with her family now? She's basically left for a month and left her kid for her mother and you to raise, if I'm reading that correctly. She's not planning on doing anything to be just you and her and her staying home taking care of the baby, doesn't sound like. These are things you two should have worked out before anyone got anyone pregant or got married. I wouldn't live with my inlaws, that's for sure, so with you on that, but she's relying on them so she can do other things. That's the big problem.

[Mr. Lucky]

I wouldn't live with my inlaws, that's for sure, so with you on that, but she's relying on them so she can do other things. That's the big problem.

 

I'd guess there's also some cultural norms here that make our Western-based advice less applicable. In many areas of the world, when you marry someone, you're also effectively marrying their family. So insulting her dad is no different than insulting her.

 

Uphill battle ahead...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mrin]

Ya, I agree with Lucky. There is a cultural thing here that makes it hard to give advice. That being said, here's some advice. LOL

 

1. You done f***ed up. Own it. Appologize for what you said and how you acted. And don't say anything else.

 

2. She isn't happy with you or your marriage. That's why she kicked you out. So what's changed that would now make her happy with you or your marriage? Sure, you got an apartment. But what else?

 

3. Actions speak louder than words. Just be the man you want to be and if she likes that man, she'll come back. If not, she'll stay away. Stop promising stuff and talking about it.

 

4. Stop pestering her to come back or make a decision. Here's something that is the same for all cultures - cats. Ever try to get a cat to come in a door? You open the door. Whistle. Call the cat's name. Make sounds. And the cat just sits there looking at you. You know how you get a cat to come in the door? You leave it open and go about your business. The cat will come in when it wants to. That's what you have to do with your wife. Stop asking her to take you back. Just leave the door open, be a good man and if she wants to come back, she will.

 

Best of luck dude!

 

Mrin

[Hawncho]

Ya, I agree with Lucky. There is a cultural thing here that makes it hard to give advice. That being said, here's some advice. LOL

 

1. You done f***ed up. Own it. Appologize for what you said and how you acted. And don't say anything else.

 

2. She isn't happy with you or your marriage. That's why she kicked you out. So what's changed that would now make her happy with you or your marriage? Sure, you got an apartment. But what else?

 

3. Actions speak louder than words. Just be the man you want to be and if she likes that man, she'll come back. If not, she'll stay away. Stop promising stuff and talking about it.

 

4. Stop pestering her to come back or make a decision. Here's something that is the same for all cultures - cats. Ever try to get a cat to come in a door? You open the door. Whistle. Call the cat's name. Make sounds. And the cat just sits there looking at you. You know how you get a cat to come in the door? You leave it open and go about your business. The cat will come in when it wants to. That's what you have to do with your wife. Stop asking her to take you back. Just leave the door open, be a good man and if she wants to come back, she will.

 

Best of luck dude!

 

Mrin

 

Hi thanks for ur advices! Really helpful!

Yea I asked her if i can have a second chance, but it was after she came and stayed for 3 days, I thro it was a good moment, I was wrong it was 3 weeks ago and I havent talk again about it, I been making changes since she was in USA, started gym, started to go out more, I was pretty locked in my House, working and been with my Child, I hired someone to Help me with my bussiness, now I have more time, I want to know if its ok if i invite her out this saturday or I should wait more?

 

I almost had sex with another girl like 4 days ago, I couldnt do it, I told her I couldnt and she keept triying but at the end I couldnt I even cried.. Is this normal?

Edited November 6, 2019 by Hawncho

[Mrin]

Totally normal. Even the crying.

 

Sure. Ask your wife out on a date. But make sure it is a date not to come to your apartment and "wife" (e.g. cook, laundry, chill, sex, mother). She will appreciate you asking her out on a date.

 

Note: she may say no but she will appreciate the offer

[Hawncho]

Totally normal. Even the crying.

 

Sure. Ask your wife out on a date. But make sure it is a date not to come to your apartment and "wife" (e.g. cook, laundry, chill, sex, mother). She will appreciate you asking her out on a date.

 

Note: she may say no but she will appreciate the offer

 

Thank you, I think ill wait another week Just to make sure she wants to go or no!

 

Ty all for the advices, im gonna be a better man

[kendahke]

now I want to have her Back,

Well you're going to have to get a grip on the following:

 

I was realy mad,

we had a bad fight were I said things I shouldnt say,

I got realy mad and said thing I shouldnt again,

I said bad things about her family, like her dad wont work

I said that her father is pretty useless,

her brother like to live at the expense of his wifes father,

I said that her brother is also an useless

those kind of bad thing I say when im mad!

Jesus, man--get a grip on yourself already!! How old are you? 4? Is she supposed to just go walk that off or something?

 

Why should she come back when you can't seem to manage your anger and your mouth?

 

I'd leave you right where you're standing, too, if you can't be more mature than that. Who needs a tantruming grown man worrying you to the grave?

 

If you don't want another man turning her head, get a grip on yourself.

Edited November 8, 2019 by kendahke