LilySun Posted November 5, 2019 Share Posted November 5, 2019 FWB and I had a major fallout. Won't go into detail because that would take hours. Will just say it didn't involve me and another guy so it's not about jealousy. But he ended our friendship and said very mean things. We did have a deep friendship that went beyond sex. At the end he told me his pain is worse than any break-up he's been through. Huh? Only wish I knew if that's a line to guilt me, or if he has been harbouring deeper feelings than I knew about? Btw, he always knew I was in love with him. He never said it back but he never resisted me, either. Can't ask him myself because he is so mad at me that he won't talk to me. Honestly didn't think I could hurt him this badly, if anything I thought he didn't care about me very much. I apologized too but it didn't help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted November 6, 2019 Share Posted November 6, 2019 Hmm. Give it time, if he's THAT into you you'll probably reconcile. If not, well, then you're at neutral from here. Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted November 6, 2019 Share Posted November 6, 2019 (edited) At the end he told me his pain is worse than any break-up he's been through. *Rolls Eyes* Unless you killed his pet cocker spaniel why is it beyond him to forgive you? If it hurts "worse than any breakup" then he'd not have broken up... if he actually cared that much, he'd not have severed the relationship. Perhaps he'd take a while to forgive you but he'd not cause himself to have to bear pain "worse than any breakup" so I'm thinking he's just serving you a line. I don't know of course but since you say he would never tell you he loved you (but it appears you told him, I'd say maybe he was looking for a way to back out so that you took control of your emotions. It is a FWB situation that is clearly stagnating you from being with a guy in all ways... someone you can be a friend too, actually have a commitment with and who WILL say (and show you) he loves you. You're wasting your time with a man that won't commit to you when you're so in love with him. This severing of your 'friendship' could be a blessing. Edited November 6, 2019 by Beendaredonedat Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted November 6, 2019 Share Posted November 6, 2019 I don't understand why it's called friends with benefits, because it seems that most of the time it's not very beneficial for at least one of the parties involved. If he knew you had such strong feelings for him and the feeling wasn't reciprocated then that translates as him taking advantage of you emotionally and physically, and that makes him what is commonly known as a sleazebag. Sounds like he's trying to get rid of you because your feelings have become a little heavy for him, and he needs to make it look like your fault because that way he doesn't have to keep pretending to be your friend. I hope when he calls you next, (and he will, next time he feels like sex and can't find anyone else to use), you have the fortitude to either ignore his calls/texts, or just tell him to go use someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilySun Posted November 6, 2019 Author Share Posted November 6, 2019 Well he lives very far away, he moved a couple years ago for work so we've only been able to see each other a few times a year, so it's not a booty call kind of situation, and we have still kept in touch almost every single day since he moved. It wasn't a booty call thing before he moved either, we have spent a lot of time together both with and without sex. And we know everything about each other and our lives, we have spent hours just talking, and have always called each other "best friends ", we were friends before sex ever began, so that's why we always called it FWB. But I guess he was only saying that to make me feel guilty for hurting him. But it came across as pretty strong words that imply I hurt him much more than I meant to. For him to say I caused him pain, does make me feel bad. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 6, 2019 Share Posted November 6, 2019 Seriously? If he felt that strongly about you he would tell you he is in love with you too and ask for exclusivity; not continue a FWB. These guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilySun Posted November 7, 2019 Author Share Posted November 7, 2019 Actually I will correct myself he has said he loves me before...only a few times...but not consistently and then he would seem to back off and say things like I deserve better than him, etc. So it's always been a gray area between that and our friendship. He is talking to me again but only a little and I don't think our "friendship" will ever be the same. There will be no sex, anyway. I think he's cooled off, but still not exactly happy with me. If he does love me it doesn't matter anymore because this argument will always make things awkward between us now. Before this, we never even argued before and we were FWB for several years. So it was a pretty big blow out that I doubt we ever fully recover from. But, oh well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 So it was a pretty big blow out that I doubt we ever fully recover from. But, oh well. Good! Now maybe you can move on from this stagnating situation that has kept you from finding a good man where you live. What a waste of your time and emotions all the time you were in love with someone who you only saw occasionally. It's sad, really. Link to post Share on other sites
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