and Today, I am done.

[Queen27]

Hi all,

 

I am new here!

 

I have been reading your threads throughout my Break up so I thought it was about time I give you my story. (It's long)

 

Back story.

I was with someone from being aged 15 to 24. I had two amazing children to that guy but he was emotionally, physically and mentally abusive. I finally managed to escape that relationship. I spent 2 years on my own, mentally healing myself and I felt ready to meet someone new.

 

I had a lot of dates and nobody stood out to me, I didn't get 'that feeling' from anyone. My friends told me I needed to go for someone who wasn't my type (my type was tall, tattoos, muscle) so I went on a date with a red headed, pale skinned and not a tattoo in sight - Guy.

 

When I me him, instantly something lit up inside me. It was as though my heart was on fire. I felt like I was having some kind of panic attack. I have never had this before. What the hell was going on? Anyway, the date was amazing. We wanted the same things in life, same goals. We had the same sense of Humour and the Sex was just AMAZING.

 

I introduced him to my children and they loved him. We all had so much fun.

 

He told me he loved me after a while and for the first time, I believed I was in love, too.

 

We went on weekends away together, we all went on a Holiday abroad. I met his Family and Friends. His mum absolutely adored my children and they adored her too.

 

We never once argued, if we had an issue we would discuss it and move on.

 

We was planning on moving in together.

 

Everything was perfect. - There's a but right?

 

He came to me one night and told me his Friend told him to leave me as I had children and was apparently 'holding him back' Bare in mind, I never once stopped him from ding anything at all. He went on his lads holidays, he went on his nights out. I didn't care as I fully trusted him. Plus I am not a controlling person in any way.

 

Now this comment stuck in my head as how the hell can someone have such a **** opinion like that when they didn't know me. Who did he think he was to give somebody that advice? Anyway, I tried my best to move on from that comment.

 

A few months ago, I had a lot going on mentally. I shut myself away. I tried to tell him but I just couldn't get the words out. We had space for a week while I got myself together.

 

We was good after that. I told him what was going on an He assured me 'We will get through it'.

 

We was discussing on the Wednesday about boking a Holiday and eventually moving in after Christmas. On the Thursday we had a good night together and again we spoke about future plans.

 

The Friday came and we was supposed to be going out that night but he text me and said his friend was struggling and needed him so he will meet me later, so I said yeah, sure that's ok. see you later. I hope he's ok. I went out with his family member instead. Throughout the night, his family member repeatedly stated 'I don't know why you're with him' 'I don't know how you put up with him'. Now this was all through the night - I was confused as our relationship was good.

 

Later that night I got a text, randomly - 'this isn't for me anymore - you and the kids mean a lot to me but this isn't for me'

I was drunk and my heart was broken.

 

Oh I was angry the next Morning. He came to my house and demanded his house key and credit card back like I was some kind of thief. I gave them him and told him to go. He told me he didn't love me, didn't want to see me or spend time with me.

 

We said some horrible things over message to each other after that.

 

I did block him and didn't contact him for a week I messaged him and told him I loved Him. I got the whole scripted bull**** back like 'oh I'm sorry - We grew apart' news to me honey!!!

 

I then asked for my stuff back - I had half my house at his. He kept saying he'd bring it round but kept delaying it. He had valuable items of mine.

 

Eventually I just said, Keep it. I can't be bothered anymore. So I went out and replaced the items. Blocked and deleted his number.

 

After that I was like - Girl, you're worth more than this. I have my own house, car, job, money. I do not need a man and I will not beg a man to love me either. Yes I cried myself to sleep every night, didn't eat or sleep - Don't ask me how I focused at work as I have no idea.

 

I felt good, I started Yoga, met new people. Went on Holiday - I felt Great!!

 

Few weeks later I lost my car keys and he had my spare so I had to text him for them. He posted them through my letter box.

 

After that I needed my Tyre pump so I had to message again. I ended up going round.

 

It was just like it used to be. We laughed and he asked what I have been up to and how was the kids. I text him after I left and said it was nice seeing him and he looked well - I got a reply saying 'its was nice seeing you too, Im glad the kids are good to. You look good' We had a few messages after that, we was talking like we used too.

 

Then I got home and my heart broke all over again.

 

I drove to a car park and cried my little heart out and I realised in that moment that I needed to let this go. I needed to detox Him out of my life. I deleted his number, I removed every picture of him and removed him off social media. I text him and I told him I am done now - Im not doing this again. I want him out of my life.

 

I realised that I don't want him back - I missed his company, the laughs and oh the sex - But not him. He wants to keep me on stand by incase it doesn't work out with anyone else. He doesn't give a crap about me and he most certainly is not worth my time.

 

For you people out there waiting around for your ex, you need to really think about if this is what you want? do you really want the person who didn't care about breaking your heart? ignored you. Left you like you was nothing. Do you really want that?

 

I realised, I don't.

 

He will never get another me because I am an amazing person with so much love to give - He aint getting it anymore.

[Flame Aura]

Nice story, glad you realised you are the prize and your worth, you are better off without him.

 

 

Was this his first time in a relationship with someone that has kids? If so then it may explain what happened. I remember my first serious relationship, she had a daughter, and while I thought I could handle it, after a while I just realised there was no way I could be in a relationship with someone who has a child that isn't mine. I made the decision to never ever date someone with a child again.

 

 

Maybe he realised that he wanted to find someone to build his own empire with.

[preraph]

did you ever find out if there was any correlation with between your friend saying she doesn't know why you're with him and him leaving? Have you been driving to her about him? Does he know her and talk to her? I mean it sounds like you thought everything was okay until he broke up.

 

I'm glad you resolved to move forward without him. It sounds like when things started getting two family like in serious that it made him want to back out.

[mark clemson]

I needed to detox him out of my life.

 

 

Accurate, I think. This sudden hot/cold shifting seems to me to be signs of a possible personality disorder. The relative mentioning he was trouble is also a red flag. Think you're wise to go NC and move on.

[Queen27]

Nice story, glad you realised you are the prize and your worth, you are better off without him.

 

 

Was this his first time in a relationship with someone that has kids? If so then it may explain what happened. I remember my first serious relationship, she had a daughter, and while I thought I could handle it, after a while I just realised there was no way I could be in a relationship with someone who has a child that isn't mine. I made the decision to never ever date someone with a child again.

 

 

Maybe he realised that he wanted to find someone to build his own empire with.

 

 

He didn't want any children of his own. He even said it was not about me having children, apparently we just grew apart - which was news to me.

[Queen27]

did you ever find out if there was any correlation with between your friend saying she doesn't know why you're with him and him leaving? Have you been driving to her about him? Does he know her and talk to her? I mean it sounds like you thought everything was okay until he broke up.

 

I'm glad you resolved to move forward without him. It sounds like when things started getting two family like in serious that it made him want to back out.

 

Hi,

 

the friend was his sister - she was the one saying it to me which is why I was so confused.

 

I honestly have no idea what the issue was - He said it wasn't the kids. We grew apart, which was news to me.

 

I realised that there is not a single person worth you crying at night, there really isn't.

[Queen27]

Accurate, I think. This sudden hot/cold shifting seems to me to be signs of a possible personality disorder. The relative mentioning he was trouble is also a red flag. Think you're wise to go NC and move on.

 

I agree with you on this - He just changed into a different person.

 

Other red flags was that he had been single 5 years, nothing had lasted longer than 3 months before me.

 

Apparently, his long term ex cheated on him but I think that's a load of rubbish too. I can see so clear now and I don't know how I never picked up on this stuff sooner, but lesson learnt I guess.